A Few Moments...

The girls are still sleeping so I'm gonna try and savor a few moments to compose a quick post that has been on my "To Do" list for the past several days. Mal has been setting her alarm every morning which she thinks is great fun although I try to convince her that she is C-R-A-Z-Y!!! School hasn't started yet for us however Mal is probably the most independent one of the fam & loves the idea of... hold that thought...my cherubs just awoke... :)

My Ultimate Desire...

The kitchen is finally clean after MaKayla, Mal & I spent the entire afternoon occupying it's space. Kyle asked me if I would make him some homemade bread today so as I was thinking on starting that project, I remembered all the "need-to-be-used" pears waiting to be retrieved from our brimming tree (and those that had already fallen on the ground). Once MaKayla was finished creating a new design on Mal's toes, I sent her to the pear tree while I looked up a recipe for Pear Butter & Mal took care of some laundry on the clothesline. Once all our "little" tasks were complete, we started in on making Pear Butter for Kyle's homemade bread... ♥ It was a messy project but lots of fun & very rewarding to see the fruit of our labor successful! :)

Everyone is gone to worship team practice but me.
It gives me time to think over the events, conversations & lessons of the day.
One in particular sticks out in my mind.

 Both girls were quietly engaged in their devotions when one of them said, "I have a question for both of you? Do you feel as though you live each day to the fullest?" I somewhat knew where the question was stemming from although her Bible lay open in front of her so I wasn't completely sure. I, myself have been doing a great deal of reading which can be untypical of me yet last night as the girls returned from an evening visit with a friend, they overheard me reading aloud to Kyle an excerpt from the book I am currently partaking of. It talks of living life fully... Being thankful... Finding joy in the every day...

I pondered her question.
I thought it through before speaking.
At this point in my life, my heart is a fertile field longing for seed.
Begging for God to provide abundant moisture for those seeds that He is planting.
Asking Him to send His sunshine & warmth so that those seeds can spring into healthy plants.
Where eventually they will bring forth fruit for His glory.

Because of what I've been reading, studying & meditating over, I answered the question much differently than maybe I would have otherwise. My thought cycle is changing. God is transforming the way I process life. He's giving me a different perspective.

Only days ago, I would have correlated "living life fully" to what I accomplish in any given day or if I had made the most of every opportunity that I was afforded, yet today, it all appeared differently to me.

Living life fully reflects my attitude towards people or situations or circumstances.
Living life fully mirrors the way I process stress, difficulty or trial.
Living life fully resounds if I was willing or patient or available.
Living life fully resonates whether I LOVED WELL...

It used to be about how I used my time. Where I went. Who I saw.
It used to be about how I used every minute. How productive I was. How happy I appeared.
It used to be about "To Do Lists" & whether or not everything got checked off that list.
It used to be about how clean the house was or if the laundry was done or if supper was successful.

But today...
It's all about who I am, how I respond & how well I love...

Living life fully means seeking God's guidance in starting each day, living each day & ending each day with no regrets...

It means MaKayla & Mallary end the day knowing their momma loved them to the fullest. That I was understanding, patient & available. That I laughed with them, cried with them & pointed them to Jesus. That I nurtured their hearts & brought them one step closer to being prepared for the path that God has for them someday.

It means Kyle knows that I am his & his alone. That I love him with my everything. That I adore who he is.That I am grateful for the sacrifices he so willingly makes for our family. That I empower him through my words, my submission, my respect & my attitude. That I care for the in-home needs of our family. That I am his helpmeet, his lover & his friend. That I am a diligent prayer warrior on his behalf.

It means abiding in the presence of Christ & being willing to be His hands & feet in whatever capacity He asks of me. It means being thankful for the gift of His life. It means being obedient.

It's my desire.
My ultimate desire.
To. Live. Life. Fully.

Life Is A Choice...

Home alone for a very short window of time.

So many thoughts racing through this mind of mine...
Truths God is teaching me.
Concepts I am learning from others.
The reality of life for some people.
Things that trip me up but others find easy.
Things that I find comprehensible that others find hard to grasp hold of.

Day-by-day God is showing me how differently we all see life...
How diversely we process situations...
Circumstances...
Hardships...
Victories...
Struggles...

How hard it is for some to find peace...
And for others, they simply accept it...
As a gift...
From God, Himself...

How some choose to choose defeat.
They choose what they know is destructive.
For some in the physical sense.
For some in the spiritual.

Life is a choice.
And simply put, we all get one chance.
One.
There are no do-overs.
None.

So today, I choose life.
I choose to live life.
I choose to give life.

And you know what?
Sometimes that's not an easy choice to make.
It's unnatural.
Yet it's something God has been branding, burning deeply on my heart.
It's following after the spirit & denying the flesh.

So earlier today when I was sharing a conversation with someone I love more than life, my flesh wanted to become agitated. Disgusted. Impatient. Ridiculing.

Ever so softly, the Holy Spirit said, "Remember? Do you remember what we talked about this morning in the early recesses of your day? Do you remember the words I asked you to pen in your journal lest you forget? Being tender. Listening. Encouraging. Praying. Have you forgotten already? Do what I have asked. Work out what I have taught you."

So I did.

I can't change how others process life, nor should I try. Who says I process it correctly & they don't?
Only God can change me.
Only God can change them.

One thing I know...

