I Wonder...

School books are put away & although I have a Bible study that I am eager to dig into, after contemplating & recontemplating a nice facebook prompting from a tried & true friend, I opted to do a quick blog post. I have about decided that I need to choose...facebook or blog. It's hard to "keep up" with both & when I give attention to one, the other suffers & vice versa. I think there's a Scripture in God's Word about that...

"No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other,

or he will be devoted to one and despise the other.

You cannot serve God and wealth."

Matthew 6:24

 

Although this verse is specific to money, it seems to mirror so many other areas in life as well. That which we feed is that which is going to grow & take up space in our lives whatever it may be. All we have to do is to look at our time, our checkbooks, our cupboards, our calendars... That which it holds is that which is most valuable to us. That which it contains is that which has most important place in our lives. A sobering reality... So, I continue to seek God as far as facebook... I love being "connected" to people that I otherwise would not be able to keep in touch with... Nurses from Kyle's surgery/illness. Far away friends. Family that I don't see often. Yet I wonder, is the "connection" worth what it is costing in the long run... Time. Attention. I would admit that I "enjoy" social media. Probably more than I should. What about it is so drawing to people? How do people get so "addicted" to it? What is so compelling about it that causes people to log on & check it multiple times in a day? Believe me, I've thought this through more times than I can count. It seems that some people want "to be in the know" & some people simply want "to be heard"...

 

How much of it truly glorifies God? I mean really, some of the things I see & read is shocking to me... 

 

How much of what people post is drama? They get on a band wagon & spew away... Saying things that are really no one else's business. Making certain situations & circumstances so much bigger than they are. Involving people that have no reason to be involved. 

 

How many times do we tell the world those things which God, Himself wishes we would just tell Him? That we love Him. That we believe Him. That we believe prayer changes things. We post it to the world but do we truly take the time to share those things with Him personally?

 

How often do what we see changes our view of others? Believe me, facebook allows one to see another for who they really are. What they do. How they live. The things they say. What their deepest convictions really hinge on. Sometimes, I see things that cause me to view people differently than how God would desire me to view them & then I wonder, "Why do I do this to myself?"

 

How regularly are we spending time "connecting" with those in the outside world, when we should be "connecting" with those in our own presence? Or doing something constructive? Or investing those moments in the here & now responsibilities that God has entrusted to us?

 

And then there's the whole "approval" arena. If enough people "like" our status, it's a rush. It boosts confidence. It means were "accepted". And if they don't "like" it, well then it must mean they are mad or don't agree or don't care or like someone else better.

 

I wonder if we calculated the amount of minutes we spent/times we logged on to facebook & designated that many minutes to deliberate Bible reading/study, if our desire & hunger for social media would wane. If our desire & hunger for Christ would increase.

 

I know some who are just "creepers"... They get on, read the gossip, keep up with people of "interest" but never comment. They do it just to "keep in the know".

 

Several months ago as I was contemplating this (see I have been thinking it over for quite some time), the Lord revealed some very distinct things to me regarding social media/facebook/twitter, ect. He showed me areas of product in relation to these ways of "connecting & communicating"...

*time stealer

*jealousy instigator

*offense initiator

*pride inviter

*attention separator

*judgement antagonizer

*tempter

   *mentally

   *spiritually

   *emotionally

 

I'm not saying it affects all people in all these ways. I've just recognized them in my own heart/mind/spirit at various times & I have a feeling they do the same to others. And only a few days after He revealed the above to me, He brought this verse to vivid light:

 

Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody. 1 Thessalonians 4:11-12

 

I love sharing the light & love of Jesus on facebook. I love being an encourager. A prayer warrior for things that otherwise I may not know about. I love seeing pictures of faces that otherwise I would miss seeing. I love being warmed & inspired by others. But then I wonder... Is it worth what it is costing me???

 

Time. Unrighteous thoughts. Unsettled feelings. Time. Judgemental tendencies.

 

 Some people enjoy being "fed" by these things; personally, I don't.

 

I really don't need the "approval" from others. I don't need to be heard. I don't need to be "liked". I don't need to know everyone else's business. I don't need to have my opinion of others negatively influenced. Plain & simple, I long to be smack dab in the center of God's will.

