More...

At last an opportunity to spend a few minutes at the computer to continue the short post that I started the other day. Kyle & MaKayla are resting & Mal is enjoying some time on her Kindle. :)

Life has been incredibly full for us the past few weeks. Moments with people we love. Time of growth in the Lord. We savor each opportunity we are given...

I don't ever remember a season of time where our family has been so hungry for more of Jesus. More of Who He is. More of Who He wants us to be. More of how we can grow in His likeness. And not just one or two of us, but ALL of us. It's been a season where we are eager to be in His Word.
Dwelling.
Abiding.
Resting.
Listening.

We find that the more we dwell, abide, rest & listen, the more we are compelled to change. The more imperfections we are awakened to. The more we are unsettled with self. The more we need Jesus. And the more He pours into us, the more we desire to pour out to others. Kyle, MaKayla & I are diligently praying over individual ministries that we feel God is calling us in to, so that we can invest the richness that God has invested in to us, into others. Exciting yet humbling.

MaKayla, although often questioned by others, still feels the Lord leading her to stay at home for the time being. The idea is foreign in our culture today yet God did say in His Word that when we are walking/following/living the Christ-life, we would be different. Set apart. Peculiar. We would go against the grain of society. The more times she is asked, the more confident she becomes in her response. :) And although her response isn't popular or rarely understood, the more times she is put on the spot to share, the more assured she is that she is doing what God wants her to do. He is truly stretching her & despite the pain & discomfort, she is determined to stay the course until He fully reveals what His distinct plan is for her life.

You see, MaKayla hasn't always had "this plan" for her life. Early on, (when her mom was constantly pushing for perfection & the highest goal in education) she longed for the college life. The elite career. The eclectic apartment. The fancy car. The status of succeeding. It was her longing. Her desire. Her dream. Family was optional. Fortune was paramount. Yet one day as she was coordinating a wedding for a friend, the littlest flower girl decided she didn't want to walk that isle herself so MaKayla scooped that petite tiny girl up & carried her down. As the little one wrapped her arm around MaKayla & looked into her eyes, it was at that point that the Lord struck a chord in her spirit. She knew at that moment that God didn't desire her to have the elite, eclectic, fancy, dream life. He desired her to love those well whom He someday would place in her life. For life isn't about money. Status. Image. Success. And MaKayla, knowing herself the way she does, knew that trying to accomplish one while weighing the other, would be an on-going battle. She's enough like her momma that when she does something, anything, she does it to the fullest. To the best of her ability. To as close to perfection as possible. The reality of weighing career with the higher calling of nurturing a family, would be next to impossible. One would win & the other would lose. And although the spirit is willing...the flesh is weak. One or the other would have to be released.

 So today...
Although the road ahead seems a little foggy...
She waits.
She waits on the Lord to show her the way.
For He says He will.
And what He says He promises.
And His promises NEVER fail.

Kyle & I are thankful.
Thankful that she is listening & waiting.
Thankful that she is denying the pressure from others.
Thankful that she is resisting the popular choices of peers.
Thankful that God is enough for her at this moment in time.
Thankful that she is desiring the more of Christ.

As a friend & I chatted after worship on Sunday, I so long for the more...
More of Jesus.

So often we settle for the good instead of grasping the best...
The more...
Settling isn't an option...
Even if it means a wait.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I pray to God—my life a prayer—
      and wait for what he'll say and do.
   My life's on the line before God, my Lord,
      waiting and watching till morning,
      waiting and watching till morning. 

Psalm 130:5-6

The Message Bible

A Few Moments...

The girls are still sleeping so I'm gonna try and savor a few moments to compose a quick post that has been on my "To Do" list for the past several days. Mal has been setting her alarm every morning which she thinks is great fun although I try to convince her that she is C-R-A-Z-Y!!! School hasn't started yet for us however Mal is probably the most independent one of the fam & loves the idea of... hold that thought...my cherubs just awoke... :)

My Ultimate Desire...

The kitchen is finally clean after MaKayla, Mal & I spent the entire afternoon occupying it's space. Kyle asked me if I would make him some homemade bread today so as I was thinking on starting that project, I remembered all the "need-to-be-used" pears waiting to be retrieved from our brimming tree (and those that had already fallen on the ground). Once MaKayla was finished creating a new design on Mal's toes, I sent her to the pear tree while I looked up a recipe for Pear Butter & Mal took care of some laundry on the clothesline. Once all our "little" tasks were complete, we started in on making Pear Butter for Kyle's homemade bread... ♥ It was a messy project but lots of fun & very rewarding to see the fruit of our labor successful! :)

Everyone is gone to worship team practice but me.
It gives me time to think over the events, conversations & lessons of the day.
One in particular sticks out in my mind.

