I Knew...

Ever have "one of those days" where the nice blue sky turns to deep dark gray?
Where the sweetly singing of birds turns to window shaking thunder?
Where all that seems to be going right quickly changes to everything wrong?
Where overflowing joy turns to debilitating frustration?
Where emotions take over?
And instead of seeing things through the eyes of Jesus...
You are seeing everything through the eyes of carnal flesh?
And before you even realize it, crater sized holes are left in your heart?

That has seemed to be the majority of my week...
To put it lightly, it's been extremely riveting to the depths of my soul.
And in times like these, I'm extremely thankful there is Jesus!
Without Him, I would be an angry, hard-hearted, embittered individual.

A few afternoons ago as I boiling with frustration to the point that I am certain thick, black smoke was billowing from my ears, the Lord prompted me to pick up His Word. I sat down in our inviting quilt laden old wooden rocker, picked up my Bible from the coffee table & allowed God to correct my wandering heart. He told me to turn to 1 Corinthians 13 and so I did. I already knew what the words beheld yet He wanted me to READ them AGAIN! He wanted me to look intently at each instruction, applying it to the situation at hand...

Love is patient.
Love is kind.
Love does not envy.
Love does not boast.
Love is not proud.
Love is not rude.
Love is not self-seeking.
Love is not easily angered.
Love keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil.
Love rejoices with the truth.
Love always protects.
Love always trusts.
Love always hopes.
Love always perseveres.
Love never fails.

He also asked me to turn to Colossians 3:12-15...

Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.

This verse was also very fresh in my heart as I had recently heard a pastor teach on it a month or so ago...

I knew how I was feeling in my heart was not pleasing unto the Lord.
I knew the thoughts racing through my mind were not edifying others.
I knew the words falling from my mouth were salt-water rather than fresh-water words.
I knew the portions of Scripture God was calling me to meditate on were Truth.
They were what I needed to be reminded of.
They were what I needed to read in order to renew my mind.
They are words meant to be acted upon, not just warm-fuzzy-feeling words.

As I sat in that chair reading over words the Lord Himself had inspired, I knew I needed to do some MAJOR adjusting to my thoughts, my feelings & my attitude. I knew I needed to entrust what was frustrating me over to God. I knew I needed to replace my anger with understanding. I knew my frown needed to be transformed into a smile & my grumbling needed to be converted to praise. I knew I needed to LOVE!!! And what does love look like? It's plainly listed above.

The "feeling" of love isn't always present in order to live it out...work it out...extend it out, but God commands & instructs us to do those very things.

I can't say my heart doesn't still hurt...for it does.
I can't say that the gray is completely gone...some still remains.
I can't say that I understand all the "whys' of the situation...because I don't.
BUT...
In spite of the remnant of hurt, cloudiness & confusion that lingers, God still calls me to love...
Even when I may not "feel" it.
For if I am obedient to act on what I know rather than on how I feel, God will be faithful to turn the hurt into healing...the cloudiness into sunshine...and...the confusion to understanding. He can be trusted to bless if I am committed to obey.