 

I wonder if my life would be simpler to just return to blogging where I would have one "outlet" to focus on...

 

Just a little something (or a big something) I'm praying about...

 

 

At the same time they also learn to be idle, as they go around from house to house;

and not merely idle, but also gossips and busybodies, talking about things not proper to mention.

1 Timothy 5:13

 

We hear that some among you are idle. They are not busy; they are busybodies.

2 Thessalonians 3:11

 

 



This moment...

Kyle's phone alarm goes off at 5:00 a.m. signaling that the night has passed & a new day has dawned. He resets it for 5:30 & snuggles in close to me...

Kyle's phone alarm goes off at 5:30 signaling that another 30 minutes have passed & it is NOW time to REALLY get UP... He snuggles in close for just a few more minutes & then pulls himself from our warm bed.

A fresh, new day has embarked on this life, our life.
Tired? Yes.
Would love a little (or a lot) more sleep? Absolutely.

Kyle is now off to work.
The girls still sleep.
Crazy-busy weekend & both were feeling a little scratchy in the throat last night.
Essential oil diffuser & rest will do them good.

As I move about around the house this morning thinking about what this day, this week will hold, my mind becomes a stir. The Lord reminds me to refocus... On the here & now... This moment...

I pour me a hot cup of coffee that Kyle brewed... Just. For. Me. before he left.
I put last night's dishes in their appointed places...
I look around the kitchen...
I am reawakened to the reality of how blessed I am.

A heaping bowl of fresh fruit sitting on the kitchen table.
An unopened container of apple juice that MaKayla requested from the store.
Bananas neatly hanging from their rack.
Electricity.
Water.
Clothing.
Bible study books & The Book that clarifies it all.
Pens.
Paper.
A candle warmly burning.
Health.
Love...

A God who meets my every need from the smallest to the greatest.
A husband who works tirelessly to provide for our family.

A God who loves me in depths that I will never fully know until I see Him face-to-face.
A husband who loves me/our girls with no conditions.

A God who longs to commune & fellowship with me every moment of every day.
A husband who invests every free moment in the lives of MaKayla, Mal & I.

I look around & I am thankful.
I. Am. Blessed.
I. Am. Loved.
I. Am. Adored.
I. Am. Provided for.

The two most important relationships in my life are ones that complete me.
They make me who I am.
My Creator.
My husband.
They are my all-in-all.

How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!

How vast is the sum of them! 

Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand.

Psalm 139:17-18

 

Look around you today...

Count your blessings...

Name them one-by-one...

Count your many blessings...

See what God has done...

 

 

Plain & Simple...

It's a quiet, rainy morning here. The girls & I are all gathered around the kitchen table, each doing our own thing, yet blessedly in the comfort of one another's company. Mal, writing a report for school. MaKayla, working on her Bible Study. Myself, conversing with a sister-friend of mine via e-mail. In the midst of the messy, overflowing table sits a warm candle burning. My life & my heart are full to overflowing. Plain & simple.

Our days & weeks have continued to be quite busy, even to the point of needing to reschedule a "sew date" tomorrow. Disappointing? Absolutely. Freeing? For sure.

Through both the 'Fruit of the Spirit' study MaKayla, Mal & I are participating in on Sunday mornings & the study I am leading on Monday evenings, God has been repeatedly impressing on my heart the necessity of seeking out the Holy Spirit's filling, guidance & work in my life...DAILY. Seeking Him to fill & refill & fill some more. A fresh filling with each new day that I awake to. I'm sure I knew the importance of this, however I have been reminded distinctly through each of these studies that the only way I can live a fruitful, victorious & selfless life is to be refilled anew on a daily basis with the power & presence of the Holy Spirit. In & of myself I am a carnal body of flesh that seeks after my own desires yet through the filling of the Spirit, I am intimately connected to the One who created me & loves me most. And when I am intimately connected to Him on the deepest level, I am able to live out who He desires me to be. And as I live out who He desires me to be, He produces fruit through me. And as that fruit is produced, others are touched by Christ. The "others" being my family & those I am in contact with.

