Making Room...

When Kyle took me on our blessed weekend get-away a few weeks ago, one Bible Book Store we visited had the new Casting Crowns Christmas CD on sale so we picked it up. (One of our traditions is to get a new CD each Christmas so it was perfect.) I've listened to it numerous times since opening it yet yesterday as I was in the kitchen working, I had it playing and a specific phrase stuck out to me. Last night before bed I took Kyle, the music man he is, into the kitchen to listen to it with me and as we listened another phrase caught my attention...

For the King has left His throne
And is sleeping in a manger tonight, tonight
Oh Bethlehem, what have you missed while you were sleeping
For God became a man
And stepped into your world today
Oh Bethlehem, you will go down in history
AS A CITY WITH NO ROOM FOR ITS KING

I asked Kyle, "How many kings do you know of in the Bible where there was no room for them in their province?" As we discussed it we came to the conclusion that for most kings it was the contrary...ALL kings had kingdoms, thrones, palaces, servants...they wanted for nothing yet Jesus left Heaven and as King entered into a town where there was NO room for Him to be born much less dwell.

Mary shivers in the cold
Trying to keep the Savior warm
Born among the animals wrapped in dirty rags
BECAUSE THERE WAS NO ROOM FOR HIM IN THE WORLD HE CAME TO SAVE
United States of America
Looks like another silent night
As we're sung to sleep by philosophies
That save the trees and kill the children
And while we're lying in the dark
There's a shout heard 'cross the eastern sky
For the Bridegroom has returned
And has carried His bride away in the night
America, what will we miss while we are sleeping
Will Jesus come again
And leave us slumbering where we lay
America, will we go down in history
AS A NATION WITH NO ROOM FOR ITS KING

Hearing these words found us asking ourselves, "How many days go by where we make no room for our King?" Jesus came from the perfection of Heaven, here, to this cruel earth to save US...how can we not make room for Him in our second-to-second, minute-to-minute, hour-to-hour, day-to day lives!?!

I purpose to MAKE ROOM for my KING...He deserves the most valuable part of my life! He gave EVERYTHING for me!

Thank you Jesus for finding reason to invest in me! Thank you for loving me and giving Your life for me! Thank you for giving purpose to my life and for choosing to dwell with me and in me! Thank you for being in my presence! I am forever in love with you!

Traditions...

Christmas Traditions

MaKayla D. O’Riley Christmas 2009

With the Christmas season rapidly approaching, I decided to do some research on our holiday traditions, especially the Christmas tree. This custom is very special in my family, as it is a fun project to work on together. We do not go out and cut down a live tree, but we do decorate an artificial one with lights, ribbons, and ornaments. This is a special time that I especially enjoy and it is also a way for our family to develop traditions of our own, such as my sister and I getting a new ornament each year!

As I did my research, it was very interesting to see how the practice was started and the different ways people celebrate. I hope that by the time you have finished reading this paper you will have a better understanding of how the Christmas tree custom came to be!

Although decorating an Evergreen tree is a symbol of the holidays and is a modern ritual of today, it originated long ago in early B.C. There has been and continues to be much controversy as to the use of these trees among different peoples and religions, due to the fact that pagans were the first to use them in their superstitious worship.

This fact led me to research what “pagan” commonly means and its main definition is “ All non-Christians or those who participate in Satanic practices”. Many people disagree about this topic as well, but this is the most widely accepted view.

The pagans would go out and cut down an Evergreen tree and place it in their homes as an idol. They then adorned it with metal ornaments and replicas of their gods. To them the trees represented life and freshness. They thought the tree had magical powers because although all other living plants died and lost their color, it remained green. They also viewed it as a sign of fertility and reproduction as they thought it increased sexual potency due to its “power” to sustain life. To them it was a promise that spring would come and a symbol of hope. The Bible has proof of this pagan worship in Jeremiah 10: 2-4.

Thus saith the Lord, “Learn not the way of the heathen, and be not dismayed at the signs of heaven; for the heathen are dismayed at them. For the customs of the people are vain: for one cutteth a tree out of the forest, the work of the hands of the workman, with the ax. They deck it with silver and with gold: they fasten it with nails and with hammers, that it will not move.”

