Conditions... Thoughts from MaKayla...

Yesterday as I was finishing up my uninterrupted time with God before I started school, I was reading Oswald Chamber's devotion book, 'My Utmost for His Highest', and the last few sentences struck me...

"It was Paul's delight to spend his life for
God's interests in other people, and he did not care what it cost... the apostle Paul had no conditions or reservations (pertaining to serving God)"...
~Oswald Chambers

I was very convicted by the the part the said "no conditions or reservations." I had to ask myself, "How many times do I put conditions and reservations on how willing I am to serve God? Am I willing to serve Him and do His will even if He asks me to get out of my comfort zone and do things that I would not normally do?" I know that for me, I say that I am willing to do whatever He asks of me until He asks me to do something that I don't like and then my determination changes. I put reservations and conditions on how I will serve Him saying, "I will serve, but please don't take me out of my comfort zone. Please don't make me do anything that would require me to change." It made me really examine when in the past I have put reservations on my faith and in what areas of my life I am still doing that. I am asking God to continue to reveal to me those areas so that I can ask for His forgiveness in which I am putting conditions, and then allow Him to soften my heart to so I can change and give Him complete control.
Something to think about...

Stirring...

As like so many mornings, Kyle came into the bathroom as I was putting on the finishing touches to my "daily prep"... As he approached me, he said, "I've got some questions for you but you can't answer them right now. You have to think on them and then give me the answer." I'm not very good about things like this as I all-too-often speak the first thing that comes to mind. (I'm still getting the discipline thing down that I blogged about the other day...) Anyway, his questions were as follows:

*Do I believe in my own abilities more than God's?
*Do I think or say that my circumstances are too difficult for God to handle?
*Do I believe in His almighty power apart from my finite understanding of it?

I immediately gave him my "preliminary" answers... :o{ and asked him to write the questions down so that I could think and pray over them throughout the day and give him my "final" answer...

Although I knew he had been reading his Bible and doing his devotion, I wasn't exactly sure where the questions were coming from or what they were pertaining to. As soon as he left for work and I found a comfy spot in our rocker (I love this chair for prayer and study), I did my journaling and then opened Oswald to see how God wanted to speak to me through his words. I was immediately drawn-in and had a new understanding as to the origin of Kyle's questions. Nearly two-hours later, I am still thinking, pondering, grasping, searching, receiving, praying... God is stirring in my heart and I love that realization as I know He is desiring to teach me and grow me in an area that I am lacking.

Last night I had a meeting to attend and every chance he gets, Kyle asks to "take me" so that we can visit and spend time together...yesterday evening was no exception. As we traveled we shared various things...I told him that I had "retrieved" several journals from "the shelf" and as I skimmed over the pages, I stood amazed as to where we've been and how far God has brought us and the blessed things He has taught us. In the back of one particular journal I found where I had taken notes while reading the book, 'The Shack' (I know, it's one of those controversial reads however the Lord used that book to enlighten me to lots of things...). One quote I wrote down while reading it was, "Who wants to worship a God who can be fully comprehended?" Little did I know, Oswald's devotion would center around that very thing this morning.


"The woman said to Him, 'Sir, You have nothing to draw [water] with, and the well is deep'" John 4:11

When it comes to confronting Jesus Christ on the basis of His qualities and abilities, our attitudes reflect religious superiority. We think His ideals are lofty and they impress us, but we believe He is not in touch with reality--that what He says cannot actually be done. Each of us thinks this about Jesus in one area of our life or another. These doubts and misgivings about Jesus begin as we consider questions that divert our focus away from God. Or our misgivings begin within ourselves when we tell Jesus that our circumstances are just a little too difficult for Him. We say, "It's easy to say, 'Trust in the Lord,' but a person has to live; and besides, Jesus has nothing with which to draw water--no means to be able to give us these things." If we are honest, we will admit that we never have misgivings or doubts about ourselves, because we know exactly what we are capable or incapable of doing. But we do have misgivings about Jesus.

My misgivings arise from the fact that I search within to find how He will do what He says. My doubts spring from the depths of my own inferiority. If I detect these misgivings in myself, I should bring them into the light and confess them openly--"Lord, I have had misgivings about You. I have not believed in Your abilities, but only my own. And I have not believed in Your almighty power apart from my finite understanding of it."

~Oswald Chambers

The question that was brought to my remembrance from 'The Shack' and then this devotion today made my heart stir simply because this is an area that the Lord has been doing a refining work in our home...specifically in one individual. The area of, "If I can't see it...If I can't understand it...If I can't grasp the "how" it's all going to work out...If I can't analyze the situation/circumstance to the point of having a "mental picture"...If I can't wrap my mind around it, then I'm not sure I can accept, receive it or believe it.

I'm reminded that it all goes back to trusting...

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him
and He will direct your paths.
Proverbs 3:5~6

All of this has brought me to the question of, "What have I not been believing God for? Where have I questioned that the absence of His "bucket" means He can't draw water of provision for me? Where have I allowed doubt to supersede God's sovereignty and power? Why do I blanket every situation with the way one specific situation was answered and provided for?"


