I.Will.Remember.

It's a quiet evening here tonight.
The moon shines brightly from where I sit.
David Nevue is playing on the stereo.
Supper is warming in the oven.
Laundry is being washed & more waiting to be folded.
I'm the only one home at the present moment.
A rare occasion.
One I savor, when the opportunity arises.

At last things have slowed down & I.can.breathe.
Finally all the hustle & bustle of Christmas is past.
The presents are unwrapped.
Our decorations are taken down & neatly stored away until next year.
The house & our lives have returned to simplicity.
We are back to somewhat of a healthy eating pattern.
Having Kyle here at home is bliss.

The past week for me has been so full.
So good.
So special.
So enriching.
For 36 continual hours, we were with my side of the family.
Eating.
Laughing.
Swimming.
Playing.
Visiting.
Sharing.
Loving.
Remembering Aunt Renee'...

Being together was so good.
So wonderful.
So fulfilling.
So healing.
I miss each of them so much.

I'm thankful for pictures...
I'm thankful for memories...
I'm thankful for the gift of their lives.

As I have thought so much about this Christmas season, my heart is convicted. So much time that I spent on the "preparations"...rather than on the Person. Where my focus was somewhere other than on Jesus... The other evening as I was praying & reflecting, God ever so gently said to my heart, "Who are you kidding? You say that Jesus is the Reason, but do you live as though you speak? You do all of this in His name yet has He really been your focus? What about the days that you started early & ended late...weary, worn & depleted of joy?" He was right. I wasn't even going to attempt to justify. My heart was sorry. I repented. Next year, I.Will.Remember.

My heart has been restful the past few days & in that rest, I have started looking towards the new year. I'm not a big one on new year's resolutions yet I do love the idea of a fresh start, a clean slate & a renewed vision. I'm praying about a "key" verse to focus on, a new word to purposefully walk in (last years was "extend") & various areas of my life that the Lord would have me to find healing, surrender & restoration in. The more I pray & meditate, the more hopeful I am & the more eager I find myself.

Kyle & the girls will be home soon, so supper preparations are awaiting me. I pray that this finds you restful, overflowing with peace & filled with hope as 2012 approaches its arrival.

Much love to each of you... ♥

"Come unto Me, all who are weary & heavy laden, & I will give you rest.
Take My yoke upon you, & learn from Me, for I am gentle & humble in heart;
& you shall find rest for your souls.
For My yoke is easy & my burden is light."
Matthew 11:28~30

The LORD has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy.
Psalm 126:3

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

I'm Looking At Jesus...

Today is the first day in nearly six-weeks that I truly feel as though I can "breathe". There has been so much chaos. There have been so many responsibilities. There has been an intense amount of turmoil. There have been numerous amount of preparations. The calendar has been full. It's literally been go here, go there, do this, do that... For the past six weeks, the second my mind is "with it", the order of my day has been reeling... The "To Do List" stacks in my mind... Knots begin to form... Stress begins to build... Anxiety peaks... Sure, I've been able to keep it "in check" but not without a cost.

A mental cost...(insanity)
A physical cost...(exhaustion, raw gut)
An emotional cost...(cranky, unstable)
A spiritual cost...(no time in God's Word/presence)

This morning I awoke & although I have much to get done today, I can breathe.

A dear & precious friend sent me an e-mail a few weeks ago in reference to some "junk" our family has been dealing with. The e-mail contained a devotion that spoke of Jesus & the disciples in the middle of the storm in the middle of the sea.
The disciples were afraid...stressed...anxious...worried.
Jesus, He was asleep.
Why?
The disciples had allowed the storm "to get inside of them".

You know, I will humbly admit that I myself have done the very same thing. The storms of life have controlled me...my emotions...my decisions...my perception...my walk...my time in God's Word. I've felt so overwhelmed that I haven't taken the time to stop and regroup. Instead, I've just kept going.

Today, I awoke, purposing to see Jesus rather than life.

No doubt some of the stuff we've had to face has been unpreventable yet that doesn't change the sovereignty & perfection of God.

No doubt some of the storms that have fallen down upon us have been out of our control but God is still on His throne & He promises to work ALL things for our good.

No doubt some of the "junk" that has been thrown at us seems menial & ridiculous however God has allowed it for a purpose & He desires that we allow Him to transform the "junk" into praise & glory for Him & Him alone.

He's sifting.
He's refining.
He's straining.
He's drawing me back to Himself.

It's a new day!
It's a new week!
Instead of seeing what's left to do,
I'm looking at Jesus.
What a glorious sight!

Aunt Renee... She Was...

Last weekend Kyle & I were able to get away for a few days to do our Christmas shopping. Typically this annual get-away is a relaxed, fun & exciting time together but this year we both had so much on our hearts & minds... It was still wonderful :) as we sat each morning & visited over a cup of coffee, got around for the day & then strolled through malls & stores yet our hearts were heavy. We talked through a lot of things that were weighing in on us, opened God's Word for direction, encouragement & wisdom & just relished in being together...alone!