The more God deals with me & teaches me on this, the more I recognize the reality of His presence & control in my life. The more control He has, the less I think of self. The less I think of self, the more I am able to see the hearts & needs of others. The more I am able to see the hearts & needs of others, the more fruit He is able to pour out through me. The more fruit He pours out, the more others are being nurtured, affirmed, cared for, encouraged & comforted. The more others are being nurtured, affirmed, cared for, encouraged & comforted, the more God is glorified.

I feel abundantly blessed to be a vessel. A chosen vessel.

I pray that as I allow the Holy Spirit to fill me, others will see Jesus & in turn will have a deeper desire to know Him, to love Him, to serve Him. Even if the "others" are no one besides Kyle, MaKayla & Mal... ♥

Being reminded...

As I begin a new day I am reminded why I am here.
Why God has placed me here.
Why I am where I am.

He reminds me in this new day that first & foremost I was created for His pleasure.
To commune with Him.
To fellowship with Him.
To glorify Him.
~In my thoughts...
~In my words...
~In my actions...
~In my reactions...

He reminds me that He has very distinct purpose for me in this day.
Not only to please Him, but to make much of Him in the moments ahead.
For me, that is serving, honoring & nurturing those He has entrusted to me.
~In my thoughts...
~In my words...
~In my actions...
~In my reactions...

He reminds me that this doesn't "just happen".
It is only through the filling & the power of the Holy Spirit.

          "...be filled with the Spirit." Ephesians 5:18

He reminds me that I MUST be deliberate in petitioning that filling in my life.
It's God who does the filling, yet it's me who must do the asking.
If I fail to ask, seek, petition, will I be filled?
He longs for me to ask for that which He desires to give.

So today, I ask.
I want a fresh filling.
A filling that overflows.
Spilling from He to me.
From me to those I touch.
For it's only through the filling that the fruit can be ripe & ready.
Love.
Joy.
Peace.
Patience.
Kindness.
Goodness.
Faithfulness.
Gentleness.
Self-control.

And as I obey, the Spirit will produce nourishing fruit.
Through Him, it will be distributed to those whom I touch in this day.
It will be appropriated & those I touch will know it is Him.
They will see Him.
Feel Him.
Hear Him.
Be touched by Him.

He reminds me that I am His vessel today.
I am here to be poured out.
For the blessing of others.
For His honor & glory.
~In my thoughts...
~In my words...
~In my actions...
~In my reactions...

"...be filled with the Spirit." Ephesians 5:18

 

 

He Will Supply...

What a beautiful morning to walk Kyle out the door to his car as he prepared to leave for work. A cool brisk breeze. The twinkling of lingering stars. The brightness of a beautiful moon. The stillness of the night about to break into the light of morning.

Refreshing.
Exhilirating.
Renewing.
Just what I needed to start my new day.

I have come to the conclusion that unless I put "BLOG" on my "TO-DO" list, I just don't set aside the time to sit & write awhile. I am praying about designating a window of time every day to think, reflect & share but with the fullness of life in our home right now, I will wait patiently for the Lord to show me what His will is.

With everyone beyond tired the other night, we found ourselves in bed much earlier than normal. As is my nature, I carried along my Bible, journal & current studies/reads that I am enveloped in. Kyle & I chatted a bit & as he dozed off to sleep, I began to study. Awhile later he said, "Are you not tired?" Oh, I was, but to be honest, I don't want to miss a moment of the miracle of life around our home. I save my study time for when Kyle has left for work & before the girls arise, while they are gone fulfilling commitments or after everyone is in bed. When I am engaged in any project whether it is something I am creating or a study of God's Word, I can get quite cranky if I must get pulled away therefore it's best to do those things when everyone else is occupied. :) Kyle doesn't necessarily agree as he says I need to TAKE time for things I want & need to do... So after much discussion, we agree to disagree... ♥

The older I get, the more I LOVE to study. I think homeschooling the girls has done that to me. Growing up, I was a terrible student. I didn't study. I paid no attention to assignments or grades. I did just what was needed in order to "make it through". As the girls have grown throughout the years, the Lord has changed my desire from making sure they succeed & excel to cultivating their hearts. Instilling in them a LOVE for learning. Making sure their minds & their hearts are connected in that learning process. That learning & education aren't just things to get done... Things to muddle through... Things to accomplish... Yet it's a journey to enjoy. And through that process, the Lord has instilled in me a desire & a longing to learn of Him. To be taugh things I didn't know or have things I did know take on new meaning & perspective. Sometimes we can get so stale in our doctrines, beliefs & convictions that we are deaf-earred, blind-eyed, calloused-heart to the "new" that God desires to teach us. When that happens, we miss so much...