My heart is still stirring...My heart is lacking...God is greater than I can even begin to think or imagine and I will never fully realize His infinite power. There is no way I can wrap my mind around what He can do and what He will do if I simply will believe therefore I lay down my weapons, my ideas and my understanding and replace them with a bucket full of trust! I may not understand, but He is God and I am not...I WILL BELIEVE!

He is able, more than able
to accomplish what concerns me today.
He is able, more than able
to handle anything that comes my way.
He is able, more than able
to do much more than I can ever dream.
He is able, more than able
to make me what He wants me to be.

What are you believing God for this day?

Revealed Ugliness...

Thank you Lord for the various things that you are speaking to my heart...be still, be silent, be confident, be available, be teachable, be humble... Father, I so see how you are transforming me in to a new creation for Your use and Your glory! A creation so contrary and different from who I have ever been. There is nothing more that I want others to see than You in me. I can now clearly see how ugly, offensive and prideful I came across to others in the past. Forgive me for doing any of this in a purposeful and vain way! Thank You for revealing Yourself to me with clarity and understanding. Thank You for showing me not to strive to be controlling. Thank You for showing me that my rights mean nothing and are nothing in comparison to You! My main focus and goal in life should be to honor You in all I do and say!

Yesterday mid-morning as MaKayla and I sat here at the dining-room/school table, the Lord compelled me to ask her how she felt about what God has been speaking to her. I asked her if the Truth He has been imparting on her life has become reality in her heart. I asked her how she saw her "growth". As typical, our discussion was rich and fruitful. It was a time to empty our hearts with one another and reflect what God has done and is doing in our lives. It was a time of tears yet a time of joy! It was a time of affirmation and a time of accountability. It was a time that brought revelation and confirmation. It was a blessed time... As we talked and she shared with me, the Lord brought to remembrance of a "season" in my life where He revealed the ugliness within my heart...within my character...within my being. It was a season that occurred nearly three-years-ago. It was a season of enlightenment! It was a season that I will never forget as long as I live.

This morning as I thought about the fellowship that I shared with this one the Lord so graciously entrusted Kyle and I to nurture, He prompted me to go to "the shelf" in our bedroom closet that is a home to my many journals. He prompted me to search and find where I documented the unveiling of this revealed ugliness that He so graciously allowed me to see. A revelation I was in need of and that brought much freedom. A revelation that allowed me to see myself as others saw me. A revelation that gave me insight as to why some people despised me...rightfully so! The first paragraph of this post is an excerpt of that moment-in-time nearly three-years-ago.

As MaKayla and I visited she shared with me how God revealed to her this past weekend through the mere presence of another individual what she herself looked like. She said, "You know Mom, when I was with .... this weekend, I realized that the reason .... drives me so crazy and annoys me so deeply is because that is who I was...that is who I have been and who God no longer desires me to be. I realized that the reason I can't stand to be in .... presence is because that's me." Ouch!?! When God reveals things like that, it's painful, humbling, riveting yet at the same time it is so rewarding knowing He loves us enough to show us ourselves even if it is through someone else. He loves us enough to "show us the truth in love" so that we can put away "ourselves" in order to put on Him!

As the words tumbled out of MaKayla's mouth, my mind flashed back to nearly three years ago when the Lord revealed the very same thing to me...ugliness. It was like de'ja'vu for me and it happened in the exact same way. I was in a situation where I was spending an extended amount of time in close contact with a particular individual. An individual that I deeply loved...that I considered one of my closest kindred-hearts...one of my closest friends. It was a situation where I was "stuck"...literally...there was no escaping or getting out of it. It was a situation where God wanted me to see myself ever-so-clearly. It was a situation where I was annoyed, frustrated, at-the-end-of-my-rope... It was a situation where the Lord profoundly said, "Step back Mendi. Take a look. This is you. This is why certain individuals (yes, He gave me specific names, one in particular) don't like being in your presence and why your relationship with them ceases to grow and flourish. This is who you are. I am showing you this in order for you to strip yourself down...in order for you, through Me, to become who I desire for you to be." As God spoke to me, it was as if a light-bulb turned on and shone ever-so-brightly in my heart.

Ever since God revealed that ugliness in my heart...in my character...in my attitude...in my being and I have allowed Him to transform me, I've been amazed as to how God has healed, rebuilt and grown my relationship with others, most especially, "the one in particular" that I mentioned above....the one with my sister....a relationship I have longed for for so many years. A relationship that I cherish and hold so very close to my heart. I've apologized to Marci for who I "used-to-be" and sought her forgiveness for the ugliness that lived within me. After seeing myself for who I truly was, I didn't blame her for not wanting to grow close to me.


I encouraged MaKayla to take the revealed ugliness that God has shown her and to allow the Holy Spirit to use it to transform her and change her into a new creation. I encouraged her to use the enlightenment and revelation to bring glory to God by loving that one that annoys and frustrates...that's the hard part...living out the grace that has been poured out upon me and extending it to others...even the ones that annoy and frustrate for I realize that that is who I used to be...

I thank Christ Jesus our Lord,
who has given me strength,
that He considered me faithful,
appointing me to His service.
Even though I was once a blasphemer and a persecutor and a violent man,
I was shown mercy because I acted in ignorance and unbelief.
The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly,
along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus.
Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance:
Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners--
of whom I am the worst.
But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me,
the worst of sinners,
Christ Jesus might display His unlimited patience as an example
for those who would believe on Him and receive eternal life.
Now to the King eternal,
immortal,
invisible,
the only God,
be honor and glory for ever and ever.
Amen.

