This Time, This Intimate Time...

Fall has arrived.

And it's such a beautiful season to absorb.

I sit back and watch the picture unfold...

And my heart is fulfilled...

And refreshed...

And saturated with contentment.

The One who loves me most has created this tapestry of beauty & I'm honored to behold it.

It's been a quiet morning around our home as Kyle is away at work & MaKayla & Mal are caring for a precious one-year-old before heading over to love on bullies & send one off to his/her new home. A busy day for the girls yet I am blessed for the blessing they are & for the ways they selflessly serve & love & nurture. The reality of that fills this momma's heart. ♥

I've invested the morning in doing laundry...
Capturing the majesty of the Creator...
And relishing in intimacy with Him.

An intimacy that completes...
And satisfies.

As I sat at the dining room table warming my hands on a steaming cup of coffee & thinking on this time, this intimate time...
My heart went back a few weeks ago.

Early morning shower.
Nothing unusual.

As the hot water washed over my body, I began my typical shower routine...
Cleansing my body...
Seeking cleansing for my soul.

And then requesting...
"Be with..."
"Help..."
"Meet...where they are..."
"Go before us..."
"Be provisional..."
"Extend favor..."
"Be close to..."

And then the Holy Spirit stopped me...

"To do... To do... To do... Thanks for the "To Do List" but what about...Me."

"What do You mean?"

"I mean, how about being with Me... Appreciating Me... Respecting Me... Revering Me... Valuing Me... You are so quick to throw a 'To Do List' at Me, but what about...Me? I am your doer... fixer... mender... At least that's the way it seems. I am present to do all those things & answer all those requests & fix all those issues & mend all that brokenness, yet you're demanding rather than asking... You're expectant without first respecting... And while we're at it, this is many times how you treat Kyle..."

My attention at this point is at full capacity.

"How would you feel, Mendi, if Kyle woke up, rolled over & said, 'Okay, this is your list for the day. I'm very specific in what I expect you to complete. Get to it. No, 'Good Morning...' No, 'I love you...' No, 'Thank you...' No, 'I am so grateful to be with you...' No, 'I believe in you...' No, 'You are my treasure & I'm glad you are mine...' Just, 'Here's your list...'"

A humbling reality yet I knew that what He was saying to me was truth...
It always is.
He can be nothing less.
Or speak anything short.

It was truth.

So many people, including myself, see God (or our spouse) as a "fixer" more than a friend...
A "saver" more than a Saviour...
A "doer" more than a Dwelling Place...
And a "mender" more than a precious, loving & faithful Master.

It's not that I don't see God (or Kyle) as my Friend or Saviour or Dwelling Place or Master, but do I sincerely, continually, intimately see those facets of Him first & foremost?

We talked about this a great deal in the Monday evening Bible study we are hosting here in our home. We call out to God out of necessity when we are in dire straights & want something but when all is going smooth, we run full throttle on emotion & adrenaline.

How do we feel when others treat us as such?

Used.
Conditioned.
Resentful.
Devalued.

In all fairness, I think we think that God (or our spouse) already knows we love Him & respect Him & revere Him & cherish Him...
And He does.

We take no time to be intimate...

But value comes through telling...
And Expressing.

Conveying...
And showing.

He longs to be told...
Just like we do.

He is God & we were made for His pleasure...
His joy.

He desires to be shown...
In the same manner as us.

I mean be honest, aren't you thankful & blessed when you not only know that someone loves you & appreciates you & honors you & respects you but then they take it a whole step further to tell you & show you & convey to you & express to you? It confirms what you know...

When they are intimately connected...

I believe God is the same.

Ever since that morning & that shower :), I've been mindful...

To appreciate before I ask.
To respect prior to requesting.
To honor ahead of wanting.

To articulate how much I love Him...
And how thankful I am that He chooses to be present in my life.

