Big Mistake...

I'm always known that being lackadaisical in any area can cause various consequences but I've recently found that being neglectful in taking my Progesterone is downright dangerous! :o{

For years I have struggled with various "hormonal issues" but have never been able to find a doctor that would "help" me. They would do the typical "hormone tests" and thyroid work-ups only to assure me that I was "normal". So...I just dealt with it. A little over a year ago my gynecologist diagnosed me as having adenomyosis and encouraged me to have a hysterectomy to resolve some of my "issues". I drug my feet until it got to the point that I spent two weeks out of the month pretty much in bed and out of "commission"! (Not an ideal reality for a homeschool mom or anyone for that matter.) I finally agreed to the surgery although I still wasn't thrilled with the idea. It seemed that I felt great for several months after the surgery and then early last summer "issues" began to surface again. I went to my local family doctor with my symptoms...fatigue, no motivation, irritability, insomnia, weight gain (hips and rear),foggy thinking, ect... "You're depressed," was his reply. I mentioned the salivary testing and he informed me that he practiced western medicine and those kinds of things were voodoo! I tried telling him that although I still had my ovaries, I was certain I wasn't ovulating. "You have to be," was his response! Can you say frustrating!?! He again did the "routine" blood work-up and deemed me as "normal" although my thyroid was somewhat out-of-whack. Upon visiting with another medical professional that was knowledgeable in blood counts and was experiencing her own personal "hormone issues", I share that I wanted to find a doctor who did salivary hormone testing. Lo and behold she knew of an ARNP who implemented this sort of testing in her practice. I immediately got ahold of her number, called to schedule an appointment...two months before she had an opening! Have you got to be kidding me???? I explained my situation, how long I had been "suffering" and the fact that it was early August, we homeschooled and there was NO WAY this mom could function when it came time for school to start. I kindly asked the receptionist to ask the ARNP if she could recommend someone else for me to receive care from...I WAS DESPERATE!!! They called me back and said that they would "work-me-in" two weeks later! PRAISE THE LORD!!! I went, she assessed me as well as looked over my previous test results, did some repeat blood-work for her own satisfaction and sent me home with about three boxes of salivary hormone test kits for me to complete within the next 30 days. I as well was to take and chart my "waking" temperature each morning. The tests were interesting but not difficult. I returned about a month-and-a-half later and sure enough, the salivary tests confirmed my temperature chart...I wasn't ovulating and I essentially had NO progesterone in my body besides the fact that I was majorly Vitamin D deficient. She started me on both Progesterone (non-synthetic) and Vitamin D and within a month I was a totally different person until...this week! Things have been so crazy around here due to situations and circumstances beyond our control and there were a few days in the midst of my month where I simply went to bed and forgot to take my Progesterone! At this stage-in-the-game, I'm saying, "I MADE A BIG MISTAKE!" One I certainly won't do again. I have noticed, my family definitely has noticed and Kyle has vowed to make sure I don't again forget!!! I CAN'T WAIT until I can start pumping that back into my body!!! I want to eat everything in sight as well as feeling exhausted, unfunctionable, cranky, agitated, emotional...need I go on!?! So...while Kyle and the girls are downstairs working on a new project in our home, I'm off to take a hot bath and then crash in my warm cozy bed!!!

Peace, Sweet Peace...

Rejoice in the Lord always, I will say it again:
REJOICE!
Let your gentleness be evident to all.
The Lord is near.
Do not be anxious about anything,
but in everything,
by prayer and petition,
with thanksgiving,
present your requests to God.
And the peace of God,
which transcends all understanding,
will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:4~7

I'm so thankful for the peace of God that surpasses all understanding!
I'm so thankful for the peace of God that guards my heart and my mind!
I'm so thankful for the peace of God that washes over me when I am "uncertain"!
I'm so thankful for the peace of God that replaces fear with JOY!
I'm so thankful for the peace of God that gives me REST!
I'm so thankful for the peace of God that compels me to walk in obedience!
I'm so thankful for a peace that only my God can supply!

The Lord placed a ministry opportunity in my path yesterday...an opportunity that was well out of my comfort zone, yet one that was most definitely from Him and of Him. As my heart wrestled with "stepping out", I released my anxiousness over to Him and in-turn He washed my heart, mind and spirit with a peace that passed all understanding! The "opportunity" turned out to be a tremendous blessing and I am grateful!

May you have peace this day as you rejoice in His name,
as you trust Him with your cares, your worries, your burdens,
and may you rest in His sovereignty!

Who Am I Persecuting...

Stubbornness and self-will will always stab Jesus Christ.
It may wound no one else, but it wounds His Spirit.

