Yesterday's Troubles...

Yesterday was an all around tough day for me. It didn't start that way but as the minutes ticked away my attitude/thoughts went from positive & upbeat to downcast & despair. Intermittent crying sessions littered my day... Blame could fall on the weather. Or that I'm tired. Or lack of fresh air & sunshine. Or that am doing a great amount of study for the groups I am leading. Or that I don't deal well with continual gloom & doom dispositions of others. Or... Typically I am a cup-half-full kind of person who always sees hope in every situation so days like yesterday are quite uncommon to me. I'm always looking to encourage, uplift & serve who ever is in my midst or who ever is texting me at the time. ;)

#794 ~ Jim Brickman music, warm fireplace, low lights & cozy blankets on hard days

Shortly after Kyle came home from work another unfortunate situation happened; an ignorant mistake on my part (I take full responsibility) & my mood took another turn...not for the better mind you...not angry, just desperation... The girls had a standing Wii date planned in the basement so as they headed downstairs, Kyle sat me down at the kitchen table. I crumbled...

I live a life longing to see others happy...fulfilled...satisfied...
I look for ways to accomplish that...
And when those around me are down...empty...discontent...
I feel I have failed...somewhere...somehow...someway...
I feel as though what I am doing simply isn't enough...

#795 ~ heartfelt letters from Mal

Supper was eaten.
Dishes were done.
Baths were taken.
Puzzles were worked on.
Blogs designs were updated.
Music for Sunday was being comprised.
Feet were massaged.
Ice cream was enjoyed.
Gaithers were watched.

As I laid my head in Kyle's lap & drifted off to sleep, I was reminded...

Even on the hard days, God is faithful & God is good.

Tears may fall...

He dries them...

Hearts may break...

He binds them...

Despair may loom...

He extends joy...

Spirits may be crushed...

He saves them...

#796 ~ Hershey's chocolate

Throughout the night He prompted me to pray...
*for a friend's baby who is ill
*for a friend's grandson who is undergoing tests
*for a friend & her family who are struggling with their current church home
*for situations in my own family

As I awoke this morning, the Lord said to my heart...

"The weariness of yesterdays troubles do not have to dictate your joy of today..."

He is right...

Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed,

for His compassions never fail.

They are new every morning; 

great is Your faithfulness.

Lamentations 3:22-23

#798 ~ Being loved by the God of hope

Almost Eight Years Later...

"Write a blog post..."
"Write a blog post..."
"Write a blog post..."
Those are the thoughts that have been perpetually going through my mind day after day for the past several days yet it just hasn't happened. Life. School. Girls. Husband. Bible Study. Meals. Laundry. You know...the list... The list I am ever grateful for that keeps my days filled to overflowing.

It's a Saturday & Kyle is working.
The girls are still sleeping (I told them I would let them sleep as long as they liked) & I have a pot of Tiramisu  coffee brewing.
The furnace has ran continually this morning because it is SO cold outside...
The beauty outside my window is simply unexplainable. As a matter of a fact, I have been out with my camera more than once trying to capture a picture to share but the masterpiece God has created this morning simply can't be captured through a lens...

#780 ~ pictures that can only be adequately captured in the heart/mind

I have some things "planned" for our day here at home but we will just see how the hours unfold...
*Cleaning the craft room (which will someday soon be our bedroom)...
*Reading aloud to the girls out of a book Mal chose...
*Preparing the toppings for homemade pizza that we will have for supper...
*Writing lesson plans for next week...
*Investing in my girls... ♥

One reason for my lack of blogging is that Mal has decided that she wants to start her day off right at 7:00 (this gives me less "me time"). She's discovered that the earlier she gets started in her day, the less pressed for time she feels & the more productive she is. Things of this sort used to be a great annoyance to me (girls getting up before I had my "me time"), but not anymore... That's one of those areas that God has changed my heart.

I have to tell you... Several months ago I had a phone conversation with an individual who felt the need to share with me all the many ways I had hurt them. How I had mistreated them. The numerous, specific instances that they had documented in their mind that compelled them to have grievances against me. To be honest, many of the things they mentioned, I had no recollection of. I listened. Apologized. And then shared my heart. What it all boiled down to was that I had changed... And they weren't overly fond of that change. They didn't feel as though I knew the "essence" of what love was.

