Zeke...

Life has continued to be "different" around our place. I'm not sure if it is due to the fact that we still haven't found a good schedule since the time change which means we are still getting up & starting our day at the same time but we are unfortunately falling into bed much later than normal which means we feel like left-field zombies most all the time. It could be that we have had several non-typical things going on which means that our afternoons & evenings have been sprinkled with outside activities here and there which means that things that typically get done on a regular basis have kind of fallen by the wayside. It might be that we have had numerous decisions to make lately and making decisions seems to be a weakness of mine which means that when decisions are weighing on my shoulders...they are continually mulling through my brain...which tends to wear me down and make me extra tired. You know...that survival mode... Or, it could be this little guy who joined our family almost a week ago...


This is Ezekiel Roman rather known as "Zeke"...


It amazes me how much having a new puppy is so much like having a baby to take care of. This little man is a very busy guy and we are constantly having to keep an eye on him. He loves to chew... He loves to roam... He doesn't sleep well... He's mischievous... He's ornery... He's FULL of energy... He's potty training... All those baby things aside... We love, love, love him!!!


Although the girls were excited about getting a new puppy, they were also quite hesitant as they felt like they were replacing Fletch. We reassured them that no one would ever take Fletcher's place (although we daily catch ourselves, calling Zeke, Fletcher) and that it would be a good thing for us to do with spring approaching.


Do you notice the Hawkeye collar around his neck? Kyle says he's also going to get a Mizzou one as well so that he can alternate every other week!?! When we took him in for his well vet check on Tuesday, Dr. Powell said he looked really good all except what was around his neck... :o) He said we needed to replace the Hawkeye black and gold for Mizzou black and gold. Kyle reassured him that we were working on the situation! :o)


Spring is finally arriving here and I would have to say that it seems as though with every turning of season, I spiritually, mentally and emotionally go through a turning of seasons as well. A time of of reflection and evaluation which many times results in the feeling of heaviness. It's not always the most enjoyable of experiences, yet for me, one that is necessary. It's a time for me to intently look at my life and acknowledge that which isn't fruitful or edifying to the Lord. It's a time to relinquish the old, withering and dying branches present in my life so that they can be pruned, in order for the new shoots that God has purposed for my life, to graft and grow. If I'm not careful to guard my heart through these times, discouragement, doubt and despair begin to visit and take up residency. As I look to the Lord for encouragement, He reminds me that pruning produces healthy, abundant life! The truth of that promise interspersed with unexpected phone calls from two of my closest friends, running into one of those friends only for a brief moment a few days ago, a heartfelt e-mail from another of my closest, long-distance friends and then a long visit with another precious friend/sister-in-Christ, my week has been brightened and my heart has been warmed.

I find myself so thankful today for God's presence in my life and that He chooses to love me. I am thankful for an amazingly awesome husband, MaKayla's silliness, Mallary's laugh, special friends, my Bible, fresh spring air and Zeke. I am thankful that my family is healthy, I get to spend all day, every day with our girls, My Man is on his way home to me, all my needs are provided for and that my children can learn. I am thankful for coffee, instrumental music, internet that works efficiently and pictures of those that I love strewn throughout our home.

I am thankful that because of Jesus the blessings that are mine to hold, are all the more richer because of Him!

Spring has sprung...new shoots are being grafted!

She Will Know...She Is Enough...She Is Perfect...He Is Her Reward...

MaKayla and I just shared a spur-of-the moment conversation that has compelled me to ponder the life of kids today. As I went to warm up our lunch in the microwave today, my eye caught a picture that I have of she and Bri sitting on the top shelf of our microwave stand. It was taken a few years back and although it has graced our home since that fall it was taken, the view I caught of it today was different.


I looked at those two girls laying in the leaves on their stomachs and the smiles on their faces brings much warmth and happiness to my heart. At the time that this particular photo was taken MaKayla was still very actively involved in Bible Quizzing. As I looked at MaKayla and reflected on that season of her life and the season since then, the question that entered my mind was, "Is My Girl as confident, fulfilled and content now as she was then?" I thought about it over lunch and then as we were cleaning up and I was doing the dishes, I just came out and asked her that particular question. She thought about it for a few moments before responding...