Whenever we are obstinate and self-willed and set on our own ambitions, we are hurting Jesus.
Every time we stand on our own rights and insist that this is what we intend to do, we are persecuting Him.
Whenever we rely on self-respect, we systematically disturb and grieve His Spirit.
And when we finally understand that it is Jesus we have been persecuting all this time, it is the most crushing revelation ever.

All I do should be based on a perfect oneness with Him, not on a self-willed determination to be godly. This will mean that others may use me, go around me, or completely ignore me, but if I submit to it for His sake, I will prevent Jesus Christ from being persecuted.
~Oswald Chambers~

As I thought about, meditated on and prayed over these words this morning, I was instantly convicted. Last night was one of those SELF nights where I wanted things done MY way and in MY time. After a day full of "breathing praise" (yesterday's post), I allowed the enemy to trip me up and in turn my praise turned to frustration, agitation, selfishness and overwhelmment. The Lord once again reminded me of the post I did on SELF (January 13, 2010) however I was so caught up in ME that I didn't "feel like" being enlightened...UGH!?! My attitude last night was one of obstination, self-will, MY way, MY rights, and self-respect and after reading this I clearly realized that not only did I "injure" my family last night, but I persecuted my Jesus as well. My heart was convicted and my spirit was crushed. I found myself repenting, seeking forgiveness, pleading for mercy and desiring healing. When I pursue and become comfortable in these "self-sins", not only am I betraying the name of Jesus and all He stands for, but I am persecuting Him as well. Maybe if I remembered that every time I insisted on my own way, or thought of that when a harsh word is about to form on my lips, or realize that I am focusing on SELF, I would reassess my heart, mind, soul and spirit...I would do things in a way that would bless rather than persecute.

(An excerpt from my journal prior to doing my devotion...
God knows what we need to hear!)
My heart is perplexed this morning Lord! Perplexed at my undesirable attitude last night! I became overwhelmed & the cares of this world (exactly what I studied and blogged about yesterday) seemed to sweep over me! Ugh! Instead of letting them blow on past, I allowed the storm to linger and rage on! Father, forgive me for my selfish heart! I knew what was taking place and chose to stay there rather than let things go and move forward. Why is it that I always seem to insist on my own way!?! Too much of self and not enough of You! Lord, forgive me and cleanse my heart! Help me to be determined in crucifying SELF so that I can be completely alive in You!

Breathing Praise...

Kyle calls me every morning about 15 minutes after he leaves, in-between home and work. This morning when he called he quirkily said, "I want you to know that I am loving you with every breath that I take today and I am so thankful for your life." Kyle telling me something like this is nothing new but I said, "Where did that come from?" In turn he said, "I've been having some really good PP time!" Of course, my response was, "What in the world are you talking about?" He chuckled and said that he had been having his PP time with the Lord...Prayer and Praise!

As I sat reading my devotion and reflecting on the day that is ahead of me as a mom, wife and homeschool teacher, the Lord kept impressing on my heart, "Just praise me today! Don't think about what has to be done or what cares are on your mind, just praise me!" His still small voice reminded me of what Kyle had said earlier...prayer and praise...so today I am taking on a heart, mind and soul overflowing with praise...

*praise for God's presence
*praise for who God is
*praise for salvation through Jesus Christ
*praise for the gift of the Holy Spirit
*praise for provision
*praise for health
*praise for safety
*praise for uncountable blessings
*praise for things I don't understand as well as for the things I do
*praise that He is God and I am not
*praise for the lives He has entrusted to me
*praise for the precious ones that love me
*praise that He ALWAYS equips me with the necessary components to be who/what He desires and created me to be
*praise for God's Word
*praise that I don't have to figure out the "how" of this life
*praise for healing in Kyle's body
*praise that He finds me worthy to be used
*praise for sleepy smiles that just greeted me :o)
*praise for the sound of a furnace running and the means to pay for the propane
*praise for "here" friends and "blog" friends I've never personally met
*praise for Godly parents
*praise for a husband who adores me, fights for me and compels me to be who I am in Christ
*PRAISE ~ PRAISE ~ PRAISE ~

Lord, with every breath that I take, I praise you this day!

But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness,
and all these things will be given to you as well.
Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow,
for tomorrow will worry about itself.
Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Matthew 6:33~34

Consecrated...

Thank you Lord for Your presence in my life this new day! Thank You for meeting me here and for investing Yourself in me so that I may learn and grow in the fullness of Your Spirit!

