Looking Past...

Another beautiful day here.
Another rejuvenating walk.
Another time of sharing over a good pot of coffee.
Another cherished visit with our firstborn.
Another life-changing Bible Study with my girls under a shade tree.
Another opportunity to see changes God is desiring to make in me.
Another phone call from My Man reminding me of his ever-present love.
Another beautiful day.

 So far today, I've had opportunity after opportunity to be tripped up by the ugly enemy who so longs to steal my joy & rob my peace. And I humbly admit that there have been moments when I just about fell for his deceptive schemes. At one point I said to MaKayla, "I simply don't understand..." As she stood behind me, she reminded me that it is as it is & what it is doesn't define me. She was right & I knew it. Listening to her words I took a basket of wet laundry to the line & ever so gently the Lord spoke & said, "Mendi, look past what you see. Look past what you hear. Look past what you perceive. Look past & see Me." "What you see is not what I see. What you hear are not My words. What you perceive may be correct but even if it is correct, it very well may not be Truth in My eyes. I am Truth. I am Peace. I am Hope. I am Joy. I am Who matters. I am What matters. I Am." "Look past & see Me." That's all I needed.

You see, God has been speaking to me for quite some time about a particular area of my life that He is desiring to change. An area that takes purposed obedience on my part. An area that requires me to relinquish my will in order to follow hard after His. An area that needs my submission. My humility. My forfeiting. An area that necessitates me bowing low & looking up. Something that in & of myself, I CAN'T DO yet through Him I CAN! I've clearly heard his voice over & over & over & now I must choose. Will I obey or will I demand my own way?

 But Samuel replied: "Does the LORD delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the voice of the LORD? To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams.

I Samuel 15:22

I know what He is asking me to do is for my good & His glory.
The very thing He is asking me to give up is the very thing that tempts me to trip.
Always landing me in a hole.
Why do I find it so hard to let go of something that causes me harm?
Abandoning it is for my protection.
Yielding it over is for my growth.
Forsaking it will draw me closer unto Him.
I, never, in this life, want to purposefully disobey.
Even when it hurts.
Even when it's hard.
Even when I really don't want to do what He's asking.
His will always reigns supreme.
Therefore I secede.
I acknowledge that He is right.
I will not justify my will.
I will not analyze.
I will obey.

I choose to look past...
I choose to look up...
I choose to listen...

Obedience is my only option.

He is Truth.
He is God.
He loves me.

Today...

It's been a great day here...
Early morning walk with a precious friend...
Text from my sister that reminds me she is thinking of my family during loss...
Flowers watered & lawn mowed before noon...
Cleansing shower...
Nice visit with mom...
Laundry folded...
Bed made (better late than never)...
Needed visit to the store...
Refreshing kiss from Kyle upon his return from work...
Relaxing moments in the pool with those I love most...
Basking in the warm sun on the patio... 
Delicious grilled chicken & baked potato with steamed broccoli...
Enjoyable chat on the porch swing with the man of my life...

Preparing for the events of the next few days...
A few games of Rack-o with Kyle & the girls...
Laughter around the table reminding us of Bri...
Late-evening cappuccino...
Texting convo with a precious niece...
Soothing sounds of Jim Brickman...

God has really been speaking to my heart today in regard to some things He is desiring to see changed in my life. New insights being opened to me. A treasure-trove of truths. Truths that I know are for my good & His glory if I will only listen. Intently listen. Time on the mower typically affords me that time to just be still & listen.

I love being challenged...sharpened...convicted...

It's been a great day here...

This Life...

I've spent the majority of my morning in the kitchen. You see, my best friend from high school is in the area visiting for a few days & is coming here tonight for dinner. When she's back from sunny Arizona, we try to see her as much as possible but it's hard since there are many other people who are vying for her time as well. When she said that she & Brett would be here for supper, I asked her what she would prefer to eat...grill food or homestyle/comfort food. Not at all surprising to me, she chose comfort food...chicken & noodles with corn! :) So all morning I have been busy making pies, mixing up noodles, baking a chicken & preparing for their arrival. Doesn't seem like a big deal other than MaKayla chose lemon pie for dessert & I decided to take it on myself to make a homemade, from-scratch lemon pie. We had lemons left from MaKayla's graduation Saturday (a post will be coming on that when I can collect my thoughts enough to share) so I juiced them, zested them & gathered all my ingredients for the recipe I was using. I decided to make my meringue first so it would be done & ready to top the hot filling. As I gathered my eggs from the fridge, I quickly remembered that I NO LONGER have an electric mixer (one of those simplification things when my last mixer quit on me & I chose not to buy another one). Hmmm... I have learned how to beat eggs for Kyle's infamous waffles & I got by without it when mixing the homemade buttercream frosting from last weekend's cupcakes, but meringue... Seemed quite daunting... Especially after the first batch failed. But as I gathered the ingredients to try again, I said, "Lord, if the women of old could accomplish this task without an electric mixer, I know You can give me the strength & knowledge to do it as well." It was just the motivation I needed. I whipped, beat, stirred, whipped & beat some more while MaKayla gradually added the sugar I needed & FINALLY it reached the desired consistency. Amazing... Thank you, Lord! :)

As I continued working on this evening's meal, the Holy Spirit really began speaking to my heart. MaKayla was quietly helping me in the kitchen while Mal bathed and a serene instrumental played softly on my kitchen stereo.