1 Timothy 1:12~17

God, I thank you for the precious times that you offer for me to invest in one of the greatest gifts you will ever give me...our child. Thank you for allowing situations and circumstances to grow us and change us into Your likeness.
I love you with all that I am this day!

Discipline...

The Lord has so many things whirling, swirling through my mind this morning that I am having a little trouble knowing for sure what to "blog" about. Doesn't that mean "ramble"!?! I pray that the bulk of what I share is more than mere "ramblings"...I pray that it is thought-provoking, heart-stretching, mind-changing truth straight from the Holy Spirit. I pray that what I share conveys what God is teaching me and that in turn He uses it to reach someone else.

One thing on my mind this morning is the word discipline. The dictionary my grandma gave me when I graduated from 8th grade defines it this way: a state of order maintained by training and control; a particular system of regulations for conduct; systematic training, esp. of the mind or character; drill; punishment; chastisement; the effect of training, esp. order, efficiency, or obedience; a branch of instruction or learning; the methods or rules employed in regulating the conduct of the members of a church-

Of course all of that is true but the portion that is weighing heavy on my heart are the parts: a state of order maintained by training and control; systematic training, esp. of the mind or character; the effect of training, esp. order, efficiency, or obedience-

I don't know about you, but I can tell on a personal basis spiritually, mentally and emotionally and as a whole in our home when I/we are disciplined and when we aren't. When we are abiding by a state of order through training and control and when we are flying by the seat of our pants. When we are systematically training our minds and our character and when we are filling our minds with "the world" and the things therein. When we are being efficiently trained through obedience and control and when we are living for the moment. When we are taking every thought, motive and action captive being careful to place it before the throne of God and when we are merely acting/reacting on impulse giving no acknowledgment to what He desires.

As Christians the lives we live are not our own, they belong to our Creator. Day-after-day we enter into and walk out of 24 hour periods that are filled with choices and decisions that do one of two things...enhance our walk with God or place distance between us. Many times we make these decisions and choices without even thinking, praying, considering... As we have been trying to teach our girls...with every choice and decision there is a consequence. With every action there is a reaction. Not a moment of our existence goes unnoticed by God therefore every choice and decision we make matters to Him.

I find that more often than we realize Satan puts us in circumstances and situations in an attempt to "derail" our thinking/reasoning. Not always but many times we put ourselves in vulnerable situations and circumstances where God never intends for us to be...where the temptations are great and our wills are small...where the pressure is heavy and our determination falls short. Not always but many times we find ourselves in these places because of lack of discipline...lack of order, control, efficiency, obedience... We give no thought to God's thoughts or desires, we simply and naturally react according to our flesh.

Regardless of what set of situations or circumstances we are faced with, we ALWAYS have a choice... Regardless of how difficult situations and circumstances are in life, we ALWAYS have a choice... Regardless of the uncontrollable things that enter into our day, we ALWAYS have a choice...

This past weekend was a reminder to me that when we fall short of being spiritually disciplined...being in God's presence...being in God's Word...being in God's stillness...we tend to make choices and decisions contrary to His best for our lives. The results, consequences and reactions to those choices and decisions many times include discontentment, emptiness, overwhelment, guilt, disorder, spiritual depletion, instability, oppression and unrest. Many times those results, consequences and reactions don't just stop with us, unfortunately they trickle on down to our spouses, our children, our acquaintances...

I don't know about you, but I'm very well aware when my life personally and our home collectively is lacking in discipline...

As Kyle and I visited this morning, we as individuals, help-meets and parents, are determined to lead our home through the freedom of Jesus Christ, all-the-while living a life of spiritual discipline for our good and for His glory. Living a life of discipline brings so much peace, rest, order, efficiency and control.

It's about stripping away the carnal layers of self, stopping long enough to rest and listening intently enough in order to clearly hear and see God's desire and then being determinedly disciplined to walk in it. It's about asking God what He thinks...what He wants...what He desires... It's about stepping away when He says, "No", and proceeding when He says, "Yes." It's about being disciplined to be with Him...commune with Him...fellowship with Him... It's about knowing who He is...as my God...as my Father...as my Lord... It's about allowing Him to lead me in making my choices and decisions and then being disciplined to do as He says regardless of what I think...

Thank you Father for ALWAYS lighting the path before me so that I can walk in the fullness of You!

Pondering...

This morning's devotion really "stuck" me therefore I am still pondering the concept that was meant to be conveyed... Kyle and I discussed it in great length here at home before he left and then again when he called me as he was getting closer to work... It's alot to wrap my mind around however something that God is really convicting me of and wanting me to examine... A concept that I need to gain a greater understanding of, receive it's truth and then determine to discipline myself to live it... A concept that is "hard" for me given the love I have for people and the heart I have for encouraging others...

