"Write a blog post..."
"Write a blog post..."
Those are the thoughts that have been perpetually going through my mind day after day for the past several days yet it just hasn't happened. Life. School. Girls. Husband. Bible Study. Meals. Laundry. You know...the list... The list I am ever grateful for that keeps my days filled to overflowing.
It's a Saturday & Kyle is working.
The girls are still sleeping (I told them I would let them sleep as long as they liked) & I have a pot of Tiramisu coffee brewing.
The furnace has ran continually this morning because it is SO cold outside...
The beauty outside my window is simply unexplainable. As a matter of a fact, I have been out with my camera more than once trying to capture a picture to share but the masterpiece God has created this morning simply can't be captured through a lens...
#780 ~ pictures that can only be adequately captured in the heart/mind
I have some things "planned" for our day here at home but we will just see how the hours unfold...
*Cleaning the craft room (which will someday soon be our bedroom)...
*Reading aloud to the girls out of a book Mal chose...
*Preparing the toppings for homemade pizza that we will have for supper...
*Writing lesson plans for next week...
*Investing in my girls... ♥
One reason for my lack of blogging is that Mal has decided that she wants to start her day off right at 7:00 (this gives me less "me time"). She's discovered that the earlier she gets started in her day, the less pressed for time she feels & the more productive she is. Things of this sort used to be a great annoyance to me (girls getting up before I had my "me time"), but not anymore... That's one of those areas that God has changed my heart.
I have to tell you... Several months ago I had a phone conversation with an individual who felt the need to share with me all the many ways I had hurt them. How I had mistreated them. The numerous, specific instances that they had documented in their mind that compelled them to have grievances against me. To be honest, many of the things they mentioned, I had no recollection of. I listened. Apologized. And then shared my heart. What it all boiled down to was that I had changed... And they weren't overly fond of that change. They didn't feel as though I knew the "essence" of what love was.
As I worked through the reality of that phone call, the Lord allowed me to see the big picture... He allowed me to recognize that it was He who had done the work... He revealed me to that I hadn't been changed, I had/have been transformed... He showered me with the wisdom that as we transform into His likeness, we will encounter opposition... He saturated my heart with peace in the truth that as we face that opposition, His grace, strength & love will carry us through...
The more I processed what He was showing me & the more I allowed my heart to receive what He was saying, the more grateful I became for what He has done & continues to do in my life. He disclosed three specific life events that He has used to bring me where I am today...
#752 ~ safety of Kyle's bare, strong arms ♥
Rewind eight years this coming July...
Kyle was in Japan on a business trip. I was home with two little girls. None of us had been apart for this many days & it.was.hard. We lived close to family so that helped a bunch but still... I had just learned I was pregnant with baby #3 & only God & I knew that "little" fact. One day in the midst of Kyle's absence my mom called. "Would you be interested in moving to Grandma's farm?" "Ummmm...well...have you given Troy & Marci first chance since they are the older of us three..." My husband was thousands of miles away to contemplate such a decision... We were securely settled in a small little town where I had grown up my entire life. We lived one block from my parents & two blocks from my sister & her family. We were grounded in a church my dad pastored 30 miles away where Kyle was also the worship leader. Everything logical shouted "no" in my mind but my heart had peace as I contemplated it.
I had taken the girls by Grandma's farm a time or two but we didn't frequent that route much because it was a fair distance to drive AND MaKayla got car sick. You have to understand...winding, hilly, curving roads don't do well with a child who gets car sick...
The next opportunity I had to visit with Kyle (we were obviously in very different time zones) I mentioned it to him & asked him to pray. He vowed he would...
We counted down the days for Kyle's return home, both my brother & my sister declined the offer to move to the farm & I was getting super excited to share the news with Kyle about the new addition to our family. My best friend Renee' rode along with the girls & I to pick Kyle up at the airport since we wanted to do something special to celebrate MaKayla's 11th birthday & I had scheduled a doctor's appointment to reconfirm this miracle of life growing within my womb. My appointment with the nurse revealed the same thing I had discovered/couldn't figure out...a "slight" positive on the pregnancy test... Strange. Unsettling. Disturbing.