I no longer want to be a child of a loving God or a wife of an adoring husband or a mom of precious children who takes for granted that which I am to cherish & honor & appreciate & respect. Not because I have to or am expected to, but because I have the honor & privilege. ♥

I desire intimacy...

For their sake...

And mine.

The "resting" I spoke of in the last post has brought me to the reality of revelation.
In resting we are saved...
In quietness we find strength.

The Bible says it this way:

For thus said the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel,

“In returning and rest you shall be saved;

    in quietness and in trust shall be your strength.”

But you were unwilling... 

(ESV)

For thus said the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel: 

In returning [to Me] and resting [in Me] you shall be saved; 

in quietness and in [trusting] confidence shall be your strength. 

But you would not... 

(Amplified)

For thus saith the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel; 

In returning and rest shall ye be saved; 

in quietness and in confidence shall be your strength: 

and ye would not. 

(KJV)

This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, says:

“In repentance and rest is your salvation,

in quietness and trust is your strength,

but you would have none of it.

(NIV)

For in moments of intimacy we grow to know...

better than ever before.

So as I sat at that dining room table this morning, reflecting on this time, this intimate time, my thoughts reflected on the opportunity of quiet, intimate, alone moments... And how the moments between myself & my Jesus should mirror that of similar moments with Kyle... And how moments between myself & Kyle should mirror that of similar moments with my Jesus... For a covenant marriage is to be an example of that between Christ & ourselves.

♥ Naked...
♥ Unguarded...
♥ Bare...
♥ Crucifying control...
♥ Exposed...
♥ Vulnerable...
♥ Available...
♥ Unashamed...
♥ Willing...
♥ Relaxed...
♥ Quiet...
♥ Peaceful...
♥ Freeing...
♥ Unsuffocated...
♥ Open...
♥ Receptive...
♥ Up close...
♥ Personal...
♥ Noticing...
♥ Learning...

♥ Thankful...

♥ Appreciative...

♥ Cherished...

♥ Valued...

Taking deliberate time to be grateful...
And to purposefully express the reality of that to the One we love...
Without expecting anything in return.

In returning & rest we are saved...
In quietness & trust we are strengthened.

We have to be willing...
And intentional.

From A Self-Sufficient Valley Into A Desolate Desert...

Happy October! :)
Long time no-write...
Long time no-share...
Long time no-time...

Life has been busy, crazy, full & dry...

To be honest, life has been tough.
No marriage trouble.
No rebellious daughters.
No major catastrophes.

Simply a parched season of drought...

A season of wonderings...
Questions...
And a degree of confusion.

Thoughts, convictions, perceptions that I've always seen as truth & deemed as "gospel" yet gradually came to question & evaluation. Or at least I finally acknowledged them for what they were... And although some may see this as a weakness of faith or a buckling of foundation, God has taught me so much through this season of searching & seeking. He's realigned so many things within me in order to more adequately align me with Him. In attitude. In spirit. I think for so long the ridicule & condemnation & criticism drove me to a mode of survival. To suppress feeling as a means of numbing the pain. Something so necessary in order to keep pressing forward. To keep living the Christ-life because, after-all, that is what was right & noble & integral. Because although others may see it & label it as legalistic, they expected nothing less.

The past year has brought many transitions for our family as it was a year ago September that we stepped away from a church, a "body", a ministry that we had given ourselves to & invested ourselves in for several years. It was a death... Literally. I'm not sure I have grieved more at any other time in my life than when we knew God was instructing us to step back, step down & step away...and we did.

"When one year came of not seeing you every Sunday, it made me sad.

But God is in control & my desire is for us to be where He wants us."

(From a precious kindred spirit...)

And after a month plus a few, we started visiting churches in order to find a new "home". Tough. Awkward. Difficult. Draining. To be honest, after such a quest, I'm not even sure what "church" is supposed to look like & at one point MaKayla & Mal finally said, "Do we have to try any more 'new' churches?". A hard reality for someone who has been a Christ-follower, church-attender, ministry-server for nearly 25 years. Someone who thought they knew what the essence of "church" was... Or at least the "idea" of it.