Paul's idea of service was to pour his life out to the last drop for others. And whether he received praise or blame made no difference. As long as there was one human being who did not know Jesus, Paul felt a debt of service to that person until he did come to know Him. But the chief motivation behind Paul's service was not love for others but love for his Lord. If our devotion is to the cause of humanity, we will be quickly defeated and broken-hearted, since we will often be confronted with a great deal of ingratitude from other people. But if we are motivated by our love for God, no amount of ingratitude will be able to hinder us from serving one another.
~ Oswald Chambers

I now have a better understanding of why all-too-often my love for others is so "conditional"... I see that it is "conditional" because I have based much of what I do on my love for them rather than on my love for God and when they disappoint me, frustrate me, fall short of my expectations or are ungrateful, I feel as though all I have done has been for naught. If I based my service for others solely on my love for God and kept my eyes intently focused upon Him, I wouldn't be aware of the disappointment, frustration or ungratefulness...I wouldn't place unfair or unrealistic expectations on their lives for I would realize that they are called to live according to God's plan and purpose for their lives and not mine. If I based my service for others solely on my love for God and kept my eyes intently focused upon Him, my love would become "unconditional" for I wouldn't even notice the reaction of others or be affected by their response due to the fact that I have the assurance that I have fulfilled what God has called me to do.

The pondering of this has brought certain questions to my mind...
*How differently would my Christian service look if I based it solely on my love for God rather than on my love for people?
*What would I do that I am failing to do now?
*What would I cease to do that I now am doing?
*How would my love for God change?
*How would my love for people change?

For me, the reality of living this concept would take multitudes of discipline. I am an impulsive encourager...when I see someone hurting or in need, I want to jump right in and "fix" it...I want to be the "hero, savior, comforter"...I want to do it all, be it all, save it all, fix it all...
Hmmm...sounds a little like I am trying to take the place of the One and Only Savior, Comforter, Healer, Teacher and Friend... For me, the reality of living this concept means taking every thought, inspiration, action, service captive and placing it before the throne of grace and allowing my Father to purify and test it with fire...allowing Him to reveal to me if it is my love for Him that is the fuel behind what I am desiring to do or if it is simply my love for another. The line is so fine in knowing this concept, receiving this concept and living this concept because time and time again through scripture, we are called to serve others and love others yet our service to others should ALWAYS be motivated by our love for God. Our service should ALWAYS be based on what He has laid on our hearts and called us to do not just what we "want" to do or what "feels right"... My love has been "conditional" and now I think I see why...

I'm pondering...want to join me?

P.S.) I won't ponder long, for when I do, I over analyze and then the Truth becomes watered down...I want to receive the Word in fullness, richness and depth...I don't want to be a mere hearer but more importantly a doer...

I'm Thankful

I'm so thankful that after an unordinary, emotionally draining, very busy weekend, God is still God and I am not. I'm thankful that I can let go of all that clutters my mind and find rest in His presence. I'm thankful that I am not required to figure out the uncertain things in life but as I trust in Him, He will faithfully bring understanding as I need it. I'm thankful that although I have no idea where certain roads lead, He will light my path every step of the way. I'm thankful that when I am unable to sort through various emotions and feelings gnawing at my heart, mind and soul I can find peace in the promise that He understands. I'm thankful for a Father who loves me, a Savior who carries me and a Holy Spirit who guides me into all truth.

It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed,
because His compassions fail not.
They are new every morning: great is Thy faithfulness.
The Lord is my portion, saith my soul;
therefore will I hope in Him.
The Lord is good unto them that wait for Him,
to the soul that seeketh Him.
It is good that a man should both hope and quietly wait for the salvation of the Lord.

Lamentations 3:26

Call To Prayer...

The past few days for our family have been difficult and trying to-say-the-least...
Normally typing a post comes very easy for me however tonight it's just tough...
Julie, a very special friend of ours was in a car accident Thursday evening leaving her with significant injuries. The Lord brought Julie into our lives a few years ago and we instantly fell in love with her claiming her as "ours"! She helped MaKayla become a proficient Bible quizzer, has spent countless evenings in our home sharing meals and playing games, stayed with MaKayla and Mallary multiple nights during Kyle's surgery and recovery...we love her deeply and thank God for her daily. If you happen upon our blog and read this post, we ask that you join us in praying for complete healing in Julie's body. Most specifically for healing in the extensive facial trauma she sustained as well as healing in the paralysis she is experiencing in her right arm. As we pray and believe, we are assured she will receive the healing touch of Jesus!

Simple Things...Simple Tasks...

I'm not really sure how to even begin this post today as my heart contains so much...it is overflowing...I've been like that alot lately... The more time I spend in God's presence, the fuller I become. Every morning as I sit with my Bible, journal, and devotional, God meets me here. He speaks truth and encouragement to my heart. Sometimes the truth comes through correction and conviction, sometimes it comes through confirmation. Regardless of how it comes, I arise from my "resting place" blessed and renewed.