Saturday morning as we were lining out the remainder of our time, I received a text from my mom that immediately indicated something wasn't right..."Call me"... It's not like Mom to be so pointed & abrupt so I immediately opened my phone & dialed her number. "They think that Aunt Renee' has had a heart attack... Uncle Randy called trying to reach Troy... The ambulance was called... They have life-flighted her... I will let you know when I know more..." We were two hours away in either direction... Two hours from Dad & Mom... Two hours from where Aunt Renee' was being flown... A feeling of helplessness to say the least.

Within an hour, Mom called back to say that this one I deeply loved had entered into the gates of Heaven... Into the presence of Jesus... Most probably a virus that directly affected her heart...

I wept...

This has been one of the hardest realities that I have ever had to face in my life... The loss of someone I loved with no real explanation... Not a car accident... Not cancer... Not sickness...

She was...
*young
*vibrant
*full-of-life
*overflowing with love
*the definition of joy
*as near perfect as one could be
*gracious
*kind
*beautiful
*always smiling
*angelic in nature...spiritually & physically
*the one who "introduced" me to "the city"
*the one who bought me my first pair of "high heels"...cork none-the-less...
*the one who applied my first lip gloss
*the one who gave the funnest Christmas presents
*the one who took me on vacation with their family

Aunt Renee'...
*never slept
*always gave
*never criticized
*loved her kids like no other mom I know
*adored children
*had a passion for horses
*literally glowed
*never complained
*very rarely got "worked up" about anything
*had the curliest hair & most beautiful dimples
*was simple
*was the definition of wonderful

(Aunt Renee' holding Mal/protecting her from Uncle Randy :)
on one of our many family cruises together.)

It's been a painful reality for our family to face yet God promises hope in the midst of heartache. He promises peace in the midst of trial. He promises strength when we are weak. He promises certainty even when we don't understand. He promises that He is sovereign when we are inclined to ask "why". He promises that He has a reason & purpose for ALL things. He promises that His ways & thoughts are higher than ours. He promises that His grace is sufficient. He promises that He will walk with us even through the darkest of nights. He promises Heaven for those who walk with Jesus. He promises life & life more abundant...

Remembering someone who has forever changed my life...
Remembering someone who I can learn much from...
Remembering a beautiful woman who I can only hope to emulate...

She has cast her crown at the feet of Jesus...
I can only imagine what her eyes behold...
I long for the day that I will one day meet her on the other side...

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

"It's Gonna Be Alright..."

It's been awhile, yes I know. I love blogging & totally miss it when time simply doesn't allow but to be honest, life has been crazy. I truly don't ever remember a season of life that has been as overwhelming, consuming & exhausting as the one I have been in for the past several weeks. School, family, Thanksgiving, saying final good-byes this side of heaven to ones we love, difficult decisions, Christmas preparations, church commitments, disheartening conflicts, a shopping trip or two, life... Intermingled in there have been a few threats of depression... You know, not wanting to get out of bed to face the day since there is so much to do & you won't deny the fact that there is no way it can/will all get done as well as that black cloud of what should have gotten done yesterday or a week ago that's still waiting... Several times I just wanted to crawl in a hole & say, "I surrender... I give up... I can't do it..." and then the Lord reminds me of His presence or an unexpected note of encouragement comes in the mail or a friend messages me on facebook or a specific scripture is brought to my remembrance or one of our beautiful daughters gives me a hug or Kyle sits me down, looks me in the eye and says, "It's gonna be alright..." It's a scary feeling when you start asking yourself, "Am I going c-r-a-z-y???" Is this really me?" The other day as I sat with my Bible open, my journal before me & my pen in hand, the Lord specifically spoke to my heart and said, "Mendi, if there is more to do in your day than you have time to get done, you've taken on more than what I've asked of you. You've taken on things that I didn't ask you to do. I will NEVER give you more to accomplish than what time I give you to accomplish it in. You need to evaluate. You need to prioritize. You need to scale down. You need to let go. Life is not a burden, it is a blessing. Life is not a yoke, it is freedom. Life is not drudgery, it is joy." It's time to refocus on simplicity...

The teapot is hot & I'm eager to start my day but first a few special moments from the past several weeks...

(Kyle & Mal searching on-line for the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.)
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(Tuck...no other explanation needed other than PURE SWEETNESS...)
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(MaKayla's homemade biscuits...yum-oh!)
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(Friends...sisters...sisters-by-heart...M ♥ M ♥ M ♥ M ♥ )
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(Our awesome Pinterest creation that turned out perfect!)
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(Taste-testing the Pinterest creation...delish!)
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(Kyle creating his MU tie-blanket. So cozy!)
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(Love my girls... ♥ ♥ ♥ )
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(Science project with Dad...)
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(A special something, a special someone surprised me with for breakfast! ♥ )
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I have many pictures from Thanksgiving & Little Man's special birthday celebration yet they deserve their own post. :)

Be blessed today & remember to diligently seek God when allotting your every minute.
His plans may be very different than your own!
His plans define simplicity.
His plans bear fruit.
His plans bring freedom.
His plans are filled with JOY!

Love to each one who reads... ♥