There's a big difference between an idea & a reality...

But what about doctrines?
Every church has a specific "set".

Or worship style?
Contemporary?
Traditional?
Or a service for each?
Every congregation is different.

How about preaching/teaching method?
Hell, fire & brimstone?
Verse by verse?
Topical?
They all vary.

What does the "congregation" 'look like'?
College age?
Young families?
Older?
One very rarely finds a place where there's a good mix of all.

And ministries?
Dress codes?
Outreaches?
Standards?

Some churches take communion every week...
Some once a month...
Some once a quarter...
Others not at all.

Or version of the Bible used/taught from?
King James only...
NIV...
ESV...
Too many to list the options.

And as a Christ-follower for years, I think to myself, "If all of this is a bit "muddy" to me, how does a non-believer or someone from the outside looking in decipher it all?" I can see why people are turned off & repulsed, left with a nasty taste of wanting nothing to do with any of it, yet for years I have pushed forward...

Until now.

Before you get the idea that I've washed my hands of it all & am advocating the building of one's own kingdom, please don't make that assumption or final determination.

I get it.
I know there is no perfect church.
I'm not in search for one.

I've had that "card" thrown my way more times than I can count...
And it wearied me.

Until now.

As well as the "warning" to not forsake the assembling together as some are in the manner of...
With a twist of condemnation to increase the pressure.
A twist that spread the frosting a little thicker & sickened my gut.

Until now.

And a reminder that we are an example.
To render that we are falling short...
A rendering that fostered & brewed guilt.

Until now.

Simply put, I am in search...
Of a church were God is the complete & absolute focus.
Not the worship (for all-too-often it is emotionally based).
Of a church where the Word is declared with authority & conviction & instruction.
Rather than historical facts, user-friendly "feel goods" or legalistic doctrines.
Of a church where the roots of wisdom run deep.
Instead of chasing after that which draws & attracts & entertains.
(God is sufficient & His Word should be enough to move us.)
Of a church where the fellowship is secondary to intimately meeting with God.
In place of the sanctuary being a weekly social function.
Of a church where intentional prayer & intercession is executed.
Where communion is a priority.
And when one enters they recognize the presence of the Holy Spirit...
And when they leave, they are certain that they have met with, been instructed of & dwelt with God.

Some would say this is implicating the perfect church & maybe so, yet each aspect is biblical in truth & in nature. Some would say it doesn't exist & maybe not, but it should.

Confusing...
Concerning...
Saddening...

About six weeks ago the Lord took my hand & led me from a self-sufficient valley into a desolate desert. It wasn't an instant arrival, yet so very gradual. So gradual to the point that I didn't even realize that my destination was changing until I was already there.

Dry...
Dusty...
Draining.

And before I knew it, I was mentally, spiritually, emotionally & physically dehydrated.
To the point of desperation.

Had God left me?
No way.

Was the Holy Spirit absent?
He was closer than ever.

Did Jesus desert me?
Absolutely not.

Never once did I feel abandoned...
Rather, I felt weak...
Needy...
Broken...
Thirsty...
Desperate.

I knew that I knew that I knew that God had me in this place of destitution for a deliberate reason & purpose & that He was right there with me. I wasn't looking to & fro in an attempt to find the quickest road out or the soonest flight of departure as I was resolved in the deepest part of my soul & spirit that in order to be rehydrated, I needed to linger, wait & listen. I didn't have my eyes open for a chicken exit & I wasn't begging God to get me out of this place.

On the contrary, my family was concerned...
MaKayla asked, "Are you depressed?"
Nope.

Kyle petitioned, "Are you oppressed?"
Don't think so.

I knew that where I found myself, was God ordained.

The hours turned to days...
The days turned to weeks...