Lately I have just had this overabundance of joy and I bless God for that. In the past I have had to have a "reason" or an explanation for feeling this way... I can remember one day several weeks ago that I found myself walking through the house, doing laundry with a smile on my face. Immediately I thought, "Okay, here I am, doing laundry, teaching our girls, doing every day life and I have a smile on my face. I feel happy, there must be a reason. Has something happened today that has lifted my spirits? Is there something coming up in the near future that I am looking forward to that would explain this joy?" Ever so gently the Lord said, "Mendi, it's Me. I am the source of that joy. As you spend time with Me, I will fill you, replenish you, encourage you, give you a reason for living. I am am the Reason. You need no other explanation for the fullness of your heart. I am enough." The reality of "this visit" brought rest to my heart, peace to my mind, reassurance to my soul. I realized at that moment that I need no other reason for feeling happy, being joyful, finding simple purpose in life. Jesus is reason enough! I don't need an exciting happening scheduled into my day to "get me going" or an anticipated event to push me onward. Jesus is reason enough to be eager to open my eyes, plant my feet on the floor and declare, "It's a new day"!

As I opened Oswald this morning and read the words that were printed, the Holy Spirit touched me, reassured me, confirmed in my spirit...

"Arise and eat"
1 Kings 19:5
The angel in this passage did not give Elijah a vision, or explain the Scriptures to him, or do anything remarkable. He simply told Elijah to do a very ordinary thing, that is, to get up and eat. If we were never depressed, we would not be alive--only material things don't suffer depression. If human beings were not capable of depression, we would have no capacity for happiness or exaltation.
When the Spirit of God comes to us, he does not give us glorious visions, but He tells us to do the most ordinary things imaginable. Depression tends to turn us away from the everyday things of God's creation. But whenever God steps in, His inspiration is to do the most natural, simple things--things we would never have imagined God was in, but as we do them we find Him there. The inspiration that comes to us in this way is an initiative against depression. But we must take the first step and do it in the inspiration of God. If, however, we do something simply to overcome our depression, we will only deepen it. But when the Spirit of God leads us instinctively to do something, the moment we do it the depression is gone. As soon as we arise and obey, we enter a higher plane of life. ~ Oswald Chambers

I once again find through the words the Holy Spirit inspired this man to pen so many years ago that only God knows what "makes me tick", what key it is that "unlocks my heart", what "simple thing" is going to fill my heart with joy and happiness. For so long I was always looking for, depending on, anticipating, the "big events" in life to keep my spirit encouraged and hopeful when I have learned ever-so-clearly that it's the "simple tasks" that refuel my tank. "Simple tasks" that only God sees, knows, ordains. It may be folding a piece of laundry, cooking a specific meal, dusting a particular piece of furniture, hand-writing a note of encouragement, singing a touching praise chorus, hugging a child, calling someone just to say, "I love you", dwelling on the solitude of silence, drinking a cup of hot tea at an odd hour, sorting through old pictures with my girls, gazing into the sky, finding a sunny spot and "resting" there... It's the "simple things" that God "hand-picks" and then lays upon my heart to overflow my cup... It's my choice as to whether or not I listen and respond regardless of how much I understand why I would be compelled to do that "simple task" that makes no sense... It's not about common-sense but all about God-sense...

Go ahead...do the "unthinkable, non-understandable, simple task" that God is prodding your heart to act upon. If you do, you will be pleasantly surprised as to how full your heart will become!

English Paper... Outside My Bedroom Window...Thoughts by MaKayla...

English Paper #5 MaKayla D. O'Riley

Outside My Bedroom Window

Our patio is completely covered in snow and some of the drifts are almost all the way to the top of our glass top table. The grill looks cold and frigid and oh how I wish it were summer so we could crank it up and fix some hamburgers and then sit next to our table out in the warm summer air. Our long wooden clothes line has icicles hanging off of the lines and I can almost smell the clean scent of newly washed clothes swaying to the breeze.

The swings on our hand built swing set are swaying in the wind. You wouldn't want to sit on them now or your rear-end just might be frozen stiff for they as well are piled high with frosty goodness. The cement slab not far from the swing set looks cold and desolate. It is where our chicken coop used to stand, but now it is bare and unsheltered from the cold.

The burgundy red doors stand out on our pure white machine shed amidst the sparkle of the snow. They add a great deal of color to the icy world around us, a color that is greatly welcomed by all, for the rest of the color in the trees and plants seem dead and hopeless. Snow covers most of the skylights in the roof adding a considerable amount of darkness to the interior of the shed, I'm sure.

Not directly behind, but not far from the back of the towering machine shed is our peaceful, serene, frozen pond. It is not big, but provides such a quiet look to the wintry world around us! If you look closely you can see bunny and squirrel tracks in the light snow covering the slick ice.

God's wintry wonderland is beautiful!

Direction...

This is what the Lord says:
"Stand at the crossroads and look;
ask for the ancient paths,
ask where the good way is,
and walk in it,
and you will find rest for your souls.
Jeremiah 6:16

Last week when Kyle and I had to be gone for a few hours one evening, he gave MaKayla and Mallary the responsibility to prepare our family devotion.
I can't even begin to express how blessed I was by the verses and insight that they shared with us on "obedience"... This verse in particular is one that has been "branded" in my spirit since that night a-week-ago. It's been one that has come to mind over-and-over again. One that I have underlined, highlighted, referred back to and looked up repeatedly.

So many times we strive to know the right things to say, the correct ways to respond, the clear path to walk but how often do we stand at that crossroads and cry out to God truly listening to what He has to say?
How many times do we rely on common-sense?
Our own understanding?
What "feels" right?
How many times do we react on impulse?
The influence of another?
Our carnal minds?

