All The Time...

Today I am feeling...

♥ Broken...for one I dearly love that is deeply struggling...
♥ Joyful...that Jesus is certain even when many other things aren't...
♥ Blessed...through two beautiful girls who have been entrusted to me...
♥ Rich...because of a husband who loves me unconditionally...
♥ Prayerful...due to many people I am interceding on behalf of...
♥ Thirsty...needing refilled & hydrated from the Living Well...
♥ Quiet...as I listen to the Lord...
♥ Reassured...through His presence & the promises of His living word...
♥ Happy...spending a fun day with Tuck...
♥ Heavy...wishing I could take away the burdens of some close to me...
♥ Thankful...a result of a life overflowing...
♥ Content...the reality of knowing that all my needs are met...
♥ Hungry...desiring more of the Bread of Life...

God is good, all the time...
All the time, God is good...

I am thankful for an amazing Savior who loves me!

If Only For Awhile...

This post is per MaKayla’s request…

A great Christian couple that lives not too far from us called MaKayla a few weeks back asking if she would be interested or willing to help them out for several days caring for some things around their home while they were away on vacation. They happen to breed & sell English Bulldogs so the majority of her responsibility was to care for seven momma dogs & 30 puppies, one of which need bottle-fed. She would need to let mommas out, clean pens, let mommas in, let puppies eat, let puppies out, let puppies in, do momma/puppy laundry & of course love on them in between time. It was a tremendous opportunity & one that she saw as a great challenge & blessing.

In the midst of these puppies was one that wasn’t “thriving” therefore he needed to be bottle-fed every three-to-four hours. He was a tiny little thing…helpless & needy…yet so sweet. Upon the return of our friends, MaKayla was offered to take this little one home to shower with TLC & care for. If he survived, she could keep him for her own. Jon told MaKayla to take her time in deciding, there was no pressure at all. On our trip home that day we discussed the idea as a family & came to the unified conclusion that we would love the opportunity. ♥

Sunday afternoon found us picking up our “baby” who we affectionately called “Winston”. We gathered baby blankets, suitable options for a bed, a baby bottle that we thought might work, a heating pad & other supplies to care for this new addition to our family. ♥

The first night MaKayla & Mal slept out on the living room floor with “Winston” close beside. Kyle & MaKayla set their cell phone alarms every three hours to awake for this little guys feedings. After the first night, MaKayla somewhat learned the responsibility of a needy baby. Waking, feeding, burping, cleaning & tucking back in “bed” only to wake three hours later to do it again. She never, ever complained but grew closer & closer attached… ♥ She loved… ♥ She cared… ♥ She nurtured… ♥ She cuddled… ♥

Winston grew & became more active. He thrived. He pooped (often). He cried (only a little as with every little whimper somebody came running). He scooted around. Simply put…he was precious! ♥

Thursday we decided to take him for well-vet check since we thought he might have a minor infection that needed to be treated with antibiotics. Us girls loaded him up in the van & off we went. I drove so that MaKayla could cuddle “Baby Winston”. We ran through ‘Sonic’ for Happy Hour Limeades & then off to the vet to meet Kyle for “Winston’s” first appointment. ♥

Dr. Ed came in & we chatted a bit as he started assessing our baby. Heart checked out healthy. Eyes were starting to open. Color was good. Upon the last part of Winston’s check, Dr. Ed discovered something that concerned him greatly. A problem that without multiple complicated surgeries simply couldn’t be fixed. And even with the surgeries, there was no guarantee. The problem was one that would involve other issues as this little guy got older. ♥

We were shocked.

We were devastated.

We were saddened.

He gave us options…

Put Baby Winston to sleep…

Do nothing &see what happened…

Pursue specialized surgeries…

Go home & think it over…

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I looked at MaKayla. ♥

MaKayla looked at Me. ♥

The tears started to flow… ♥

Dr. Ed looked helpless…

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He was just as saddened as the four of us, for that is where we took Kyle’s black lab, Fletcher when he was sick. He really didn’t want to play this scene with us again.