As I worked through the reality of that phone call, the Lord allowed me to see the big picture... He allowed me to recognize that it was He who had done the work... He revealed me to that I hadn't been changed, I had/have been transformed... He showered me with the wisdom that as we transform into His likeness, we will encounter opposition... He saturated my heart with peace in the truth that as we face that opposition, His grace, strength & love will carry us through...

The more I processed what He was showing me & the more I allowed my heart to receive what He was saying, the more grateful I became for what He has done & continues to do in my life. He disclosed three specific life events that He has used to bring me where I am today...

#752 ~ safety of Kyle's bare, strong arms ♥

Rewind eight years this coming July...
Kyle was in Japan on a business trip. I was home with two little girls. None of us had been apart for this many days & it.was.hard. We lived close to family so that helped a bunch but still... I had just learned I was pregnant with baby #3 & only God & I knew that "little" fact. One day in the midst of Kyle's absence my mom called. "Would you be interested in moving to Grandma's farm?" "Ummmm...well...have you given Troy & Marci first chance since they are the older of us three..." My husband was thousands of miles away to contemplate such a decision... We were securely settled in a small little town where I had grown up my entire life. We lived one block from my parents & two blocks from my sister & her family. We were grounded in a church my dad pastored 30 miles away where Kyle was also the worship leader. Everything logical shouted "no" in my mind but my heart had peace as I contemplated it.

I had taken the girls by Grandma's farm a time or two but we didn't frequent that route much because it was a fair distance to drive AND MaKayla got car sick. You have to understand...winding, hilly, curving roads don't do well with a child who gets car sick...

The next opportunity I had to visit with Kyle (we were obviously in very different time zones) I mentioned it to him & asked him to pray. He vowed he would...

We counted down the days for Kyle's return home, both my brother & my sister declined the offer to move to the farm & I was getting super excited to share the news with Kyle about the new addition to our family. My best friend Renee' rode along with the girls & I to pick Kyle up at the airport since we wanted to do something special to celebrate MaKayla's 11th birthday & I had scheduled a doctor's appointment to reconfirm this miracle of life growing within my womb. My appointment with the nurse revealed the same thing I had discovered/couldn't figure out...a "slight" positive on the pregnancy test... Strange. Unsettling. Disturbing.

We picked Kyle up, cried tears of joy that he was safely home & celebrated MaKayla's birthday. We rejoiced over the new life that was forming, made the GINORMOUS faith decision to put our house up for sale & began the preparations for our life-changing move to the farm. I had one lady ask me, "Don't you think it would be wise to keep your house until you know you are going to like it where you are moving to? That way if it doesn't work out & you don't adapt, you can move back?" I kindly shared with her that decisions of such were in no way grounded on faith in God. If He says to do something, you courageously do it without looking back.

Within two weeks we had a buyer for our home (miraculous is a slight understatement) & at about the same time we learned that "something" wasn't "right" with the baby we had conceived. We made the distant bi-weekly trips to the doctor I was seeing at the time to have repeated blood work & ultrasounds. We prayed. We believed in faith. We waited on God to change the results we were seeing on paper & hearing from medical professionals to match the results we so badly wanted. Sadly, they didn't come.

#747 ~ day long visits with special friends 

The days turned into weeks & a decision had to be made. Because of my previous c-section & the chance for uterine rupture, I was being encouraged to have a D&C. I couldn't bring myself to do it as I kept thinking with each day that passed that God would breathe life & prompt a beating heart... I couldn't give up until I called my brother (who is in the medical field) & he said, "Mendi, if things were going to turn around, they would have by now. It's time you do something..."

The procedure was scheduled.
We were heartsick.
Sadness was overwhelming.

During my procedure, they nicked my bladder which left me with a catheter for 10 days...with an empty womb. Despairing.

Packing... Sorting... Caring for a family... Preparing to move... Picking out paint, paper, window coverings... Redoing another home... Hard.