So as I continue on in the three studies I am enveloped in, I am grateful for what God is bringing ALIVE in my heart...
*who I see God as...
*what God expects/desires of me as a bride to Kyle...
*what LIVING the Fruit of the Spirit looks like...
*how God desires me to "see" difficult situations in life...
*the view He longs for me to have in the hard of life...
*what He desires me to do with what He is pouring in to me...
*to evaluate how His character is being displayed in my day-to-day life...
*to examine my life continuously, being mindful of what is present that shouldn't be...

Most of these things seem like elementary concepts yet God desires to constantly be turning the soil of our hearts so that new seed can be sown. So that new growth can spring forth. So that abundant fruit can be grown. So that His harvest will be plentiful.

The last three weeks have been overwhelming trying to "get on top of it all" yet His grace has been so satisfyingly sufficient.
It's pushing forward.
Persevering.
Leaning on His strength rather than my own.

In the midst of it all, He has shown me through His Spirit & through His Word that as we willingly receive that which He has entrusted to us, being good stewards & faithful grounds keepers, He will supply the ability & strength to accomplish that which He believes we can do. We base so much of what we accomplish on what we feel we are capable of rather than just focusing on that which He has placed into our care. Being diligent to put our hands to the plow knowing... He will NEVER ask more of us than His grace is sufficient to supply.

It's been a great learning season for me.
Not just in knowledge...
But in fully trusting God to give me the strength & ability.

As everyone left last night from our in-home Bible Study, Kyle & I just looked at each other & acknowledged how good & awesome God is. How faithful & provisional... How amazing & wonderful...

It's a joy to serve Him...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In the back of the truck rides in the fall...

 

Caring for a rehabilitating puppy...

Bow shoots with Dad...

Perfectly BBQ'd grilled chicken...(by Kyle of course ♥)

What our living room floor typically looks like...

Sillyness between Grandma Sharon & Tuck...

Our new wall creation...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The path of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn,
shining ever brighter till the full light of day.
Proverbs 4:18

 

More In Love...

Today has been a beautiful day for me... ♥
Typical first-of-the-morning routine...
Up with my man... ♥
Bible study... ♥
Waking chats with my girls on the couch... ♥
Bagels & peanut butter with notes etched on top ...♥
Coffee made with love by MaKayla... ♥
Bible study... ♥
School... ♥
Bible Study... ♥
Still in our jammies... ♥
An unexpected knock at the door... ♥
Joyful hellos... ♥
Warm embraces... ♥
An invitation to spend some time... ♥
A spontaneous decision... ♥
Very much unlike me... ♥
Something I needed... ♥
God saw... ♥
God knew... ♥
Grace... ♥

Mal is well into her school routine for the year & since Kyle continues to have every Friday off of work, it's only four day weeks at this point. :) She loves the curriculum we are using this year & her diligence is inspiring.

MaKayla has found her niche here at home. Bible studies. Moments to journal. Willingness in meals. In dishes. In life. Blessed.

Kyle works so hard & perseveres to provide for our family. To lead us. To guide us. To nurture us in the ways of the Lord.

Life for me is good. Blessed. Stretching. Housework. School. Meals. Bible study. A husband. Two girls. Beautiful.

Leading two studies & participating in one keeps me deeply in the Word on a daily basis. I'm loving every second of it yet at times processing all the seeds that the Lord is sowing on my heart is big. Hard. Overwhelming. Heavy. Making sure the soil is tilled, fertilized & prepared so that those seeds can deeply implant themselves. Even in the bigness, I'm loving every second of it.