Eventually, word of this pagan practice reached all religions and each began this custom as well, yet each had their own reasons for doing so. For some it was used as an idol, for some Christians it was a sign of the birth of Jesus Christ and a symbol for the promise of eternal life in Him. For still others, it became just a sign of the Christmas holiday and the traditional festivities.

Because of its origin there is still much disagreement today over whether or not it is right for a Christian or any non-pagan to participate in this pagan practice. Most consider it just a part of Christmas and because even the pagans view it as a sign of hope, there is nothing wrong with this tradition.

I believe that this is an area in which God wants us to look at the motives of our hearts and each person decide for themselves how they will/should celebrate. Although I do not necessarily see this custom as “wrong” if you do it with the right heart and do not allow the tree to become the focus during Christmas, I do think that it is important for us a Christians to see what we allow to define our holiday traditions. I know that I am very guilty of seeing “Christmas” as shopping, decorations, family, gifts, and traditions. I allow those things to define a time of year that Christ desired to be set apart for Him.

So, I encourage you this season to examine your heart. Look where your focus is at, as I have done, and see what you will allow to define your Christmas this year!

Snowed In...

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow...

It snowed in the morning...

It snowed in the afternoon...

It snowed in the evening...

Well, they said a winter storm was going to hit...and it did!!! The snow started falling Monday evening and continued through Tuesday morning and continued throughout the day. By mid-afternoon I was beginning to wonder if Kyle would be able to make it home from work since we live kind of out in the middle of no-where...a place where the reality of snow plows is nearly non-existent. Gratefully he did make it home safe, although later than normal, and the snow continued to fall. Tuesday evening brought the news that most everything was closing down...including the factory where Kyle works at. Kyle has worked at the same place of employment for over twenty-years and this is the first time he or I can ever remember work being cancelled. Needless-to-say, there was alot of excitement going on in our home knowing that we were going to have a "Family Snow Day" on Wednesday!!! We stayed up late Tuesday night watching a Christmas movie, just enjoying the thought that ALL of us would get to sleep in the next morning...we were SNOWED IN!!!


We did get a great deal of snow however the high winds made the winter storm even worse due to the drifting and below-zero temperatures! As of right now, it appears to be -5 with a wind-chill of -20 and we have huge drifts everywhere! Kyle did go to work this morning but had to drive through the yard in order to get to the road in front of our house as our driveway is impassable!

Out our front window...you can see the snow blowing off the top of the drift...

The drifts are were waist high on Kyle...

The four-of-us had so much fun yesterday drinking coffee, cappuccino and hot chocolate, catching up on our advent readings, sharing what God is doing in our lives and in our family, watching movies, singing Christmas carols playing Skip-Bo, creating paper snowflakes, listening to Christmas music and working on other craft projects. I put on a big pot of ham and beans for supper and made a large pan of cornbread...YUMMY! :o)




Us girls hated to see Kyle go back to work today however we so cherished the time we had with him yesterday! It will be one of those distinct memories that we will tightly cling to throughout the years to come!

The sparkling beauty God left us this morning...

Thanksgiving Memories...

As I have went about my day today, I was thinking back to the special times we had as a family over Thanksgiving, both here at home and with both sides of my family. They were times of comfort, fun, food, and fellowship!

One tradition in our family, is to always have our dinner just the four of us the day before Thanksgiving. Mom, Mal and I went and got groceries that morning and then came home and started cooking. The first thing we make each year is our "Hot Sipper", a fruity, cinnamon, hot juice which we drink in our tea cups while reading some Thanksgiving books!

I LOVE this doing this each year!!!

Mal and I wanted to set the table to make it look fancy, so while Mom got things ready to start supper, we decorated the dining room table! We then made our traditional Cornish Hens (Dad was home in time to help with those), along with garlic mashed potatoes, Stove Top Stuffing, green beans, and crescent rolls! It was DELICIOUS!!! We also made a strawberry cheesecake for dessert, but by the time our evening was over we were all too tired and full to eat it! :-)

Dad having a little "too much fun" with the hens!?!

Before...

After!

Our beautiful table!

Enjoying our meal!

Strawberry Cheesecake!

This year was extra special for some reason and I praise God for the special memories that we made!

My New Treasure...