This morning as I have been sitting here journaling, meditating on my devotion, being saturated in the Lord's presence, He reminded me of a conversation that I shared yesterday with a dear friend and sister-in-Christ. A conversation that broke my heart, shocked my heart, and reminded me of how determined my heart must be. She shared with me about an individual whom we both are acquainted with that has "found-a-friend" on Facebook...a friend from the past...a friend of the opposite sex...a friend with whom there is a "connection. This acquaintance that we both know is married and has a child...this acquaintance is very aware of God's Word and what it says. As I thought and prayed over this situation, the phrase that the Lord kept bringing to my mind was, "treading on thin ice". Treading on places that aren't solid...places that are treacherous...places that are destructive... Treading on places that contain traps of the enemy...places that seem enticing at the time but hold grave consequences...places that God doesn't dwell...places we all are tempted with in one way or another at one time or another...places that I am determined to steer clear of (which is why I'm not a fan of nor a participant of Facebook). I'm very broken for this individual because I am confident that they are choosing to not see clearly, and are choosing to go down a road paved with destruction.

My devotion this morning talked about consecration, which is the act of continually separating myself from everything except that which God has appointed me to do. As I meditated on and contemplated on the reality of being consecrated to the Lord, I was reminded of a portion of scripture found in Isaiah chapter 50 verse 7 where it says,

Because the Sovereign Lord helps me, I will not be disgraced,
Therefore I have set my face like flint,
and I know I will not be put to shame.

It also reminds of of various other portions of scripture where we are charged to not look to the right or to the left but only straight ahead at the path/road that the Lord has called us to walk. We are a carnal people made of flesh and the enemy is out to trip us up and destroy us in any way he can. He finds us at our weakest moments when we haven't been in the Word and we haven't taken time to rest in God's presence. He finds us when we are frazzled, frustrated, vulnerable...he finds us when we are empty, lonely, looking for a place, a thing, a person to fill the void we are feeling. All too often we react and respond based on how we are feeling rather than the Truth that we know. It may not be something as drastic as "rekindling an old flame" rather it could be spending money irresponsibly, over eating, investing time on frivolous activities, watching too much television, surfing the internet to "unsafe" places or simply not spending time with our Friend-of-all-friends.

I am reminded of the old hymn, Higher Ground...

I'm pressing on the upward way, New heights I'm gaining every day;

Still praying as I'm onward bound, "Lord plant my feet on higher ground."

My heart has no desire to stay, Where doubts arise and fears dismay;
Tho' some may dwell where these abound, My prayer, my aim is higher ground.

I want to live above the world, Tho' Satan's darts at me are hurled;
For faith has caught the joyful sound, The song of saints on higher ground.

I want to scale the utmost height, And catch a gleam of glory bright;
But still I'll pray till heav'n I've found, "Lord, lead me on to higher ground."

Lord, lift me up and let me stand
By faith on heaven's table land;
A higher plane than I have found-
Lord, plant my feet on higher ground.

Higher ground is solid ground and that is where I long to stand....

Lord, I desire to be consecrated...
I desire for my feet to be firmly planted upon solid ground...

I desire for my gaze and my focus to be intently placed upon You!
Only there will the temptations be few and when they do come,
I will see...
I will recognize...
I will know...
they will be repulsive/detestable, for my face will be set like flint.

Feeling Out Of Control...

Just some meanderings from my heart today...

Our day been a very different day as such yet one full of the Lord's presence, surprises and guidance. Kyle had put in for a vacation day today so that he could stay with and care for his dad in order for his mom to be able to go to work. Yesterday she started to not feel well due to a head cold and in turn didn't go in to work today. That meant that Kyle already had the day off and we got the blessing of having him here at home. Yippee! However that also meant that my day went a very different direction than what I had "expected" or "planned"...in turn I have felt very out of control!!! Don't get me wrong...there is NOTHING I love more than to have the love-of-my-life here with me but I have this issue of "control"!?! When things seem out of my control, I tend to get a little irritable, cranky, selfish as well as enacting the bad habit of switching my focus to food.... Eeeks!!!

I had already made a hair appointment for today for a "trim", (yes, Cinnamon, I am still growing but am very "overgrown" at this point) needed to get some over-the-weekend laundry done, planned on putting together a pot of chicken-noodle-soup for Kyle's folks as well as packaging a book to send that I sold on Amazon and various other Monday chores... Needless to say, school went out-the-window, my morning has seemed out-of-control and I can tell that my family has noticed. The awesome husband that Kyle is, said, "Roll all of that over on to me." I wish it were that easy!?! :o)

As I went down to put another load of clothes into the washer I couldn't figure out why I couldn't get on top of my agitation and then the Lord reminded me of the post I did on January 13 about SELF...

Nothing else needs to be said...

My attitude is now in check...

Blessings to you this day!