We picked Kyle up, cried tears of joy that he was safely home & celebrated MaKayla's birthday. We rejoiced over the new life that was forming, made the GINORMOUS faith decision to put our house up for sale & began the preparations for our life-changing move to the farm. I had one lady ask me, "Don't you think it would be wise to keep your house until you know you are going to like it where you are moving to? That way if it doesn't work out & you don't adapt, you can move back?" I kindly shared with her that decisions of such were in no way grounded on faith in God. If He says to do something, you courageously do it without looking back.
Within two weeks we had a buyer for our home (miraculous is a slight understatement) & at about the same time we learned that "something" wasn't "right" with the baby we had conceived. We made the distant bi-weekly trips to the doctor I was seeing at the time to have repeated blood work & ultrasounds. We prayed. We believed in faith. We waited on God to change the results we were seeing on paper & hearing from medical professionals to match the results we so badly wanted. Sadly, they didn't come.
#747 ~ day long visits with special friends
The days turned into weeks & a decision had to be made. Because of my previous c-section & the chance for uterine rupture, I was being encouraged to have a D&C. I couldn't bring myself to do it as I kept thinking with each day that passed that God would breathe life & prompt a beating heart... I couldn't give up until I called my brother (who is in the medical field) & he said, "Mendi, if things were going to turn around, they would have by now. It's time you do something..."
The procedure was scheduled.
We were heartsick.
Sadness was overwhelming.
During my procedure, they nicked my bladder which left me with a catheter for 10 days...with an empty womb. Despairing.
Packing... Sorting... Caring for a family... Preparing to move... Picking out paint, paper, window coverings... Redoing another home... Hard.
Within two months of being approached about moving, life drastically changed for our family. In many different facets. Instead of blocks, we were now miles away from family. Closer to Kyle's work but farther from those we loved most. Painful.
The route to church was dreadful as MaKayla got sick nearly every Sunday. Trying.
It was during that time of aloneness that the Lord really began to stir within my heart. He began to show me that He had a much bigger purpose than what I, myself could see...
They came to Bethsaida, and some people brought a blind man and begged Jesus to touch him. He took the blind man by the hand and led him outside the village. When He had spit on the man's eyes and put His hands on him, Jesus asked, "Do you see anything?"
He looked up and said, "I see people; they look like trees walking around."
Once more Jesus put His hands on the man's eyes. Then his eyes were opened, his sight was restored, and he saw everything clearly. Jesus sent him home, saying, "Don't go into the village." ~ Mark 8:22-26
You must understand how attached I was to my family... My biological family as well as my church family. Many people doubted that I would ever "follow through" with the move as I had never lived more than a few steps away from my dad & mom. I mean they came to see us daily & ate supper meals with us more times a week than not. My dad brought my mail every morning & Mom stopped by every afternoon. And then with Marci's family so close as well...my sister...MaKayla's best friend... These people told me to my face that they really didn't think I could do it... That I would never last. That I for sure wouldn't survive.
#732 ~ cancelled appointments
As I contemplated the truth of the above portion of Scripture that God so faithfully brought to my attention, He showed me that sometimes...many times...we have to leave the village in order to be healed. Reality was, God had a work He wanted to begin in my life & He had to remove me from all that was comfortable & familiar in order for me to seek Him & see Him. He wanted to get me away... To be alone with Him... To get to know Him... Much like a groom is with his bride... ♥
To see Him daily rather than familiar faces.
To rely on Him rather than accustomed to voices.
To find joy in Him rather than in people, places & circumstances.
To establish a solid, independent faith in Him rather than just believing this way or that way because that's what everyone else does.
To be challenged by Him & to find it necessary to discover confidence & courage through Him.
He wants to be the shoulder I cry on...
The Truth I believe in...
The Healer I am in need of...
God is my sustenance...
The One my every day centers around...
He is my joy...
He is my healer...
Transformation life event number one...