I'm choosing to live life.
I'm choosing to give life.

So be patient, brethren, as you wait till the coming of the Lord. 

See how the farmer waits expectantly for the precious harvest from the land. 

 See how he keeps up his patient vigil over it until it receives the early and late rains.

So you also must be patient. 

Establish your hearts strengthen and confirm them in the final certainty, 

for the coming of the Lord is very near.

Do not complain, brethren, against one another, 

so that you [yourselves] may not be judged. 

Look! The Judge is already standing at the very door.

As an example of suffering and ill-treatment together with patience, 

brethren, take the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord as His messengers.

You know how we call those blessed (happy) who were steadfast who endured. 

You have heard of the endurance of Job, 

and you have seen the Lord’s [purpose and how He richly blessed him in the] end, 

inasmuch as the Lord is full of pity and compassion and tenderness and mercy.

James 5:7~11

He Is ~ My All-In-All...

Time is flying by & I am savoring every moment I am blessed with. So many times in the last few weeks I have started to sit down at the computer with a longing to blog and someone will desire my time with them. I willingly give over my blogging moments in order to savor the moment... It could be for a chat. Or for a game of cards. It could be for an evening walk. Or an intimate conversation. I don't want to miss any opportunity I am afforded. ♥

Life has been full around our home. Not necessarily busy, running full, but full with moments... Moments of learning, growing, sharing, sharpening, God's Word, fellowship, laughter, prayer, accountability...

In the midst of "us", one of my closest friends contacted me a week-or-so-ago wanting to know if she & I could sit down & sort some things out that she is working through. I love, love, love the opportunity to share sister-to-sister. ♥ What a blessing that window of time was... A good cup of coffee... Bare hearts... Raw feelings... God's presence, direction, accountability, encouragement...

Never before do I remember a time that I have been so hungry for God's Word... Never before do I remember a time that I long for the continual fellowship of Jesus... Never before do I remember being able to clearly hear, receive & respond to the voice of the Holy Spirit... It's nourishing... Fulfilling... Intimate... Precious to my heart...

Both MaKayla & Mallary attend the women's Sunday School class with me which I tremendously enjoy. We are currently studying through Beth Moore's, 'Living Beyond Yourself ~ Exploring the Fruit of the Spirit'. It's been such a blessing to sit with our girls, reading over God's Word & combing the lessons for fresh truth, insight & instruction. Yet the richest blessing is to witness what we're learning "connect" within them. To see the fire ignite within their spirits. I am finding that the realization of this is one of the greatest gifts the Lord could ever give to me.

To be honest, both Kyle & I are going through intense seasons of refining & sifting. God is stretching us in very uncomfortable yet very necessary ways. He's speaking to us on such things as pride, selfishness, rash responses, gentleness, simplicity. He's been showing us what loving Jesus really looks like. Not what it feels like but what it looks like.

Besides the Beth Moore study, I have also been engaged in reading the book, '7 ~ an experimental mutiny against excess'. This written work of truth has been nothing short of life-changing for me. It's made me look at things so differently. It's taken portions of God's Word & brought them to in life in ways I never dreamed. Bluntly, it has changed my life. As I have read word-by-word, page-by-page, chapter-by-chapter, God has spoken so profoundly to me. He has turned my heart upside-down & back again. He has softened me in areas where I confessed that I would NEVER do this or that; to now seeing those as areas as unoptional. And not only as unoptional, but replacing them with burning desires. Longings. Questions of why I didn't see this sooner? Why didn't I "get this" earlier? How can we make this happen now?

The most difficult part in all of it for me is sorting it all out. I'm the type of person that when I hear something, see something, read something, watch something, and it rivets me, I plant it deep within the recesses of my spirit & I will, with all my might, purpose to work.it.out. I don't want to waste ANYTHING God affords me.

I have so many thoughts, desires, truths, aspirations running through my mind that I pray; I earnestly pray, for the Holy Spirit to deeply plant & root each nugget so far within me that nothing, absolutely nothing, could take it away.

He reminded me of His faithfulness just this evening... I received an unsettling form of communication from someone I love beyond words. I couldn't exactly discern whether it was extended in frustration or simply as a way of venting hurt. Any other time I would have responded in defense or offered a lengthy explanation to promote peace yet for the first time ever, I stopped, thought it through, calmed my rapid beating heart & sought the Lord for direction. He reminded me that no explanation was needed. The issue wasn't mine to own. I had done nothing to instigate it. ~ An immediate assurance washed over me. ~ Please understand, I am a people-pleaser by nature (to some, I will do nearly anything to remain in their favor) so this was very unnatural to me. I wanted to fix it. I wanted to know that they weren't mad, angry or embittered toward me. I wanted to settle the waters. I needed to know that it's going to be o-k-a-y... The Holy Spirit reminded me to rest.in.Him.

You know, refining isn't easy. It's not comfortable.
It takes surrender...submission...a relinquishing of the will...
But friend, when you can see God driving you more than you're driving yourself, it's a humbling richness that no value can contain.

I so want Jesus to steer my life.
I want to radiate His presence more every day.
I want to make much of Him.
I want Him to know ~ that He is ~ my all-in-all.

Remain in Me, and I will remain in you.

No branch can bear fruit by itself;

it must remain in the vine.

Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in Me.

John 15:4