Within two months of being approached about moving, life drastically changed for our family. In many different facets. Instead of blocks, we were now miles away from family. Closer to Kyle's work but farther from those we loved most. Painful.

The route to church was dreadful as MaKayla got sick nearly every Sunday. Trying.

It was during that time of aloneness that the Lord really began to stir within my heart. He began to show me that He had a much bigger purpose than what I, myself could see...

They came to Bethsaida, and some people brought a blind man and begged Jesus to touch him. He took the blind man by the hand and led him outside the village. When He had spit on the man's eyes and put His hands on him, Jesus asked, "Do you see anything?"

He looked up and said, "I see people; they look like trees walking around."

Once more Jesus put His hands on the man's eyes. Then his eyes were opened, his sight was restored, and he saw everything clearly. Jesus sent him home, saying, "Don't go into the village." ~ Mark 8:22-26

You must understand how attached I was to my family... My biological family as well as my church family. Many people doubted that I would ever "follow through" with the move as I had never lived more than a few steps away from my dad & mom. I mean they came to see us daily & ate supper meals with us more times a week than not. My dad brought my mail every morning & Mom stopped by every afternoon. And then with Marci's family so close as well...my sister...MaKayla's best friend... These people told me to my face that they really didn't think I could do it... That I would never last. That I for sure wouldn't survive.

#732 ~ cancelled appointments

As I contemplated the truth of the above portion of Scripture that God so faithfully brought to my attention, He showed me that sometimes...many times...we have to leave the village in order to be healed. Reality was, God had a work He wanted to begin in my life & He had to remove me from all that was comfortable & familiar in order for me to seek Him & see Him. He wanted to get me away... To be alone with Him... To get to know Him...  Much like a groom is with his bride... ♥

To see Him daily rather than familiar faces.
To rely on Him rather than accustomed to voices.
To find joy in Him rather than in people, places & circumstances.
To establish a solid, independent faith in Him rather than just believing this way or that way because that's what everyone else does.
To be challenged by Him & to find it necessary to discover confidence & courage through Him.
He wants to be the shoulder I cry on...
The Truth I believe in...
The Healer I am in need of...

Almost eight years later...
God is my sustenance...
The One my every day centers around...
He is my joy...
He is my healer...

Transformation life event number one...

When Someone Hurts...

I'm not gonna lie, I'm a "fixer" and there is nothing that cuts me deeper than when someone I love hurts & no matter what I do (or don't do), I can't "fix" them, change them or help them. They are stuck in that miry clay that God's Word talks about (Psalm 40:2) & regardless of how hard I try or how much energy I exert, my strength simply isn't sufficient enough to pull them up & out. You see it in their eyes. You hear it in their voice. You feel it in their presence. They're stuck... And in turn, you feel stuck too.

Your encouragement is as sand falling through open fingers & you feel helpless.
It's a lonely place & your heart hurts.
For them & for you.

All too often we want to "do" something to "fix" the problem and the person.

You feel angry at the deceiver.
You long for their joy to be full again.
You simply want them to see God clearly.

The temptation to get frustrated is very real.
You become weary.
And in all essence, you are on the threshold of giving up.

Satan whispers in your ear, "Why try? It's obvious what you are doing isn't working..."
For a moment you listen...
You contemplate...
You resist his tactics and in turn, he must flee. God's Word say it & God's Word is Truth.

It's when you're in this arena that God intervenes...

I am a student-at-heart who loves to learn through any & every situation...especially things of God. I'm not a fan of fiction books, plain & simple. I don't judge/condemn people who read them by any degree (simply a personal preference/conviction) but when I take the time to read something, I want it to change me from the inside out. I want it to be real. I want to walk away enriched & stronger in my walk with Christ. For Christmas Kyle added another book to my "teaching Mendi's heart collection". ;) I had never heard of the book or the author so when I picked it up for the first time a week or so ago I figured I would read a few pages & get bored with it. Probably because of where I'm at in life & that blah mode I have been residing in, my heart was captivated from the first chapter & I have simply devoured it. I am always amazed when God divinely orders something very unexpected and yet it lines up with exactly where I'm at spiritually. This book is no exception.

