This Is Why...

This past weekend a tragic car accident happened in our area involving the lives of seven young people. Three died as a result of the accident, three were injured (two of them seriously), one walked away. Some of families affected we know personally, some we don't. Heartbreaking... Soul-riveting... Mind-boggling... Reality check...

We know that many people look at the way we are raising MaKayla & Mallary and wonder why we don't lighten up a little. Why we don't relax & enjoy the ride. Why we protect them the way that we do. Why we establish the boundaries that are in place. Why we don't let out the rope of freedom a little more. Why we are adamant about nurturing them in the ways of the Lord. Why we use EVERY opportunity, situation & circumstance as a means to teach, train and instruct. "Can you not just relax a little?"

The events of this past weekend is why. Choices were made and irreversible consequences are now the reality. Consequences that affect so many people.

It burdens me beyond words at how lightly some view what has happened. Yes they are upset, grieving and hurt, but have they learned anything from it. It's not a situation to just talk about, "get through" and then keep doing the same thing that caused the circumstances to begin with.

This is why we don't relax!
This is why we don't take parenting lightly!
This is why we don't view life as a playground!
This is why we don't encourage our kids to gamble with life!
It's not about fun and games...

Life is not a merry-go-round...
When you feel like riding, you hop on and, hey, when you feel like doing your own thing, you jump off.
God calls us to a life of faithfulness...
EVERY DAY...
As individuals...
As parents...

We get one chance to raise & nurture children who love God and follow hard after His will and desire for their lives. It's not something that we can wait and start teaching them when they are 15, 16, 17 years of age. The process begins when they are born and is continued throughout each and every day in which they are entrusted into our hands, hearts and homes.

It's not something where we can just expect to take them to Sunday School & Church each week and expect to see fruitful results. Abundant fruit will abound when we teach them, train them and nurture them when we sit at home, when we walk along the road, when we lie down & when we rise up. It's an every day process.

It's not something that can be learned with the concept of, "Don't do as I do, but do as I say!" Kids who love God are a bi product of parents who live what they teach. Not just in some areas of life but in all areas of life.

I revisit the events of this weekend...
my heart is sad for those who have lost someone they love...
my heart is broken for those who are hurting and grieving...
my heart is angry for the unnecessary loss of life...

I refuse to "lighten up". It simply isn't going to happen.

This is why...

Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.
Psalm 127.3

Grace...

Have you ever been in a situation where you "discover" who you once were by seeing the person you once were in another individual? I mean, you look at the way someone is acting or the way they are conducting themselves or the way they are talking or the way they are responding and just about the time the thoughts in your mind turn ugly, you hear the Lord ever so gently whisper, "Don't judge that person. The reason their conduct is so unsettling to you is because that's an image of who you once were." Believe me, it's a bizarre feeling yet a divine opportunity for freedom. It's one of those times that you are taken back and all you can say is, "Wow!"

I've had the above scenario played out two specific times in my life. Once several years back and another time just recently.

I remember the first time it happened, I was in an unfamiliar place away from all that was comfortable to me besides my family. I can still see the image in my mind. The exact room I was in. The time of day it was. I can still hear myself saying to my dad & mom, "I just saw who I have been and now I see why particular individuals haven't liked me. I see why I have been repulsive to people that I deeply love and why in turn it's has been hard for them to love me. I see the wretched person that God wants to free me from." This moment-in-time was a life-changing experience for me. An opportunity for the Lord to reveal ignorance that dwelt in my heart. Thankfully the person in whom I saw myself had no idea what was taking place and to my knowledge still doesn't know the reality of it to this day. I would never want to hurt their feelings or give them indication that this is how I saw them. In all actuality, it had nothing to do with them but everything to do with what God wanted to do in me.

Just recently, the same type of situation surfaced once again and instantly my heart felt threatened, defensive, ugly...yet as I've grown in the Lord, I have learned to immediately take those feelings captive and make them obedient to Christ. As I prayed, He gave me wisdom in responding to the issue at hand and in turn peace flooded my soul. Again, as I prayed, He gently said, "Don't judge that person. The reason their conduct is so unsettling to you is because that's an image of who you once were." This time the more I prayed the more He spoke..."Respond to the situation in the way I have directed and let.it.go! This is my battle to war. You have been obedient. Listen. Learn. Receive. Let.it.go."

Five years ago, I would have followed hard after a heart of strife, control, manipulation and retaliation yet God has had me on a journey... A long journey... A journey in which I continue to learn, grow and be transformed through His grace.

He answered and said,
Whether he be a sinner or no, I know not:
one thing I know,
that,
whereas I was blind, now I see.