Finally, Kyle knew through the words I spoke, the countenance of my spirit & the demeanor of my being how fragile of a state I was in & took a few days off of work to be near...
To support...
To encourage...
To pray...

For four days we went nowhere & did nothing.

We sipped coffee...
Went for walks...
Read the Word.

We shared our hearts...
Expressed our feelings...
And listened.

To each other.
And to God.

One day I simply pulled the curtains as far back as they could go, sat in our old brown rocker, wrapped myself in the quilt MaKayla stitched for Kyle, closed my eyes, soaked up the warmth of the sunshine & rested in God's faithfulness even in the midst of destitution.

That was the beginning.

As I sought & searched & studied...
And prayed & listened & processed...
God said to me, "First things first, Mendi. You've been so self-sufficient in surviving that you've lost sight of intimately acknowledging Me. You rush ahead to do the right thing & speak the proper words & make the integral choices but you've lost sight of Me... The things you are doing & the words you are speaking & the choices you are making are great, fine & good & all things I ask of you, yet you've lost sight of the Reason. I've brought you to this place in order to renew you. To remind you of Who I am & what I desire of you & for you. I've led you to this dry & dusty place as a way to rekindle a romance we once shared. To stir the knowing that I Am. I see your heart. I see your longings. I see your questions & your confusion. I am aware of your wonderings. Rest. Let loose of the quest to survive. Rest. Cease to do for vain persuasions. Rest. I Am & I Am all that matters. Release the rope of convincing those you feel you must prove & do & speak & make, simply for Me & for Me alone. Though the whole world watches, the only audience that matters is Me & if you are serving Me, even though they may condemn, My approval is all you should be striving for. Rest."

And I did...
And I have...
And I am.

And I Ask...

It's a cool, rain-soaked, thunderstormy kind of day here in our corner of the globe. Soothing. Relaxing. Comforting. Serene. :) My body has been planted in the same chair, in the same location, doing the same thing for the past few days & since I hadn't blogged in a bit, I decided to take a short "respite" and share some thoughts that are ever close at heart.

MaKayla (and Mal) has busily been caring for bullies quite frequently & Kyle loves anytime he can "frequent" the premise & spend time interacting with the puppies & momma's alike. Upon our return home from a "visit" last Thursday, our 2014-2015 school year curriculum was awaiting us. To say Mal was excited would be a vast understatement. :) Having it her way, we would have started classes the next day HOWEVER this mom needed time to plan & prepare. School has been at the forefront of my mind for several weeks now...praying...seeking...listening...evaluating... We are re-purposing a few things MaKayla previously used as well as stepping into a few new adventures suited specifically for Mal as well. :) No free time over the weekend so my focus this week has been praying, planning & preparing... As I read ideas & suggestions offered in the particular plan book I ordered, one mom commented that prior to a new year beginning, she spends an entire day ALONE at their local library. Quietness, concentration & focus. I told Kyle I couldn't even begin to imagine such a day... He & I agreed that it was necessary for me to take the time, invest the moments & deliberately hone in on the mapping out of our new year of nurturing, learning & study. In turn, I have been some what "absent" from life & this is what our dining room/school table has looked like...

Time consuming? Yes.
Mind boggling? At times.
Fulfilling? Absolutely.

I'm so thankful for Kyle's encouragement & insistence on me taking this time...
For my sake (and sanity)...
For Mal's sake (and success)...
For the sake of our family (and peace/harmony)...

I would humbly admit that God has used the past several days to put some things in clear perspective for me... (Back to school planning in a bit.)

You know, life can get mundane.
Boring.
Unfulfilling.

And in the mundanity, boredom & unfulfillment we quickly find ourselves discontent, ungrateful & lacking respect & value...for others & for ourselves. We don't see what we or others do as purposeful. We take for granted time spent & knowledge invested. We view what we invest multiple hours into as merely a "job" or a task. We expect rather than gratefully receive. We overlook rather than appreciate. We waste moments rather than see them as "opportunity".