As Kyle and I visited this morning, God NEVER sets His children up for failure!
He ALWAYS has our best interest in store...
He has gone before us...
He sees...
He knows...
He promises to show us "the good way"...

All too often we allow ourselves to be "tripped-up" by the uncertainties of life...
We're so caught-up in leaning on our own understanding that we can't see God...
We can't discern His direction...
All the while He is gently chiding,
"This is the way My child, walk in it..."

As we cry out to Him and set our faces upon His,
He will reveal the path that He has blazed before us.
With each step that we take in the direction He has ordained,
letting go of our expectations...
our understanding...
we WILL find rest.

This is what the Lord says:
"Stand at the crossroads and look;
ask for the ancient paths,
ask where the good way is,
and walk in it,
and you will find rest for your souls."

I am listening...
I am standing...
I am looking...
I am asking...
I am walking...
I am resting...

Snip-Its of an Amazing Journey...

This morning as I spend time with the Lord reading His Word, being comforted by His presence, enjoying fellowship with Him, He so sweetly reminds me of the lengthy but oh so amazing journey He has had our family on for the past six-and-one-half-years. The journey that began with Kyle's UC diagnosis. An infirmity that had no signs of warning, only an immediate reality. No precursors, only instant symptoms. We had no idea how vastly our lives would change through that "blessed diagnosis". Definitely not something we would have asked for yet one that had been divinely ordained through our Master, Maker and Creator. A diagnosis that would step-by-step draw us back to Himself in a way no human mind could predict, imagine or understand.

Through the various seasons and "road-trips" of this journey we have learned so much. We have grown in unique and distinct ways. We have been transformed...changed...remolded. We have found what it is to "rest"...trust...wait. We've grasped the concept of simplicity...surrender...stripping. We've realized the freedom that comes from literally letting go of all that is familiar...comfortable...ordinary...typical...to follow hard after God. We've seen the amazing places where living "God-sense" takes you in place of common-sense.

As I opened my Bible and read my devotion, I once again stand in awe of the way God thinks, works, provides... As in all areas, what we see as difficult, detrimental, devastating, God sees as productive, fruitful, life-changing. As we take on the mind of Christ and surrender our will to His will, we too will see His good in every situation and circumstance He allows to touch our lives. For us we are still seeing the benefits...fruit...gain...more than six years later...an investment that has immeasurable returns...all from a "diagnosis". A physical "diagnosis" that had great spiritual returns.

Then Samuel said, "Speak, for your servant is listening."

1 Samuel 3:10

What hinders me from hearing is my attention to other things. It is not that I don't want to hear God, but I am not devoted in the right areas of my life. I am devoted to things and even to service and my own convictions. ~Oswald Chambers

Kyle and I can define specific "seasons" throughout this journey and with each "season" came a new truth...a new reality...a new surrender. One of the most profound "seasons" was when the Lord clearly laid Mark 8:22~26 on our hearts. When He distinctly said, "In order for you to find healing, you must leave the village and not return." For us, that meant leaving a house of ten years in which both of our newly born babies had come home to, a town in which most of my family lived, a church where we had served and ministered for twelve years...all that was comfortable, familiar, ordinary, typical... He needed to take us out so that we could see, hear and know "afresh". We had to let go of all that we possessed in order for us to be fully surrendered to Him. It was letting-go of the "things", "service", "convictions", that this devotion referred to as "dominions" that keep us from hearing God.

The road hasn't always been an easy one to travel, but it's been worth every step-of-the-way. The "push" has been worth it...through hospital stays, relocations, multiple diagnostic tests, simplifications, separations, surgeries, painful purifications, surrender, stripping... Through each of these processes, we've learned to hear God in a whole new way...on a whole new level...

Speak Lord, for your servant is listening....

Two Choices...

When the people saw the thunder and lightning and heard the trumpet and saw the mountain in smoke, they trembled with fear. They stayed at a distance and said to Moses, "Speak to us yourself and we will listen. But do not have God speak to us or we will die." Moses said to the people, "Do not be afraid. God has come to test you, so that the fear of God will be with you to keep you from sinning." The people remained at a distance, while Moses approached the thick darkness where God was. Exodus 20:18~21

"You speak with us,...but let not God speak with us...."
We show how little love we have for God by preferring to listen to His servants rather than to Him. We like to listen to personal testimonies, but we don't want God Himself to speak to us. Why are we so terrified for God to speak to us? It is because we know that when God speaks we must either do what He asks or tell Him we will not obey. But if it is simply one of God's servants speaking to us, we feel obedience is optional, not imperative. We respond by saying, "Well, that's only your own idea, even though I don't deny that what you said is probably God's truth." ~Oswald Chambers

This devotion this morning pretty much hit me like a ton of bricks. Anyone who knows me at all knows that I am very much a black-and-white kind of person. I'm all-or-nothing kind of gal...there's usually no in-between...gray-areas don't exist. I think many times that is the reason I have a low tolerance with people who are "wishy-washy"... As I read these words that Oswald penned so many years ago, the Lord clearly spoke, "When I reveal something to you, you have one of two choices...You can either obey Me or ignore Me." Most normally when I sense God speaking to me, I immediately act upon it knowing that if I don't, it probably won't happen. Yet I will admit that there are times when God speaks and I'm not sure I like what He is saying, I "ponder...think...pray..." As I meditated over the truths placed before me this morning, God ever-so-gently revealed to me that when He speaks and I KNOW He is speaking and I choose to "ponder...think...pray...", I am in-as-much ignoring and disobeying His voice. Why do I need to "think over" what God has said? Why is my approval necessary? Why should it always "feel right" before I respond...act...obey...? There is no justification in "thinking"..."riding-the-fence"...residing in gray areas... It's either, "Yes Lord I am determined and surrendered to do Your will," or making the choice to deliberately ignore and disobey.