As we visited and I listened to her share, my heart was enlightened to the contents of her heart and I was able to see threads that have remained unraveled ever since she stepped away from quizzing two years ago. The more she talked and the more she shared the more I discerned that when the Lord led her out of that territory (pasture) and desired to move her into a new enlarged territory, instead of walking into it and claiming residency, she has remained at the property line. Unknowingly she has been wandering these past few years, unable to see the richness of the land that lay before her. This season of wandering has left her discontent and insecure, feeling ordinary, lost and invaluable.


Throughout the conversation she implied to me that before the life of quizzing, God was richly and simply enough. She needed nothing else to make her feel purposeful, adequate and content. Yet once she tasted the rush of success, accomplishment, acceptance and victory, God quickly took second place. Others no longer saw her as an unsocialized outcast who "settled" but rather saw her as actually "doing something...achieving something...normal". MaKayla excelled at quizzing right off and she accepted nothing less than perfection. She worked hard. She invested many hours. She sacrificed many things to do well for herself and for her team. Day-by-day though, the essence of joy was being sucked out of her and quizzing no longer became a fun sport, rather an obsession...an idol...a god of sorts...eventually her drug of choice. One day as she and I were walking together passing the time while Mallary was at Little League practice, she shared with me that she felt as though the Lord was asking her to lay quizzing down. She, Kyle and I visited about it and committed it to much prayer. In the end, the Lord confirmed over and over and over again that this is what He desired. We contacted MaKayla's coach and resigned her position on the team.


Ever since that day Our Girl has struggled...

No one has ever been able to understand why she would purposefully give up something she was so proficient at. Why she would let go of something that she had a natural talent for. Why she would give up the success of quizzing for nothing.


As her parents, Kyle and I could clearly see.

It's one of those things where once you taste the sweetness of success by the world's standards, just "being" isn't good enough. No one applauds you for being you. No one encourages you to live God in the simplicity of life. No one congratulates you for laying down an idol in order to pursue God. No one recognizes that trophies, medals, awards, top-team-status and rankings are worldly, fleeting acknowledgements in light of Christ. You feel as though no one notices you for you because you aren't "doing" something to succeed. No one...not even Christians...they simply don't understand.


MaKayla and I visited at great length. Tears fell. Hearts were opened wide. Brokenness was revealed. Inadequacy was admitted. Insecurity was acknowledged.

I wonder how many kids wandering around today feel very much this same way... They do what they do and strive for excellence to be noticed. To feel purposeful. To feel needed. To feel important. To stand out. To fit in. To find favor.

They are finding purpose and value in what they do rather than who they are. They find value in the approval and acknowledgement of others rather than in God their Creator and Jesus their Savior. They push. They strive. They toil. They try so hard. They can't just "be"...that simply isn't good enough. Oh how my heart breaks for them.

I want My Girl to know that she, the person God created her as, the person He designed her to be, is better than good enough...she is valuable...she is purposeful...she is beautiful...she has meaning...she is perfect.

The greatest achievement she could ever strive to attain is to be a reflection of Christ. She may receive no medal, trophy, top-team-status or applauded ranking this side of Heaven, but once she looks Jesus in the face, she will KNOW without a question of a doubt that in Him and through Him she was enough. The acknowledgements of this world will then be insignificant...He will be her reward.

I want Our Girl to know that as long as she follows hard after God, she is a winner and a success in her daddy's and I's eyes.

It's time for her to cross that property line and enter into the enlarged territory He has prepared just for her!

Wordless Wednesday...Oh How I Love Them...

This And That Tuesday...

Okay...Okay...I saw my first BIG spider this morning scurrying across the kitchen floor and I'm not one bit happy about it! I HATE, HATE, HATE spiders which means I will be having Kyle get some "wonder-spray" from our brother-in-law Mark. We must get them gone before they mate and multiply! Yucky! Yucky! The weather has turned amazingly beautiful here the past several days so I am fairly certain that is what has started bringing the furry fellows inside! Did I say, YUCKY?!? I've had this fear ever since I was a little girl that if I try to swat/smack them they will grow bigger and bigger with every whack... I don't feel any more love for them now then I did 30 years ago!!!

Both MaKayla & Mallary were moving quite slow this morning and since the weather was so nice, I suggested that we all put on our shoes and take a stroll around the pond. It was a great way to start our day! :o)

We saw:

The sun coming up...

Reflections in the water...