Working through life together, and the ups and downs therein, Kyle & I have discussed this on multiple occasions. College simply wasn't his thing (he was too enthralled with a 16 year-old something of a girl ♥) and after a few months of attempting the classes & the every weekend commute (to see the 16 year-old something of a girl ♥), he forever laid college to rest. He put in applications & it wasn't long before he was offered a position at a local company/factory that was just being established in our area. Nearly 25 years later, he remains employed at this same business.

Minutes...
Hours...
Days...
Weeks...
Months...
Years...
Invested.

A faithful employee...
A committed laborer...
A deliberate workman...

A team member...

And then a team leader...
Now a supervisor...

One who invests...
Not only in the company who signs his paychecks...
But in the lives he interacts with on a daily basis.

Aiding...
Assisting...
Encouraging...

Teaching...
Training...
Supporting...

Giving ones a chance who others simply wanted to give up on.

Seeing life...

Rather than just machines...
Or parts...
Or quotas...

But yet through the years because no college education was achieved or no elite title was deemed, sadly he has viewed his position at this place of employment simply as a "job".

And I ask, "What deems one job a 'career' but another job a 'job'?"

Isn't anything we invest minutes and hours and days and weeks and months and years in, a career?

Or is a "career" just allotted to those with a degree...
Or a title...
Or a six-figure salary?

Isn't a career anything we pour passion & intent into?
Life & meaning?
Purpose & resolve?

Or does that label of "career" only pertain to those who have designated attire that signifies "importance"?
Or an occupation that society looks at as substantial?
Or a line of work that comes with "perks"?

Last week marked the 25th Anniversary of Kyle's place of employment & Kawasaki went to great extremes to honor their employees & to showcase how far the company has come & grown since it's opening in 1989. Catered meals, generous gifts, special presentations & then an Open House... Policies are strict & due to the fact that Kawasaki is a Foreign Trade Zone, this would probably be only the second or third time that I have had the privilege of touring the plant & actually seeing what Kyle does on a day-to-day basis. (Also the reason for no "tour pictures".) He talks about this part & that part, this process & that process, this machine & that machine but hey, I have the mind of a woman so the terms crankshaft or spindle or camshaft simply don't register in my mind that only understands the specifics of toilet cleaning, stain-killing, meal planning & exquisite laundry folding. :) I was blessed to be able to do the walk through tour twice... The first time I was so busy people gawking/watching (and asking, "Who is that?") that I didn't fully grasp what I was there to absorb. Oops. And just as the girls & I were finishing up the first round with Mark, Marci & Jordan, Tom text & said he, Beth & Zoe were on their way & where could we meet. :) Kyle was thrilled.

Thankfully Kyle didn't give me a quiz over the initial go-through :) & I vowed I would pay better attention & keep my inquisitiveness at bay the second time around. With each step I took around the plant...department to department...assembly line to assembly line...machine to machine, my appreciation heightened. With each process that Kyle explained & every tid-bit of knowledge he extended (he's worked in multiple areas over the 25 years), my respect for what he does grew. Step by step, moment by moment, nugget by nugget, my heart was filled with admiration. ♥

Perspective.

Seeing...
Hearing...
Experiencing...

Perspective.

Being there...

Perspective.

And on his part, having the opportunity to share with us what he does each and every day, brought his heart, mind, soul & spirit satisfaction. It was a great reminder that his investment in a solid company & in real lives, isn't "just a job", it's a career. Something he pours time, energy, passion, intent, diligence & dedication in to. ♥

And on my part, I have found myself more grateful, more respectful & more prayerful over the work of his hands (as he fixes machines, measures parts & keeps lines running smoothly), the efficiency of his mind (as he formulates charts, documents necessary information & troubleshoots), the movement of his feet (as he walks from building to building & office to office & line to line) & the compassion of his heart (as he ministers mercy, understanding & encouragement to real lives). ♥

Perspective.

