And I Ask...

It's a cool, rain-soaked, thunderstormy kind of day here in our corner of the globe. Soothing. Relaxing. Comforting. Serene. :) My body has been planted in the same chair, in the same location, doing the same thing for the past few days & since I hadn't blogged in a bit, I decided to take a short "respite" and share some thoughts that are ever close at heart.

MaKayla (and Mal) has busily been caring for bullies quite frequently & Kyle loves anytime he can "frequent" the premise & spend time interacting with the puppies & momma's alike. Upon our return home from a "visit" last Thursday, our 2014-2015 school year curriculum was awaiting us. To say Mal was excited would be a vast understatement. :) Having it her way, we would have started classes the next day HOWEVER this mom needed time to plan & prepare. School has been at the forefront of my mind for several weeks now...praying...seeking...listening...evaluating... We are re-purposing a few things MaKayla previously used as well as stepping into a few new adventures suited specifically for Mal as well. :) No free time over the weekend so my focus this week has been praying, planning & preparing... As I read ideas & suggestions offered in the particular plan book I ordered, one mom commented that prior to a new year beginning, she spends an entire day ALONE at their local library. Quietness, concentration & focus. I told Kyle I couldn't even begin to imagine such a day... He & I agreed that it was necessary for me to take the time, invest the moments & deliberately hone in on the mapping out of our new year of nurturing, learning & study. In turn, I have been some what "absent" from life & this is what our dining room/school table has looked like...

Time consuming? Yes.
Mind boggling? At times.
Fulfilling? Absolutely.

I'm so thankful for Kyle's encouragement & insistence on me taking this time...
For my sake (and sanity)...
For Mal's sake (and success)...
For the sake of our family (and peace/harmony)...

I would humbly admit that God has used the past several days to put some things in clear perspective for me... (Back to school planning in a bit.)

You know, life can get mundane.
Boring.
Unfulfilling.

And in the mundanity, boredom & unfulfillment we quickly find ourselves discontent, ungrateful & lacking respect & value...for others & for ourselves. We don't see what we or others do as purposeful. We take for granted time spent & knowledge invested. We view what we invest multiple hours into as merely a "job" or a task. We expect rather than gratefully receive. We overlook rather than appreciate. We waste moments rather than see them as "opportunity".

Working through life together, and the ups and downs therein, Kyle & I have discussed this on multiple occasions. College simply wasn't his thing (he was too enthralled with a 16 year-old something of a girl ♥) and after a few months of attempting the classes & the every weekend commute (to see the 16 year-old something of a girl ♥), he forever laid college to rest. He put in applications & it wasn't long before he was offered a position at a local company/factory that was just being established in our area. Nearly 25 years later, he remains employed at this same business.

Minutes...
Hours...
Days...
Weeks...
Months...
Years...
Invested.

A faithful employee...
A committed laborer...
A deliberate workman...

A team member...

And then a team leader...
Now a supervisor...

One who invests...
Not only in the company who signs his paychecks...
But in the lives he interacts with on a daily basis.

Aiding...
Assisting...
Encouraging...

Teaching...
Training...
Supporting...

Giving ones a chance who others simply wanted to give up on.

Seeing life...

Rather than just machines...
Or parts...
Or quotas...

But yet through the years because no college education was achieved or no elite title was deemed, sadly he has viewed his position at this place of employment simply as a "job".

And I ask, "What deems one job a 'career' but another job a 'job'?"

Isn't anything we invest minutes and hours and days and weeks and months and years in, a career?

Or is a "career" just allotted to those with a degree...
Or a title...
Or a six-figure salary?

Isn't a career anything we pour passion & intent into?
Life & meaning?
Purpose & resolve?

Or does that label of "career" only pertain to those who have designated attire that signifies "importance"?
Or an occupation that society looks at as substantial?
Or a line of work that comes with "perks"?

Last week marked the 25th Anniversary of Kyle's place of employment & Kawasaki went to great extremes to honor their employees & to showcase how far the company has come & grown since it's opening in 1989. Catered meals, generous gifts, special presentations & then an Open House... Policies are strict & due to the fact that Kawasaki is a Foreign Trade Zone, this would probably be only the second or third time that I have had the privilege of touring the plant & actually seeing what Kyle does on a day-to-day basis. (Also the reason for no "tour pictures".) He talks about this part & that part, this process & that process, this machine & that machine but hey, I have the mind of a woman so the terms crankshaft or spindle or camshaft simply don't register in my mind that only understands the specifics of toilet cleaning, stain-killing, meal planning & exquisite laundry folding. :) I was blessed to be able to do the walk through tour twice... The first time I was so busy people gawking/watching (and asking, "Who is that?") that I didn't fully grasp what I was there to absorb. Oops. And just as the girls & I were finishing up the first round with Mark, Marci & Jordan, Tom text & said he, Beth & Zoe were on their way & where could we meet. :) Kyle was thrilled.