"If you love Me, you will obey what I command." John 14:15

*For me, some of those areas have been disconnecting our satellite television, deactivating my Facebook account, denying the desire to listen to secular music, simplifying areas of our home that clutter, letting go of activities that create busyness for our family, making the choice to avoid PG-13 and R rated movies, simplifying the time, thought and effort that goes into my physical appearance, releasing control, investing focused time on MaKayla & Mallary, being determined in who God has created me to be and how/where He has called me to serve,...

Berry Blessed...

This afternoon as I was grading some papers, Mallary was doing some correcting work and MaKayla was working on her Math, we were discussing just how long it's been since we were able to be outside... We were hashing over how READY we are for Spring to arrive...
kind of dumpy over the "winter blues"...

And then...
Putting it lightly, MaKayla and Mallary were ecstatic when they saw that the UPS man was pulling into our drive. They pretty much know when he shows up that a package of some sort is coming from Renee'...today was no exception! :o) Because of all the snow the "mystery box" literally had to be walked to the door.

Once inside, we carefully & curiously examined the "mystery box"...

...finally deciding just to open it and see what what it contained...



Sure enough, a surprise from Renee'...


...and we were amazed by what we saw...


Dark Chocolate ~ MaKayla's favorite...

Milk Chocolate ~ Mal's favorite...

White chocolate ~ absolutely delicious...


As soon as Kyle arrived home from work, everyone eagerly had a taste...
each strawberry was carefully chosen...


Kyle first...

Then MaKayla...

Finally, Mal...

Can you say, "Yum-Oh"!!!


WE APPROVE...
WE ARE BLESSED...

Only Renee' would do such an amazing thing...

She's a friend-of-all-friends...
who knows how to touch my heart...
lift my spirits...
and has helped me become who I am today!

We've laughed together...
cried together...
prayed together...
played together!

We hurt when the other one is struggling...
rejoice when the other one is happy!

We've been through thick...
and thin...
and everywhere in-between!

I love her...
I miss her...
I long for her presence...
her fellowship...
her embrace...

Dear friend, I love you beyond words...
THANK YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE...
AND ALL YOU MEAN TO ME!!!

Whose Road...

I so love how God knows exactly what I need when my focus gets a little (or alot) off-course in order to gently pull me back to Himself. I guess I don't know why the thought of that is so awesome to me given the fact that He has known me from the beginning of time and He created me within my momma's womb to be who I am today. Just the thought that He always has His eye on me and He is continually directing my steps if I will only listen. I am finding that the more time I spend in His presence, the more I long to be with him...much like my relationship with Kyle. (I've always said that Kyle was my Jesus in the flesh!) I am learning that the closer I stay within His reach, the easier it is to get back on track when I do begin to go down my own road.

Last night I was extremely tired and normally the attitude that I fall asleep with, is the attitude in which I awake...another lesson I am learning. Sure enough, when the alarm began to sing, "It's a new day", at 5:00 a.m. this morning, I thought, "No way. I'm not ready for a new day. I'm so tired and I just want to sleep." I laid there dozing off-and-on as I wallowed in all the reasons as to why I was still so tired. After some time, I arose and reluctantly began my day. By the time Kyle left I was feeling cramped for time because of my own inflicted laziness and when he called driving to work, my "cramped" feeling was quickly escalating into right out grumpiness and agitation. He could tell in my voice that I was heading down "my road" and lovingly vowed to intercede on my behalf in the remainder of his drive! Immediately the Lord ever so gently spoke, "Mendi, whose day is it and where is your focus? Why are you dwelling on tiredness after I have blessed you with a refreshing night's sleep? Who are you glorifying through the attitude you are inviting in? My dear child, I love you, draw close unto Me." I knew at this point I had a choice...stay the course on "my own road" causing undeserving frustration and consequences for my girls (and anyone else I come in contact with), saturating myself in self-pity and making it a miserable day or laying down my self-sin, changing my course, regaining direction and following the Holy Spirit back to "His road". Immediately I surrendered my will in order to pursue hard after His.

As I opened Oswald (my daily devotion), the scripture that bore deep into my eyes and penetrated my heart was,

"You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You,
because he trusts in You."
Isaiah 26:3

Did God know what I needed? No doubt, no question, absolutely!!!

It's a NEW DAY and I am eager for everything the Lord has in store!

Full...

My heart is full this new day...full for so many reasons.

First-and-foremost, my heart is full because of the hope I have in Jesus!