 Both girls were quietly engaged in their devotions when one of them said, "I have a question for both of you? Do you feel as though you live each day to the fullest?" I somewhat knew where the question was stemming from although her Bible lay open in front of her so I wasn't completely sure. I, myself have been doing a great deal of reading which can be untypical of me yet last night as the girls returned from an evening visit with a friend, they overheard me reading aloud to Kyle an excerpt from the book I am currently partaking of. It talks of living life fully... Being thankful... Finding joy in the every day...

I pondered her question.
I thought it through before speaking.
At this point in my life, my heart is a fertile field longing for seed.
Begging for God to provide abundant moisture for those seeds that He is planting.
Asking Him to send His sunshine & warmth so that those seeds can spring into healthy plants.
Where eventually they will bring forth fruit for His glory.

Because of what I've been reading, studying & meditating over, I answered the question much differently than maybe I would have otherwise. My thought cycle is changing. God is transforming the way I process life. He's giving me a different perspective.

Only days ago, I would have correlated "living life fully" to what I accomplish in any given day or if I had made the most of every opportunity that I was afforded, yet today, it all appeared differently to me.

Living life fully reflects my attitude towards people or situations or circumstances.
Living life fully mirrors the way I process stress, difficulty or trial.
Living life fully resounds if I was willing or patient or available.
Living life fully resonates whether I LOVED WELL...

It used to be about how I used my time. Where I went. Who I saw.
It used to be about how I used every minute. How productive I was. How happy I appeared.
It used to be about "To Do Lists" & whether or not everything got checked off that list.
It used to be about how clean the house was or if the laundry was done or if supper was successful.

But today...
It's all about who I am, how I respond & how well I love...

Living life fully means seeking God's guidance in starting each day, living each day & ending each day with no regrets...

It means MaKayla & Mallary end the day knowing their momma loved them to the fullest. That I was understanding, patient & available. That I laughed with them, cried with them & pointed them to Jesus. That I nurtured their hearts & brought them one step closer to being prepared for the path that God has for them someday.

It means Kyle knows that I am his & his alone. That I love him with my everything. That I adore who he is.That I am grateful for the sacrifices he so willingly makes for our family. That I empower him through my words, my submission, my respect & my attitude. That I care for the in-home needs of our family. That I am his helpmeet, his lover & his friend. That I am a diligent prayer warrior on his behalf.

It means abiding in the presence of Christ & being willing to be His hands & feet in whatever capacity He asks of me. It means being thankful for the gift of His life. It means being obedient.

It's my desire.
My ultimate desire.
To. Live. Life. Fully.

Life Is A Choice...

Home alone for a very short window of time.

So many thoughts racing through this mind of mine...
Truths God is teaching me.
Concepts I am learning from others.
The reality of life for some people.
Things that trip me up but others find easy.
Things that I find comprehensible that others find hard to grasp hold of.

Day-by-day God is showing me how differently we all see life...
How diversely we process situations...
Circumstances...
Hardships...
Victories...
Struggles...

How hard it is for some to find peace...
And for others, they simply accept it...
As a gift...
From God, Himself...

How some choose to choose defeat.
They choose what they know is destructive.
For some in the physical sense.
For some in the spiritual.

Life is a choice.
And simply put, we all get one chance.
One.
There are no do-overs.
None.

So today, I choose life.
I choose to live life.
I choose to give life.

And you know what?
Sometimes that's not an easy choice to make.
It's unnatural.
Yet it's something God has been branding, burning deeply on my heart.
It's following after the spirit & denying the flesh.

So earlier today when I was sharing a conversation with someone I love more than life, my flesh wanted to become agitated. Disgusted. Impatient. Ridiculing.

Ever so softly, the Holy Spirit said, "Remember? Do you remember what we talked about this morning in the early recesses of your day? Do you remember the words I asked you to pen in your journal lest you forget? Being tender. Listening. Encouraging. Praying. Have you forgotten already? Do what I have asked. Work out what I have taught you."

So I did.