New life emerging from the dead ground that we burnt off...

The first calf of the spring season...

I want the girls to remember moments like these... I want them to recognize the simple gifts that God gives us through His presence in creation and nature...


For the most part I'm not a big fan of Facebook since much of what people post isn't fit to think...much less type or share with the world but Kyle and I recently decided to open an account in order to stay better in touch with family. This way we get to chat with Bri more consistently as well as watch Tucker change and grow. I love the idea of being able to connect in such a diverse way with so many people but I seriously am amazed at what some people feel compelled to disclose and the language in which they disclose it... I have enjoyed being able to visit Marci's, Bri's and D's Facebook pages and "see" their family whenever I am really missing them...which is often!

(is he not the most precious thing EVER....)

Life has been unusually crazy for us the past few weeks and between the non-stop busyness and not adjusting to the time change that took place a week ago, we are all quite tired!

Over the past few years, Kyle and I have really purposed to simplify our schedules and scale down our outside activities. The Lord clearly showed us that we needed to be going/doing less and spending/investing more time as a family unit. It's been a great change for everyone individually and for us as a family as well, yet when those unpreventable busy seasons of life do come around, we all have a little trouble keeping our focus.

All-in-all the past several days have been full of fun, family and memories sprinkled with yard work, house work, school and life in general.

We've:
had fun with cousins/nieces
celebrated a birthday & an anniversary
spent time with my side of the family as well as Kyle's
assisted Uncle Mark in getting a home cleaned & ready for his dad & grandma
enjoyed lunch & a time of fellowship with very special friends
helped Bri begin a new venture in life
relished in the preciousness of baby Tucker...
recognizing each of these opportunities & moments as rich gifts from the Lord!

As you can tell, life has been busy, but life has been good!

The Lord has done great things for us,
and we are filled with joy.

Psalm 126:3

God Looks For Faithfulness...

Yeah! Spring is finally arriving here where we live and we are so excited!!! The days are becoming more consistently warmer and with that means more time outside! Last night once Kyle got home, we all put on our work clothes and started the enormous task of cleaning out around the pond north of our house. We need to get right on this as once spring does arrive and things begin greening up, the weeds will overtake the area where we need to work and it will become next to impossible to clean out what needs removed. Not only will the weeds overtake but the chances of running nose-to-nose with the slithering creatures increases and although none of the four of us cares for to see much less step on a snake, one person in particular has a peaked out fear of them. We did get much accomplished yesterday evening and hopefully in the next few days and weeks, we can get finish it completely. Speaking of work...jobs...tasks...

This past Sunday, Kyle was given the most recent edition of 'Worship Leader' magazine. It always has some really great articles in it that not only speak to worship leaders in general, but to any heart that is seeking to know God more intimately. The magazine is great because much of what is within, is geared toward teaching and rejuvenating the individual soul that Sunday after Sunday after Sunday is entrusted with leading their prospective group of worshipers straight to the Throne of Grace.

One article that I read the other evening contained the following:

This job has been given to me to do.

Therefore, it is a gift.

Therefore, it is a privilege.

Therefore, it is an offering I may make to God.

Therefore, it is to be done gladly, if it is done for Him.

Here, not somewhere else, I may learn God's way.

In this job, not in some other, God looks for faithfulness.

~Elisabeth Elliot~

I wonder how many times Elisabeth played this over in her mind as she served the Lord in the capacity in which He placed her. I wonder if this is how she reminded herself to keep going, despite the difficult conditions she was in. Serving a people who took the life of her husband. No doubt she grew weary and discouraged...

I read this once. And then I read it again. And then I read it again. With each time that I read it, the words and the reality within were so very profound to me. Not only did they pertain to my life individually, but I saw where the truth that they conveyed, were the necessary encouragement our entire family needed.

How many times instead of focusing on "my job" do I look around at others and "their jobs" and become distracted? Critical? Judgmental? Envious? Discontent?

The Lord has given each of us...individually...certain, distinct and deliberate jobs. Do we see them as a gift? Do we view them as a privilege? Do I regard "my job" as an offering? Do I do what I have been entrusted with gladly as unto Him? Am I learning as I live "my job"? Does God see faithfulness in me through how I do what I am called to do? Through my attitude?

We as a family visited about this last night over supper. Each person outlined and acknowledged "their job" that God has deliberately given to them.