Thankfully Kyle didn't give me a quiz over the initial go-through :) & I vowed I would pay better attention & keep my inquisitiveness at bay the second time around. With each step I took around the plant...department to department...assembly line to assembly line...machine to machine, my appreciation heightened. With each process that Kyle explained & every tid-bit of knowledge he extended (he's worked in multiple areas over the 25 years), my respect for what he does grew. Step by step, moment by moment, nugget by nugget, my heart was filled with admiration. ♥

Perspective.

Seeing...
Hearing...
Experiencing...

Perspective.

Being there...

Perspective.

And on his part, having the opportunity to share with us what he does each and every day, brought his heart, mind, soul & spirit satisfaction. It was a great reminder that his investment in a solid company & in real lives, isn't "just a job", it's a career. Something he pours time, energy, passion, intent, diligence & dedication in to. ♥

And on my part, I have found myself more grateful, more respectful & more prayerful over the work of his hands (as he fixes machines, measures parts & keeps lines running smoothly), the efficiency of his mind (as he formulates charts, documents necessary information & troubleshoots), the movement of his feet (as he walks from building to building & office to office & line to line) & the compassion of his heart (as he ministers mercy, understanding & encouragement to real lives). ♥

Perspective.

Sitting at that dining room/school table the past few days, as encouraged by the one who holds my heart, I see where I am just like him... I haven't viewed what I do as a "career". I haven't invested the minutes, hours, days, weeks, months & years as wisely as I should have.

Perspective.

As I told MaKayla, there's only a few things in my life that if I could have a complete do-over, I would so choose that option. Many decisions & choices over the years I regret but there are some that are heart-wrenching to me... How I invested in the early years of the girls' lives & the time I didn't take & the intent I didn't put forth, & the purpose I didn't sew deep, I would so check the "do-over box" if the option was available. All-too-often, I didn't put first things first.

Quizzing.
Ministry.
Social extensions.

And then the first thing suffered.

Perspective.

Individual life (Kyle, MaKayla, Mal).
Family (as a whole).
Time.

Perspective.

Nurturing.
Education.
Never-to-be-redeemed moments.

Perspective.

Mal begins her freshman year of school in a few days. I've spent a great amount of time praying, planning, preparing. For her. For me. Spiritually. Scholastically. Emotionally. I wasn't intentional as such with MaKayla & were it not for the grace & mercy of Christ, the reality of failure & remorse would rivet me to the core. Yes, she achieved & succeeded & excelled, yet where was I? I am indebted that God filled in the gaps where my absence was present. I am beyond thankful that MaKayla stepped up to the plate & was deliberate in learning & studying & accomplishing where my lack was the reality.

Perspective.

It's a new season filled with a freshness of purpose...

Mal's excited.
So am I.

Whatever God has called us to do, He calls us to do with purpose, passion, intent & diligence.

After all, it's not just a "job", it's a career.

Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, 

knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward.

You are serving the Lord Christ. 

~Colossians 3:23-24 (ESV)

Servants, do what you’re told by your earthly masters. 

And don’t just do the minimum that will get you by. Do your best. 

Work from the heart for your real Master, for God, 

confident that you’ll get paid in full when you come into your inheritance. Keep in mind always that the ultimate Master you’re serving is Christ. 

The sullen servant who does shoddy work will be held responsible. 

Being a follower of Jesus doesn’t cover up bad work. 

~Colossians 3:23-24 (The Message)

"How, Lord? How did I get here?"

A few weeks back the message bank in my phone was approaching full capacity & it gave me the signal of a warning to clean up, clear out & delete to prevent overload. I have a tendency to ignore such warnings & then am utterly frustrated when I get the big, "Messages Full" notification letting me know that I am now unable to send already composed texts or receive anything coming in. Certain texts that people send me touch me, encourage me & challenge me therefore I'm very careful before selecting the "delete all" option... So as I sat at the dining room table that morning strategically checking each specific text before removing it into cyber-space for all eternity, one text in particular caught my eye... I instantly knew from whom it came & the Lord put an immediate check in my spirit. I considered what it said & God profoundly spoke to my heart,

"Mendi, do you recognize love?" 