John 9:25

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Amazing grace! how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me!
I once was lost but now am found;
Was blind, but now I see.

Simple Pleasures...

Wonderful weekend...
Cherished friends...
Intriguing movie...
Relaxing Sunday...
Festive parade...
Awesome toenails...
Date night with the man who holds my heart...
Beautiful weather...
Healthy family...
Fall puzzle...
Fun photos...
Yummy grapes...
Blessed Kleenexes...
Cuddly cat...
Amazing girls...
Delicious guac...
Soothing tea...
Refreshing sleep...

Simple pleasures...

What If I Woke Up Today...

Something I read on Facebook a few weeks ago really stirred my spirit and in turn I have reflected on it many times since...

What if I woke up today,
with only the things I thanked God for yesterday?

Wow!
Reality check!
Heart refiner!

Do I get so consumed with the blessings in life that I fail to offer thanks and praise to the One who gave them to me?

Am I guilty of taking for granted the comforts God so graciously lavishes upon me?

Are my provisions of the flesh so "common" that I cease to see them as divine resources from my Creator?

Unfortunately, I would have to answer a resounding, "Yes!" to each of these questions.

I would be a lonely, hungry, cold & empty woman if I woke up today with only the things I thanked God for yesterday...

Today, I purpose to recognize each piece of my life as provision from God AND I purpose to thank Him for each of those rich blessings!

I challenge you to do the same...

He Shows Me How...

Lately I've had a situation that is perpetually repeating itself...over and over and over.
A tough situation.
A situation that if I am not diligent to guard my heart, could foster bitterness.
A situation that I have seen as "the other person's" fault.
A situation that is exhausting me mentally.
A situation that I am weary of.
A situation that could cause alot of damage if I allowed it to go to dangerous places.

This morning as I sat with my Bible, journal and pen, I cried out to the Lord to SHOW ME...

In return, through His sovereign, gentle way, He revealed that much of the fault lies within myself.
I am one-half of the situation.
I must be found faithful with my part.

Rather than bitterness, He desires that I choose love...
Rather than pride, He desires that I choose humility...
Rather than self-sufficiency, He desires that I ask for help...
Rather than independence, He desires that I rely...
Rather than pushing away, He desires that I draw close...

I have a choice...

Love is patient,
love is kind.
It does not envy,
it does not boast,
it is not proud.
It is not rude,
it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects,
always trusts,
always hopes,
always perseveres.
Love never fails.
1 Corinthians 13:4~8

That's what love is...
Not by my standards...

But by God's...

I want to choose love...
In every facet...
In my half of the situation, I desire to love...

I am thankful that when I seek God with an honest, raw & open heart, in His faithfulness, He shows me the answer to my need.

He doesn't just tell me to love...
Through His Word...
He shows me how...

With My Every Breath...♥

Today is hard...

The reality of getting back into a routine without Kyle with here with me is gripping...
After ten days of togetherness, a big piece of me is missing...
Oh, I am more than grateful for our family vacation...
It was more than wonderful...
I truly have nothing to complain about...
Many are suffering hardships that I can't even begin to imagine...
But when you love your man as much as I do...
Being apart for 10 hours is tough...

On the flip side...
I am thankful for a husband who loves me more than life...
Who honors me...
Cherishes me...
Adores me...
Protects me...
Laughs with me...
Cries with me...
Prays for me...
Comforts me...
Provides for my every need...
A husband who nourishes my soul...
The man who is my rock...
My Jesus in the flesh...

Although I miss him tremendously, I am grateful to know that when the work bell rings, signaling the production day is over, he is coming home to me...
Not to a bar...
Not out with friends...
Not doing his "own thing"...
But home...
Home to me & our children...

I am thankful that God has richly provided him a secure job, with good hours, which allows him to be home with me every night that meets our physical needs.

In spite of my lonely heart, the Lord shows me how much I have to be thankful for...
And because of that I have hope...

Thank you Kyle for who you are! ♥

♥I love you with my every breath!♥

"This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called 'woman,'
for she was taken out of man."
Genesis 2:23

A View...

A room with a view...

A view that was very hard to leave...
(more to come...)

Full...

The past several weeks have been non-stop for Kyle, myself & our girls, with much going on. This week things have gotten even crazier than ever as we plan & prepare for an upcoming, much-needed, family vacation. Before my feet even hit the floor this morning I began thinking of everything that still needed to get done and the various projects that I wanted to have accomplished before we take off. As I thought about it, my mind wandered to the infamous question that so many people ask us & we as well ask them, "How are things for you & your family?" As I thought about the reality of that question, I took it one step further...to the answer. Nine times out of ten the response is, "Busy. We.are.busy." The longer I thought about it, the more the Lord spoke to my heart... "Mendi, your life isn't busy, your life is full... Full of blessings... Full of opportunities... Full of happiness... Full of learning... Full of growth... Full with your husband... Full with your girls... Don't settle for busy... See your life as full..."

