More In Love...

Today has been a beautiful day for me... ♥
Typical first-of-the-morning routine...
Up with my man... ♥
Bible study... ♥
Waking chats with my girls on the couch... ♥
Bagels & peanut butter with notes etched on top ...♥
Coffee made with love by MaKayla... ♥
Bible study... ♥
School... ♥
Bible Study... ♥
Still in our jammies... ♥
An unexpected knock at the door... ♥
Joyful hellos... ♥
Warm embraces... ♥
An invitation to spend some time... ♥
A spontaneous decision... ♥
Very much unlike me... ♥
Something I needed... ♥
God saw... ♥
God knew... ♥
Grace... ♥

Mal is well into her school routine for the year & since Kyle continues to have every Friday off of work, it's only four day weeks at this point. :) She loves the curriculum we are using this year & her diligence is inspiring.

MaKayla has found her niche here at home. Bible studies. Moments to journal. Willingness in meals. In dishes. In life. Blessed.

Kyle works so hard & perseveres to provide for our family. To lead us. To guide us. To nurture us in the ways of the Lord.

Life for me is good. Blessed. Stretching. Housework. School. Meals. Bible study. A husband. Two girls. Beautiful.

Leading two studies & participating in one keeps me deeply in the Word on a daily basis. I'm loving every second of it yet at times processing all the seeds that the Lord is sowing on my heart is big. Hard. Overwhelming. Heavy. Making sure the soil is tilled, fertilized & prepared so that those seeds can deeply implant themselves. Even in the bigness, I'm loving every second of it.

This coupled with a few other situations that feel as planks resting on my shoulders has me in a more humbled state than I ever remember being. I am more grateful for grace than ever. I am more aware of His presence than ever. I am more perceptive to His instruction than ever. I am more in love with my Jesus than ever.

As I study, I find that God's Word comes more alive & real to me than I can ever remember before. The essence of the ink & the Truth it holds radiates redemption, freedom, correction & healing as I've never experienced before. It generates questions. Evaluation. Meditation. In a raw way it is riveting my heart & compelling me to seek God as I never have before. It's bringing things to light in ways that I have never understood or comprehended before.

The other evening as Kyle & the girls were in Worship Team Practice, I stole away to a room in the church to study & pray. I sprawled my body out across a row of chairs as I delved into The Word. One of my closest friends found me there & flopped her body across a row of chairs near me. She. Me. Laying there. I asked her at what point she was in the study. We talked. I shared. Tears fell. She listened. I bore my heart as to how God has been tilling up the soil in my heart. Breaking hard ground. Chiseling away those masses that have kept me from truly seeing... I asked her if the study had been speaking to her in the same way. Had it brought to light any of the same things that it had to me. ♥

Earlier in the week I initiated a texting conversation with someone who shares my life blood. We chatted about some of the things I have been learning. Searching. Wondering about. How did she see it? I love digesting God's Word & then discussing it & being sharpened by those closest to me. I love being stretched. Spending time only with those who think the same way as you & who agree with you on everything is boring. :o\ I love it when I can visit with someone who holds me accountable & puts things into a different perspective for me. Who can say, "Yeah, I think you're on the right track," (if they believe I am), or is bold enough to say, "Ya know, I'm not sure I see it that way... This is how I see it." That's one way I grow. ♥

Yesterday the one who bore me life shared a portion of my day. Blessed moments. Tough conversations. Tense moments. Love trumps all. She assured me that the hard I am doing in certain situations; some day, one day, will be okay. One way or another, I know she's right. For the hard; resolved or unresolved, doesn't change Who God is. ♥

Although the God I serve is the same yesterday, today & forever, at this season of my life, He is revealing Himself to me in fresh & profound ways. It's big. It's humbling. It's overwhelming. I'm loving every second of it.

Today was a beautiful day for me. ♥

There is no one holy like the Lord

there is no one besides you;

there is no Rock like our God.

1 Samuel 2:2

From The Inside Out...

Life has been crazy, busy, full, abundant, chaotic & a little stressful.
Just ask my family.

We had planned to start school on Monday & in our planning we crawled into bed at 9:30 Sunday night in order to get a good night of sleep for the 5:00 a.m. alarm. At 11:30 we were awakened to Kyle's cell phone ringing due to a family emergency needing our presence. Kyle & I quickly rushed around & headed out the door, arriving back home at 2:30 a.m. The alarm on his phone sounded at 5:00 letting us know it was time to arise... At 5:20 a.m. my cell phone rang, asking for/needing our presence once again. That's how Monday started...

Kyle & I are hosting a small group Bible study in our home on Monday evenings & since this Monday happened to be the first of our meetings, we had planned a special kick-off with a meal. My day was spent in the kitchen preparing while the girls were away attending to an imminent situation that needed their (most especially MaKayla's) attention. The house got cleaned. The food got prepared. The kick-off went great. The spirit was sweet. The fellowship was refreshing. The evening was a blessing. That's how Monday ended...

That was the start of our week...