Special Memories...Thoughts from MaKayla

Yesterday evening after we got back from seeing my Grandpa Garland, I saw that I had a missed call from a cousin that I love very much and one who always encourages my spirits. I do not get to see Savannah very often so I was glad to be able to call her back and visit with her for a little while. Even when I am down, her happy spirit always has a way of perking me up and making me smile. It was just what I needed after having to face a very hard reality once again.

While we were visiting, it came up about a time last fall when Savannah, her sister Ciera, and the rest of their siblings (our little cousins), were on their way down to visit our grandma's house. We surprised them and met them on the way, taking just Savannah and Ciera to our house for some much needed time away from little sisters and a little brother! :0) They were able to spend the weekend with us and just enjoy some "relaxing time" away from normal life. The memories that were made that weekend are ones that I will always hold dear and cherish. As we sat and talked, it was so much fun to think back and reminisce over that time! :0)

Knitting and making pipe cleaner bracelets...

Fun duets on the piano...

Playing "Picture Picture" and eating streusel cake...

Silly Mal and Ci...

Having a battle of "Family Feud"; Mom and Dad against us! :0)

Riding in the back of Dad's truck, (We had to cuddle up to stay warm :0))...

Our "muscle man" pose at Ross park...

Late night popcorn...

Intense games of Pit, (Savannah and Ci's new favorite game)...

Teaching Savannah to waltz, (I'm not sure who was teaching who!?!)

Cousinly love...

Unforgettable memories...

A "Now" Word...Salve On An Open Wound...

Let me start by saying that our week has been a "different" one of sorts...one of difficulty and reality.

As I was putting on my make-up and getting ready for the day, Kyle came into the bathroom and in so many words said, "Oswald was just what I needed today. My week is catching up to me and all of the overwhelming dynamics I am facing seem less significant!" I love when God meets us right where we are and speaks a "now" word to our hearts that acts as salve on an open wound. It calms the pain, starts the healing process and cleanses what is exposed.

Kyle's dad has been battling stage 3B adenocarcinoma of the lung since last December. It's been a year of ups-and-downs, good days and bad days. It's been a year of rejoicing and suffering, learning and growing. It's been a year where Kyle has done a great deal of "finding himself" in areas that he has never chosen to or had the courage to face. It's been a year of difficult reality yet a year of spiritual/emotional healing, deliverance and freedom.

Due to some re-occurring complications Kyle's dad was put back in the hospital late last Saturday night/early Sunday morning. All-in-all, the extreme amounts chemo is ravishing his body...as we have concluded so many times, we're not sure what is worse, the cancer or the toxins used to treat the cancer. With every treatment he takes, his body becomes weaker, sicker, more broken down. New complications arise and the ability to "sort through" what is causing what becomes more difficult. It's hard for a son to sit through and watch his dad weaken, struggle, deteriorate. It's difficult for a son to sit through and watch his mom "work through" the mind-boggling realities of keeping a job, learning new meds, hearing various doctors opinions, suffering from exhaustion, being overwhelmed.

Yesterday evening Kyle's parents were able to come home yet they have now put his dad on oxygen full-time so we took dinner over and were there when the medical supply company brought all of the necessary apparatuses. Talk about overwhelming... For Kyle it was another reminder that the situation we have been facing for over a year has taken "another step".

The love-of-my-life went to bed last night sad, hurting, overwhelmed, burdened, consumed...his parents are in a place that he can do nothing to change. A place that no one in this world would choose to be. A place of loneliness. A place of fear. A place of uncertainty.

I find myself in a constant state of prayer over this one that I love more than life and I am so thankful that the Lord is faithful! He brought a "now" word to my "Jesus in the flesh"...a word in due season...a word that nurtured, renewed, refreshed. A word that was like salve on an open wound.

"Look to Me, and be saved..." Isaiah 45:22

Our difficulties, our trials, and our worries about tomorrow will all vanish when we look to God.

Wake yourself up and look to God. Build your hope on Him. No matter how many things seem to be pressing in on you, be determined to push them aside and look to Him. "Look to Me..." Salvation is yours the moment you look.
~ Oswald Chambers

No matter what you are facing in life this day...God is enough when you look to Him!

Pure joy...Thoughts from MaKayla

For Christmas Mom and Dad gave me a new book called "Woodhouse Family Welcome Home: Our Family's Journey To Extreme Joy". I don't know if you have ever heard of the Woodhouse family, but they have a daughter that feels no pain, does not sweat, and had to have brain surgery when she was about nine or ten years old. This has presented them with many challenges to face over the years, but they have been overcomers and were recently on "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition". Kimberly Woodhouse, the mom and wife of this incredible family, is the one who wrote the book and the verse that she called her "theme verse" or "life verse" really stuck out to me:

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds,
because you know that the testing of you faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

James 1:2~4

When I read that, it really struck me, because I know through Dad's surgeries how hard it was to have "pure joy" whatever the circumstances. I also know that personally I didn't do a very good job of exercising that. She talked about how God kept hounding that on her until she fully grasped what it meant to be full of joy in God. She also mentioned that God impressed it upon her heart to memorize those verses so that she would have them at her remembrance whenever she needed them.

