Once again my Esther study this week has been profound bringing much comfort and conviction to my life...comfort and conviction I so desire and need. As I shared with some dear sisters-in-Christ Friday evening, the Lord has been speaking SO clearly to me about who I am as a mom, friend, nurturer...to MaKayla and Mallary... Yesterday's lesson in my study completely sealed a huge revelation for me...it all boils down to the ugly word of SELF! All too often I demand what I want, what I expect, the standard I set leaving no room for anyone else in our home to be who God specifically and uniquely designed them to be. The intimidation I have placed on their lives so many times in the past grieves my soul and the manipulation I have used at times to get through to them saddens me. Never, never, never do I want Kyle nor the girls to remember me as a selfish, have-my-own way kind of person and sad-to-say that is who I have been the majority of these last 20 years. God is truly taking me through the fire and removing the sludge of "self" so that He can have dominion. Hallelujah! I always want MaKayla and Mal to remember me as one who loved, accepted, nurtured, trained...with love and in love...I want them to always see their dad and I and our home as a place of refuge, comfort and solace...as if God Himself is here dwelling with us. A place of rest, acceptance, joy...
I'm finding it's about thinking less of self and more of the them...
it's about focusing more on Jesus and not on me...
Yesterday was such an awesome day for us girls here at home as we did school and then CLEANED (the bathroom-ugh...ceiling fans-ugh...windows-ugh...have I ever told any of you that I HATE cleaning!?!...love laundry, dishes, cooking...HATE cleaning...)! I brought myself to the point of delegating jobs, being willing to accept how their work turned out rather than insisting on perfection... We all ended the day fulfilled and I am finding that I've many times damaged our girls from being a mom who was never satisfied...where they never felt that their best was good enough...
I'm so thankful for a God who never gives up on me and finds me worthy of tutelage...
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus.
Philippians 2:3~5
you have influenced me so much! i very much appreciate you! thank you so much for being there for me! i will also always be for you. i love you very much<3
ReplyDeletesavannah