For one of us, it is getting up and going to a place of employment that provides insurance and finances for us to live...being the spiritual headship of our home and our family...leading God's people in worship...teaching, nurturing and training...

For myself, it is doing the laundry...planning the meals...caring for our home...teaching, nurturing and training...being a submissive help meet...managing finances...

For another, it is getting up with a good attitude...completing school work...practicing for Sunday morning Worship...caring for her bedroom...

For yet another, it is caring for her cat...being diligent about her school assignments...brushing her teeth without being reminded...

Of course this isn't a complete list for any one of us but you get the idea. Even the smallest of responsibilities is "a job" that God has given specifically to us. May we be found faithful!

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart,
as working for the Lord, not for men,
since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward.
It is the Lord Christ you are serving.

Colossians 3:23~24

It Is My Job...

I won't lie...
my heart is heavy today.

I won't try & pretend that I'm okay...
I am broken inside.

I won't hide the tears...
for the pain I feel is great.

I won't give up trying...
maybe, just maybe, one day I'll get it right.

Over, and over and over I feel as though I am a constant disappointment.
If my "no" should be "yes", I fall short.
If my "yes" should be "no", I fail again.
It hasn't always been this way...
Maybe that's why I feel so crippled...

I don't disappoint intentionally.
I'm only striving to follow hard after God.
I wish I had understanding.

I refuse to allow the seed of bitterness to take root even though time and again it attempts to bury itself deep within me. I continually dig, pull and pluck that annoying seed for the Lord commands that I not let it grow. The soil of my heart isn't just fertile to receive good seed, but sinful seed as well. It is my job to daily tend the garden of who I am and what I allow to germinate. Through the discernment of the Holy Spirit, I must never cease to rake away that which He says is unfruitful. Oh, how easy it is for the weeds to creep up, multiply and take over. I will diligently purpose, with the Lord's help, to keep the garden of my heart clean, fertile and cared for. I will not let the pungent seed of bitterness rule within me.

No matter the heaviness I feel.
No matter the brokenness that dwells.
No matter the pain that rivets me.

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone;
my hope comes from Him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation;
He is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
My salvation and my honor depend on God;
he is my mighty rock, my refuge.
Trust in Him at all times, O people;
pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.

Psalm 62:5~8

One Thing In Particular...

There are so many things that I love about Mallary but one thing in particular that shines about her is her unique and confident independence.

For the most part, our family of four does EVERYTHING together and when I say everything, I mean EVERYTHING! Kyle has always been the type of husband and father that pulls his people together and keeps his people together...his people, meaning us four. He has always had the philosophy that if one of us is doing something, all of us will do it together.

As babies, our girls co-slept with us. Neither of them were left in the nursery during worship nor did they attend Children's Church. They didn't do sleepovers. If they were involved in outside activities, for the most part, all of us went...even to the practices.

The only time we have really done things separate is when Kyle and I had to make long trips to Rochester during his battle with Ulcerative Colitis, when we were away during his surgeries or when the two of us get away for a few days a few times a year.

Despite how she has been raised and all the "togetherness" and dependence on one another, Mallary isn't afraid to "do her own thing". She's the one in the family who is expressive, diverse and independent. I love that one thing in particular about her.

She will grab her mp3 player and watch a movie not really giving a thought to what anyone else is doing. She will pick up the current book she is reading, climb under a blanket and read until her hearts content not worried that she's going to miss out on the activity going on around her. Out of the blue she will come to me and ask if she can play the Wii, being content to occupy herself. The other day she was in her room with the door closed and I could hear her talking. I placed my ear close to the door and discovered that she was reading to herself from the Bible out of the book of Ruth. Love, love, love...

Now I will insert here that thinking of others is something that we have really had to work hard on with Mal as sometimes she can get so absorbed in what she wants that she fails to look around her and think of others. It seems that most kids in life go through that stage and must be taught, instructed, nurtured and disciplined to meditate on and live out The Golden Rule...doing for others as you would want them to do unto you. To grasp that though we first have to think of others. She has come so far in this area...