It just so happens that my family has a goal sheet for each of us, laminated and hanging on the wall listing our personal daily, weekly, and monthly goals. As I looked at it this morning, I was reminded that one of my weekly goals was to memorize a new bible verse. God spoke to me and said, "MaKayla I think that James 1:2~4 is what you need to memorize this week, that way you can be easily reminded to have pure joy in Me!" :-) I am purposing to memorize those three short verses so that I will remember to have joy, pure joy in all situations and circumstances that I am faced with!

Monumental...

Well, our baby girl celebrated her 10th birthday last Saturday and she declared that this particular birthday was MONUMENTAL because she is now DOUBLE-DIGITS!!! Don't ya just love how kids find such fun and excitement in the simplest of things!?!

To mark this "moment-in-time" Mallary decided that she would rather embark on a family overnighter rather than have the typical traditional party so that is just what we did. Kyle surprised her and took a half-a-day off of work on Friday so once he arrived home, got cleaned up and we ate a quick bite of lunch, we loaded our luggage and away we went!

We enjoyed a fun and delicious supper at Texas Roadhouse...

(Yes, she had to sit on the saddle while everyone yelled, "Yee-hah"!)
(Please excuse the Budweiser sign in the back...Yuck!?!)
A cool blessing that took place here was when we saw one of Kyle and I's most favorite nurses that cared for him immediately after his surgery walk through the door! We try to keep in touch with Ashley but it was so good to see her!

Enjoyed fun times in the pool and hot tub at the hotel...

(This child can never get too much time in the water swimming!?!)

Shared in special times of family devotions...

(We used this opportunity to share with Mallary, just as we did with MaKayla at this age what a special, beautiful and unique creation she is in Christ! We all took turns affirming her!)

Tantalized our tastebuds by trying Gelato (Italian ice cream)...

Ate a yummy lunch (pepperoni pizza) at Cheesecake Factory
(complete with an ice-cream treat)...

And just plain had a great time as a family! Shopping, eating, swimming, laughing...

Mallary has such a sweet, warm and contagious spirit about her and we are blessed beyond measure by her life! When she was sick a few weeks ago it was as if the "life" of our home was missing...the activity ceased, the singing was absent, the non-stop chattering was silenced, the bouncy happiness was missing...we all realized how much we love "her life"...the life God gave her! :o) We decided that life would be really boring without her! We decided that although there are times when we just want to say, "Shhhhh", we wouldn't trade her for anything!!! She is a complete JOY and we love her more than words can say!

Happy 10th Birthday Mal!
Thanks for letting us celebrate in such a fun way with you!
They are memories we will forever cherish!!!

Words To Ponder Upon...

Reading from the book of Jeremiah this morning, these words caught my attention and therefore I am pondering...

"But my people have exchanged their Glory for worthless idols."

"My people have committed two sins:
They have forsaken me, the spring of living water,
and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water."

"Your wickedness will punish you; your backsliding will rebuke you."

"I had planted you like a choice vine of sound and reliable stock.
How then did you turn against me into a corrupt, wild vine?"

"They have turned their backs to me and not their faces yet when they are in trouble, they say,
'Come and save us!'"

"They did not respond to correction."

"You will be disappointed by Egypt as you were by Assyria.
You will also leave that place with your hands on your head,
for the Lord has rejected those you trust; you will not be helped by them."

The Freshness of the Spirit...

It's been a different kind of morning here at home so far as MaKayla and Mallary spent the night with my parents in order for MaKayla to help Dad cut wood yesterday afternoon and today. Last night Kyle and I journeyed back down to the hospital in which his dad is a patient so that we could visit and encourage his parents. It's been quiet around here but it's been good...It's been busy but I've been able to get some overdue projects closer to being completed...I don't get days like this very often! :o)

My Accountability Group gathered together last week to visit and share and as always it proved to be a time of sharing and sharpening. The point came up regarding "church" and why people stray away. We discussed how "needy" people can be and what happens when the "needs" they are longing to get fulfilled don't get met. We discussed how "church" is a place for people to come and find God, meet God, see God, feel God and be fulfilled in God. It seems as though when people look to "us" we always fall short, needs fail to get met, expectations go unfulfilled and people fall away. I learned very clearly prior to Kyle's surgeries a few years back that they only person God desired for me to look to/at in order to get my needs met and my expectations fulfilled was Him. He was the only one who could bring peace, rest, provision, strength, fulfillment... In receiving this word and direction, I personally found freedom and released "people" in whom I had expectations of from bondage. What a break-through that was for me!

