MaKayla and I just shared a spur-of-the moment conversation that has compelled me to ponder the life of kids today. As I went to warm up our lunch in the microwave today, my eye caught a picture that I have of she and Bri sitting on the top shelf of our microwave stand. It was taken a few years back and although it has graced our home since that fall it was taken, the view I caught of it today was different.
I looked at those two girls laying in the leaves on their stomachs and the smiles on their faces brings much warmth and happiness to my heart. At the time that this particular photo was taken MaKayla was still very actively involved in Bible Quizzing. As I looked at MaKayla and reflected on that season of her life and the season since then, the question that entered my mind was, "Is My Girl as confident, fulfilled and content now as she was then?" I thought about it over lunch and then as we were cleaning up and I was doing the dishes, I just came out and asked her that particular question. She thought about it for a few moments before responding...
As we visited and I listened to her share, my heart was enlightened to the contents of her heart and I was able to see threads that have remained unraveled ever since she stepped away from quizzing two years ago. The more she talked and the more she shared the more I discerned that when the Lord led her out of that territory (pasture) and desired to move her into a new enlarged territory, instead of walking into it and claiming residency, she has remained at the property line. Unknowingly she has been wandering these past few years, unable to see the richness of the land that lay before her. This season of wandering has left her discontent and insecure, feeling ordinary, lost and invaluable.
Throughout the conversation she implied to me that before the life of quizzing, God was richly and simply enough. She needed nothing else to make her feel purposeful, adequate and content. Yet once she tasted the rush of success, accomplishment, acceptance and victory, God quickly took second place. Others no longer saw her as an unsocialized outcast who "settled" but rather saw her as actually "doing something...achieving something...normal". MaKayla excelled at quizzing right off and she accepted nothing less than perfection. She worked hard. She invested many hours. She sacrificed many things to do well for herself and for her team. Day-by-day though, the essence of joy was being sucked out of her and quizzing no longer became a fun sport, rather an obsession...an idol...a god of sorts...eventually her drug of choice. One day as she and I were walking together passing the time while Mallary was at Little League practice, she shared with me that she felt as though the Lord was asking her to lay quizzing down. She, Kyle and I visited about it and committed it to much prayer. In the end, the Lord confirmed over and over and over again that this is what He desired. We contacted MaKayla's coach and resigned her position on the team.
Ever since that day Our Girl has struggled...
No one has ever been able to understand why she would purposefully give up something she was so proficient at. Why she would let go of something that she had a natural talent for. Why she would give up the success of quizzing for nothing.
As her parents, Kyle and I could clearly see.
It's one of those things where once you taste the sweetness of success by the world's standards, just "being" isn't good enough. No one applauds you for being you. No one encourages you to live God in the simplicity of life. No one congratulates you for laying down an idol in order to pursue God. No one recognizes that trophies, medals, awards, top-team-status and rankings are worldly, fleeting acknowledgements in light of Christ. You feel as though no one notices you for you because you aren't "doing" something to succeed. No one...not even Christians...they simply don't understand.
MaKayla and I visited at great length. Tears fell. Hearts were opened wide. Brokenness was revealed. Inadequacy was admitted. Insecurity was acknowledged.
I wonder how many kids wandering around today feel very much this same way... They do what they do and strive for excellence to be noticed. To feel purposeful. To feel needed. To feel important. To stand out. To fit in. To find favor.
They are finding purpose and value in what they do rather than who they are. They find value in the approval and acknowledgement of others rather than in God their Creator and Jesus their Savior. They push. They strive. They toil. They try so hard. They can't just "be"...that simply isn't good enough. Oh how my heart breaks for them.
I want My Girl to know that she, the person God created her as, the person He designed her to be, is better than good enough...she is valuable...she is purposeful...she is beautiful...she has meaning...she is perfect.
The greatest achievement she could ever strive to attain is to be a reflection of Christ. She may receive no medal, trophy, top-team-status or applauded ranking this side of Heaven, but once she looks Jesus in the face, she will KNOW without a question of a doubt that in Him and through Him she was enough. The acknowledgements of this world will then be insignificant...He will be her reward.
I want Our Girl to know that as long as she follows hard after God, she is a winner and a success in her daddy's and I's eyes.
It's time for her to cross that property line and enter into the enlarged territory He has prepared just for her!