And then another question, "Do you put conditions on love?" 

And another, "On the receiving end?" 

And another, "On the extending end?" 

And finally, "Do you delight in being loved?" 

Yes, these questions challenged my heart...my soul...my spirit...my being...
For the One who loves me most was the One who asking...

I thought them over...
And meditated on what He was asking me to consider...

Busted.

I knew the answers...

But how...

How did I get here...

For some time my mind continued to consider this conversation of immense depth between me & the Lord. The girls always know when I am "thinking" & eventually one of them will ask, "Momma, whatcha thinking about?" :)

As MaKayla, Mal & I gathered around the dining room table for breakfast that morning, I asked them,
"Do you recognize love?"
"Do you put conditions on love?"
"On the receiving end..."
"On the extending end..."
"Do you find delight in being loved?"

"What does love look like to you?"

It ensued a beautiful, enlightening conversation between the three of us...

Both of them took an opportunity to share...
To answer the questions...

They each told me how they recognize genuine love...
*words spoken...
*interest taken...
*the tone of a person's voice...
*warm, tight embraces...
*undivided attention...
*time invested...
*affection extended...
*a "caring"...for them specifically.

And then, without my prompting, they began tying those traits to specific people...

My heart was warmed...
And blessed...
And thankful.

I could see why each mentioned, by name, this person or that person...
Some of them the same...
Some of them different.

Some from present...
Some from past...

Yet they feel love from these people...
They recognize love from these people...
They know love from these people...

And then God said to me,
"How often do you extend & receive love at arm's length?"

Busted, again.

And again, I asked,

"How, Lord?"

"How did I get here?"

Hurt.
Self-protection.
Pride.
Fear.
Jealousy.
Resentment.
Selfishness.

A crusting of the heart...

And to be honest, I didn't see it transpiring.
No, it didn't happen overnight but day-by-day, situation-by-situation, the what seemed to be innocent membrane of protection, hardened.

That's how I arrived.

Instead of asking God to bind up those gaping wounds...
And to quiet those harsh words of criticism...
And to soothe those bruises of rejection...
I allowed roots of bitterness to bury themselves.

I medicated real injuries with a faux medication...

A mangled mess of emptiness...
Destined for destruction.

And as the roots dug in deeper...
The crusting thickened...
The heart self-protected...
And the shell hardened.

I replaced generosity with self-seeking...

Mercy with resentment...
The delight in other's victories with jealousy...
Open arms with fear...
Simple humility with pride...
Vulnerability with self-protection...
Forgiveness with hurt...

The blood of my heart coagulated...
And simply put, the blood of my heart, is love.

Instead of being fluid...
With a continual, smooth in-flow & out-flow...
Love...
And the giving & receiving of it...
Coagulated.

~ coagulate ~

to change from a fluid into a thickened mass; curdle; congeal

to form a clot

As I continued to think all of this through in an attempt to find understanding & correction & healing, God gave me that distinct picture of fluidity.

That's how He desires love to be...

Fluid.

~ fluid ~
capable of flowing freely like water

On the giving end...
On the receiving end...

And if someone hurts us...
He will heal it.

And if someone rejects us...
He will receive us.

And if someone speaks harsh words of criticism...
He will speak soothing words of truth.

He is God.

And He says,

"Replace the 'what ifs' with I Am..."

I Am God...

And I have your best interests in store.

I still have a long way to go in grasping the reality of all that God wants to teach me in this area yet as I allow Him to have His way within the bowels of my being, He will soften that hardened crust until nothing remains but a pliable, viable masterpiece to be molded into His likeness.

How about you...

"Do you recognize love?"
"Do you put conditions on love?"
"On the receiving end..."
"On the extending end..."
"Do you find delight in being loved?"

Remember...
He is God.
And He has your best interest in store.

♥

43 Years...43 Reasons... Thank You For You... ♥

Yes, as you can tell, MaKayla has been doing much updating to the blog. I'm a simple kinda person who isn't bent on fixing something that isn't broken but she loves to create & spruce up a bit so when she asked if she could, I said, "Go for it." :) I love what she's done & am so thankful for her time, energy, effort & diligence.