Since the first of the year, to correlate with the Wednesday evening class I am leading, I have been doing an in-depth study on intercessory prayer. Subsequently I have also been pursuing a personal study in regard to the armor of God which is our sole protection when we enter into spiritual battles. Amazingly God has intertwined both studies beautifully with my current read. It's as if it's another color of thread has been added to pull the tapestry together.

As I sat & read yesterday morning, these words were absorbed by my eyes & planted deep within my heart, "When we intercede, instead of physically jumping in to save the day, we allow the Holy Spirit to direct, correct, and clarify desires and circumstances. Perhaps the reason this type of prayer is diminishing is we become so busy trying to rearrange the circumstances that as we gather the burden into our own packs, we then forget to strap that pack onto God's back. If we try to carry the pack, backs will break and hope will shatter."

It's taking that person's burden, pain & struggle on as if it were our own, yet taking it on in order to give it over to Christ. 

Not jumping in to be the hero.
The savior.
The "fixer".

Jumping in to carry the weight of their load to the cross...

...especially when they have no strength left to carry it themselves.

All is grace in God's perspective.
Nothing is wasted.
No pain.
No heartache.
No trial.

He promises to work all things for our good & all things for His glory when our hearts are bent toward Him.

That's a promise from His Word.
His Word is Truth.
Truth I will stand on.

Tears Fell...

It's a beautiful day here.
The birds are singing.
The sun is shining.

It's been a day of laundry.
And school.
And chats with MaKayla & Mal.

It's been a day of note-writing.
Nourishing souls.
Praying for those close to my heart.

It's been a day of regrouping after a somewhat gross weekend.
The blah days previous set the stage...

Sunday was my birthday...
My 40th...
I love growing older but I very much dislike my birth-day.
And Mother's Day.

Pomp & circumstance simply just doesn't thrill me.
At least pomp & circumstance for myself.
I know...most would say that it's a selfish way of thinking but it's just what it is.
I'm working on it.

#699 ~ Parent's who chose me...

A text from my sister put things in perspective for me & gave me hope...
"Please have a good day.
It is your birthday...
You are a year older but also a year or day closer to meeting our Savior face to face.
It's really not all bad.
It will pass in less than thirteen hours.
Be patient and savor the moment.
Love you."

As I read words that spilled from her heart, tears fell from my eyes.
I was thankful she didn't "correct" me yet tried to understand.
She encouraged me in my "sorrow" :) and pointed me to Christ.

#700 ~ An understanding sister's heart...

You see, I don't mind getting older. As a matter of fact, I love it. A good friend of mine, from the previous church family we were a part of, and I would go round and round about birthdays & getting older. She resisted getting older yet I always reasoned with her that with each year I gain in this life, is one more year God has gifted me to love my husband, nurture our girls & share His love with those He places in my path. I see it as one more year to invest in those I love rather than a number that grows larger with each 365 days that pass. I think this mindset came after I lost a good friend to cancer when she was in her 20's & had three small children. I decided then that I would not complain about age...on the contrary, I would give thanks for it.

I woke Sunday morning to these...

And this...

And these...

A favorite children's book that I once read to MaKayla (over-and-over-and-over) played out the story of some children who fixed their momma breakfast on Mother's Day. She dreaded the thought of it knowing what kind of a mess she would arrive to, only to be pleasantly surprised in finding breakfast made & the kitchen spotless. MaKayla said for years she has wanted to do the same for me so... She awoke very early Sunday morning, made me from scratch, homemade apple streusel muffins complete with a pot of my favorite coffee. ;)

Even in the unpleasantness of my mood, my heart was grateful for hearts that love me & go the extra mile to show that love. On top of that, God has really revealed to me the past few years how blessed I am with parent's who chose me. Even when family thought they were CRAZY to have ANOTHER child FIVE years later when they ALREADY had the PERFECT family...the desired boy & girl, they still chose me. You know the lingo... I am so grateful that they chose to conceive me & God chose to bless that conception. Dad & Mom chose to raise me, love me & nurture me with life. Then & now.