In reading my devotion this morning the Lord reminded me the "freshness" that the Holy Spirit brings to our entire being when we receive Him and allow Him to work in us and through us. It's not just knowing who He is, it's inviting Him to work in our lives and accepting the work He wants to do! He takes the mundane tasks in life and equips us to look upon them as opportunities! He takes the dread of day-to-day living and turns them into gifts to be opened with each new morning that awakens us! He takes the situations and circumstances in life that seem more than we can bare and uses them as invitations to draw near to Him! He leads us, guides us, empowers us and fulfills us to do the work He has laid out before us! He gives living, meaning!

I find that as I spend time with the Lord at the break of each new day, I am filled to overflowing with everything I need in order to be productive for Him! I walk away from my time with Him refreshed, renewed, rejuvenated, rejoicing... It's sitting down with my closest friend and receiving all I need to be who I was created for!

May others see through my words, through my attitude, through my devotion, through my actions, through my character that JESUS is truly the sustainer of life! He is the one who meets our every need, fills our every void, strengthens our every weakness...

So today, no matter what task is before me (laundry, dishes, meals, school, encouraging one who is weary) may I allow the Holy Spirit to bring freshness to my heart, mind, soul and spirit in order to be a sweet smelling fragrance to my Lord!

Waiting...

My Bible reading today took me to Genesis 15~16 and I always walk away so fulfilled when I read scriptures that are familiar to me yet take on a new depth or understanding. I love rereading scriptures that have God's face, voice and hand all over them. I stand in awe when God's provision is teeming over in the life of a saint gone before and the realization that He has that same provision for me as well.

All-too-often we look at Abraham, Moses, Noah, Isaiah and wonder why God doesn't work those miraculous signs and wonders for us as well. Why God doesn't call us as He called them. Why life for us is "just ordinary"...

As I read and processed and meditated and listened this morning God gently reminded me that He does call, He does speak, He does work...why don't/can't I wait...why do I choose to run hard after my agenda rather than resting in Him...why do I devise my own plan in "making it all work"...why don't I take Him at His word...

I know that God is faithful, personally I've seen Him move mountains. I declare His faithfulness, Kyle is a living testimony. I find assurance in His faithfulness, there is no other guarantee in life. I rest in His faithfulness, He promises to work ALL things for my good and His glory. I rejoice in His faithfulness, He is God, He is Lord, He is sovereign, He is absolute.

It all boils down to waiting...When God speaks I will listen, I will rest, I will rejoice, I will wait...

Though the "answer", "solution", "provision" may not be immediate, it will come...

I will wait!

My God is faithful!

Who Are We Serving?

I know I shared this in one of my blog posts last week but my heart is blessed once again this new day because of how God has confirmed Himself to me through the voice of the Holy Spirit. Kyle's dad is not well and is back in the hospital so while traveling to spend the day with him early yesterday morning Kyle and I discussed what service to God looks like. It was a good fulfilling discussion yet we came to the conclusion that most don't see "service" the way we do which is fine but sometimes leaves us viewed as, "where did you come up with such a philosophy?" (We tend to get that look often!?! I guess that's what being a peculiar Christian generates...)

When Kyle came in to chat with me this morning as I was getting ready for the day and before he left for work, he said, "Wait until you read Oswald this morning. You know what we discussed yesterday...it's exactly what today's devotion covers!" Confirmation...oh how I love confirmation. It's a reassurance that we are hearing the Holy Spirit in clarity and truth.

I can distinctly remember the day God spoke truth to me on what service to Him means and looks like so on a quest to "find that day" I made my way downstairs to the "adult" bookshelf where Kyle and I keep our favorite reads and pulled my stack of completed journals out. I leafed and flipped through the pages until I located 9~02~08 where God spoke, I wrote and then received this truth for my life. I even have a visual diagram that He impressed on my heart to aid me in applying this concept. It all boils down to fact that so many times we get caught up in "serving others" that we forget to serve Jesus Christ Himself. We get so caught up in programs, busyness, ministry that we fail to serve Jesus personally. We serve in His name but forget to put Him first. In light of others, we lose sight of our Savior.