This coupled with a few other situations that feel as planks resting on my shoulders has me in a more humbled state than I ever remember being. I am more grateful for grace than ever. I am more aware of His presence than ever. I am more perceptive to His instruction than ever. I am more in love with my Jesus than ever.

As I study, I find that God's Word comes more alive & real to me than I can ever remember before. The essence of the ink & the Truth it holds radiates redemption, freedom, correction & healing as I've never experienced before. It generates questions. Evaluation. Meditation. In a raw way it is riveting my heart & compelling me to seek God as I never have before. It's bringing things to light in ways that I have never understood or comprehended before.

The other evening as Kyle & the girls were in Worship Team Practice, I stole away to a room in the church to study & pray. I sprawled my body out across a row of chairs as I delved into The Word. One of my closest friends found me there & flopped her body across a row of chairs near me. She. Me. Laying there. I asked her at what point she was in the study. We talked. I shared. Tears fell. She listened. I bore my heart as to how God has been tilling up the soil in my heart. Breaking hard ground. Chiseling away those masses that have kept me from truly seeing... I asked her if the study had been speaking to her in the same way. Had it brought to light any of the same things that it had to me. ♥

Earlier in the week I initiated a texting conversation with someone who shares my life blood. We chatted about some of the things I have been learning. Searching. Wondering about. How did she see it? I love digesting God's Word & then discussing it & being sharpened by those closest to me. I love being stretched. Spending time only with those who think the same way as you & who agree with you on everything is boring. :o\ I love it when I can visit with someone who holds me accountable & puts things into a different perspective for me. Who can say, "Yeah, I think you're on the right track," (if they believe I am), or is bold enough to say, "Ya know, I'm not sure I see it that way... This is how I see it." That's one way I grow. ♥

Yesterday the one who bore me life shared a portion of my day. Blessed moments. Tough conversations. Tense moments. Love trumps all. She assured me that the hard I am doing in certain situations; some day, one day, will be okay. One way or another, I know she's right. For the hard; resolved or unresolved, doesn't change Who God is. ♥

Although the God I serve is the same yesterday, today & forever, at this season of my life, He is revealing Himself to me in fresh & profound ways. It's big. It's humbling. It's overwhelming. I'm loving every second of it.

Today was a beautiful day for me. ♥

There is no one holy like the Lord

there is no one besides you;

there is no Rock like our God.

1 Samuel 2:2

From The Inside Out...

Life has been crazy, busy, full, abundant, chaotic & a little stressful.
Just ask my family.

We had planned to start school on Monday & in our planning we crawled into bed at 9:30 Sunday night in order to get a good night of sleep for the 5:00 a.m. alarm. At 11:30 we were awakened to Kyle's cell phone ringing due to a family emergency needing our presence. Kyle & I quickly rushed around & headed out the door, arriving back home at 2:30 a.m. The alarm on his phone sounded at 5:00 letting us know it was time to arise... At 5:20 a.m. my cell phone rang, asking for/needing our presence once again. That's how Monday started...

Kyle & I are hosting a small group Bible study in our home on Monday evenings & since this Monday happened to be the first of our meetings, we had planned a special kick-off with a meal. My day was spent in the kitchen preparing while the girls were away attending to an imminent situation that needed their (most especially MaKayla's) attention. The house got cleaned. The food got prepared. The kick-off went great. The spirit was sweet. The fellowship was refreshing. The evening was a blessing. That's how Monday ended...

That was the start of our week...

Tuesday was full of school, study, housework & small instances of catch-up from Monday being so crazy.
Wednesday was full of school, study, housework, study, errands & study... Kyle & I are not only leading a Monday evening study here in our home but we are both leading individual groups on Wednesday evenings at church as well. This means lots of study time...for both of us.

In the midst of all of we have had going on, we've had some (multiple) burdensome personal situations that are so very heavy on our hearts. Situations where our desire is to glorify God yet I humbly admit that the sinfulness of our flesh wants it's own selfish way. You know, one of those, "The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak" situations... So, in chaos of the busyness of life, I have been searching, seeking, digging, scratching to find the perfection of God in each of these situations.
Who am I to be?
What am I to do?
How am I to respond?
Which parts am I to own?