I can't change how others process life, nor should I try. Who says I process it correctly & they don't?
Only God can change me.
Only God can change them.

One thing I know...

I'm choosing to live life.
I'm choosing to give life.

So be patient, brethren, as you wait till the coming of the Lord. 

See how the farmer waits expectantly for the precious harvest from the land. 

 See how he keeps up his patient vigil over it until it receives the early and late rains.

So you also must be patient. 

Establish your hearts strengthen and confirm them in the final certainty, 

for the coming of the Lord is very near.

Do not complain, brethren, against one another, 

so that you [yourselves] may not be judged. 

Look! The Judge is already standing at the very door.

As an example of suffering and ill-treatment together with patience, 

brethren, take the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord as His messengers.

You know how we call those blessed (happy) who were steadfast who endured. 

You have heard of the endurance of Job, 

and you have seen the Lord’s [purpose and how He richly blessed him in the] end, 

inasmuch as the Lord is full of pity and compassion and tenderness and mercy.

James 5:7~11

He Is ~ My All-In-All...

Time is flying by & I am savoring every moment I am blessed with. So many times in the last few weeks I have started to sit down at the computer with a longing to blog and someone will desire my time with them. I willingly give over my blogging moments in order to savor the moment... It could be for a chat. Or for a game of cards. It could be for an evening walk. Or an intimate conversation. I don't want to miss any opportunity I am afforded. ♥

Life has been full around our home. Not necessarily busy, running full, but full with moments... Moments of learning, growing, sharing, sharpening, God's Word, fellowship, laughter, prayer, accountability...

In the midst of "us", one of my closest friends contacted me a week-or-so-ago wanting to know if she & I could sit down & sort some things out that she is working through. I love, love, love the opportunity to share sister-to-sister. ♥ What a blessing that window of time was... A good cup of coffee... Bare hearts... Raw feelings... God's presence, direction, accountability, encouragement...

Never before do I remember a time that I have been so hungry for God's Word... Never before do I remember a time that I long for the continual fellowship of Jesus... Never before do I remember being able to clearly hear, receive & respond to the voice of the Holy Spirit... It's nourishing... Fulfilling... Intimate... Precious to my heart...

Both MaKayla & Mallary attend the women's Sunday School class with me which I tremendously enjoy. We are currently studying through Beth Moore's, 'Living Beyond Yourself ~ Exploring the Fruit of the Spirit'. It's been such a blessing to sit with our girls, reading over God's Word & combing the lessons for fresh truth, insight & instruction. Yet the richest blessing is to witness what we're learning "connect" within them. To see the fire ignite within their spirits. I am finding that the realization of this is one of the greatest gifts the Lord could ever give to me.

To be honest, both Kyle & I are going through intense seasons of refining & sifting. God is stretching us in very uncomfortable yet very necessary ways. He's speaking to us on such things as pride, selfishness, rash responses, gentleness, simplicity. He's been showing us what loving Jesus really looks like. Not what it feels like but what it looks like.

Besides the Beth Moore study, I have also been engaged in reading the book, '7 ~ an experimental mutiny against excess'. This written work of truth has been nothing short of life-changing for me. It's made me look at things so differently. It's taken portions of God's Word & brought them to in life in ways I never dreamed. Bluntly, it has changed my life. As I have read word-by-word, page-by-page, chapter-by-chapter, God has spoken so profoundly to me. He has turned my heart upside-down & back again. He has softened me in areas where I confessed that I would NEVER do this or that; to now seeing those as areas as unoptional. And not only as unoptional, but replacing them with burning desires. Longings. Questions of why I didn't see this sooner? Why didn't I "get this" earlier? How can we make this happen now?

The most difficult part in all of it for me is sorting it all out. I'm the type of person that when I hear something, see something, read something, watch something, and it rivets me, I plant it deep within the recesses of my spirit & I will, with all my might, purpose to work.it.out. I don't want to waste ANYTHING God affords me.

I have so many thoughts, desires, truths, aspirations running through my mind that I pray; I earnestly pray, for the Holy Spirit to deeply plant & root each nugget so far within me that nothing, absolutely nothing, could take it away.

