Yearning:
deep longing,
especially when accompanied by tenderness or sadness
deep longing,
especially when accompanied by tenderness or sadness
Last night as I drove to accountability meeting, I chose to turn the radio off and spend some solitary moments with the Lord. I pulled into town about 15 minutes early so I drove to the local park, turned off the car and just sat...reading over something that God had led me to, seeking His guidance, listening to His voice, journaling what He was saying. It was a blessed and fulfilling time with the One who knows me best.
As we sat through our time of fellowship, each of us sharing what was on our hearts, where our greatest struggles are and how God is directly speaking to each of us, I tried my best to explain and describe where I have been the past few weeks of life...as I shared, the word finally fell from my mouth...yearning... When I looked it up in Webster's this morning, the definition absolutely fit...
The drive home was equal to the drive there...quietness...seeking God...listening to His voice...trying to journal the seeds He was scattering on my heart (I know I should have pulled over but needed to get home to my family)...taking it all in...not willing to miss a thing!
It was expressed through a close friend and dear sister-in-Christ last night through things that I shared, that many people misunderstand or misinterpret who I am because of how I am. Many see me as solemn, serious and maybe even lacking joy. Somewhat unable to relax and take a light lease on life. Always striving, searching and gleaning for more. It's quite interesting to see yourself through someone else's eyes. This one who shared these concerns/wonderings in love and with accountability knows me pretty well and has often seen me differently than this, yet most within our church haven't. This is neither wrong nor right yet it is reality. The truth of the matter is, my heart constantly yearns for more of the Lord. Because of this, I am constantly searching, seeking, listening, processing, pondering, desiring...and when God speaks to me, I cannot/will not rest until I receive and understand that which He is revealing to me.
The past several weeks have been tough ones for me yet through the pain, heartache, uncertainty and struggle, I KNEW that God was growing, stretching, refining, sifting and disciplining me. My heart has been yearning to know what it is that He wanted me to learn and receive through the situations I was/have been/am dealing with and working through, therefore I refuse to let it go until I know.
Last night as I drove home, He brought closure to many of those wonderings. He brought answers to many of those questions. He brought peace to my unsettled heart. He brought understanding to the uncertainty that had been residing. He brought joy to replace the tears. He brought discipline to correct a rebellious spirit. He brought instruction to counteract an element of pride. He brought Himself to me...
As He shared each thing with me, I prayed that my heart would fully receive the seeds He was so graciously scattering upon the fertile soil of my heart.
Life became somewhat overwhelming and crazy when I arrived home and no doubt Satan wanted me to allow the distractions to pluck those freshly sewn seeds from my heart. The longer I am a Christ follower and the more intimately I know Him, the more I discern these deceptive schemes of the enemy. Through the power of the Holy Spirit, I guarded my heart and the seeded soil was as fresh this morning when I awoke as it was when I drifted off to sleep last night. I was able to reconfirm what God had revealed...
Kyle and I were once told that in life we will encounter situations and circumstances that will stretch us, try us and test us. The reality is, we will arrive from point A to point B one way or another yet it is our choice whether we arrive with a loss, a change or a gain. Always, always, always, I want to arrive with a change and a gain.
Even though many may not understand, I am thankful for the yearning heart that God has placed within me.
As the deer pants for streams of water,
so my soul pants for you, O God.
My soul thirsts for God,
for the living God.
When can I go and meet with God?
My tears have been my food day and night,
while men say to me all day long, "Where is your God?"
These things I remember as I pour out my soul:
how I used to go with the multitude,
leading the procession to the house of God,
with shouts of joy and thanksgiving among the festive throng.
Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him,
my Saviour and my God.
My soul is downcast within me;
therefore I will remember you for the land of the Jordan,
the heights of Hermon--from Mount Mizar.
Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls;
all your waves and breakers have swept over me.
By day the Lord directs His love,
at night His song is within me--
a prayer to the God of my life.
Psalm 42:1~8
As we sat through our time of fellowship, each of us sharing what was on our hearts, where our greatest struggles are and how God is directly speaking to each of us, I tried my best to explain and describe where I have been the past few weeks of life...as I shared, the word finally fell from my mouth...yearning... When I looked it up in Webster's this morning, the definition absolutely fit...
The drive home was equal to the drive there...quietness...seeking God...listening to His voice...trying to journal the seeds He was scattering on my heart (I know I should have pulled over but needed to get home to my family)...taking it all in...not willing to miss a thing!
It was expressed through a close friend and dear sister-in-Christ last night through things that I shared, that many people misunderstand or misinterpret who I am because of how I am. Many see me as solemn, serious and maybe even lacking joy. Somewhat unable to relax and take a light lease on life. Always striving, searching and gleaning for more. It's quite interesting to see yourself through someone else's eyes. This one who shared these concerns/wonderings in love and with accountability knows me pretty well and has often seen me differently than this, yet most within our church haven't. This is neither wrong nor right yet it is reality. The truth of the matter is, my heart constantly yearns for more of the Lord. Because of this, I am constantly searching, seeking, listening, processing, pondering, desiring...and when God speaks to me, I cannot/will not rest until I receive and understand that which He is revealing to me.
The past several weeks have been tough ones for me yet through the pain, heartache, uncertainty and struggle, I KNEW that God was growing, stretching, refining, sifting and disciplining me. My heart has been yearning to know what it is that He wanted me to learn and receive through the situations I was/have been/am dealing with and working through, therefore I refuse to let it go until I know.
Last night as I drove home, He brought closure to many of those wonderings. He brought answers to many of those questions. He brought peace to my unsettled heart. He brought understanding to the uncertainty that had been residing. He brought joy to replace the tears. He brought discipline to correct a rebellious spirit. He brought instruction to counteract an element of pride. He brought Himself to me...
As He shared each thing with me, I prayed that my heart would fully receive the seeds He was so graciously scattering upon the fertile soil of my heart.
Life became somewhat overwhelming and crazy when I arrived home and no doubt Satan wanted me to allow the distractions to pluck those freshly sewn seeds from my heart. The longer I am a Christ follower and the more intimately I know Him, the more I discern these deceptive schemes of the enemy. Through the power of the Holy Spirit, I guarded my heart and the seeded soil was as fresh this morning when I awoke as it was when I drifted off to sleep last night. I was able to reconfirm what God had revealed...
Kyle and I were once told that in life we will encounter situations and circumstances that will stretch us, try us and test us. The reality is, we will arrive from point A to point B one way or another yet it is our choice whether we arrive with a loss, a change or a gain. Always, always, always, I want to arrive with a change and a gain.
Even though many may not understand, I am thankful for the yearning heart that God has placed within me.
As the deer pants for streams of water,
so my soul pants for you, O God.
My soul thirsts for God,
for the living God.
When can I go and meet with God?
My tears have been my food day and night,
while men say to me all day long, "Where is your God?"
These things I remember as I pour out my soul:
how I used to go with the multitude,
leading the procession to the house of God,
with shouts of joy and thanksgiving among the festive throng.
Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him,
my Saviour and my God.
My soul is downcast within me;
therefore I will remember you for the land of the Jordan,
the heights of Hermon--from Mount Mizar.
Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls;
all your waves and breakers have swept over me.
By day the Lord directs His love,
at night His song is within me--
a prayer to the God of my life.
Psalm 42:1~8