I will also mention that in this quest of Mallary finding her individuality and us helping her to live out that God-created-designed uniqueness, we have had to show her how to form that individuality around the truths, commands and words of Christ...lining everything up with God's Word. Through this, Kyle and I have had to establish some strong and definite boundaries around those desires of individuality...like putting hot pink streaks in the hair...wearing two piece swimming suits...voicing her lack of yearning to work in the garden...snatching the last piece of pizza (yes, pizza is her FAVORITE) before asking if anyone else would like it...applying faux tattoos on her body...buying a $300.00 cell phone to add to the stash of ones she's already been given by family...overflowing the bathtub while she soaks...just to name a few.

It's been a stretching journey for the three of us but through it we have learned so much and we have discovered the beauty and richness of who Mallary is. There are numerous, countless attributes that I love about our girl but one thing in particular that I love is that she is confident in who she is and she has found joy in the way God has created her. Her likes. Her dislikes. Her interests. Her desires. Her individuality.

So the other day when it was fairly warm where we live, she asked if she could take a short break from school and go outside to get a breath of fresh air. Of course I encouraged her to do that very thing. I love the idea that she isn't afraid to be individual in those areas of life where God has made her unique. I love the idea that when she does those "alone" things that she is meeting with God herself. That she knows who she is as Mallary and not just an O'Riley. When I looked out the window to check on her this is what I saw:

My heart was warmed by this one thing in particular...
My girl is one precious individual...


For thou has possessed my reins:
thou has covered me in my mother's womb.
I will praise thee;
for I am fearfully and wonderfully made:
marvelous are thy works;
and that my soul knoweth right well.
My substance was not hid from thee,
when I was made in secret...

Psalm 139

That Moment...

I would have to say that this week has been such a breath of fresh air for me. Yeah, the weather where we live continues to be somewhat "crummy" outside the four walls of our home yet amazing things seem to be transforming inside. The things taking place are nothing short of God's grace and goodness which makes them all the more profound and rich and definitely something I don't take for granted.

As MaKayla, Mal and I continue to read through the 'Beautiful Girlhood' book chapter-by-chapter, morning-by-morning, I see the Lord taking the truths that are being read and ever so gently securing specific and well fertilized seeds deep within their hearts and within mine as well.

In one of the last posts that I wrote, I shared something to the effect that I wish I had picked up this book earlier and read through it with them sooner yet as I thought over the reality of that this morning the Lord reminded me, "For such a time as this." He spoke to my heart that this is what our girls need to hear now...for where they are. This is what our girls need to learn at this moment in time...for the individual season-of-life that they are in. He continues to amaze me at His divine providence.

This morning MaKayla was sitting here at the dining room/school table working on her American Lit paper. I had been sitting with Mallary on the couch finishing up a Science lesson and came over to the table to work on log books when MaKayla chuckled and said, "This is what I think of when I think of you. Every time I hear this song, I think of you." She handed over my mp3 player that she has been listening to lately while she whittles away at her school work and prompted me to plug the ear buds into my ears. I expected to hear something silly about how I talk too much or teach too many life lessons or something of the nature when this song below began to play and I began processing the words I was hearing...

My heart was overtaken...

Our sixteen-year-old actually thinks this of me...

She actually thinks these things about me...

Despite all my shortcomings and downfalls and mistakes and inadequacies and grouchy days, she thinks this of me...

I turned to her and said, "You really think this of me?"

Her response, "Well, yes."

"Seriously, you really do?"

"Yes, I do. Every time I hear this song and listen to the words, I think of you."

"I think that is one of the nicest, kindest, sweetest things anyone has ever said to me. You made my day. Thank you. Thank you."

The past several months have been tough ones for MaKayla as she has searched, sought and prayed to find who she is in Christ...not as an O'Riley, but as an individual. There have been days that I have been her closest friend yet on other days I feel as though I have taken on the role as her harshest enemy. Holding her accountable in love and being determined to teach her some of life's most difficult lessons. Breaking her will and compelling her to face some of life's most difficult questions. Not giving in to the temptation to enable her to remain in the realm of self-pity and challenging her to be determined and deliberate about living out and focusing on what she KNOWS not on how she feels. Drying lots of tears, sharing lots of chats, being a mom....a follow-hard-after-God mom...a mom who isn't going to let this attitude or that attitude slide by without finding out why...a mom who sees and cares about what is taking place in her girl's heart...a mom who is in-tune to how her girl is struggling and why that struggle is there...a mom who insists that her girl line life up with Scripture...a mom who presses in and won't allow her girl to settle for less than what God created her for...a mom who encourages her girl to live out her uniqueness and individuality...a mom who listens to how God is speaking to her girl's heart and then affirms her in working that out in her life...a mom who takes her girl by the hand and promises to stand beside her even in the hardest seasons of life...a mom who won't let it go when her girl wishes she would because she doesn't want to face it, talk about it, deal with it...

