Enough...

There have been various times in my life where the Lord has brought me to a "fork-in-the-road", a "fork-in-the-road" where He has pointedly asked me the question, "Am I enough?" Although these times of evaluation aren't always easy and at times are a "season" of deep reflection and evaluation, they always press-in on my heart, mind and soul, and bring me to a point of "check-and-balance" as to the contents of what lies, lives, resides in those areas.

Yesterday we traveled to my parent's home after church to spend time with family, catching-up, sharing a meal, enjoying fellowship and of course, taking in the Super Bowl. As always, it was a special time... During the course of the day, I was handed this Sunday's leaflet that was read during the Sunday School portion of Worship at the church my dad has been entrusted to pastor and shepherd. Out of curiosity, I was asked to read one particular portion and see what I thought about it as there was some question... As with all things, there will be differing opinions, view points and perspectives due to how we interpret... These opinions, view points, interpretations and perspectives are impacted by where we've been in life, the distinct things God has revealed to us, what "season" we're currently in... I shared what I felt the person who penned the words was insinuating, some of us disagreed, it was a good discussion...

Difficult God, you call us and then you are quiet. You light a flame then leave us to smolder; rescue us then strand us. We confess that you test our patience. We are tempted to give up, ignore Your Word, and lay aside the quest for justice. We have forgotten that growing in love may involve testing and trial. Have mercy on us and forgive us through Christ our Lord. Amen.

Although to many, the words seem heartless, cold, empty...so unlike God and in one way I agree yet I could very much relate to some of the principles mentioned. As we traveled home last night, I continued to think over what I had read and the discussion that was shared. As I prayed about it, the Lord took me back to specific times, seasons, "forks" where there was quietness, no flames-only hot coals, loneliness...testing, temptations, destitution... I remember times when I was internally screaming, "WHERE ARE YOU GOD???" Time-after-time-after-time it all came back to, "Am I enough? If I don't speak, am I enough? If I don't act, am I enough? If the flame dies down, am I enough? If you don't sense My presence, do you KNOW I am still here? When you are tested and tried, do you realize that I am blazing a path before you even if you can't feel Me, see Me, hear Me? Do you KNOW that I am still there? Am I enough? Not what I do, who I am..."

Kyle and I have so sweetly found that it's in the quiet times, the difficult times, the times of trials and tests, the times where we feel "stranded" that we find God in the most intimate ways. It's in those times that what He does is lain aside for who He is. It's in those times where "nothingness" becomes "Somethingness"! It's in those times where HE IS ENOUGH through the reality that all else has been lost...there is nothing else but Him. It's in those times, that we dwell, rest, focus on what we KNOW and not on how we feel.

We've found that it's in our daily alone time with Jesus, where all is quiet, the Word is opened and all else is set aside that we realize who He is and that HE IS ENOUGH! It's in those intimate times where He reveals Himself in unexplainable ways so that when the flames die down, the Voice becomes still, the loneliness presses in, the heat of trials become intolerable and temptation to give up seems justified, that we KNOW HE IS ENOUGH!

For so many years of our lives, we depended on Sunday mornings and Wednesday nights...revivals and retreats...people and pastors...to feed us...to fill us...to keep us going. We now realize that those Sunday mornings, Wednesday nights...revivals, retreats...people, pastors...are the "extra coverage" to our already insured, sanctified, redeemed, overflowing, abundant lives in Jesus. Insured, sanctified, redeemed, overflowing, abundant lives that are borne from daily alone time with our Master, Maker, Lord and Friend. Alone times that solidify our foundations, cement our convictions, define in our every fiber of being, the ONE WHO IS ENOUGH!!!

Jesus, I thank You this day, that in ALL times and in ALL seasons of life, YOU ARE ENOUGH! I thank you for choosing to invest in me and for loving me the way that only You can love. You are my everything, You are enough!