I just had to share a picture of my new treasure that Kyle thought I had to bring home from our weekend get-away...


The best part is that he makes me a pot of coffee each morning and pours me a nice big cup before he leaves for work! A simple act of love, yet one that starts my day off just right!

Tucked Deep...

Much has happened around our home the past few months (years) that have whittled away at my spiritual, mental and emotional bank of life. The continual whittling finally caught up and left me completely overdrawn Wednesday evening. After a small incidence right before putting our girls to bed that night, Kyle found me on the floor nestled in a corner of our kitchen silently weeping. He drew me in close to himself and the silent tears turned to uncontrollable sorrow. I was hurting...he was broken. I was empty...he was desperate. I've always been able to "pull myself together and rise to the occasion", but my emptiness was so great that all I could do was succumb to the weakness I was feeling. Kyle offered to purchase me an individual ticket to Tucson and place me on a plane first thing Thursday morning so that I could get away and spend time with my very best friend from high school but I knew with him and the Lord was where I most needed to be. After a few hours of letting me cry, he put me to bed where he spoke, read and prayed scripture over me until rest and peace overtook my body and I fell asleep in his arms. Thursday he left work early, packed our bags and took me away for the weekend. We somewhat had this excursion, in shortened version, planned previously but due to several factors, one being me finding it hard to leave MaKayla and Mallary, I individually had decided we would just disregard the idea and stay home...it was a more "comfortable resolution". He on the other hand knew the breaking point I was at and gave me no choice in the matter. We left shortly after noon on Thursday and spent from that time until late Saturday evening together...investing in one another and in the Lord. It was a time I needed...he needed...we needed! He nurtured me, he loved me, he held me, he taught me, he renewed me. We laughed...we cried...we learned...we rested...we found renewal...individually and as a team. We shared so many things in our time together...things that make me smile when I think of them...

Jelly Bellies
an enormous bed
Philly Steak and Cheese
cozy fireplace
heartaches
Panera Carmel Latte'
prayer
Medium-Rare New York Strip
Pepsi
an inviting hot tub
dreams
Raspberry Truffle Cappuccino
new revelations
Bacon Cheeseburger
God's Word
goals
convictions
Foot-long Subway sandwich
Christmas ideas
fears
White Chocolate Raspberry Truffle Cheesecake
a quaint room
soft music
new shoes...
MUCH LOVE!!!

It was oh so hard to see our time together come to a close yet each memory we made, each tear we cried, each laugh we shared...I have forever tucked away deep within my heart. I am so thankful that this was not the end of something but only the beginning of a new season in our relationship with the Lord as individuals, in our marriage, in our family... Many of life's satisfactions are short-lived and bring temporary fulfillment yet my God, who has known me from the beginning of time, has blessed my life with this man who I am honored to call my own. He is mine to love, to hold, to care for, to nurture, to sharpen, to forgive, to grow old with... He created Kyle just for me and he is the richest gift besides my salvation in Jesus Christ that I could ever have been given. As the Lord showed me last week, the union that Kyle and I share together is the next most important relationship in line to the one I have with my Maker, Creator and Savior. Kyle is my Jesus in the flesh and I will forever be in love with him.

As I journaled this morning:
God, I so love you and I bless you for giving me a man, a leader, a provider, a protector, a lover, a best friend, a teacher, a healer, a counselor...a man after Your own heart. I thank you for Kyle and the sweet and precious memories made this past weekend. I will tuck them deep within my heart, always to be remembered! He is my everything and my richest gift from you!

Promises to live by, stand on, CLAIM...

Jesus turned and said to Peter, "Get behind me, Satan!
You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the things of God,
but the things of men."
Matthew 16:23

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And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing.
The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers,
so that they cannot see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ,
who is the image of God.
For we do not preach ourselves,
but Jesus Christ as Lord,
and ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake.
For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness,"
made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ.
2 Corinthians 4:3~6

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jesus said to them,
"If God were your Father, you would love me,
for I came from God and now am here.
I have not come on my own; but he sent me.
Why is my language not clear to you?
Because you are unable to hear what I say.
You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father's desire.
He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth,
for there is no truth in him.
When he lies, he speaks his native language,
for he is a liar and the father of lies.
Yet because I tell the truth, you do not believe me!
Can any of you prove me guilty of sin?
If I am telling the truth, why don't you believe me?
He who belongs to God hears what God says.
The reason you do not hear is that you do not belong to God."
John 8:42~47