As this truth fell on my heart, I sensed freedom, peace & though a weight had been lifted.
My heart was blessed by this simple yet profound conversation with the One who loves me most... Reminding me that busyness much of the time is being in motion and many times getting little accomplished. Yet fullness is being filled...being satisfied...investing...making progress...

My life is full and I am thankful! I don't have time for many of the things that I used to as my every day is filled with Kyle, MaKayla &Mal. Meeting their needs. Nurturing their hearts. Teaching their minds. Being a faithful helpmeet. They have become my first & foremost priority...above anything else. It hasn't always been this way, but it certainly is now.
I no longer meet for lunch with friends like I used to. I no longer attend evening functions like I did before. I no longer put service to other things before my family like I once found myself doing. Some see this as lack of commitment. Some see it as laziness. Some see it as "losing" my identity.

I see my life as full... To overflowing... Abundant... Radiant... Content... Satisfied... Wonderful...
Does this mean we don't have struggles? Absolutely not! We daily have battles to fight just like every other family. Yet what it does mean is that we come together & work together... We encourage each other & help carry the load of those we love most... We laugh... We cry... We share... We pray... We worship... We play... We love...

Our lives are full & I am so very thankful!

I'm So Thankful...

It's a new day & each day prior to this I have felt the compelling urge to get a blog post done...
Time has been slipping away...
The days ever so swiftly pass by...
I, myself, am slowing down...
Making sure to savor each moment...

Today, it feels good to write...
To share...

School is in full swing here and so far each day has been a tremendous blessing. Both MaKayla & Mal are very much enjoying the curriculum that we are using, apart from one subject, that one girl, very much dislikes!?! We've talked about it and discussed it yet it has been concluded that in regard to this particular subject, "it must be done," therefore we move forward. So far, so good! :) I'm so thankful for this one I love so much who attempts to complete her daily assignments without grumbling and complaining!

Wrapping our brains around the fact that MaKayla is now a senior has been and continues to be something so very hard to fathom! Where have the years gone anyway??? Rather than go to a professional photographer, she wanted me to take her senior pictures which I was hesitant of, but agreed to. The opportunity proved to be such a fun experience! We spent the afternoon/evening hopping from place-to-place, shooting pictures here-and-there, laughing, talking and just enjoying time as a family! I think we ended up with over 800 shots to choose from! I'm so thankful for the simplicity & contentment of our children.

This week completed our third week of dog obedience training with Zeke. He has a very strong willed personality therefore when we saw the class being offered at a minimal cost, at a location near us, we decided it would be a beneficial investment. The first class Kyle & MaKayla attended alone yet Mal & I have joined them since then. We are all definitely learning how to teach Zeke and at the same time some neat acquaintances have been formed. I'm so thankful for activities we can do as a family & that Kyle chooses to invest in us, his family, rather than choosing to be "independent" of us as so many husbands and fathers do.

My very close friend that was diagnosed with cancer a little over a month ago, underwent surgery three weeks ago today. After fervent, diligent prayer, belief in a God who is all powerful, the work of a precise, skilled doctor's hands, care from daughters who love their mom and much rest for recovery, this one that I love was declared, "CANCER FREE"! I'm thankful for Jehovah Rapha, the Lord who heals!

As the weather begins to turn much cooler, jeans, sweatshirts and fleece jammies emerge from summer hibernation. The garden is silent and bare. Trees are changing. Farmers are harvesting grain from their fields. Dew is heavy on the grass each morning. Football is a frequent conversation. A morning chill greets us as we climb out of bed. We find ourselves in the kitchen more frequently...preparing soup, roast, potatoes, carrots, homemade noodles, freshly baked homemade rolls, pumpkin pie, warm cookies and many pots of "good" coffee. I'm thankful for changing seasons.

We've had the opportunity lately to spend frequent, special time with family, friends & brothers-and-sisters-in-Christ. Some we've known our whole lives... Some throughout several years... Some meeting for the first time only recently. Times of celebration... Times of prayer... Times of praise... Times of fellowship... Times of laughter... Times of tears... Times of singing... Times of breaking bread together... Times of making memories... Times of rejoicing... I'm so thankful for those who God allows us to love & those who choose to love us in return.