It's been a great week of doing life with those I love most...
*Bible reading/study...
*Cleaning a little here...
*Cleaning a little there...
*Watering...
*Watering...
*Watering...

It's also been a week of learning & growing in Christ through the instruction of God's Word & the counsel of the Holy Spirit. Many times I wonder if I will ever "get it" & then God reminds me that I have much tutelage to undergo until He wills my time on earth to be over. This excites me as I love being stretched spiritually & I am beyond fulfilled when I gain understanding regarding something that has before been "hidden".

Tuesday was Kyle's birthday & although he typically doesn't take off of work for celebration of his special day, this year he decided to. MaKayla, Mal & I were beyond thrilled. ♥ We did most of our food prep the day before & I am so thankful that we did in order for us to fully enjoy our family day together.

Here's some snippets...

Pops & his girls...♥

Doughnuts just for him...♥

And on plan...

Gluten, grain, dairy & refined sugar-free...

Me & my love...♥

New instrumental guitar CD...

Delish...

Breakfast on the patio...♥

And a game of Yahtzee...♥

Love her...♥

A little sibling fun...♥

The one my heart loves...♥

A little relaxing...♥

Gifts...♥

We asked what he wanted to do with his afternoon...♥

Teaching moments...♥

Learning moments...♥

Alone moments...♥

Score #1...♥

Maybe a little technique to the process...♥

Score #2...♥

Not so sure...♥

Finally getting it...♥

Score #3...♥

I sat in the back of the truck & read my Bible...

And journaled...

And captured pictures of God's beautiful handiwork...

And watched those I love...♥

Yep, there's something over there...♥

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

My treasures...♥

My forever love...♥

Lettuce wraps for lunch...

Guac for supper...

And homemade chips...

43 years...♥

43 reasons...♥

A game of Phase 10...♥

Mexican was his request...♥

The lighting of the candles...♥

Love this...♥

So much to celebrate...♥

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Rich fibers in the tapestry of my heart...♥

New shirt #1...♥

New shirt #2...♥

Radiant joy...♥

New Fiesta...♥

Just his...♥

color...♥

♥

♥

New racquetball racket...♥

And goggles...♥

And racquetballs...♥

P.J. pants...♥

(We LOVE pj's in this home...)

Mal thought he needed minion boxers...♥

:)

Plus the Ice Age movies that we didn't have...♥

Kyle letting MaKayla know that a button is NEEDED...♥

:)

A picture-perfect day...♥

Ended with a delish on-plan dessert...♥

Black Bottom Banana Pie...♥

43 years...

43 Reasons...

♥Your gentle touch...

♥ Your love for music...

♥ Your longing for my presence...

♥ Your desire for order...

♥ And structure...

♥Your dislike of clutter...

♥ Your tender heart...

♥ Your knowledge of things I know nothing of...

♥ That you've never allowed either of us to sleep on the couch...

♥ Your infatuation with deodorant...

♥ And moving air...

♥ And the warm glow of lamps...

♥ The way worship melodies move you...

♥That you learned to love coffee...

♥ Black...♥

♥ That angry words make you uneasy...

♥ The way you leave scattered coffee granules on the counter...

♥ That you tolerate hormones...

♥ And the women they affect...♥

♥ Your creative mind...

♥ The way your hands move on your guitar...

♥ And the melodies they generate...

♥ Your giving spirit...

♥ That you enjoy painting (since I don't)...

♥ Your artistic abilities...

♥ That you have no fear of driving in snow or ice...

♥ Your love for shopping...

♥ And new clothes...

♥ That you treat me with fragility...

♥ Your passion for purity in MaKayla & Mal...

♥ That you work beside me in the kitchen...

♥ That divorce has never been an option for you...

♥ Your love for Bibles...

♥ That you calm my fears...

♥ Soothe my anxieties...

♥ And quiet my racing thoughts...

♥ Your patience...

♥ And grace...

♥ That you named our children...

♥ And changed their first diapers (since I couldn't)...

♥ Your desire to see me succeed in whatever I am doing...

♥ That you always want to be wherever I am...

♥ Your unconditional love for me...

And an uncountable number more...♥

You are my Jesus-in-the-flesh & I am beyond thankful that since from the beginning of time, 

God knew you would be mine...

And I would be yours...

You are more than I ever could have dreamed of...

Hoped for...

Desired...

Kyle~

Thank you for you...

For ever...

For always...

~Your Mendi

I belong to my lover,

and his desire is for me.

~Song of Solomon 7:10