#697 ~ Hand-created birthday cards/letters of love...

A few friends from church made a point to tell me happy birthday, give me cards & wrap me in hugs. One in particular cornered me & said, "Don't think you're going to sneak out of here without..." She knows me all-too-well. :)

Judge me if you must, but birthdays (only mine of course) aren't my cup-of-tea. It seems for one reason or another they are laden in disappointment, frustration, bad weather (it is February of course) & just too much hoopla. It's my problem, I know... Go ahead & judge. I'd just as soon brush past them without much acknowledgement at all. I'm thankful it's over & even more thankful that God continues to give me life to live, breath to breathe & a heart to love.

"So, in honor of your 40th birthday, I am going to tell you 40 things I love about you..." (Loved the list by the way...) ♥

"You have been with me through the up's and the down's and never gave up on me! Thank you for how you love me..." ♥

"This day 40 years ago God, my God, breathed into your lungs the breath of life & He knew your name..." ♥

I'm praying for many more years to live that life, breathe that breath & love those God has given me.

And yes, if you wondered, I've repented of my bad attitude...

Some Days...

I've had a few weeks of blah...
Up one day & blah the next...
Totally not like me...
Could be hormones...
Could be the weather...
Could be cabin fever...
Could be "I Miss My Husband" Syndrome...

The blah days...
*I have no motivation...
*I'm quite emotional...
*I feel lonely...
*I long to immerse myself in God's Word & Kyle's presence...

I remind myself every day that it's a new day; with new grace, new peace, new joy & new strength. A full measure of each. I have nothing to be blah about. I have nothing to complain about. I have nothing legit to make me emotional. Some days are just like that.

In times like these, I'm thankful for a husband who embraces me, holds me & prays over me. ♥

In times like these, I'm thankful for girls who tell me that they love me & do quirky things that bring a smile to my face & laughter to my being.

In times like these, I'm thankful for besties who text & ask if they can come for coffee & a visit.

In times like these, I'm thankful for tax questions that Marci has requiring a short chat on the phone.

In times like these, I'm thankful for grace...
God's grace...

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,

    for his compassions never fail.

²³ 

They are new every morning;

    great is your faithfulness.

²⁴ 

I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion;

    therefore I will wait for him.”

~Lamentations 3:22-24

Fresh In My Heart...

It's a Saturday...
Kyle is at work...
The girls are still sleeping...
It's been a delightfully quiet morning & as I gaze out the window, deer cross the road near our home.
We've finished Genesis in our family Bible reading plan.
This morning I read chapters four through twelve in Exodus.
I love how God's Word completely transforms my early mornings in preparation for a new day & as I read, the Holy Spirit allows words that I have read so many times before to be fresh in my heart. To come alive. To speak to me personally. To show me things lacking. To give me hope as I seek to live more like Christ each day that I am gifted to live.

It amazes me how a Word that was written long ago still applies to my life today...

How it has the power to transform...

How it changes me from the inside out...

For the past few years at the start of the new year, each of us in our family have chosen a word to focus on. We pray over what God is teaching us & how we discern He is molding us. We ask Him to shine deep within the recesses of our hearts & reveal one specific thing He desires to refine & work out in our lives. It may be something we are lacking in, struggling with, having trouble grasping... We find a verse (or multiple verses) to be the foundation of the word we feel Him searing into our hearts/minds.

This year I started earnestly praying in December that God would make it clear what word He would have me to choose for 2013. I knew where I "was at", how I was feeling & what had become typical frame-of-mind for me. Even though it was "normal", I knew it was causing me to be "less than" for my family & all those I encountered. And most of all, I knew because of this mind set, I was missing out...

As I prayed, the Holy Spirit revealed to me the cause & the core of the stress, heaviness & lack of joy I was feeling. As He revealed such truth, I asked Him to show me His plan & my part for alleviating that frame of mind...how to find deliverance from the place I was in...how to restore fullness into my life... That's when He said, "I want your word for the new year to be SAVOR..."