 Simple... Isn't that how life is supposed to be? It reminded me of an article I read last night out of MaKayla's most recent KBR magazine on homemaking that echoed my sentiments exactly. I'm a homemaker & I love it. I love the simplicity of it. I love teaching & training our girls. I love taking on challenges & trying to accomplish the impossible. I love being home & doing life. I love being present when Kyle arrives after a long day of work. I love lying under shade trees with MaKayla & Mal studying God's Word together. I love creating a "comfort meal" for a precious friend who rarely gets "comfort meals". :) I love washing clothes, doing dishes, folding laundry, being still, learning healthy eating, taking on tasks that seem daunting. I love doing these things because this is what God has called me to. MaKayla asked me the other night during a discussion we were having if I wished I had a "different life"...  A life filled with money, possessions, status, name brand clothing, fancy cars, upscale living... I've thought alot about that question since she asked it & even after giving it much contemplation/analyzation, my answer remains the same as it was the night she asked it, "No, I would never choose such a life over the life I have been given. I would never choose that over this. I love my life. I love my Jesus. I love my man. I love my girls. I. Love. Life."

So with flour covering me (and the floor), potatoes peeled & waiting to be boiled, two pies done, chicken baking, laundry beckoning to be folded, sheets on the clothesline & bread to be baked, the Holy Spirit reminds me that this is what I am here for. This is what I am called to do. These are the things that matter. This life is what I was created for. I'm not here to let our girls fend for their own. I am not here to have a husband come home to an empty house. I am not here to work outside the home so that MaKayla & Mal can have designer clothes, the newest cell phone & a fancy car. I'm not here so that they can run circles with friends & do all the "extras" in life. I'm here to teach them. To nurture them. To train them. To love them. To create a legacy for them. To help them understand better of Jesus. I'm here to welcome Kyle home. To listen about his day. To encourage his heart. To be his helpmeet. To love him with EVERYTHING I am. To be near.

The life we live is simple...
The life we live is precious...

This life is my life & I am so unexplainably grateful today... ♥

Pause...

It's been such a non-stop busy week so as I walked Kyle out this morning, I chose to pause & spend some quietness with the Lord surrounded by the awesomeness of His creation. As I sat down on the deck, looked around & breathed in the freshness of the air, the crazy list that dawns the day ahead quickly departed. Sitting here, I am amazed at how creation "obeys"... Everything in sync with God. The trees sway to the breeze. The cows graze the field. The birds rhythmically chirp. The flag whips in whatever direction it is told. The lightening flashes in the sky. The robins collect food for their young. It is beautiful. It is restful. It is serene. It is exactly what I needed to prepare my heart for the next 36-40 hours. Still so much to do for MaKayla's graduation tomorrow & I want to savor & enjoy each & every moment... ♥

Yesterday...
*curtains hung
*1 load of laundry washed & on the line
*dusted living room at 9:30 p.m.
*3 hours in the grocery store :/
*8 lbs. carrots (diced/cut into sticks)
*4 large stalks of celery (diced/cut into relish)
*10 bunches of broccoli (chopped/cut into bite size pieces)
*6 lbs. onions (diced)
*2 dozen boiled eggs (chopped)
*6 lbs. pasta (boiled)
*4 lbs. strawberries sliced & frozen

Thankful for God's grace!
Thankful for 4 extra hands! ♥

Amazing? Absolutely!

It' been a toss up for me this morning deciding what should take priority as I begin another day, yet when I remind myself of the reality that I haven't posted in nearly a week, I decided that I should take a moment to share what has been going on around here.

Somewhere along the way, this precious baby turned into this beautiful young woman...