Although life has been busy and full, I'm purposing to mentally & emotionally slow down and savor the richest & most precious blessings that God has been affording not only myself but our family as a whole. Blessings that don't fade away. Blessings that money can't buy. Blessings that only God Himself could lavish upon us.



I'm so thankful...

Come, let us sing for joy to the Lord;
let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation.
Let us come before Him with thanksgiving
and extol Him with music and song.
For the Lord is the great God,
the great King above all gods.
In His hand are the depths of the earth,
and the mountain peaks belong to Him.
The sea is His, for He made it,
and His hands formed the dry land.
Come, let us bow down in worship,
let us kneel before the Lord our Maker;
for He is our God
and we are the people of His pasture,
the flock under His care.
Psalm 95:1~7

Approval...

Criticism, judgment, condemnation, negativity... These words describe the basis of a recent conversation our family converged in not too long ago. As I crawled into bed that evening, I felt very convicted of the ugliness that was dwelling within my heart. As I sought the Lord before falling to sleep, I boldly asked Him to cleanse me of the wrong attitude, thoughts & words that were residing within me. I asked Him to reveal to me why these things were there and the proper way to work through them. I wanted to understand, be corrected and learn from this situation.

The next morning as I awoke, the Lord seemed to impress the words approval, affirmation, acceptance & vanity upon my heart. The words continued to mull around in my heart, mind and soul and after Kyle left for work, I sat down with our dictionary & my Bible & journal. The question I felt the Lord was wanting me to ask myself was, "How much value should I place on the approval & acceptance that comes from others?" and "Is it vanity to do so?"

- approval -
*the act of approving
*permission, sanction
*subject to being tried or tested & rejected if not satisfactory

- approve -
*to speak or think favorably of
*to find acceptable
*to confirm or sanction formally
*to have a favorable view

- affirm -
*to assert positively; maintain as true
*to confirm or ratify
*to express agreement with; support; uphold

- vanity -
*excessive pride in oneself or one's appearance
*produced as a showcase for one's own performing talents

The more I studied, prayed and pondered, the more profoundly the Lord revealed to me that many times the reason I have a heart of criticism, judgment, condemnation & negativity with others is because I am trying to justify their lack of affirmation, acceptance & approval on my own life. Ever since I can remember, I have been a person that longs to be liked, accepted & "chosen". As I grew into an adult that part of me didn't change.

The other evening I left a situation feeling disapproved of, below the mark & less-than. To be honest, due to how Kyle feels God calling our family to walk, function & operate (which completely goes against the "norm"), we tend to get this inclination & reception from others quite often. From others that we love, respect & interact with on a regular basis. Instead of realigning my hurting heart with what God thinks of me & whether God approves of me & allowing God to reassure me that He accepts me, I in turn "justify" the lack of approval & acceptance from them by being critical, judgmental, negative & condemning...the exact things that I in the first place am hurt over.

God truly showed me that finding my value in others is vain...empty...futile...without significance/importance. When I seek to find the acceptance & approval of others, many times I become a slave to what they want, their opinions, their convictions & what they think is "best" rather than what God has instructed & how God has directed. As well, most of the time when others think they know "better" than we when it comes to the choices & decisions of our lives, they are looking at it from their own personal perspective...in the light of themselves rather than in light of God's specific and unique plan for our lives. Kyle diligently seeks the Lord as to "the way we should go" as a family & does not take lightly the instruction thereof. If we are following in obedience to the God of our salvation & I am humbly submitting to the spiritual leader of my life, the only ones I should seek to find value in, is my husband & my Lord!

Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God?
Or am I trying to please men?
If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.

Galatians 1:10

As I've thought and prayed about this off-and-on for several days, visited about it with MaKayla & Mal & then discussed it again with Kyle, the Lord reaffirmed in me that any time I feel disapproval from others, instead of becoming defensive, I need to ask God if He approves. Whether it be a family issue, a church issue, a friend issue, a blog issue. If He reaffirms & brings peace to my heart, the conflict within me should be settled. If there is a lack of affirmation & peace, I must listen to the conviction that I am offered and realign myself accordingly.

Likewise, I must guard myself against doing that which I don't want others to do to me. It's never my place to question, judge or cast my approval/disapproval on the choice(s) someone else is making. That simply and plainly is between them and the Lord.

Slowly but consistently I am learning to find my value in Christ. Slowly but consistently I am learning to discipline myself against placing value on another. Determining whether the situation at hand that is making me unsettled is real or imagined... Ceasing to compare... Choosing to not look to the right or to the left... Setting my face like flint on Jesus...

He loves me beyond measure and that is truly all that matters!
He loves the other individual beyond measure and that is truly all that matters!

Case settled...Jesus is all that matters!