Criticism, judgment, condemnation, negativity... These words describe the basis of a recent conversation our family converged in not too long ago. As I crawled into bed that evening, I felt very convicted of the ugliness that was dwelling within my heart. As I sought the Lord before falling to sleep, I boldly asked Him to cleanse me of the wrong attitude, thoughts & words that were residing within me. I asked Him to reveal to me why these things were there and the proper way to work through them. I wanted to understand, be corrected and learn from this situation.The next morning as I awoke, the Lord seemed to impress the words approval, affirmation, acceptance & vanity upon my heart. The words continued to mull around in my heart, mind and soul and after Kyle left for work, I sat down with our dictionary & my Bible & journal. The question I felt the Lord was wanting me to ask myself was, "How much value should I place on the approval & acceptance that comes from others?" and "Is it vanity to do so?"
- approval -
*the act of approving
*permission, sanction
*subject to being tried or tested & rejected if not satisfactory
- approve -
*to speak or think favorably of
*to find acceptable
*to confirm or sanction formally
*to have a favorable view
- affirm -
*to assert positively; maintain as true
*to confirm or ratify
*to express agreement with; support; uphold
- vanity -
*excessive pride in oneself or one's appearance
*produced as a showcase for one's own performing talents
*the act of approving
*permission, sanction
*subject to being tried or tested & rejected if not satisfactory
- approve -
*to speak or think favorably of
*to find acceptable
*to confirm or sanction formally
*to have a favorable view
- affirm -
*to assert positively; maintain as true
*to confirm or ratify
*to express agreement with; support; uphold
- vanity -
*excessive pride in oneself or one's appearance
*produced as a showcase for one's own performing talents
The more I studied, prayed and pondered, the more profoundly the Lord revealed to me that many times the reason I have a heart of criticism, judgment, condemnation & negativity with others is because I am trying to justify their lack of affirmation, acceptance & approval on my own life. Ever since I can remember, I have been a person that longs to be liked, accepted & "chosen". As I grew into an adult that part of me didn't change.
The other evening I left a situation feeling disapproved of, below the mark & less-than. To be honest, due to how Kyle feels God calling our family to walk, function & operate (which completely goes against the "norm"), we tend to get this inclination & reception from others quite often. From others that we love, respect & interact with on a regular basis. Instead of realigning my hurting heart with what God thinks of me & whether God approves of me & allowing God to reassure me that He accepts me, I in turn "justify" the lack of approval & acceptance from them by being critical, judgmental, negative & condemning...the exact things that I in the first place am hurt over.
God truly showed me that finding my value in others is vain...empty...futile...without significance/importance. When I seek to find the acceptance & approval of others, many times I become a slave to what they want, their opinions, their convictions & what they think is "best" rather than what God has instructed & how God has directed. As well, most of the time when others think they know "better" than we when it comes to the choices & decisions of our lives, they are looking at it from their own personal perspective...in the light of themselves rather than in light of God's specific and unique plan for our lives. Kyle diligently seeks the Lord as to "the way we should go" as a family & does not take lightly the instruction thereof. If we are following in obedience to the God of our salvation & I am humbly submitting to the spiritual leader of my life, the only ones I should seek to find value in, is my husband & my Lord!
The other evening I left a situation feeling disapproved of, below the mark & less-than. To be honest, due to how Kyle feels God calling our family to walk, function & operate (which completely goes against the "norm"), we tend to get this inclination & reception from others quite often. From others that we love, respect & interact with on a regular basis. Instead of realigning my hurting heart with what God thinks of me & whether God approves of me & allowing God to reassure me that He accepts me, I in turn "justify" the lack of approval & acceptance from them by being critical, judgmental, negative & condemning...the exact things that I in the first place am hurt over.
God truly showed me that finding my value in others is vain...empty...futile...without significance/importance. When I seek to find the acceptance & approval of others, many times I become a slave to what they want, their opinions, their convictions & what they think is "best" rather than what God has instructed & how God has directed. As well, most of the time when others think they know "better" than we when it comes to the choices & decisions of our lives, they are looking at it from their own personal perspective...in the light of themselves rather than in light of God's specific and unique plan for our lives. Kyle diligently seeks the Lord as to "the way we should go" as a family & does not take lightly the instruction thereof. If we are following in obedience to the God of our salvation & I am humbly submitting to the spiritual leader of my life, the only ones I should seek to find value in, is my husband & my Lord!
Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God?
Or am I trying to please men?
If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.
Or am I trying to please men?
If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.
Galatians 1:10
As I've thought and prayed about this off-and-on for several days, visited about it with MaKayla & Mal & then discussed it again with Kyle, the Lord reaffirmed in me that any time I feel disapproval from others, instead of becoming defensive, I need to ask God if He approves. Whether it be a family issue, a church issue, a friend issue, a blog issue. If He reaffirms & brings peace to my heart, the conflict within me should be settled. If there is a lack of affirmation & peace, I must listen to the conviction that I am offered and realign myself accordingly.
Likewise, I must guard myself against doing that which I don't want others to do to me. It's never my place to question, judge or cast my approval/disapproval on the choice(s) someone else is making. That simply and plainly is between them and the Lord.
Slowly but consistently I am learning to find my value in Christ. Slowly but consistently I am learning to discipline myself against placing value on another. Determining whether the situation at hand that is making me unsettled is real or imagined... Ceasing to compare... Choosing to not look to the right or to the left... Setting my face like flint on Jesus...
He loves me beyond measure and that is truly all that matters!
He loves the other individual beyond measure and that is truly all that matters!
Likewise, I must guard myself against doing that which I don't want others to do to me. It's never my place to question, judge or cast my approval/disapproval on the choice(s) someone else is making. That simply and plainly is between them and the Lord.
Slowly but consistently I am learning to find my value in Christ. Slowly but consistently I am learning to discipline myself against placing value on another. Determining whether the situation at hand that is making me unsettled is real or imagined... Ceasing to compare... Choosing to not look to the right or to the left... Setting my face like flint on Jesus...He loves me beyond measure and that is truly all that matters!
He loves the other individual beyond measure and that is truly all that matters!
Case settled...Jesus is all that matters!
Dear Mendi-
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for your post. It's tough to be real! I got goosebumps as I was reading and a lump in my throat. I found myself reading and thinking this sounds like myself. I'm struggling the same. I hear ya when you said it stays with us from childhood into our adult lives. Thank Jesus He never gives up on us!! :)
Enjoy your precious family!!
Love ya Sister in Christ!!
Janie
Ouch. You hit a nerve with this one. Words I needed to hear. Painful but true. Interesting that God didn't allow me to see this post until this morning - exactly when I was struggling. Thank you for being honest and real and for not being afraid to share it.
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