Because of that blessing, the past few weeks have been consumed with preparations for her high school, homeschool graduation. It's one thing when it's just a reception you are trying to plan but when you are the one to plan the reception AND the graduation (having no idea what you are doing), without abundant peace from the Lord, an emotionally unmoved husband, girls who willingly help do anything & a calm friend who graciously listens to your meanderings, the reality of it all can get quite overwhelming. When I start to feel insanity knocking on my door, I remind myself that in no way shape or form do I want the stress of it all to overshadow the joy of the occasion. That is NOT what it is all about & the last thing I want MaKayla to remember is that the celebration wasn't worth the work & tension that it caused her mom. So...when those moments come, I simply take a deep breath, set my face like flint on the Lord & receive the peace that only He can give. He has a humbling way of putting things in perspective for me. :)

This week has been full of window-washing, chicken cooking, collage creating, grocery buying & spending time with the two girls I love the most! Our days have been extremely busy yet our days have been full of love, laughter & team work! ♥ When we started planning graduation, I asked MaKayla what she would like to serve as far as food. She gave me a list of some of her most favorite things, so that is what we are going with. On that list was my homemade chicken salad therefore on Tuesday MaKayla, Mal & I cooked & deboned nine chickens. Yes, I said nine! :) I roasted some & boiled some & believe me, we enjoyed EVERY morsel of that beautiful golden brown, crispy skin! Yum-oh! Talk about Thanksgiving in June! :) And since MaKayla requested to have the reception here, in between the chicken cooking & deboning, we as well washed curtains & windows. Three rooms down & a few rooms to go! Wednesday MaKayla was spending part of the day with Bri so Mal & I made a trip to town to get a few little gifts for MaKayla & all of the non-perishable food items that we were going to need. One of my very closest friends had text me that same morning and as a special treat she met Mal & I for lunch! Just the calm & renewal I needed. ♥ Yesterday our day was spent collaging (not a word according to the dictionary)... I LOVE pictures so this was no small feat! MaKayla & I had gone through & chosen some of our faves from over the past several months, sent them to Wal-Mart.com, had Kyle pick them up & for the entire day yesterday, we created. (Apart from MaKayla taking time out to do some toes...) Several sheets of scrapbook paper, memorable photos, double-stick tape (don't buy Dollar General brand...it DOES NOT WORK), hundreds of scrapbook glue tabs & many amazingly cute stickers/embellishments later, the collage is nearly complete. I took a break to help Kyle mow a bit on the yard & then after supper was eaten & cleaned up, I worked at it again until 10:30 before I finally decided to be done for the night. Today we will put last touches on our creation, wash a few more windows, cook up some more bone broth, catch up on laundry for the weekend, mail a book I sold on Amazon, revise grocery lists for next week, run a few errands & just be together.

It has been a busy few weeks, I won't deny it. And yes, the stress at times has been great BUT when I reflect on what we are celebrating, why we are celebrating & who we are celebrating, the stress dissipates & my heart is simply in awe of God's goodness. The closer it gets to "the day", the more excited I am for this beautiful one who has "arrived" at a place in life that we thought nearly impossible some thirteen years ago. Not impossible because of her, yet impossible because I couldn't see the "how"...

Busy? Yes!
Amazing? Absolutely!
Worth it? Without a doubt!

Something He Said...

Kyle reflected on Jeremiah 29:11-13 Wednesday evening during Bible Study/Prayer Time at church. He shared & explained how God had been speaking to him throughout the day regarding this portion of Scripture & what it meant to him. As he closed the evening in prayer, something he said really spoke to my heart... He thanked God for provision & asked Him to prosper us spiritually, mentally, physically & emotionally... That statement in his prayer has really stuck with me as I have finished out my week. So often when we think of God prospering us, we immediately correlate it to the material/financial sense but not so much in the spiritual (growth), mental (sound mind), physical (strength) & emotional (stability) sense.

I have been quite bold lately in sharing the struggles I have been feeling/facing & although I have sought God & find great rest & peace in His presence, I've settled for being "stuck". I honestly haven't seen "a way out"... A resolve... A light at the end of the tunnel... It's somewhat of a frightening place to be yet I have trusted that God has allowed me to be here for a specific reason & I've been trusting Him to grow me through the valley I've been walking.

Kyle's intercession & outcry to God that evening has readjusted my thinking...

All day today, when I've felt tired, unmotivated or depleted, I've reminded myself that God wants me to prosper mentally, spiritually, physically & emotionally... He doesn't want me in that pit of exhaustion... He doesn't desire me to feel that heaviness... He doesn't plan for me to be up one minute & down the next... He doesn't will for me to struggle with hopelessness... He longs for me to prosper... In EVERY way!!!

So today, instead of "settling", I've let go & allowed God to prosper me. It's helped me to keep going, to keep pushing, to keep moving forward... It's reminded me to smile instead of frown, rejoice instead of complain, be joyful instead of downcast...

I'm thankful for the something he said in conversation with Christ...
It's changed my day...

 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, 

“plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  

Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.   

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

Jeremiah 29:11~13