Life has been full around our home. Not necessarily busy, running full, but full with moments... Moments of learning, growing, sharing, sharpening, God's Word, fellowship, laughter, prayer, accountability...
In the midst of "us", one of my closest friends contacted me a week-or-so-ago wanting to know if she & I could sit down & sort some things out that she is working through. I love, love, love the opportunity to share sister-to-sister. ♥ What a blessing that window of time was... A good cup of coffee... Bare hearts... Raw feelings... God's presence, direction, accountability, encouragement...
Never before do I remember a time that I have been so hungry for God's Word... Never before do I remember a time that I long for the continual fellowship of Jesus... Never before do I remember being able to clearly hear, receive & respond to the voice of the Holy Spirit... It's nourishing... Fulfilling... Intimate... Precious to my heart...
Both MaKayla & Mallary attend the women's Sunday School class with me which I tremendously enjoy. We are currently studying through Beth Moore's, 'Living Beyond Yourself ~ Exploring the Fruit of the Spirit'. It's been such a blessing to sit with our girls, reading over God's Word & combing the lessons for fresh truth, insight & instruction. Yet the richest blessing is to witness what we're learning "connect" within them. To see the fire ignite within their spirits. I am finding that the realization of this is one of the greatest gifts the Lord could ever give to me.
To be honest, both Kyle & I are going through intense seasons of refining & sifting. God is stretching us in very uncomfortable yet very necessary ways. He's speaking to us on such things as pride, selfishness, rash responses, gentleness, simplicity. He's been showing us what loving Jesus really looks like. Not what it feels like but what it looks like.
Besides the Beth Moore study, I have also been engaged in reading the book, '7 ~ an experimental mutiny against excess'. This written work of truth has been nothing short of life-changing for me. It's made me look at things so differently. It's taken portions of God's Word & brought them to in life in ways I never dreamed. Bluntly, it has changed my life. As I have read word-by-word, page-by-page, chapter-by-chapter, God has spoken so profoundly to me. He has turned my heart upside-down & back again. He has softened me in areas where I confessed that I would NEVER do this or that; to now seeing those as areas as unoptional. And not only as unoptional, but replacing them with burning desires. Longings. Questions of why I didn't see this sooner? Why didn't I "get this" earlier? How can we make this happen now?
The most difficult part in all of it for me is sorting it all out. I'm the type of person that when I hear something, see something, read something, watch something, and it rivets me, I plant it deep within the recesses of my spirit & I will, with all my might, purpose to work.it.out. I don't want to waste ANYTHING God affords me.
I have so many thoughts, desires, truths, aspirations running through my mind that I pray; I earnestly pray, for the Holy Spirit to deeply plant & root each nugget so far within me that nothing, absolutely nothing, could take it away.
He reminded me of His faithfulness just this evening... I received an unsettling form of communication from someone I love beyond words. I couldn't exactly discern whether it was extended in frustration or simply as a way of venting hurt. Any other time I would have responded in defense or offered a lengthy explanation to promote peace yet for the first time ever, I stopped, thought it through, calmed my rapid beating heart & sought the Lord for direction. He reminded me that no explanation was needed. The issue wasn't mine to own. I had done nothing to instigate it. ~ An immediate assurance washed over me. ~ Please understand, I am a people-pleaser by nature (to some, I will do nearly anything to remain in their favor) so this was very unnatural to me. I wanted to fix it. I wanted to know that they weren't mad, angry or embittered toward me. I wanted to settle the waters. I needed to know that it's going to be o-k-a-y... The Holy Spirit reminded me to rest.in.Him.
You know, refining isn't easy. It's not comfortable.
It takes surrender...submission...a relinquishing of the will...
But friend, when you can see God driving you more than you're driving yourself, it's a humbling richness that no value can contain.
I so want Jesus to steer my life.
I want to radiate His presence more every day.
I want to make much of Him.
I want Him to know ~ that He is ~ my all-in-all.
Remain in Me, and I will remain in you.
No branch can bear fruit by itself;
it must remain in the vine.
Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in Me.
John 15:4
