Something About The Number...

The sun is shining...
The roosters are crowing...
The birds sing a morning song.

It's a beautiful Wednesday morning in the country.

I knew the Lord was asking me to do things differently this morning and although my flesh attempted to insist on it's own will, I simply asked God what it was that He wanted me to do but not until after I started in on my typical routine... And then I cleaned the bathroom... Next, I went to the basement to retrieve a CD... In the process I noticed that the breezeway floor needed swept...

He placed some people on my my heart that He wanted me to pen a note to...
Letting them know how much they mean to me...
And how deeply I appreciate them.

One note was prompted due to a text I received on Monday that said this...

"Thankn the Lord 4 u as a mom 2day. U guys have raised some awesome girls!"

I've pondered that text since receiving it...
Thankful for the affirmation...
And grateful for words of encouragement from a sister-friend who understands my heart.

You see, Monday was MaKayla's 20th birthday...
A big one for me as a mom.

Something about the number...

I haven't let on but the realization of 20, pricks my heart in a peculiar way...

And as I sit at this computer with tears streaming down my face, I think on the words I penned to the precious one who text me Monday...

"Many days I struggle with the fear of what a "disservice" I have done to MaKayla & Mal so an exhortation/affirmation from a kindred heart assures the finite mind. ♥ Sometimes, actually on a consistent basis, I wonder if we 'heard correctly' & then I convince myself that it's too late to turn back now...& I keep trudging forth in faith, believing God to do what He has promised or at least create something fruitful out of the mess I've made. Parenting 'against the grain' bears it's own load of uncertainty & insecurity... Simply put, I desire to raise girls who hunger & thirst after God & recognize His voice of truth... Who wait for Him... And stand on faith..."

As our girls have grown older, Kyle & I have taught them to listen to the Holy Spirit for direction. 

Not to the voice of the world...
Or to common sense...
But to God.

Not to "what feels good"...
Or to the emotion of the heart...
Or what seems "right to man"...
But to the One who formed them...
And created them for a specific purpose.

I look at MaKayla's life & I see radiant beauty.
Outwardly, yes.
But most important, inward beauty.
A beauty of the heart, mind, soul & spirit.

So, Baby Girl... ♥

Here's 20 things that I love about you... ♥

♥ Your heart of intent...

♥ Your courage in challenge...

♥ The spirit of servitude that you live out on a daily basis...

♥ Your love language of affection...

♥ The way you openly communicate your heart...

♥ That you recognize a "microphone" when you see one... :)

♥ How you unconditionally love & nurture & care for momma & baby bullies...

Getting your hands dirty...

And willingly doing things for them that most would find disgust in...

♥ The way you inhale deeply at the scent of a shopping mall...

♥ Your love for learning...

♥ That you are meticulous in any task you take on...

♥ That you love all things vintage & antique & earthy...

♥ Your palate for coffee & dark chocolate & cheesecake & anything savory...

♥ That adventure excites you rather than scares you...

♥ Your willingness & desire to wait upon God even when you can't see...

♥ Your resolve to remain pure until you are joined in spirit with God's chosen "what he must be"...

♥ The domestic heart that the One who loves you most placed within your being...

♥ Your appreciation for perfection & organization & clean work spaces...

♥ Your love for candles & pajamas & 1,000 piece puzzles & road trips...

♥ That you love your hands in rich, black soil...planting & nurturing...

♥ That the beauty of the Lord shines in you & through you & from you...

You truly are the picture of Psalm 144:12...

...and our daughters will be like pillars carved to adorn a palace. (NIV)

...our daughters like corner pillars cut for the structure of a palace. (ESV)

...that our daughters may be as corner stones, polished after the similitude of a palace. (KJV)

Although we spent a great majority of the day in the kitchen making food that fits "in plan" with our new dietary lifestyle (gluten, grain, refined sugar & dairy free), celebrating MaKayla on Monday was a beautiful honor. Kyle took the day off of work, we kept things very simple (per MaKayla's request) & simply enjoyed being together as a family.

Raspberry/chocolate chip waffles...

Gift bags that perfectly fit her...

She LOVES cupcakes!

Time around the puzzle table...

Coffee in reach...

Fun moments...

Gift one...

And a little something special from Mal... ♥

JCPenney box...

Containing an Ann Taylor dress...

XS Petite none-the-less...

BBQ chicken sandwiches...

Steamed broccoli...

Cole slaw...

Gift two...

Another cutesy summer dress...

Love when clearance racks in MaKayla's favorite expensive stores have perfect pieces...