He reminded me of His faithfulness just this evening... I received an unsettling form of communication from someone I love beyond words. I couldn't exactly discern whether it was extended in frustration or simply as a way of venting hurt. Any other time I would have responded in defense or offered a lengthy explanation to promote peace yet for the first time ever, I stopped, thought it through, calmed my rapid beating heart & sought the Lord for direction. He reminded me that no explanation was needed. The issue wasn't mine to own. I had done nothing to instigate it. ~ An immediate assurance washed over me. ~ Please understand, I am a people-pleaser by nature (to some, I will do nearly anything to remain in their favor) so this was very unnatural to me. I wanted to fix it. I wanted to know that they weren't mad, angry or embittered toward me. I wanted to settle the waters. I needed to know that it's going to be o-k-a-y... The Holy Spirit reminded me to rest.in.Him.

You know, refining isn't easy. It's not comfortable.
It takes surrender...submission...a relinquishing of the will...
But friend, when you can see God driving you more than you're driving yourself, it's a humbling richness that no value can contain.

I so want Jesus to steer my life.
I want to radiate His presence more every day.
I want to make much of Him.
I want Him to know ~ that He is ~ my all-in-all.

Remain in Me, and I will remain in you.

No branch can bear fruit by itself;

it must remain in the vine.

Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in Me.

John 15:4

Meanderings...

This morning I have so many wonderful things floating through my mind that I just go from one happy moment to another. It's a reality of blessedness after the roller-coaster the past few weeks have been...

♥MaKayla has been quite the busy bee running from one responsibility to another. Kyle & I have been very vigilant in protecting her from burn-out in her teenage/high school/growing up years. We have always felt that "adulthood" would come soon enough & we didn't want to "burden" her with the weight of that any sooner than was necessary. Although I've been confident in that decision over the years, I would admit that I have wondered how God would open doors in order for her to learn responsibility outside of her dad & I as well as outside of our home. Just like God, He has been faithful to bless her with multiple opportunities over the past months, weeks & days. It's been such a blessing to see her "step up" & "step out". Mal has been able to accompany her in some of her adventures which has been neat to see as well!

♥The weather where we live has been extremely HOT the past several days/weeks. Much to Mal & I's dismay, Kyle betrayed blessed us & turned the air on last week. MaKayla HATES to sweat yet Mal & I love the HEAT! We love the windows open, the song of the birds, the breeze whisping the curtains but in all realness, the humidity makes Kyle c-r-a-n-k-y... He would very willingly admit it so he won't care that I share it!!! :)

♥We've been enjoying produce from the garden since it won't be long & the plants most definitely will be burnt to a crisp. Repeated 90-100 degree days with absolutely no rain leaves things thirsty & withering.

♥The reality that we only have to purchase curriculum for one child this year still hasn't completely set in & I'm not sure if it's because I haven't given much thought to the idea or if it's because I suppress it when it does. MaKayla says she's ordering something regardless of the fact that she is graduated. She can't stand the thought that the Rainbow order would arrive & her "stack" would contain nothing but emptiness... I'm right there with her...

♥I conquered my first day of a sugar fast yesterday & it felt wonderful! I've realized time & again over the past several weeks how much sugar makes me feel N-A-S-T-Y. One day when I was feeling less than desirable, the Lord said, "Why do you repeatedly do things to yourself when you know what the consequences are gonna be?" That's all the motivation I needed to cut the sugar! You know it's bad when the thought of putting fru-fru stuff in your coffee nearly makes you gag... Blech! So. Long. Sugar.

♥Learning seems to be the focus of life for me right now. The Holy Spirit has laid several things on my heart & in my lap to learn from/about & I. Am. Loving. It. Hindsight says I was a crummy student in school because of all the distractions. I'm finding that I could very easily be a full-time student...especially when it is in regard to how I can be a better wife, mom & child of the King. I'm being challenged & it is exhilarating to my spirit!

 ♥I had a little big meltdown Tuesday evening when I received a text from my dad that began like this, "Hi Sweetie. Need you to be praying for the bike..." That's where I stopped reading... My brain went into freeze mode... My heart dropped to my stomach... My mind started imagining the worst... The floodgates of my tear-storehouse opened & I cried... Dad & Mom are on a bike trip to one of the coasts (remember, I did crummy in school) & when I read that Dad wanted me to pray for their Harley, I immediately went into panic mode imagining that they had had an accident... After I settled down & finished the text, Dad asked me to pray as the bike was making some loud/strange/unidentifiable noise & the nearest Harley dealer couldn't work them in for maintenance. I text my sister. I called my brother. "Did Dad call you? Did Dad text you? Do you realize what this could mean???? Especially with 100+ heat...If stranded,  Mom could stroke out... The bike could just quit... I'm NOT okay with this..." Dad reassured me that they would be fine & he just needed me to pray & trust. That is what I have been doing... When he called last night to let me know that after a 10+ hour day yesterday, they were safely in Salt Lake City for the night, all I could do was PRAISE THE LORD!!!!