Sitting at that dining room/school table the past few days, as encouraged by the one who holds my heart, I see where I am just like him... I haven't viewed what I do as a "career". I haven't invested the minutes, hours, days, weeks, months & years as wisely as I should have.

Perspective.

As I told MaKayla, there's only a few things in my life that if I could have a complete do-over, I would so choose that option. Many decisions & choices over the years I regret but there are some that are heart-wrenching to me... How I invested in the early years of the girls' lives & the time I didn't take & the intent I didn't put forth, & the purpose I didn't sew deep, I would so check the "do-over box" if the option was available. All-too-often, I didn't put first things first.

Quizzing.
Ministry.
Social extensions.

And then the first thing suffered.

Perspective.

Individual life (Kyle, MaKayla, Mal).
Family (as a whole).
Time.

Perspective.

Nurturing.
Education.
Never-to-be-redeemed moments.

Perspective.

Mal begins her freshman year of school in a few days. I've spent a great amount of time praying, planning, preparing. For her. For me. Spiritually. Scholastically. Emotionally. I wasn't intentional as such with MaKayla & were it not for the grace & mercy of Christ, the reality of failure & remorse would rivet me to the core. Yes, she achieved & succeeded & excelled, yet where was I? I am indebted that God filled in the gaps where my absence was present. I am beyond thankful that MaKayla stepped up to the plate & was deliberate in learning & studying & accomplishing where my lack was the reality.

Perspective.

It's a new season filled with a freshness of purpose...

Mal's excited.
So am I.

Whatever God has called us to do, He calls us to do with purpose, passion, intent & diligence.

After all, it's not just a "job", it's a career.

Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, 

knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward.

You are serving the Lord Christ. 

~Colossians 3:23-24 (ESV)

Servants, do what you’re told by your earthly masters. 

And don’t just do the minimum that will get you by. Do your best. 

Work from the heart for your real Master, for God, 

confident that you’ll get paid in full when you come into your inheritance. Keep in mind always that the ultimate Master you’re serving is Christ. 

The sullen servant who does shoddy work will be held responsible. 

Being a follower of Jesus doesn’t cover up bad work. 

~Colossians 3:23-24 (The Message)

"How, Lord? How did I get here?"

A few weeks back the message bank in my phone was approaching full capacity & it gave me the signal of a warning to clean up, clear out & delete to prevent overload. I have a tendency to ignore such warnings & then am utterly frustrated when I get the big, "Messages Full" notification letting me know that I am now unable to send already composed texts or receive anything coming in. Certain texts that people send me touch me, encourage me & challenge me therefore I'm very careful before selecting the "delete all" option... So as I sat at the dining room table that morning strategically checking each specific text before removing it into cyber-space for all eternity, one text in particular caught my eye... I instantly knew from whom it came & the Lord put an immediate check in my spirit. I considered what it said & God profoundly spoke to my heart,

"Mendi, do you recognize love?" 

And then another question, "Do you put conditions on love?" 

And another, "On the receiving end?" 

And another, "On the extending end?" 

And finally, "Do you delight in being loved?" 

Yes, these questions challenged my heart...my soul...my spirit...my being...
For the One who loves me most was the One who asking...

I thought them over...
And meditated on what He was asking me to consider...

Busted.

I knew the answers...

But how...

How did I get here...

For some time my mind continued to consider this conversation of immense depth between me & the Lord. The girls always know when I am "thinking" & eventually one of them will ask, "Momma, whatcha thinking about?" :)

As MaKayla, Mal & I gathered around the dining room table for breakfast that morning, I asked them,
"Do you recognize love?"
"Do you put conditions on love?"
"On the receiving end..."
"On the extending end..."
"Do you find delight in being loved?"

"What does love look like to you?"

It ensued a beautiful, enlightening conversation between the three of us...