I grabbed right a hold of the word & started doing some studying on it...

savor - relish; experience; appreciate

Okay...I get it...
*I need to slow down.
*I need to take more time.
*I need to interrupt the hurry.
*I need to listen.
*I need to stop the mental running.
*I need to prioritize.
*I need to quit rushing through one thing so I can arrive at another.
*I need to cease taking on more than I am capable of doing.
*I need to absorb EACH moment...
*I need to quit making life an emergency...

I had allowed the acceleration of my life to get so out of control that I wasn't enjoying anyone or anything. I couldn't appreciate the moment I was in because while I was doing the activity I was engaged in, mentally I had already arrived at the next task/activity/responsibility/commitment... My mind was in a constant state of motion & not only was it causing me stress but it was making me cranky & my attention span was nill. I was still giving my best to what I was doing but I was majorly lacking in being with who I was with... I mean truly being with them... Engaging... Listening... Relishing... Appreciating... Savoring...

I was aware & I was ready for change...

As I studied further, I found this:

King James Version:
Now thanks be unto God, which always causeth us to triumph in Christ, and maketh manifest the savour of his knowledge by us in every place. For we are unto God a sweet savour of Christ, in them that are saved, and in them that perish: To the one we are the savour of death unto death; and to the other the savour of life unto life. And who is sufficient for these things? 2 Corinthians 2:14-16

The New American Standard Bible says it like this:
But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumph in Christ, and manifests through us the sweet aroma of the knowledge of Him in every place. For we are a fragrance of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing; to the one an aroma from death to death, to the other an aroma from life to life. And who is adequate for these things? 2 Corinthians 2:14-16

The Message Bible puts it this way:
In the Messiah, in Christ, God leads us from place to place in one perpetual victory parade. Through us, he brings knowledge of Christ. Everywhere we go, people breathe in the exquisite fragrance. Because of Christ, we give off a sweet scent rising to God, which is recognized by those on the way of salvation—an aroma redolent with life. But those on the way to destruction treat us more like the stench from a rotting corpse. 2 Corinthians 2:14-16

I reached for commentaries to glean the full meaning...

*"sweet savor" is applied to persons/things well-pleasing to God.~ It properly means good odor or fragrance & is frequently applied to the incense that was burnt in public worship of God & to sacrifices in general.

**"of Christ" - that is, we are Christ's sweet savor to God: we are that which He has appointed & which He has devoted & consecrated to God; we are the offering, so to speak, which He is continually making to God

Wow! As I read & reread over what I was finding, I began to put it in first person form:
*I am Christ's sweet savor to God.
*I am that which He has appointed.
*I am that which has been devoted & consecrated to God.
*I am the offering which He is continually making to God.

And then I asked myself, "Am I those things? Am I that person? Do I live as though I have been consecrated?" I mean, offerings are to be pure, unspotted, without blemish... I am FAR from being in offering "condition"...

I sat with Kyle for quite some time sharing with him what I had found & how I felt God speaking to me... I conveyed to him that I acknowledge how lacking I am yet how God longs to equip me... How blemished I am yet how Christ washes me clean... How often I fall short of my "appointments" yet how adequately He empowers me... How "rotten" I so often smell yet how my Maker longs to saturate me with His aroma...

As I reflected on all of these things, I saw where the dictionary's definition of savor & the Biblical connotation go hand in hand... In order to be what God wants me/desires me to be, I must experience time with Him... I must relish being in His presence... I must sincerely appreciate the sacrifice He made for me so that I can be for Him all that He wills & created me to be. In order to be used of Him, I must interrupt the hurry, prioritize my life according to His schedule & be available. I must daily seek His cleansing, saturate myself with His Word & slow my pace.

Even after only 19 days, I am more aware...

I am certain that not only will I learn to savor in the upcoming year, but how God transforms me in the days ahead will be a testimony to His goodness with each moment I am gifted through His grace...

Perfect Day... Beautiful Girl...