We talked it over & since MaKayla had already began noticing some of the “signs” that Dr. Ed explained would probably start evidencing themselves, she came to the heart-wrenching conclusion that she didn’t want her “baby” suffer as she had seen Fletcher. She held him tightly in her arms, tears streaming down her face, looking at me, wishing, hoping that the situation were different. We again tossed around our options & again she said, “I don’t want to let him go, but I can’t selfishly hold on when I know he can’t get better & there is nothing I can do to help him. I won’t make a decision that chooses suffering for him.” ♥

MaKayla held Winston, gave him kisses & then allowed Dr. Ed to do what needed to be done. We stayed in the room. Desiring to be close. We carefully wrapped him in his soft little blanket (one that once held MaKayla & Mal when they were tiny babies), paid our bill & quietly left the clinic. Mal rode home with her daddy. MaKayla, with Winston cradled in her arms, rode home with me. ♥

A sad, tearful & empty ride home… ♥

I know to some this seems like a silly thing. I might too, if I hadn’t walked the road myself… But to us, it was real. It was traumatic. It was painful. It cut to the core of our hearts. ♥

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Kyle & MaKayla found a box just Winston’s size, lined it with a cuddly little fleece blanket and then carefully laid his lifeless body inside & closed the top. Kyle wrote a little note on top & then offered for MaKayla to do the same. ♥ On it she penned:

I’ll like you forever... ♥

I’ll love you for always... ♥

As long as I’m living... ♥

My baby you’ll be… ♥

Kyle prayed…for peace…for comfort… ♥

He thanked God for the short-lived opportunity to love a life so helpless… ♥

For even if it was for only awhile, it was worth it! ♥

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

MaKayla chose a spot that she wanted Winston buried. ♥

Front yard. ♥

Under a tree visible from the front door & picture window. ♥

Kyle went to work digging & once the hole was the necessary size, MaKayla carefully laid the box inside. Handful-by-handful she sprinkled dirt over Winston’s box until the hole was filled. ♥

We sat as a family… ♥

Sun beginning to set… ♥

Warm breeze blowing… ♥

Mourning over loss… ♥

Kyle again prayed… ♥

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

The LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.

Job 1:21

In a post upcoming, MaKayla will be sharing life-lessons she has learned through Winston’s journey. ♥

Bitter-Sweet...

Happy Spring! :) This annual day would rank up there with one of favorites in our home! Just knowing that a new season is on the brink. A new season that promises new life...new beginnings...new growth...a fresh breath of life! :)

I sit here this morning, ready for my day. Teeth brushed, hair washed & fixed, make-up on, cozily dressed in my jammies & house slippers. For those who know me very well, know that fleece pajamas are my all time fave choices of clothing! Especially for a rainy day like today is going to be.

I was reminded a few evenings ago that it has been awhile since I last posted. This precious individual lamented that they check the blog e-v-e-r-y day to see something new & day-after-day, it's been the same post waiting to be read. :) It blesses my heart to think that I would share thoughts on here that would bring anyone back time-after-time. I'm thankful for how God speaks to my heart & the opportunity that He gives me to convey those thoughts/feelings/inspirations to others. I was grateful for the accountability of the individual... Pretty much what I needed.

Much has been going on in our lives. Not necessarily busyness, although some. Yet more trial & testing of life. Sadness. Concern. Heartache. Loss. Difficulty. Stretching. Somewhat as a facebook friend shared about her life circumstances in a message the other day...sifting...a breaking point...

For our family, the past few weeks have had us in a state of simply stepping back & "doing life"... Being prayerful... Focusing on belief... Trusting God... Separating our minds from outside distractions... Immersing ourselves in God's Word... Finding comfort & assurance in one another... God has had us in a place of choosing whether we will doubt or whether we will believe. God has asked us whether we will listen to the negative word of the world or whether we will trust in His sovereign will. God has challenged us to be unmoved even when we cannot see. I wish I could say it was easy & without pain but stretching of any kind is uncomfortable. This season of life for us is no different. Yet even in the midst of pain & discomfort, we have JOY, knowing our faithful Father can ALWAYS be trusted!

The bitter-sweet part of it to me is witnessing your child hurting & being stretched to a breaking point...wanting to step in & rescue...to be the savior...the hero...the fix-it-all individual but instead choosing to cheer her from the sidelines & allow Jesus to be her strength. To encourage her to keep running the race...offering wisdom from the Word...extending an embrace of assurance...challenging her to keep her eyes on the Prize & to listen for that Still Small Voice of instruction.