♥Although I do miss the girls tremendously when they are away, I can't tell you how much the quietness & alone time with Jesus every morning this week has refreshed my spirit.Something I was very much in need of.

♥After a stint with blatant laziness, 5:00 mornings took up residence in my life again this week! Painful yet wonderful! I am one who, although it's like pulling teeth to pry my rear out of bed, I function so much better when I am up & going well before MaKayla & Mal emerge! It also gives Kyle & I an opportunity to chat, visit & spend time together before "duty calls" & he has to leave for work. Less sleep but I will admit, I have more energy & my attitude is SO MUCH BETTER!!!

 ♥I am SO GLAD that Kyle's place of employment is on four-day work weeks for the next three months! That means today is his last day this week! I so love having three-day weekends with him!

Now off to enjoy the rest of my quiet morning with Jesus! Thanks for stopping by for a quick chat! ♥

It. Was. Wonderful.

Absent.
That's what I've been.
Absent.

Today was Kyle's second day back to normal work after having nearly two weeks here at home with us girls. His place of employment had an eleven-day-shutdown/vacation which we had greatly been looking forward to but then the Sunday before that was to start, his only living grandma passed away which put him off of work two days earlier than everyone else. Although we were saddened by the circumstances, we loved having the additional two days with him.

Still trying to catch up from MaKayla's graduation, we decided that we would use this time to stay home, relax & just be together. It. Was. Wonderful. We went very few places & did very few things. Our goal was to conserve money and invest in one another every moment of every day. We did and... It. Was. Wonderful.

We spent much time in the pool...

We pitched the tent in the backyard & slept under the stars (and moon)...

We cooked over the fire pit. (Kyle did. The girls & I watched. :)...

We studied God's Word together...

We relished in God's beauty...

We worked in the garden...

We celebrated a life well lived...

We enjoyed quiet time on the patio over cinnamon rolls & a good cup of coffee...

We shot off some fireworks...

We spent time with cousins...

We loved being with family...

We celebrated a birthday...

We simply loved life...
We loved one another...
We loved God...

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Through this shutdown time, the Lord has really been speaking to Kyle & I about various things. To be honest, it's been a tough "season" for Kyle... As many of you can relate, specific circumstances & situations have a tendency to "resurface" past pain... Past memories... Past heartache... Past trials...

The past...

We want to ignore it.
We want to suppress it.
We want to deny that which we need to face.
We just want to move on with life & not look back...

Sometimes that's fruitful...
Yet sometimes...
Sometimes it withholds healing...
Sometimes it prevents resolve...
Sometimes it keeps us prisoner to ourselves...

23 years ago Kyle lost a cousin who was also his very best friend...
Kyle was only one day older...
Their birthdays were the same year...
One day apart...

Same class in school...
Same interests...
Same hometown...

A very painful season-of-life for Kyle for many reasons...

It just so happens that the cemetery we laid his grandma's body to rest in is the same cemetery he laid his cousin to rest in as well...

23 years ago...

We don't go visit...
He doesn't speak of it...
It's painful...
It resurfaces things, memories, self-worth, emotions, loss that is easier ignored...
Until...
Until the Lord says,
"Now is the time."
"Today is the day."
"This is the season.""
"Surrender."
"Run. To. Me."

We simply can't have freedom over an area of life we can't bring ourselves to face.
We won't find courage to be who God desires us to be when we deny what we feel.
We will fail to be victorious if we bury the reality of who we see ourselves as.

God's Word is Truth.
That's the hopeful reality...
We must walk in who He says we are...

It has been a wonderful shutdown but a painful one at that.

There have been mountains.
There have been valleys.

There has been laughter.
There have been tears.

There has been conflict.
There has been resolve.

With God on our side, it's ALL good!
Minute-by-minute...
Day-by-day...
Healing is manifested.
Life is regenerated.
We are one day closer to Jesus.
I simply can't imagine life without Him...

You have searched me, Lord,
    and you know me.

 You hem me in behind and before,
    and you lay your hand upon me.

Psalm 139:1,5