Making much of Jesus in the hard moments in life.
Moments that aren't just moments...situations...circumstances...
Moments that affect & impact people I care about...
People God cares about...

It isn't coincidental that the past two weeks our Beth Moore study has been focused on the particular fruit of "Patience"...
Living it out.
Working it out.
Allowing God to manifest it in my life.
Especially in the hard moments...

I'm learning.
I'm convicted.
I'm being stretched.
God is transforming me from the inside out.

Easy? Not necessarily.
Enjoyable? I can think if funner things.
Exciting? Yes.

Regardless of the hardness, I desire God.
I desire God's best.
I desire God's will.
I desire God.
More. Than. Anything.

So...
I continue to search, seek, dig & scratch.
I continue to pray, listen, read & journal.
I continue to hunger...
For God.

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

Jeremiah 29:13

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart
Is to bring You praise
From the inside out
Lord my soul cries out

In my heart and my soul
Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out,
Lord, let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love You from the inside out.

More...

At last an opportunity to spend a few minutes at the computer to continue the short post that I started the other day. Kyle & MaKayla are resting & Mal is enjoying some time on her Kindle. :)

Life has been incredibly full for us the past few weeks. Moments with people we love. Time of growth in the Lord. We savor each opportunity we are given...

I don't ever remember a season of time where our family has been so hungry for more of Jesus. More of Who He is. More of Who He wants us to be. More of how we can grow in His likeness. And not just one or two of us, but ALL of us. It's been a season where we are eager to be in His Word.
Dwelling.
Abiding.
Resting.
Listening.

We find that the more we dwell, abide, rest & listen, the more we are compelled to change. The more imperfections we are awakened to. The more we are unsettled with self. The more we need Jesus. And the more He pours into us, the more we desire to pour out to others. Kyle, MaKayla & I are diligently praying over individual ministries that we feel God is calling us in to, so that we can invest the richness that God has invested in to us, into others. Exciting yet humbling.

MaKayla, although often questioned by others, still feels the Lord leading her to stay at home for the time being. The idea is foreign in our culture today yet God did say in His Word that when we are walking/following/living the Christ-life, we would be different. Set apart. Peculiar. We would go against the grain of society. The more times she is asked, the more confident she becomes in her response. :) And although her response isn't popular or rarely understood, the more times she is put on the spot to share, the more assured she is that she is doing what God wants her to do. He is truly stretching her & despite the pain & discomfort, she is determined to stay the course until He fully reveals what His distinct plan is for her life.

You see, MaKayla hasn't always had "this plan" for her life. Early on, (when her mom was constantly pushing for perfection & the highest goal in education) she longed for the college life. The elite career. The eclectic apartment. The fancy car. The status of succeeding. It was her longing. Her desire. Her dream. Family was optional. Fortune was paramount. Yet one day as she was coordinating a wedding for a friend, the littlest flower girl decided she didn't want to walk that isle herself so MaKayla scooped that petite tiny girl up & carried her down. As the little one wrapped her arm around MaKayla & looked into her eyes, it was at that point that the Lord struck a chord in her spirit. She knew at that moment that God didn't desire her to have the elite, eclectic, fancy, dream life. He desired her to love those well whom He someday would place in her life. For life isn't about money. Status. Image. Success. And MaKayla, knowing herself the way she does, knew that trying to accomplish one while weighing the other, would be an on-going battle. She's enough like her momma that when she does something, anything, she does it to the fullest. To the best of her ability. To as close to perfection as possible. The reality of weighing career with the higher calling of nurturing a family, would be next to impossible. One would win & the other would lose. And although the spirit is willing...the flesh is weak. One or the other would have to be released.

 So today...
Although the road ahead seems a little foggy...
She waits.
She waits on the Lord to show her the way.
For He says He will.
And what He says He promises.
And His promises NEVER fail.

Kyle & I are thankful.
Thankful that she is listening & waiting.
Thankful that she is denying the pressure from others.
Thankful that she is resisting the popular choices of peers.
Thankful that God is enough for her at this moment in time.
Thankful that she is desiring the more of Christ.

As a friend & I chatted after worship on Sunday, I so long for the more...
More of Jesus.

