A Whole Lot of Self...

Sometimes I wonder what drives me to do the things I do, say the things I say and think the things think. I wonder why my attitude is what it is or why I respond in certain manners. Most of the time I know what I am doing, what I am saying, what I am thinking, or how I am responding and the majority of the time I know if it is wrong yet... This past week has really brought me to a place of examination and our mini-retreat over the weekend began to bring revelation to my soul in regards to this struggle. Pastor Michael brought out the fact that when we choose to ignore "why" we do what we do, we eventually will suppress one habit only to replace it with another. Deliverance won't come until we figure out the "why" of our words, attitudes, actions, thoughts, responses...

Monday evening I found myself discontent, anxious, unsettled, lonely...God wanted to speak and speak He did. He took those truths that were planted in my heart over the weekend and brought them full circle...the reason I struggle so much is because of SELF!!! As I thought, prayed and listened, the Lord revealed to me that all too often my words are driven my what I think, my thoughts are fueled by how I feel, my attitude is am image of my perception, my actions are a reflection of what I want.

Talk about being enlightened...humbled...corrected...yet in that enlightenment, humility and correction I have found FREEDOM! I am purposing in my heart to see that LOVE motivates my heart to speak differently, think differently, act differently, respond differently... It's about being mindful of what is circulating in my heart, in my mind, in my soul and on my tongue. It's about exercising psychological warfare...being sensitive to the Holy Spirit when He says, "Take captive the thoughts you are thinking. Deny that temptation to respond in impatience. Guard the words you are about to speak. Rethink the way you want to respond."

As a stay-at-home mom who homeschools, I all-too-often get my priorities out-of-line. I can tell when my thoughts, attitudes, actions, words and responses are me driven...an alarm in my heart begins to signal and the Lord says, "Slow down and regain your focus"! Sure signs that alert an overdose of SELF is taking place for me include:

*impatience
*a sharp tongue
*frustration
*agitation
*criticism

After my "time-out" of correction with the Lord Monday evening, I am equipped and determined to recognize when I am about to put SELF before LOVE. When the "alarm" resounds, I will willingly lay down what I am doing to help one who needs my assistance, I will sacrifice the desire to "knit-pick" so that learning and creativity will emerge, I will surrender my will and my way for the fulfillment of another, I will offer words of affirmation rather than condemnation, I will set my focus on the One who gave His all for me so that His LOVE can be seen, felt, known...I will have JOY!

I'm so thankful that the Lord chooses to invest in me...I am blessed!