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.
Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes.
For our struggle is not against the flesh and blood,
but against the rulers,
against authorities,
against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
Therefore put on the whole armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes,
you may be able to stand your ground,
and after you have done everything, to stand.
Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist,
with the breastplate of righteousness in place,
and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.
In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith,
with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.
Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the spirit, which is the word of God.
And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests.
With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.
Ephesians 6:10~20

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Be self-controlled and alert.
Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.
Resist him, standing firm in the faith...
1 Peter 5:8~9

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Who do we believe?

It amazes me how vulnerable we are to the enemy when we don't whole heartedly purpose in our minds to recognize the schemes Satan lavishes on us. The instant he is in our presence we must practice "psychological warfare", a term Beth Moore uses in the current study MaKayla and I are doing in our Sunday School class about the life and destined purpose of Esther. The second we sense Satan's presence or work, we must immediately come against it through prayer and the Word of God...whether it be a lie he is telling, a temptation he is extending, a thought he is imparting...

There have been three specific instances in our home in the past few days where I have discerned that a "trap" has been set and someone has willingly stepped into it, therefore believing the lies of the devil rather than warring against his deception and purposing to listen to the voice of God. Why do we do that when we KNOW that God is faithful...He ALWAYS has been...He ALWAYS will be!

1.) The belief that we are "condemned" to a certain state of mind, a certain stronghold, a certain demise...Of course he wants us to believe that...he has already been condemned to Hell therefore he wants us to feel condemned as well...believing that there is no hope. He wants us to believe the lie that we will always be what we always have been...a failure, a loser, unworthy...No where in God's Word do I find that...in turn we are freely offered love, forgiveness, mercy and grace. We find hope, peace, strength and rest when we turn our weaknesses and shortcomings over to the Lord and allow Him to wash us clean of them...purposing to follow His way rather than the enemy's way. We should see correction from God as a rich investment in our lives and praise Him for the revelation he has given us due to the promise that He is enlightening us to an area of our lives that is dragging us down and destroying us. We ALWAYS have hope in Jesus!

2.) Deceiving us into believing that certain things look "appealing" when we know that is not God's purpose or best for our lives. Deceiving us into believing that "a little won't hurt" or the things we are seeing as "appealing" are just "natural". I am reminded that a little bit of yeast leavens the whole batch of dough (Galatians 5:7~10) and a little bit of invited sin will bring us to ruin.

3.) Convincing us that if we ask God to purge a certain sin in our lives, He will take away anything good that is associated with that sin. God doesn't take away "good things (blessings)" from the people He loves unless it is for our good and His glory. Satan wants us to believe that by "giving up" certain things that are "weighing down", our lives will be empty, void and meaningless. The God I serve promises fullness of life when we strip ourselves away and live in accordance with His will.

As Beth Moore states...

Haman had placed himself in Satan's hands only to betrayed by him.
It happens EVERY time.
First Satan lies to us.
Then Satan lies for us.
Then Satan lies about us.

He convinces us into believing his lies, then he justifies that what we are doing is right so we don't turn back and then once he has us in his trap he turns around and stabs us in the back laughing and telling us what a fool we are.


The Lord reminds me once again this morning that the only way to defeat the enemy in our lives on a daily basis is to:

saturate ourselves in God's Word...
stand on God's promises...
continually place ourselves in God's presence...
be determined to live God's way!

I am determined...are you???

Who will you believe?

Angry...

Are you ever angry at Satan???

Today I find myself infuriated at this enemy and the schemes, deception and lies he is trying to bring to fruition in the heart, mind, body and spirit of one I love more than life.

Lest Satan should get an advantage of us:
for we are not ignorant of his devices.
2 Corinthians 2:11

In my anger, I fell on my face before the Lord and entered the 'Holy of Holies' on behalf of this one I love so much! I plead the blood of Jesus over this heart and claimed protection and healing. I offered a sacrifice of thanksgiving and praise for what God has done, is doing and will continue to do.

Submit yourselves, then, to God.
Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
James 4:7

I WILL NOT idly stand back and allow Satan who has already been condemned to Hell, wreak havoc...