Tuesday was full of school, study, housework & small instances of catch-up from Monday being so crazy.
Wednesday was full of school, study, housework, study, errands & study... Kyle & I are not only leading a Monday evening study here in our home but we are both leading individual groups on Wednesday evenings at church as well. This means lots of study time...for both of us.

In the midst of all of we have had going on, we've had some (multiple) burdensome personal situations that are so very heavy on our hearts. Situations where our desire is to glorify God yet I humbly admit that the sinfulness of our flesh wants it's own selfish way. You know, one of those, "The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak" situations... So, in chaos of the busyness of life, I have been searching, seeking, digging, scratching to find the perfection of God in each of these situations.
Who am I to be?
What am I to do?
How am I to respond?
Which parts am I to own?

Making much of Jesus in the hard moments in life.
Moments that aren't just moments...situations...circumstances...
Moments that affect & impact people I care about...
People God cares about...

It isn't coincidental that the past two weeks our Beth Moore study has been focused on the particular fruit of "Patience"...
Living it out.
Working it out.
Allowing God to manifest it in my life.
Especially in the hard moments...

I'm learning.
I'm convicted.
I'm being stretched.
God is transforming me from the inside out.

Easy? Not necessarily.
Enjoyable? I can think if funner things.
Exciting? Yes.

Regardless of the hardness, I desire God.
I desire God's best.
I desire God's will.
I desire God.
More. Than. Anything.

So...
I continue to search, seek, dig & scratch.
I continue to pray, listen, read & journal.
I continue to hunger...
For God.

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

Jeremiah 29:13

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Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart
Is to bring You praise
From the inside out
Lord my soul cries out

In my heart and my soul
Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out,
Lord, let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love You from the inside out.

More...

At last an opportunity to spend a few minutes at the computer to continue the short post that I started the other day. Kyle & MaKayla are resting & Mal is enjoying some time on her Kindle. :)

Life has been incredibly full for us the past few weeks. Moments with people we love. Time of growth in the Lord. We savor each opportunity we are given...

I don't ever remember a season of time where our family has been so hungry for more of Jesus. More of Who He is. More of Who He wants us to be. More of how we can grow in His likeness. And not just one or two of us, but ALL of us. It's been a season where we are eager to be in His Word.
Dwelling.
Abiding.
Resting.
Listening.

We find that the more we dwell, abide, rest & listen, the more we are compelled to change. The more imperfections we are awakened to. The more we are unsettled with self. The more we need Jesus. And the more He pours into us, the more we desire to pour out to others. Kyle, MaKayla & I are diligently praying over individual ministries that we feel God is calling us in to, so that we can invest the richness that God has invested in to us, into others. Exciting yet humbling.

MaKayla, although often questioned by others, still feels the Lord leading her to stay at home for the time being. The idea is foreign in our culture today yet God did say in His Word that when we are walking/following/living the Christ-life, we would be different. Set apart. Peculiar. We would go against the grain of society. The more times she is asked, the more confident she becomes in her response. :) And although her response isn't popular or rarely understood, the more times she is put on the spot to share, the more assured she is that she is doing what God wants her to do. He is truly stretching her & despite the pain & discomfort, she is determined to stay the course until He fully reveals what His distinct plan is for her life.

You see, MaKayla hasn't always had "this plan" for her life. Early on, (when her mom was constantly pushing for perfection & the highest goal in education) she longed for the college life. The elite career. The eclectic apartment. The fancy car. The status of succeeding. It was her longing. Her desire. Her dream. Family was optional. Fortune was paramount. Yet one day as she was coordinating a wedding for a friend, the littlest flower girl decided she didn't want to walk that isle herself so MaKayla scooped that petite tiny girl up & carried her down. As the little one wrapped her arm around MaKayla & looked into her eyes, it was at that point that the Lord struck a chord in her spirit. She knew at that moment that God didn't desire her to have the elite, eclectic, fancy, dream life. He desired her to love those well whom He someday would place in her life. For life isn't about money. Status. Image. Success. And MaKayla, knowing herself the way she does, knew that trying to accomplish one while weighing the other, would be an on-going battle. She's enough like her momma that when she does something, anything, she does it to the fullest. To the best of her ability. To as close to perfection as possible. The reality of weighing career with the higher calling of nurturing a family, would be next to impossible. One would win & the other would lose. And although the spirit is willing...the flesh is weak. One or the other would have to be released.

 So today...
Although the road ahead seems a little foggy...
She waits.
She waits on the Lord to show her the way.
For He says He will.
And what He says He promises.
And His promises NEVER fail.

Kyle & I are thankful.
Thankful that she is listening & waiting.
Thankful that she is denying the pressure from others.
Thankful that she is resisting the popular choices of peers.
Thankful that God is enough for her at this moment in time.
Thankful that she is desiring the more of Christ.

As a friend & I chatted after worship on Sunday, I so long for the more...
More of Jesus.

So often we settle for the good instead of grasping the best...
The more...
Settling isn't an option...
Even if it means a wait.

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I pray to God—my life a prayer—
      and wait for what he'll say and do.
   My life's on the line before God, my Lord,
      waiting and watching till morning,
      waiting and watching till morning. 

Psalm 130:5-6

The Message Bible