I guess that's one reason it was so special...

It was one of those moments that will forever be etched in my heart, mind and soul. No special occasion. Nor had I done anything spectacular to deserve the affirmation. I think that's another reason that moment was one of the most special moments in my 38 years of life. One of those not expected, undeserved, take-my-breath-away, warm-my-heart, I-can't-believe-you-actually-feel-that-way moments.

I love My Girl and My Girl loves Me!

I am thankful!

Words, words, words.
How come there's so many
but I can't find any?

Words, words.
How can I possibly say it perfectly,
all that you mean to me?

I don't wanna let another day
pass us by without a chance to say
thank you, thank you.
And I don't think you have a clue
for everyday you pull me through.
For all of the things that you do, thank you, thank you.

Love, love, love.
I don't always show it
but I hope you know it.
Love, love.
It's what I wish for you
in everything you do
'cause of all that you give me.
Yeah, yeah.

And I don't wanna let another day
pass us by without a chance to say
thank you, thank you.
And I don't think you have a clue
for everyday you pull me through.
For all of the things that you do, thank you, thank you.

I don't wanna let another day
pass us by without a chance to say
thank you, thank you.
And I don't think you have a clue
for everyday you pull me through.
For all of the things that you do, thank you, thank you.

Thank you.
Love, love, love.
I don't always show it, but I hope you know it.

(The song above plays on one of my beloved Jim Brickman albums that Kyle has downloaded onto my mp3 player.)


Thank you for being My Girl!
Thank you for loving me the way you do!

An Unexpected Surprise...

Yesterday right before lunch, the mail lady pulled up in our driveway. This is always a sign that we have received a package that won't fit into our oversized rural mailbox. Typically, any time we receive something of this nature, we figure it's from my high school best friend, Renee'.


The mail lady, handed the box to me and I immediately looked at the return address label. Nope, the name and address listed didn't ring any kind of a bell within my head. The books that I had ordered for Kyle had been delivered so it wasn't those. The books that I had previously ordered for MaKayla had arrived earlier in the week so I knew it wasn't that either. Hmm...

I brought the package inside, opened the box and found a card that said:

To say good-bye to a special friend is to lose a little piece of your heart.
It hurts to lose such a devoted,
trusting and loyal companion.
This memorial was created
in remembrance of
Fletcher
by your friend,
Renee'

Immediately the tears began to well up in my eyes as I opened this:


Renee' has a heart for animals and her own Saba is the love of her life...literally. I mean, she even has health insurance on this canine companion of hers. Any time she has been back here to visit, she has loved on and enjoyed Fletcher so much therefore her heart broke right along with ours when we lost him just a little over a month ago.

We have some pictures of Fletch sitting on a little table in our dining room where his memorial rock will rest for now...it's just too special to put outside where the weather might damage it.


With spring days visiting us more often, we really notice his absence all the more. He isn't there when Kyle is cooking something on the grill or when I have clothes on the clothes line or when MaKayla takes walks or when Mallary is out jumping rope. We REALLY, REALLY miss him!


It was an amazing unexpected surprise and we were so touched by her thoughtfulness and love.

Thanks Renee'! We love you much!

The Sting of Conviction...

MaKayla, Mal and I are tremendously enjoying, gleaning and growing from our daily readings, devotions and discussions out of 'Beautiful Girlhood'. My only regret...I sure wish I would have started this several years ago when MaKayla was Mallary's age. The Lord reminds me to not focus on past mistakes but to be a good steward of the time and teaching that He is affording me...here and now!

This morning's chapter was entitled, "Making Herself Beautiful", and as with all of the chapters we have read together over the past few weeks, it was very enlightening and full of rich truth. As I progressed word by word, page by page, the countenance of one daughter in particular whose name beings with "M", began to change. It somewhat resembled an image of despair. Upon completion of the chapter, I asked her, "You have a look of despair on your face. Is something wrong?" Her response, "I just feel really, really convicted."