Then I heard a loud voice in heaven say:
"Now have come the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God,
and the authority of his Christ.
For the accuser of our brothers,
who accuses them before our God day and night has been hurled down.
They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony;"
Revelation 12:10~11

I WILL intercede and stand in the gap for a heart who is wounded, bleeding and hurting.

My God is mighty...
My God is powerful...
My God is faithful...

"Trust"

Well, I haven't posted in a while but, today as I went through this day I really felt a need to acknowledge what and where God has me and I see how He is working in the girls also. Proverbs 3: 5 & 6 says "Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge the Lord God and He will deliver you and sustain you." These verses have and still ring so true in my life and even today I see them coming true in my girls lives this day. Even this evening as MaKayla and I visited about life, I hear God say so loudly "Trust me my child". I am so thankful that you're here Father and how you teach us it is so amazing! Also, as I think about life and God's blessings I have to say that I'm the most blessed man on earth to have two amazing, fantastic daughters and such a beautiful wife, best friend, soul mate.....the list goes on and on! I thank you Father for their lives! I see how as I continue to "Trust", you continue to speak and bless! I love you Father! I just am amazed by your love and I say again "Father have your way in me". Today I encourage you to let the Father have His way your life, He will transform you and change you. Stand and be silent and you will be amazed!!!!

"My Baby"

"My Angels"

You Know Better Than I...

As I have been doing my Esther study by Beth Moore, I have truly felt God speaking to me in a mighty way. There were so many uncertainties in her life, some that people could see and some that were concealed. As Mom and I have discussed and pondered together through this study, one of the points she (Mom) brought out was, " We know the end of Esther's story and how things turned out. We know that the Jews were not killed and that things turned out good. At that point in time they didn't. They didn't have the knowledge that everything would be okay." And as we discussed that, it really made me think about my life. I don't know what will transpire in my next fifteen or twenty years. I don't know what my "end result" will be, but God does! Those that are closest to me know that I am a worrier and that I allow little things to occasionally send me into a tail-spin and as I have done this week's lesson God has gently held me accountable (as well as Mom) and once again reminded me that He is in control. There is a song that I really like that says "You know better than I"! I have no need to worry because even if I did know His plan I couldn't change it.
So, I have purposed within myself to rest in the arms of Jesus and to let my comfort and assurance come from Him!

Father~
As I come before you this morning I am so in awe of You! You have proven to me that You are truly my Comforter, Savior, Listener, and very Best Friend! You are the One I can come to when I am burdened, the One who I can depend on, the One I can trust, the One I know without any question of a doubt is ALWAYS there! You are the One who guides my every step and knows what my life will entail and has equipped me with the strength to embrace it! I praise You that You reveal your greatness and awesomeness every day! I praise You that You are God and that You are bigger and wiser than I could ever comprehend! I praise You that You know better than I!!!

You Know Better Than I

I thought I did what's right
I thought I had the answers
I thought I chose the surest road
But that road brought me here

So I put up a fight
And told You how to help me
Now just when I have given up
The truth is coming clear

You know better than I
You know the way
I've let go the need to know why
For You know better than I

If this has been a test
I cannot see the reason
But maybe knowing I don't know
Is part of getting through

I try to do what's best
And faith has made it easy
To see the best thing I can do
Is put my trust in You

For You know better than I
You know the way
I've let go the need to know why
For You know better than I

I saw one cloud and thought it was a sky
I saw a bird and thought that I could follow
But it was You who taught that bird to fly
If I let You reach me will You teach me

For You know better than I
You know the way
I've let go the need to know why
I'll take what answers You supply
You know better than I

Swimming is fun!

I enjoy swimming in my pool.
Swimming is refreshing and fun for me.
I can swim alone or swim with my family.
When I am in the water I like to float on my back and watch the clouds.
I also enjoy going under water and picking up rings.
Playing the teacup game is fun and challenging.
I like swimming!

Something To Ponder...

Wow did Oswald (My Utmost for His Highest) speak to me this morning. He always does but today's devotion really enlightened me...I guess it's not Oswald who spoke to me but God through his insight.