Both of them took an opportunity to share...
To answer the questions...

They each told me how they recognize genuine love...
*words spoken...
*interest taken...
*the tone of a person's voice...
*warm, tight embraces...
*undivided attention...
*time invested...
*affection extended...
*a "caring"...for them specifically.

And then, without my prompting, they began tying those traits to specific people...

My heart was warmed...
And blessed...
And thankful.

I could see why each mentioned, by name, this person or that person...
Some of them the same...
Some of them different.

Some from present...
Some from past...

Yet they feel love from these people...
They recognize love from these people...
They know love from these people...

And then God said to me,
"How often do you extend & receive love at arm's length?"

Busted, again.

And again, I asked,

"How, Lord?"

"How did I get here?"

Hurt.
Self-protection.
Pride.
Fear.
Jealousy.
Resentment.
Selfishness.

A crusting of the heart...

And to be honest, I didn't see it transpiring.
No, it didn't happen overnight but day-by-day, situation-by-situation, the what seemed to be innocent membrane of protection, hardened.

That's how I arrived.

Instead of asking God to bind up those gaping wounds...
And to quiet those harsh words of criticism...
And to soothe those bruises of rejection...
I allowed roots of bitterness to bury themselves.

I medicated real injuries with a faux medication...

A mangled mess of emptiness...
Destined for destruction.

And as the roots dug in deeper...
The crusting thickened...
The heart self-protected...
And the shell hardened.

I replaced generosity with self-seeking...

Mercy with resentment...
The delight in other's victories with jealousy...
Open arms with fear...
Simple humility with pride...
Vulnerability with self-protection...
Forgiveness with hurt...

The blood of my heart coagulated...
And simply put, the blood of my heart, is love.

Instead of being fluid...
With a continual, smooth in-flow & out-flow...
Love...
And the giving & receiving of it...
Coagulated.

~ coagulate ~

to change from a fluid into a thickened mass; curdle; congeal

to form a clot

As I continued to think all of this through in an attempt to find understanding & correction & healing, God gave me that distinct picture of fluidity.

That's how He desires love to be...

Fluid.

~ fluid ~
capable of flowing freely like water

On the giving end...
On the receiving end...

And if someone hurts us...
He will heal it.

And if someone rejects us...
He will receive us.

And if someone speaks harsh words of criticism...
He will speak soothing words of truth.

He is God.

And He says,

"Replace the 'what ifs' with I Am..."

I Am God...

And I have your best interests in store.

I still have a long way to go in grasping the reality of all that God wants to teach me in this area yet as I allow Him to have His way within the bowels of my being, He will soften that hardened crust until nothing remains but a pliable, viable masterpiece to be molded into His likeness.

How about you...

"Do you recognize love?"
"Do you put conditions on love?"
"On the receiving end..."
"On the extending end..."
"Do you find delight in being loved?"

Remember...
He is God.
And He has your best interest in store.

♥

43 Years...43 Reasons... Thank You For You... ♥

Yes, as you can tell, MaKayla has been doing much updating to the blog. I'm a simple kinda person who isn't bent on fixing something that isn't broken but she loves to create & spruce up a bit so when she asked if she could, I said, "Go for it." :) I love what she's done & am so thankful for her time, energy, effort & diligence.

It's been a great week of doing life with those I love most...
*Bible reading/study...
*Cleaning a little here...
*Cleaning a little there...
*Watering...
*Watering...
*Watering...

It's also been a week of learning & growing in Christ through the instruction of God's Word & the counsel of the Holy Spirit. Many times I wonder if I will ever "get it" & then God reminds me that I have much tutelage to undergo until He wills my time on earth to be over. This excites me as I love being stretched spiritually & I am beyond fulfilled when I gain understanding regarding something that has before been "hidden".