This comment didn't really surprise me as God has been speaking LOUDLY to some of us here in the O'Riley home on the subject of simplicity, modesty, femininity, appearance and naturalness. Now for anyone who knows us very well, knows that we tightly grasp each of these areas already, yet the Lord is taking us to deeper more profound levels than what is at the time comfortable. Discussions and conversations in these particular areas have been frequent and many times the essence of these conversations become uncomfortable, frustrating, embittering and convicting to the point of tears. It's not that what God is asking is difficult or unattainable yet it requires change... And that change is impossible if surrendering of the heart doesn't come first.

Ouch!

That's where the painful sting of conviction comes in. When we know that God is right. And when we know that God's will is perfect and best. And when we know that God is showing us that what we are doing and how we are living falls short of His plan for who He wants us to be. Who He created us to be. When we know that God is telling us that He desires for us to change so that we can reflect Him more radiantly.

Ouch!

The sting of conviction hurts. It scars our pride. It humbles our attitudes. It stares us in the face, shines deep into our hearts and reveals the yuck that God so desires to remove.

As I shared with this one that I love so much, conviction is a key that God is extending to us in order to release us from the prison cells that keep us locked up. It's God saying, "My dear child, see this or see that, it is keeping you from the full reality of Me. It is what is holding you captive. Here, here is the key to freedom. There is a better way and if you will trust Me, I will release you into the life of freedom that I so desire for you. Take hold of the key, make that change, let that perception of life go. Take the key, release that stronghold and watch the prison doors open."

We so often view conviction as punishment when in essence, it's God giving us the key to a more fruitful, abundant life. It's Him showing us the solution...the answer...the avenue to healing and freedom.

Conviction hurts because it is a reminder that we are nothingness without the reality of Jesus. It reminds us that, "we aren't all that, without Him." It reminds us that anything short of His grace leaves us destitute without hope. It reminds us that all-too-often we are DEAD WRONG!

Conviction leaves us feeling vulnerable which is right where God wants us. He wants us to see where we are wrong and admit that He is right. He wants us to lay down that which is comfortable and pick up that which will stretch us, grow us and transform us into His righteousness.

That's right where she is! That's right where we are!

God is convicting and the sting of conviction is painful.
Yet once we heed and respond in obedience, freedom will come.
It is promised!


I am so thankful for grace! I am so thankful that God loves me enough to convict me! I'm so thankful that He cares enough for me that He corrects me in love and in gentleness. I'm so thankful that when He convicts me and gives me the courage to admit that He is right and that I am wrong, that He gives me the strength and instruction I need to lay it all down, turn completely around and head in the opposite direction. He doesn't just correct me and leave me there standing. He nurtures me and gives me hope.

Now when they heard this, they were pricked in their heart,
and said unto Peter and to the rest of the apostles,
Men and brethren, what shall we do?
Acts 2:37

Moving...

Our computer is back at home after being gone for five days and we were all glad to see it return. Kyle exhausted every avenue he knew before passing it off to a guy at work who does this sort of thing. It is working better but we are still having issues here-and-there. I've always thought I could completely do without on-line communication however it proved to be much harder than I had imagined. After all on many days it is my only way of staying in touch with the the world beyond the walls of our home.

Life has been good although both MaKayla and Mallary continue to battle some kind of "crud" that generates cough, cough, cough, blow, blow, blow with an occasional sneeze in the midst of it all. We aren't sure if it is allergies or a virus of some sort but whatever it is, they are both ready for it to leave for good. When they begin to complain, I remind them that they could have the peuks which puts the cough, cough, cough~sneeze~blow, blow, blow immediately into perspective and the complaining ceases! ;o) The past week and a half have been quite restful with lots of reading, relaxing and spending time together. It's been a great time of reflection and meditation on the Lord.

God has our family in a very "different" place right now. He's speaking... He's moving... He's transitioning... We don't really know what that looks like yet, we just discern it.

When Kyle called me on his way to work yesterday morning, he asked if I felt God moving in a profound but quiet way... I love when the Lord confirms in my heart what He has already spoken to Kyle, putting us both on the same page so that we can pray and encourage one another. We know that God is preparing us for something, we just don't have a full view of what that is. We remind one another that we don't have a need to know. We are asked to seek, listen, follow and obey and as we do that, God will light the path before us and make our steps sure and fruitful.

It's good to be back!