An excerpt from today...
If there is even a trace of individual self-satisfaction left in us, it always says, "I can't surrender," or "I can't be free." But the spiritual part of our being never says "I can't"; it simply soaks up everything around it. Our spirit hungers for more and more. It is the way we are built. We are designed with a great capacity for God, but sin, our own individuality, and wrong thinking keep us from getting to Him.

As I read this and allowed it to penetrate my heart I began thinking..."My spirit hungers for more and more...my spirit is hungry, it will get fed..." I had never thought about my spirit being hungry therefore I had never given thought to the fact that I feed my spirit every second of every day. In turn I began to ponder what I feed my spirit... It will live off of what I nurture it with and dependent of what I nurture it with will determine how "healthy" my spirit will be.

Spiritual Life: joy, His Word, hope, patience, love, mercy, trust, faith, rest, sacrifice, abandonment, contentment, simplicity, obedience, humility, courage, determination, sensitivity to the Holy Spirit...

Spiritual Death: criticism, selfishness, negativity, bitterness, resentment, anger, self-pity, frustration, despair, self-righteousness, inadequacy, defeat, jealousy, greed, pride, dread, worry, stress, denial, sensitivity of others offenses...

Many times in listening, watching and spending time with people it is very evident "what" they are feeding their spirit. I desire to feed my spirit life so that the glory of the Lord will be radiant.

A New Kind of Holiday...

I told Kyle last night that MaKayla, Mal and I were going to take a day and "just be girls" today...
no school, no pressures, no chores...
just spending a fun day together.
Typically I will make a comment like this and have good intentions yet with a new morning I renege and don't follow through...
today was different.
I'm ready to be more laid back and relaxed...
more of a mom who enjoys her girls while she has them.
With the newly fallen snow, it made it all the more special and festive so I have entitled this new holiday of ours, "The First Day of Snow Holiday". Mallary sweetly and innocently suggested that we have "this holiday" the 16th of every month.
Imagine that!?!
We have truly enjoyed our day of reading, watching movies, enjoying the beautiful snow fall...
laughing, sharing hot chocolate, coffee and cappuccino...
Bible Study, playing cards, spending time in the snow and just visiting. The only downer...
Kyle couldn't be here with us...
however he will certainly come home to three happy and "chilled out" girls! :o)

The first snow of the season...

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow...

Warm drinks...Cherished conversations...

Silly girls in warm comfy jammies...

I think we all won at least one round...

Nothing like a good book on a snowy day...

Once again my Esther study this week has been profound bringing much comfort and conviction to my life...comfort and conviction I so desire and need. As I shared with some dear sisters-in-Christ Friday evening, the Lord has been speaking SO clearly to me about who I am as a mom, friend, nurturer...to MaKayla and Mallary... Yesterday's lesson in my study completely sealed a huge revelation for me...it all boils down to the ugly word of SELF! All too often I demand what I want, what I expect, the standard I set leaving no room for anyone else in our home to be who God specifically and uniquely designed them to be. The intimidation I have placed on their lives so many times in the past grieves my soul and the manipulation I have used at times to get through to them saddens me. Never, never, never do I want Kyle nor the girls to remember me as a selfish, have-my-own way kind of person and sad-to-say that is who I have been the majority of these last 20 years. God is truly taking me through the fire and removing the sludge of "self" so that He can have dominion. Hallelujah! I always want MaKayla and Mal to remember me as one who loved, accepted, nurtured, trained...with love and in love...I want them to always see their dad and I and our home as a place of refuge, comfort and solace...as if God Himself is here dwelling with us. A place of rest, acceptance, joy...

I'm finding it's about thinking less of self and more of the them...
it's about focusing more on Jesus and not on me...

Yesterday was such an awesome day for us girls here at home as we did school and then CLEANED (the bathroom-ugh...ceiling fans-ugh...windows-ugh...have I ever told any of you that I HATE cleaning!?!...love laundry, dishes, cooking...HATE cleaning...)! I brought myself to the point of delegating jobs, being willing to accept how their work turned out rather than insisting on perfection... We all ended the day fulfilled and I am finding that I've many times damaged our girls from being a mom who was never satisfied...where they never felt that their best was good enough...

I'm so thankful for a God who never gives up on me and finds me worthy of tutelage...

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus.

Philippians 2:3~5