(We don't buy them otherwise...)

Pops making homemade ice cream...

Despite doubts, it turned out great...

Roadside flowers straight from Mal's heart...

Gift three...

And another surprise...

She was thrilled...

New Celtic CD...

And toe supplies...

Gift four...

♥ ♥ ♥

New flip-flops...

And a movie she's really been wanting...

New Charles Wysoki puzzle...

Peppercricket Farms...

Beloved new jammies...

And a candle...

Her favorite scent...

Lighting of the candles...

Trying not to blow them out before "their time"...

Taking in Dad's rendition of 'Happy Birthday' on the uke...

Love it... ♥

Happy Birthday, Beautiful One... ♥

Thankful... ♥

♥ ♥ ♥

She was thrilled...

Me & my girls...

 The wearing of the bows...

Laughter makes the heart glad...

And we finished the evening with a camp-out on the living room floor with movies...

Happy 20th Birthday, Precious One...

Thank you for loving me as you do...

For your grace...

And your constant encouragement.

For cheering me on when my heart is weary...

And never giving up on me.

You are a treasure...

♥ You. Are. Loved. ♥

How long will the drought linger?

Long time no blog. So long that I've nearly forgotten how to "operate" the site. :) Yet as I arrive at the "posting page", it all returns & feels comfortingly familiar. ♥

The break was nice...the whole four months of it but I greatly missed it as well. I knew the Lord was asking me to lay it aside for a time...
To make Him my focus.
To ponder what He was showing me.
And to apply it directly to my heart rather than to "pen" it on a page.
A fruitful sabbatical.

Much has happened/changed in my life & in our family since the last post I shared.
Exciting events...
Difficult events...
But all good.
For even when we can't see it at the moment, God promises that He will work ALL for our good & His glory when we love Him. And to be honest, in certain situations & circumstances, that hope & that promise is all we have to cling to.

Sickness...
Contending physician visits...
Straining finances...
Exhausting work demands...
Stressed relationships...
Accumulating medical expenses...
Depletion in every area of life...
Mentally...
Physically...
Emotionally...
Spiritually...

And one wonders...

"How long with the drought linger?"

And God asks...

"Will you trust me in the midst of no rain?"

"Will you stay the course?"

I was blessed to share a morning of coffee & convo with one of my closest, dearest, sister-friends the other day & I posed this to her, "Life seems heavy for everyone... Big... Complex... A strain. Especially Christians. Striving to always do the right thing... Sometimes I get tired of trying & I wonder what it would be like to live the 'carefree' life... Doing what I want... When I want... How I want... Going to church if I feel like it & staying home if I don't. Serving God if it's convenient & doing the 'independent' route if it's not. Living footloose & fancy free, dismissing all conviction. I wonder what that life would be like..." We had a good, long discussion about it & then she said, "What's your alternative?"

Living the Christian life in & of itself is hard...
But it shouldn't be.

And then when you figure in the "additive" stresses of life...
That work to compromise every area & relationship of one's being...
The complexity seems nearly more than a brain can wrap-around.

And one wonders...

"How long with the drought linger?"

And God asks...

"Will you trust me in the midst of no rain?"

"Will you stay the course?"

As I continued to ponder our discussion after this one so dear to my heart departed our home, the Lord clearly showed me that my shallow mentality mirrored that of a part-time parent or an independent spouse. On again, off again. There when they want to be and not when they don't. Acting merely on convenience-basis. You do your thing, I'll do mine. You go your way, I'll go my way.

He showed me that I've never been that kind of a wife to Kyle...
And I've never been that kind of a parent to MaKayla & Mal...
Why would I want to be that kind of a child to Him?

He allowed me to envision what that would look like...
And sound like...

An independent spirit feeds a rebellious life.

Defiant.
Insubordinate.
Wayward.

Whether as a spouse...
A parent...
Or a child of the Most High God...

And it always, without a doubt, ends in destruction.

It was a process that I needed to work through & one, like all others, that God's grace was more than sufficient to guard & protect. He understands that at times we need to process such thoughts & ask such questions in order for us to see & to know & to be taught & to be reassured. He knows how finite our thinking is & that our thoughts are vain yet as we keep our eyes on Him, continually seek His face & constantly listen to His voice, He will administer truth to a searching heart.

In God's perfect timing the drought will end...
The rain will fall...
And the fruit of the vine that has "seemingly" been dormant will appear.

It's a beautiful summer morning in the country & I give the Almighty One praise for the faithfulness, goodness & love that He lavishes on me.