So often we settle for the good instead of grasping the best...
The more...
Settling isn't an option...
Even if it means a wait.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I pray to God—my life a prayer—
      and wait for what he'll say and do.
   My life's on the line before God, my Lord,
      waiting and watching till morning,
      waiting and watching till morning. 

Psalm 130:5-6

The Message Bible

A Few Moments...

The girls are still sleeping so I'm gonna try and savor a few moments to compose a quick post that has been on my "To Do" list for the past several days. Mal has been setting her alarm every morning which she thinks is great fun although I try to convince her that she is C-R-A-Z-Y!!! School hasn't started yet for us however Mal is probably the most independent one of the fam & loves the idea of... hold that thought...my cherubs just awoke... :)

My Ultimate Desire...

The kitchen is finally clean after MaKayla, Mal & I spent the entire afternoon occupying it's space. Kyle asked me if I would make him some homemade bread today so as I was thinking on starting that project, I remembered all the "need-to-be-used" pears waiting to be retrieved from our brimming tree (and those that had already fallen on the ground). Once MaKayla was finished creating a new design on Mal's toes, I sent her to the pear tree while I looked up a recipe for Pear Butter & Mal took care of some laundry on the clothesline. Once all our "little" tasks were complete, we started in on making Pear Butter for Kyle's homemade bread... ♥ It was a messy project but lots of fun & very rewarding to see the fruit of our labor successful! :)

Everyone is gone to worship team practice but me.
It gives me time to think over the events, conversations & lessons of the day.
One in particular sticks out in my mind.

 Both girls were quietly engaged in their devotions when one of them said, "I have a question for both of you? Do you feel as though you live each day to the fullest?" I somewhat knew where the question was stemming from although her Bible lay open in front of her so I wasn't completely sure. I, myself have been doing a great deal of reading which can be untypical of me yet last night as the girls returned from an evening visit with a friend, they overheard me reading aloud to Kyle an excerpt from the book I am currently partaking of. It talks of living life fully... Being thankful... Finding joy in the every day...

I pondered her question.
I thought it through before speaking.
At this point in my life, my heart is a fertile field longing for seed.
Begging for God to provide abundant moisture for those seeds that He is planting.
Asking Him to send His sunshine & warmth so that those seeds can spring into healthy plants.
Where eventually they will bring forth fruit for His glory.

Because of what I've been reading, studying & meditating over, I answered the question much differently than maybe I would have otherwise. My thought cycle is changing. God is transforming the way I process life. He's giving me a different perspective.

Only days ago, I would have correlated "living life fully" to what I accomplish in any given day or if I had made the most of every opportunity that I was afforded, yet today, it all appeared differently to me.

Living life fully reflects my attitude towards people or situations or circumstances.
Living life fully mirrors the way I process stress, difficulty or trial.
Living life fully resounds if I was willing or patient or available.
Living life fully resonates whether I LOVED WELL...

It used to be about how I used my time. Where I went. Who I saw.
It used to be about how I used every minute. How productive I was. How happy I appeared.
It used to be about "To Do Lists" & whether or not everything got checked off that list.
It used to be about how clean the house was or if the laundry was done or if supper was successful.

But today...
It's all about who I am, how I respond & how well I love...

Living life fully means seeking God's guidance in starting each day, living each day & ending each day with no regrets...

It means MaKayla & Mallary end the day knowing their momma loved them to the fullest. That I was understanding, patient & available. That I laughed with them, cried with them & pointed them to Jesus. That I nurtured their hearts & brought them one step closer to being prepared for the path that God has for them someday.

It means Kyle knows that I am his & his alone. That I love him with my everything. That I adore who he is.That I am grateful for the sacrifices he so willingly makes for our family. That I empower him through my words, my submission, my respect & my attitude. That I care for the in-home needs of our family. That I am his helpmeet, his lover & his friend. That I am a diligent prayer warrior on his behalf.

It means abiding in the presence of Christ & being willing to be His hands & feet in whatever capacity He asks of me. It means being thankful for the gift of His life. It means being obedient.

It's my desire.
My ultimate desire.
To. Live. Life. Fully.