Second, my heart is full because I see God's hand at work in so many areas of not only my life, but in the lives of those I love and care deeply for. I saw where the Lord was Kyle's Protector yesterday in not just one but two situations where he could have been seriously injured due to treacherous weather/road conditions. I saw through a conversation that MaKayla and I shared where God is revealing Himself to her in profound ways in regard to corners of her heart that she is struggling/striving/searching...corners that she needs release and renewal. I saw God bring spiritual unity in a meeting Kyle and I shared with another couple where divine direction and guidance was needed. I see God lavishing peace and rest on me where fear and anxiety once resided. I see God replacing the attribute of comfortable complacency in our home with eager determination to stretch ourselves in becoming fruitful and productive individuals for Him.


Third, my heart is full thinking back to last night when Kyle and I had to be gone for a few hours. Although I didn't know it, as we left, Kyle told MaKayla and Mallary that they were in charge of our family worship for the night. Sure enough, when we returned, Mallary was eager for them to "share" what they had prepared...a well thought out devotion with several scriptures on obedience....things they have been learning...things God has been showing them. There is nothing sweeter than the blessing of children who have a heart and hunger for God. A heart and a hunger that you can see in their eyes, hear in their words, feel in their presence.

Fourth, my heart is full this new day knowing I have a husband who loves me, children who adore me and a Father in Heaven who has everything good planned for my life.

My heart is truly full and I am thankful!

Taste and see that the Lord is good;
blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him.
Psalm 34:8

Weary?

The verse that Kyle and I studied and looked over this morning was so refreshing...

"All my springs/fountains are in You."
Psalm 87:7

When I think about the reality of that verse, my heart is instantly refreshed. There is no way to adequately describe the richness of the promise that ALL my FOUNTAINS/SPRINGS are in JESUS! That means that they will NEVER run dry! NEVER! When I think of a fountain/spring, the thought of a splash of cool, clean water on a hot summer's day comes to mind...or an ice-cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade...or a lengthy visit from a faithful friend...or the feeling of a strong embrace extended by someone who loves you...or the fragrance in the air on a newly borne spring morning...

I am so thankful that I have a Heavenly Father who refreshes me moment-by-moment, day-by-day! I'm so thankful that He knows when my heart is dry and weary! I'm so thankful that all I have to do is call out to Him and He will refresh my soul. I'm so thankful that with each morning He breathes into my life, His fountain/spring wells up within my soul in order to equip me for the tasks my day holds.

As I seek Him, spend time with Him and rest in Him, those fountains are replenished and I have the promise that they will NEVER run dry!

Thank you Lord~

Am I Willing... Thoughts from MaKayla...

This past couple of months or so have been very difficult ones for me. They have been times of God being somewhat silent, wanting me to "search and find".

He had some very important lessons for me to learn and being the over analyzing person I am, I could not grasp some of those concepts. God was desiring me to "step up" and come to a different level in my walk with Him, learning as Mom has said in her blog posts these past few days, to think on what I know not on how I feel, and to allow God to be "enough" for me. To make Him my security and hope, relying on Him to be my All. Through this time Mom and Dad have encouraged me, loved me, supported me, prayed for me, and held me accountable, yet as Mom and I talked yesterday morning she reminded me that I had to learn these lessons for myself, neither she or Dad could learn them for me. It is a very helpless and hopeless feeling to know that those you love and are closest to you can't help you, however it is so comforting to know that God can!

The thing that He has truly impressed upon me throughout this time of purifying and cleansing, along with those very important lessons is, "Are you willing to go through the fire for Me? Are you willing to endure hardship and be completely broken so that I can have My way in you?" I will admit that at moments through this time of "stepping up", I have not been willing. I just wanted immediate relief from the war being waged within me... that's where I was yesterday morning. I couldn't see my way out of the pit that I was in and when God asked me "Are you willing?", my first response was, "No." I was tired of feeling empty, broken, and stuck. I knew I needed to be in His word, but wasn't sure where would be a good place to start that I would be able to relate to at the moment so I called Mom. She encouraged me to open the back of my Bible where it has readers helps and find verses that responded to how I was feeling. While searching the scriptures I came across two particular verses:

"For a brief moment I abandoned you, but with deep compassion I will bring you back.
In a surge of anger I hid my face from you for a moment, but with everlasting kindness I will have compassion on you," says the Lord your Redeemer.
~Isaiah 54: 7-8~

Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord's great love we are not
consumed, for His compassion's never fail. They are new every morning; GREAT is you faithfulness. I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion: therefore I will wait for Him."
~Lamentations 3: 21-24~

God ever so gently reminded me that He may be silent, He may not be making everything "okay" right then, but He will! He is faithful and He will comfort us, and after He had shown that to me, He asked me again, "Are you willing to go through the fire to be cleansed and purified?" At that moment I allowed God to work in me. I surrendered myself to Him and immediately a certain quiet peace and joy washed over me that I never thought would come!

Things may be difficult and seem hopeless, but I can guarantee you that the longer we refuse God, the worse we feel and the longer it takes for us to receive that "quiet peace and joy"! Are we willing to be cleansed and purified with fire?

God~
I praise You that although situations and circumstances in our live seem hopeless, You are always present and You will always give us sweet peace and rest, if we will only let you!