Time doesn't speed up.
Time doesn't slow down.
Time is time.
60 minutes in every hour.
24 hours in every day.
Seven days in every week.
Time.
Time. Is. Time.
Yet when I visit the blog, I realize that May was my last post. And I wonder, how did that happen? How did I allow that to happen?
Time.
Time with people.
Time with the Lord.
Time doing what He has instructed me to do.
Time investing.
Time contemplating.
Time learning.
Time considering.
Time seeking.
Time listening.
Although time has passed, the time in between has been fruitful, beneficial & life-changing.
Truly.
Not without pain, difficulty & testing yet all-the-same, fruitful, beneficial & life-changing.
Isn't that God?
Helping Grandma move & settle.
Storing summer's bounty for winter's provision.
Walking with those I love through one of life's hardest trials.
And this morning as I contrast & compare, I wonder how one day life can be pleasant & peace-filled, while the next is laden with struggle, frustration & at a loss as to how I should process the events therein. Am I bi-polar? Am I fickle? Do I lack stability? Laughable but true.
Satan would like to convince me of such...
Yet as I seek the Lord through study, prayer & communion, He reminds me that days are diverse. He reminds me that the diversity of days intensify my dependence upon Him & keep me prayerful, expectant & vulnerable...to Him.
I had about two weeks straight where life was absolutely restful, contented & filled with pleasantries, and then BAM, I had a day that, from start-to-finish, was outlined, shaded & filled in with irritations, frustrations & testings. Externally, I did my best to conceal the grossness of my heart but internally, both God & I (Mal, Kyle & one other individual) knew the poison that permeated.
The poison that permeated my thoughts, feelings & emotions.
Since that day a week ago today it's been a day-to-day reality. Pleasant. Not-so-pleasant. Positive. Negative. Empowered. Defeated. Restful. Tormenting.
And my heart has wondered why...
Why on again, off again?
Is it me?
Is it a wavering of faith?
Is it selfishness?
Is it weakness?
One day I concluded it was hormones...
Another day, it was due to how I awoke...
And yet another dependent upon what I ate.
All valid options.
When the alarm alerted me yesterday morning signalling a new day, a new week, reminding me of what lie ahead for my Monday, my heart stirred & wrestled. I knew the day was steeped with the potential for struggle, strain & difficulty however the type that I had envisioned wasn't the pedigree that resulted. An intermittent convo with Mal & then a quick chat with Kyle, followed by a brief visit with MaKayla left my heart assured of prayer yet still unresolved. In the midst, Marci dropped me a quick, unexpected phone call & her pleasant voice, brightened my countenance. We didn't talk about specifics of the situation I was dealing with but our momentary exchange of life happenings, helped me move forward in my day. Without her even knowing. ♥
And He did.
Strain? Yes.
Difficulty? Yes.
Yet in the midst He was faithful.
This morning as I continued to pray over yesterday's situation & anticipated a quiet, contented Tuesday at home with Mal, my heart went back to the question of "why"?
Why on again, off again?
Is it me?
Is it a wavering of faith?
Is it selfishness?
Is it weakness?
Yet as I sought the Lord through study, prayer & communion, He reminded me that days are diverse. He reminded me that the diversity of days intensifies my dependence upon Him & keeps me prayerful, expectant & vulnerable...
to Him.
On those days where the potential for difficulty is there...
And the brimming reality of struggle is possible...
And the steeped likelihood for strain is at a high percentage...
TRUST.
You don't have this...
But I do.
I Am.
A day saturated with trust.
Today...a contented day. A quiet day. A spiritually restful day. A day where God says,
"Praise. Just embrace & praise. Give thanks. Simply embrace & give thanks."
Days intensify my dependence upon Him & keep me prayerful, expectant & vulnerable...
to Him.
As Mal & I drove to fill the truck up with gasoline this morning, I found myself acknowledging how deeply grateful I am that, because of Jesus, regardless of the day & what it holds, I can trust and I can praise. And that as seconds turn to minutes & minutes turn to hours & hours turn to days, God is drawing me closer to Him through each & every situation He orchestrates.
But I trusted in thee, O LORD: I said, Thou art my God.
My times are in thy hand...
~Psalm 31:14-15