At 4:12 p.m. on January 16th in the year 2000, Kyle, MaKayla & I welcomed a new addition into our family. She didn't come as expected...emergency c-section (another one of those, if I'd only known then what I know now situations...) and although the delivery itself & our new baby girl's first few moments were quite uncertain & scary, she was healthy all the same. Kyle named her Mallary Nicole since I was out of commission for her first few hours of life (general anesthetic does that to ya) & after a short, uneventful stay in the hospital, we brought our precious bundle of love home. There wasn't much transitioning since MaKayla remained at the hospital with us from shortly after Mal's birth until we were released. Mallary was a baby that battled colic for the first three months of her life & if you've never been around a baby with colic, just take my word that it's a struggle & could easily cause the daddy of the family to arrive at craziness...I'll leave it at that... After Mal's three-month stint of "crankiness" subsided (it left just as quickly as it came), she has been an emittance of total & absolute JOY to all those she is around & most especially to our family.

A few years back Kyle decided that he wanted to start taking the day of our birthdays off from work if they fell during the week. Yesterday was no exception... Mal was super excited when she found out Tuesday evening that her daddy was going to be home with us to share & enjoy her birthday! :)

It was a monumental one as she became a teenager...the big 13!!!

From start to finish we had a blast...

 

Yearly "spanking"... :)

 We always let the girls choose their birthday meals & much to my dismay & very much against our paleo diet plan, Mal chose cinnamon & sugar donuts. I would humbly admit that I was a wee bit cranky fixing these beauties as I was only imagining all the toxicity that we would be pouring into our bodies when we sat down to eat them...

Oil...

Canned processed biscuits... 

Sugar...

 I gulped down my crankiness & fixed them anyway...

 

 She was thrilled...

 

 I love the progression of these next pictures as you can tell by the smile on her face & the various angles that she gazes at this delicacy that she can hardly believe her mom actually fixed such unhealthy food & was actually going to let her eat them... ♥

 

 The smile gets bigger with each picture I take... :)

 

 Have to have a candle for the birthday girl...

 

 

All smiles...

 A piano lined with gifts...

Gifts wrapped to fit Mal's vibrant personality... ♥

 

Kyle decided Mal needed serenaded with his uke...

"Happy Birthday" with a Hawaiian twist... :)

 



 

 

Infamous 'Hoops & Yoyo' card specifically chosen by the male gender in the fam... ♥

 

 

Gifts that fit Mal perfectly...

 

 

Music that she has been wanting...

 Candles that she loves to fragrance her room with...

 

 

I "blinged" this package out & to no surprise it was her favorite... ♥

 

New boots (she outgrew the other ones in only a few months... Now they're mine...)

 

 



 The most special gift of all for her special 13th birthday... ♥

 

 Love her expression in this one... ♥

 

 

Pictures do often speak a thousand words... ♥

 

Kyle & I decided long ago that at some point, when we felt our girls were ready, we would gift them with a purity ring. Mal hasn't been much of a jewelry girl up until recently & as we have seen her grow & mature in the Lord so much this past year, we knew it was time... ♥

 

 

We had several rings we were choosing from but this one seemed perfect.

Mallary's tastes are very simple & specific.

We felt this would fit exactly what she would want & she loved it!

 

We all worked together to make cupcakes to take to church...

 She listened to a song on Youtube that MaKayla had sent her way... ♥

 

 

Another fave meal of Mal's...

Kyle's grilled cheeseburgers & fries...

(So not paleo...)

 

New MU jammies to match Dad's... ♥

MaKayla was just as much if not more excited about Mal's birthday than Mal was...

Love the love they share! ♥

Cupcake with HOT PINK buttercream frosting for dessert...

And since we had no ice cream, we substituted a little French Vanilla whipped cream on the side...

(So, so, so NOT paleo...)

 

A good game of Spoons & a movie to end Mal's day! 

 

It truly was a perfect day for such a beautiful girl... ♥

Our girl... ♥

 

She received texts from Uncle Mark, Bri & D & friend Vicki...

She was sent facebook messages from Aunt Marci, MaKayla, Joleen, Janet, CJ, Penny & Sherry...

She got calls from Grandpa Billy & Grandma Sharon...