Here in the quiet, dimly lit living room last night, freshly bathed, relaxed, wound down from a busy but great day of school, the two of us sat, she on the couch, me in my old wooden rocker, we shared. We talked. We opened our hearts. We talked of God's faithfulness. We acknowledged our lack of faith in certain recent situations. Situations that we so wish we could change. Yet situations that God, in His rich & generous grace, has allowed in order to teach us important lessons so that next time we will remember & prayerfully do different. We testified of how mighty & sovereign & powerful & amazing God is... That NOTHING is too difficult for HIM! It was a sweet time... One I will tuck deep within my heart & think of often.

And so this morning, as I entered the bathroom preparing to begin my day, I found a note. Handwritten from this one I love... Thanking me for who I am... For leading her to Jesus in her time of need... For pointing her in His direction so that she could be taught of Him in one of the hardest seasons of life that she has ever had to face... For being her friend... For walking by her side & showering her with comfort...

A gift from her heart to mine...

So as I begin a new day... A new season...

I'm thankful for bittersweet seasons in the heart of one I cherish...

Bitter for the pain & agony I've seen her endure...
Sweet for the growth of Jesus I've seen in her life...

New life has sprung & the fruit is going to be beautiful...just like her!

My beloved spoke and said to me,
“Arise, my darling,
my beautiful one, come with me.
See! The winter is past;
the rains are over and gone.
Flowers appear on the earth;
the season of singing has come,
the cooing of doves
is heard in our land.
The fig tree forms its early fruit;
the blossoming vines spread their fragrance.
Arise, come, my darling;
my beautiful one, come with me.”

Song of Solomon 2:10-13

I Knew...

Ever have "one of those days" where the nice blue sky turns to deep dark gray?
Where the sweetly singing of birds turns to window shaking thunder?
Where all that seems to be going right quickly changes to everything wrong?
Where overflowing joy turns to debilitating frustration?
Where emotions take over?
And instead of seeing things through the eyes of Jesus...
You are seeing everything through the eyes of carnal flesh?
And before you even realize it, crater sized holes are left in your heart?

That has seemed to be the majority of my week...
To put it lightly, it's been extremely riveting to the depths of my soul.
And in times like these, I'm extremely thankful there is Jesus!
Without Him, I would be an angry, hard-hearted, embittered individual.

A few afternoons ago as I boiling with frustration to the point that I am certain thick, black smoke was billowing from my ears, the Lord prompted me to pick up His Word. I sat down in our inviting quilt laden old wooden rocker, picked up my Bible from the coffee table & allowed God to correct my wandering heart. He told me to turn to 1 Corinthians 13 and so I did. I already knew what the words beheld yet He wanted me to READ them AGAIN! He wanted me to look intently at each instruction, applying it to the situation at hand...

Love is patient.
Love is kind.
Love does not envy.
Love does not boast.
Love is not proud.
Love is not rude.
Love is not self-seeking.
Love is not easily angered.
Love keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil.
Love rejoices with the truth.
Love always protects.
Love always trusts.
Love always hopes.
Love always perseveres.
Love never fails.

He also asked me to turn to Colossians 3:12-15...

Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.

This verse was also very fresh in my heart as I had recently heard a pastor teach on it a month or so ago...

I knew how I was feeling in my heart was not pleasing unto the Lord.
I knew the thoughts racing through my mind were not edifying others.
I knew the words falling from my mouth were salt-water rather than fresh-water words.
I knew the portions of Scripture God was calling me to meditate on were Truth.
They were what I needed to be reminded of.
They were what I needed to read in order to renew my mind.
They are words meant to be acted upon, not just warm-fuzzy-feeling words.

As I sat in that chair reading over words the Lord Himself had inspired, I knew I needed to do some MAJOR adjusting to my thoughts, my feelings & my attitude. I knew I needed to entrust what was frustrating me over to God. I knew I needed to replace my anger with understanding. I knew my frown needed to be transformed into a smile & my grumbling needed to be converted to praise. I knew I needed to LOVE!!! And what does love look like? It's plainly listed above.

The "feeling" of love isn't always present in order to live it out...work it out...extend it out, but God commands & instructs us to do those very things.