In the first part of Mark 14 the account is recorded of the woman who had the alabaster jar of perfume in which she broke and anointed Jesus' head. The disciples were appalled that such value would be wasted on such a menial act when the value of the perfume could have been used to feed the poor...Jesus reminded them that this expression of love to Him was "a beautiful thing". It wasn't what she did for others, it was what she did for Jesus! Taking time for Him, extending her love to Him, giving all she had to serve Him... God has shown me so vividly how for so long I had it so wrong. For that I am sorry and have sought forgiveness yet I am grateful that on that day in 2008 I was enlightened and the depth of that enlightenment continues to grow. I desire to serve Jesus!!!

As I reflected on a few excerpts out of 'My Utmost For His Highest' this morning my heart was blessed, touched, reminded...
~Beware of anything that competes with your loyalty to Jesus Christ.
~The greatest competitor of true devotion to Jesus is the service we do for Him.
~It is easier to serve than to pour out our lives completely for Him.

Serving God for me means:
*daily time with Him
*praise to Him
*thoughts toward Him
*words filled with His life
*love extended towards others
*obedience to His call
*loving, listening, learning

I will "break my flask" and anoint my Lord this day by pouring my life out before Him!

My Day or God's Day...

Every day is a journal page
Every man holds a quill and ink
And there's plenty of room for writing in
All we do is believe and think
So will you compose a curse
Or will today bring the blessing
Fill the page with rhyming verse
Or some random sketching

Teach us to count the days
Teach us to make the days count
Lead us in better ways
That somehow our souls forgot
Life means so much
Life means so much
Life means so much

Every day is a bank account
And time is our currency
So nobody's rich, nobody's poor
We get 24 hours each
So how are you gonna spend
Will you invest, or squander
Try to get ahead
Or help someone who's under

Teach us to count the days
Teach us to make the days count
Lead us in better ways
That somehow our souls forgot
Life means so much
Life means so much
Life means so much

Has anybody ever lived who knew the value of a life
And don't you think giving is all
What proves the worth of yours and mine

Teach us to count the days
Teach us to make the days count
Lead us in better ways
That somehow our souls forgot
Life means so much

Every day is a gift you've been given
Make the most of the time every minute you're living

I've been preparing to do a post on the song above for over a week now however I have been waiting for the Holy Spirit to give me the "go ahead" as it contains so much! The song is on a Chris Rice CD that we have here at home and although I've listened to it time-after-time-after time, the other day the words hit me like a ton of bricks.

I've determined to live this song out to the best of my ability each day of this upcoming year...

As I sat this morning praying, listening, journaling, seeking, this is what the Lord laid on my heart and I felt it went right along with the lyrics of this song...

If God were to visit me right now, at this very moment, how would He line out my day?

What would He put priority?

What would He cut out?

What would He add in?

Shouldn't I purpose to live out my day according to how God would instruct me if He were to give me a blueprint?
It takes entering into His presence...
seeking His face...
hearing His voice...
listening to His words...
responding to His direction.
It takes being obedient to this Friend in whom I call my Savior!
Letting go of my agenda to live out His!

I love you Jesus~

Listening...

Through our evening worship time here at home, the Lord has been speaking a great deal to our family about "listening". Kyle has been encouraging all of us to stop, be still and listen...the Lord has so much for us but amidst all of the busyness and noise that surrounds us in life, we miss so much!

I love when God confirms Himself so this morning as I opened 'My Utmost For His Highest' by Oswald Chambers (a daily read for three of us here in our home), my heart was blessed, encouraged and challenged.

Called By God

"I heard the voice of the Lord, saying: 'Whom shall I send, and who will go for Us?'
Then I said, 'Here am I! Send me.'" Isaiah 6:8

God did not direct His call to Isaiah--Isaiah overheard God saying, "...who will go for Us?" The call of God is not just for a select few but for everyone. Whether I hear God's call or not depends on the condition of my ears, and exactly what I hear depends upon my spiritual attitude. "Many are called, but few are chosen" (Matthew 22:14). That is, few prove that they are the chosen ones. The chosen ones are those who have come into a relationship with God through Jesus Christ and have had their spiritual condition changed and their ears opened. Then they hear "the voice of the Lord" continually asking, "...who will go for Us?" However, God doesn't single out someone and say, "Now, you go." He did not force His will on Isaiah. Isaiah was in the presence of God, and he overheard the call. His response, performed in complete freedom, could only be to say, "Here am I! Send me."

Remove the thought from your mind of expecting God to come to force you or to plead with you. When our Lord called His disciples, He did it without irresistible pressure from the outside. The quiet, yet passionate, insistence of His "Follow Me" was spoken to men whose every sense was receptive (Matthew 4:19). If we allow the Holy Spirit to bring us face to face with God, we too will hear what Isaiah heard--"the voice of the Lord." In perfect freedom we too will say, "Here am I! Send me."