 

As I woke & started a new day today, I found myself deeply thankful for Mal's life & all that God has in store for her in the coming days, months & years. I found myself thankful for those who love her & have helped to shape her into the beautiful girl she is today... She radiates the love & joy of Christ & I am blessed beyond measure to be called her momma... ♥

 

Happy 13th Beautiful One...

I. Love. You.

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

If Only We Had Known...

Last night was our first Monday night Bible study of the new year & it seemed like it had been forever since we had all been together in one place at one time. Let me just say, that the lessons we covered last night broke us in good after the weeks of not meeting. It was a tough study! The fellowship & camaraderie that has God built &developed between both the men that meet & the women that meet is precious. MaKayla & Mal were away from home for the night so after the last couple had left, Kyle & I sat down with a muffin & a cup of coffee & reflected...

"If only we had known 20 plus years ago what we are learning & teaching now..."

 

As we sat on the couch together I shared with him how inadequate I feel in leading the study us women are working through. I feel so ill-equipped & lacking in guiding these sisters-in-Christ that I also call my friends, to be the wives/women that God desires. To be the wives/women that Scripture instructs. To respect our husbands & to submit to them in EVERYTHING... To respond rather than to react in EACH situation & circumstance that we encounter even when we don't exactly see eye-to-eye or even remotely the same. When it comes down to the brass tacks of it all, the "idea" of living these things out seems aspiring yet, being resolute & deliberately doing it is entirely another thing... It is hard... I know for myself, had I known then (June 29, 1991) when I started this journey, what I know now, my marriage to Kyle would have looked very different over the years. I would have chosen to nag less, been deficient in controlling & ceased to demand my own way. Sadly, in most cases the opposite was true of me... I see now where these attributes have crippled both he & I, as well as our family from flourishing into what God desired us to be. I now see the truth... The scales are gone... My eyes are opened... I no longer want to "lord it over him (Kyle)" as the Scripture speaks... I long to submit & I long to respect...in EVERYTHING.

 

I'm thankful for where God has brought me & I'm thankful for what He is still teaching me yet fully living those instructions & imparting them to others is a tough thing. In so many areas we feel justified for not respecting. In so many situations we feel our way is better. In so many circumstances submitting to the headship of the men God has placed over our lives seems less than desirable. Yet even in those areas, situations & circumstances, God's Word stands true. He doesn't "suggest" those things of us, He instructs us to obey them. And He promises that if we obey, He will be faithful.

As I sit on the living room floor this morning wrapping gifts for a special someone who tomorrow will become a teenager :), my heart is bittersweet... In a sense it is heavy... I am grateful for the freedom we gain when we are enlightened to the Truth (John 8:31-32), yet burdened because teaching & encouraging such instruction is hard... Especially when there are situations & circumstances in the lives of people I love (near & far) where I want to say, "You are justified..." "You are exempt..." "You are excused..."

God simply doesn't give me that right... For myself... For anyone else... His Word is His Word & His Word speaks Truth.

God is doing great things & He is changing hearts through what we are studying & learning but as in all things, being stretched & being challenged can often times be painful. As they say, "No pain, no gain." It all boils down to choice... Will I continue to insist that my way is better or will I submit to the leadership of the man who holds my heart? Will I respect Kyle even when I don't see things the same way he does or will I demand that I am right? Will I continue to choose my own will or will I choose the will of the Father?

I pray that God's grace would be abundantly sufficient as we journey forward. That even in the midst of those unexplainably tough lessons, that we would look beyond self & we would clearly see Him. For in it all & through it all, He is the Author & the Perfecter of our faith... He knows best...

Wives, be subject (be submissive and adapt yourselves) to your own husbands as [a service] to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife as Christ is the Head of the church, Himself the Savior of [His] body. As the church is subject to Christ, so let wives also be subject in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word, that He might present the church to Himself in glorious splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such things [that she might be holy and faultless]. Even so husbands should love their wives as [being in a sense] their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself. For no man ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and carefully protects and cherishes it, as Christ does the church, because we are members (parts) of His body. For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is very great, but I speak concerning [the relation of] Christ and the church. However, let each man of you [without exception] love his wife as [being in a sense] his very own self; and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly].  ~Ephesians 5:22-33