I can't say my heart doesn't still hurt...for it does.
I can't say that the gray is completely gone...some still remains.
I can't say that I understand all the "whys' of the situation...because I don't.
BUT...
In spite of the remnant of hurt, cloudiness & confusion that lingers, God still calls me to love...
Even when I may not "feel" it.
For if I am obedient to act on what I know rather than on how I feel, God will be faithful to turn the hurt into healing...the cloudiness into sunshine...and...the confusion to understanding. He can be trusted to bless if I am committed to obey.

Connecting With God...

Happy March! :) The birds are sweetly singing outside & the sun is aglow on the horizon with the promise of showing its beautiful face today! I'm not yet convinced that winter has past but I am grateful that spring is right around the corner! :)

In the past 24 hours I have visited with two different individuals about the reality of "connecting with God". Individuals of different ages... Individuals of opposite sex... Individuals who are searching & seeking...

Do you yourself feel as though you "connect with God"?

As I spent time praying, reading & meditating this morning, the question the Lord kept bringing to my mind is, "What distracts you from Me? What diverts your attention from Me? What keeps you from spending time with Me? Growing close to Me? Being fully surrendered to Me?"

I think so many people "do life" & somewhere in the mix try to fit just enough of God in the components to "make it work". We give the majority of our time, attention & energy to other things, other people, other activities & other commitments & then try to slip God in when we are desperate. When we are empty. When we are depleted. We call on Him only in those "have to" moments.

In Proverbs 3:9 God tells us to give Him our firstfruits. I love how the King James Version puts it:

Honour the LORD with thy substance,
and with the firstfruits of all thine increase:

As well, I love the Message Bible translation:

Honor God with everything you own;

give him the first and the best.

Although I know that most people interpret this as speaking of wealth, riches & possessions, which is true, but I feel just as importantly it refers to our time, our energy, our everything... To me, the time God has given me is more important than any possession that I own. The time He has given me, is what enables me to invest in those that I love the most. It's my greatest asset... My richest gift... I desire to give the One who gives me the gift of time, the firstfruit of that gift.

Is it always easy? No.
Is it sometimes a struggle? Yes.
Is it always desirable? No.
Does it take discipline? Yes.

So as I thought & prayed, I asked the Lord to reveal to me the very things that distract me & draw me away from Him. I asked Him to show me what I allow that keeps me "disconnected" from an intimate & flourishing relationship with Him.

As well, after MaKayla & Mal were up this morning, we visited about this very thing & I asked them that as they prepared for their day to think about what distractions kept them from drawing near unto God. It was quite interesting & enlightening to hear their responses over breakfast. The one thing that really spoke to me was one of the girls made the comment, "I would have to say music is one thing that distracts me. If there isn't music playing, I am bored." There was such truth to that... When we are bored, we grab for anything but God's Word. When we are bored, lonely or longing, we reach out to anything & anyone but God Himself.

After chatting with the girls & digging deep myself, these are some of the things that He revealed...
*insecurity
*worry
*condemnation
*fear
*food
*din (unfruitful noise)
*internet
*cell phone (texting)
*jealousy
*busyness
*discontentment
*self-image
*dependence on something or someone other than Him
*perfection
*television (no cable/satellite here but lots of movies)
*personal agenda
*media
*hobbies (like the 1,000 piece puzzle on our coffee table at the present)
*criticism
*attempts to fix things or people
*reading books more than I read God's Word
*laziness
*frustration

God is showing me more and more every day that the only way I can be victorious & triumphant in overcoming these things & being deeply connected to Him is to discipline myself when I am aware of them. When I realize that they are pulling me away... Keeping me from His presence... Hindering my communication... Slowing my walk... Stunting my growth... It's at those times that I must take my thoughts captive & throw off everything that is keeping me from connecting with Him.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses,
let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles,
and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us...

Hebrews 12:1 (NIV)
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Casting down imaginations,
and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God,
and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;

2 Corinthians 10:5 (KJV)
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We use our powerful God-tools for smashing warped philosophies,
tearing down barriers erected against the truth of God,
fitting every loose thought and emotion and impulse
into the structure of life shaped by Christ.
Our tools are ready at hand for clearing the ground
of every obstruction
and building lives of obedience into maturity.
2 Corinthians 10:5~6 (The Message Bible)
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What is keeping you from connecting with God?