Tuesday was Kyle's birthday & although he typically doesn't take off of work for celebration of his special day, this year he decided to. MaKayla, Mal & I were beyond thrilled. ♥ We did most of our food prep the day before & I am so thankful that we did in order for us to fully enjoy our family day together.

Here's some snippets...

Pops & his girls...♥

Doughnuts just for him...♥

And on plan...

Gluten, grain, dairy & refined sugar-free...

Me & my love...♥

New instrumental guitar CD...

Delish...

Breakfast on the patio...♥

And a game of Yahtzee...♥

Love her...♥

A little sibling fun...♥

The one my heart loves...♥

A little relaxing...♥

Gifts...♥

We asked what he wanted to do with his afternoon...♥

Teaching moments...♥

Learning moments...♥

Alone moments...♥

Score #1...♥

Maybe a little technique to the process...♥

Score #2...♥

Not so sure...♥

Finally getting it...♥

Score #3...♥

I sat in the back of the truck & read my Bible...

And journaled...

And captured pictures of God's beautiful handiwork...

And watched those I love...♥

Yep, there's something over there...♥

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

My treasures...♥

My forever love...♥

Lettuce wraps for lunch...

Guac for supper...

And homemade chips...

43 years...♥

43 reasons...♥

A game of Phase 10...♥

Mexican was his request...♥

The lighting of the candles...♥

Love this...♥

So much to celebrate...♥

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Rich fibers in the tapestry of my heart...♥

New shirt #1...♥

New shirt #2...♥

Radiant joy...♥

New Fiesta...♥

Just his...♥

color...♥

♥

♥

New racquetball racket...♥

And goggles...♥

And racquetballs...♥

P.J. pants...♥

(We LOVE pj's in this home...)

Mal thought he needed minion boxers...♥

:)

Plus the Ice Age movies that we didn't have...♥

Kyle letting MaKayla know that a button is NEEDED...♥

:)

A picture-perfect day...♥

Ended with a delish on-plan dessert...♥

Black Bottom Banana Pie...♥

43 years...

43 Reasons...

♥Your gentle touch...

♥ Your love for music...

♥ Your longing for my presence...

♥ Your desire for order...

♥ And structure...

♥Your dislike of clutter...

♥ Your tender heart...

♥ Your knowledge of things I know nothing of...

♥ That you've never allowed either of us to sleep on the couch...

♥ Your infatuation with deodorant...

♥ And moving air...

♥ And the warm glow of lamps...

♥ The way worship melodies move you...

♥That you learned to love coffee...

♥ Black...♥

♥ That angry words make you uneasy...

♥ The way you leave scattered coffee granules on the counter...

♥ That you tolerate hormones...

♥ And the women they affect...♥

♥ Your creative mind...

♥ The way your hands move on your guitar...

♥ And the melodies they generate...

♥ Your giving spirit...

♥ That you enjoy painting (since I don't)...

♥ Your artistic abilities...

♥ That you have no fear of driving in snow or ice...

♥ Your love for shopping...

♥ And new clothes...

♥ That you treat me with fragility...

♥ Your passion for purity in MaKayla & Mal...

♥ That you work beside me in the kitchen...

♥ That divorce has never been an option for you...

♥ Your love for Bibles...

♥ That you calm my fears...

♥ Soothe my anxieties...

♥ And quiet my racing thoughts...

♥ Your patience...

♥ And grace...

♥ That you named our children...

♥ And changed their first diapers (since I couldn't)...

♥ Your desire to see me succeed in whatever I am doing...

♥ That you always want to be wherever I am...

♥ Your unconditional love for me...

And an uncountable number more...♥

You are my Jesus-in-the-flesh & I am beyond thankful that since from the beginning of time, 

God knew you would be mine...

And I would be yours...

You are more than I ever could have dreamed of...

Hoped for...

Desired...

Kyle~

Thank you for you...

For ever...

For always...

~Your Mendi

I belong to my lover,

and his desire is for me.

~Song of Solomon 7:10