After I read this the Lord prompted some questions for me to consider, ponder and meditate on...as with most questions that the Lord asks me, I find myself challenged...

*What is the condition of my ears?
*What is my spiritual attitude?
*Is my every sense receptive?
*When I am in God's presence do I overhear Him?
*Am I in tune to the voice of the Holy Spirit?

Oh God I desire to see you, to hear you, to know you! I desire to be receptive to Your call! I desire for my attitude to be one of humility and eagerness! I desire to do Your will!

Thoughts from MaKayla...

Earlier this week Mom and I were sitting and talking as she got ready for the day. I was hurting and struggling with some things I am dealing with in my life, things God is trying to teach me, and things He is trying to get me to let go of. I was confused and just wanted relief. God was trying to get me to put Him first and allow Him control of my life, but that meant I would have to surrender in a lot of areas. As we sat and talked she brought out the point that God will continue to hammer on you until He gets through, whatever that takes, and it would be easier on us if we would just put our security in Him and trust! Ouch! I had to really ask myself the question, "Where does my security lie?" Does it lie in God or in people and things that will always disappoint us and will eventually die? If my security isn't in God then I will never be able to fully trust Him because I won't be able to rest in Him.

I spent the rest of the morning pondering that question and during my study time God told me to turn to the book of Job. That is such and amazing book and I was engrossed in it's words. As I was reading through chapter eight, one particular section hit me like a ton of bricks:

..."What he trusts in is fragile; what he relies on is a spiders web.
He leans on His web, but it gives way; he clings to it, but it does not hold."

Job 8: 14~15

For so long I have held on to Mom and Dad for my security which in some areas is fine because they are my parents and I love them very much. They are my encouragement, my mentors, and my teachers. God entrusted them with my life and I will always find security in their presence, touch, voices and love. However I am at the age that God wants me to start relying on Him and allowing Him to be my security. He is the only person who will always be here and the only thing that can satisfy our every need. He desires to be my ALL...to be enough for me even if everything else around me, everything I hold dear to was gone! He desires to be my best friend and for me to share every detail of my heart with Him! It is up to me to surrender my heart with Him.

God~
Continue to show me how to make you my All and how to put my security and trust in you!

A Whole Lot of Self...

Sometimes I wonder what drives me to do the things I do, say the things I say and think the things think. I wonder why my attitude is what it is or why I respond in certain manners. Most of the time I know what I am doing, what I am saying, what I am thinking, or how I am responding and the majority of the time I know if it is wrong yet... This past week has really brought me to a place of examination and our mini-retreat over the weekend began to bring revelation to my soul in regards to this struggle. Pastor Michael brought out the fact that when we choose to ignore "why" we do what we do, we eventually will suppress one habit only to replace it with another. Deliverance won't come until we figure out the "why" of our words, attitudes, actions, thoughts, responses...

Monday evening I found myself discontent, anxious, unsettled, lonely...God wanted to speak and speak He did. He took those truths that were planted in my heart over the weekend and brought them full circle...the reason I struggle so much is because of SELF!!! As I thought, prayed and listened, the Lord revealed to me that all too often my words are driven my what I think, my thoughts are fueled by how I feel, my attitude is am image of my perception, my actions are a reflection of what I want.

Talk about being enlightened...humbled...corrected...yet in that enlightenment, humility and correction I have found FREEDOM! I am purposing in my heart to see that LOVE motivates my heart to speak differently, think differently, act differently, respond differently... It's about being mindful of what is circulating in my heart, in my mind, in my soul and on my tongue. It's about exercising psychological warfare...being sensitive to the Holy Spirit when He says, "Take captive the thoughts you are thinking. Deny that temptation to respond in impatience. Guard the words you are about to speak. Rethink the way you want to respond."

As a stay-at-home mom who homeschools, I all-too-often get my priorities out-of-line. I can tell when my thoughts, attitudes, actions, words and responses are me driven...an alarm in my heart begins to signal and the Lord says, "Slow down and regain your focus"! Sure signs that alert an overdose of SELF is taking place for me include:

*impatience
*a sharp tongue
*frustration
*agitation
*criticism

After my "time-out" of correction with the Lord Monday evening, I am equipped and determined to recognize when I am about to put SELF before LOVE. When the "alarm" resounds, I will willingly lay down what I am doing to help one who needs my assistance, I will sacrifice the desire to "knit-pick" so that learning and creativity will emerge, I will surrender my will and my way for the fulfillment of another, I will offer words of affirmation rather than condemnation, I will set my focus on the One who gave His all for me so that His LOVE can be seen, felt, known...I will have JOY!

I'm so thankful that the Lord chooses to invest in me...I am blessed!