Peace In Knowing...

As I walked Kyle out the door for work this morning, the cool, brisk air swept across my face reminding me that fall is definitely on the way. The trees are beginning to slightly turn new autumn shades of color, farmers are beginning to work in the fields, it's darker longer in the mornings and the evenings are getting shorter. The dew is heavy on the grass, the deer are beginning to move about and the garden is pretty much finished with its bounty.

For me, today begins a "new season"...a new Bible study to work/learn/study through...a new candle warmly burning on the coffee table...a new time set on the alarm clock...a new three-ring binder filled with empty, waiting-to-be-filled grade/hour log sheets...new curriculum awaiting hands to grasp...a new school year.

I would admit that yesterday I was in somewhat of a frenzy trying to prepare and get things organized and although I can humbly say that I have done less this year to get ready than any other, I find myself this morning very much at peace. Peace in knowing that God has already gone before me. Peace in knowing that His ways are much greater than my own. Peace in knowing that His standards are all I am asked to meet and His requirements of perfection don't mirror or follow after the standards and perfection of the world. Peace in knowing that I am here at home with the two richest investments I could ever have been entrusted with and their hearts are the most important reality I will ever care for and nurture. Peace in knowing that this is the path that Kyle has chosen for our family through the guidance and direction of the Holy Spirit. Peace in knowing that this is the best path for our family.

Today I am deeply grateful that God has filled our home with the presence of His Holy Spirit and that although Reading, Grammar, Math, Zoology 2, History, Chemistry, American Lit & Gov't are on the docket of things to get accomplished, my greatest goal is to love without limits the two lives I am leading, training and impacting.

Love it patient,
love is kind.
It does not envy,
it does not boast,
it is not proud.
It is not rude,
it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects,
always trusts,
always hopes,
always perseveres.
Love never fails.
1 Corinthians 13:4~8

Bankrupt On Time...

So many times I find myself asking, "Where did the time go? Where has the time gone? How did another week get by me? Can the weekend be over already?"

The other morning as I was making Kyle & I's bed, my mind was buzzing with all of the things that needed to get done, that had failed to get done, that were hovering over me like a black looming storm cloud. In that moment, the Lord ever so gently spoke into my ear, "Mendi, why are you always so bankrupt on time? Have I not set the days and weeks into place according to My will? Have I not given you sufficient time to get those things accomplished that are yours to do? Why are you always weighed down with what is yet left to do? Are you doing things I have not instructed? Have you committed to things I have not ordained you to do? Are you being a good steward of your time?"

I've thought alot about this conversation that the Lord had with me about a week ago...

It's really left me thinking... Pondering... Considering... Analyzing...

Again this morning as I was reading out of the book of Exodus the concept of time was reaffirmed in my heart. Moses assembled the whole Israelite community and said to them, "These are the things the Lord has commanded you to do: For six days, work is to be done, but the seventh day shall be your holy day, a Sabbath of rest to the Lord. Whoever does any work on it must be put to death. Do not light a fire in any of your dwellings on the Sabbath day."

Why does there never seem to be enough time?

Why am I always hurrying, scurrying and keeping an eye on the clock?

Why am I inevitably thinking of what is next on my list to do rather than enjoying the task at hand?

Why does it seem that I continually come up short?

God has given me ample time to accomplish that which He instructs me to do. It's all the little distractions... It's all the extra commitments... It's the lack of priorities... It's failing to give Him the firstfruits of my day... It's falling short of simplicity... It's choosing to hang onto my agenda...

Most people think of bankruptcy in reference to money but could it mean time as well?

These are all things I am praying over...

I realize that the fault is all mine...
I am thankful there is resolve...
I am grateful that God will show me...
I am humbled by His grace...
I rejoice that as I seek, listen and obey I will discover the abundance of time!

Repenting...
Letting go...
Realigning...
Putting Him first...
Choosing simplicity rather than complexity...
Disciplining the flesh in order to follow the Spirit...

Thank you, Lord, for saving my soul...
Thank you, Lord, for making me whole...
Thank you, Lord, for giving to me...
Thy great salvation so rich and free...

It Makes All The Difference...

Sunday ~ An unsettled spirit the majority of my day... A heavy spirit in which the Lord said, "Pray... Pray... Pray..." An evening of AMAZING and INTIMATE worship to the Lord...


Monday ~ A painful, draining, intense and weighted visit with someone I love deeply... A visit where much was talked about but nothing profound was accomplished... A visit that grieved me... A visit that only by God's grace was I able to speak the truth in love all the while refraining from becoming anxious.... A visit that for once in my life, I KNEW that I was settled in who I am in Christ and how our family lives, functions and abides in Christ... A visit where I wasn't rattled, shaken or vulnerable... A visit that was changed half-way-through by a phone call from a friend that I love with every fiber of my being... A friend that I have prayed for and longed for for so many years... A friend that God has so richly blessed me with... Letting me know that the biopsy was positive... That the results showed the big, ugly, unwanted "C" word... A reality I feared... A day filled with many tears... A day I won't soon forget... A day I saw God work in me and through me in miraculous ways... A day that I was weak but He was incredibly strong...


Tuesday ~ Woke feeling "removed"... Heavy... Prayerful... Knowing I had a long list of things to get done but lacking the motivation to move... I somewhat wandered from thing-to-thing-to- thing... A quick trip to town with my girls renewed my perspective... A trip of laughter, music and fellowship... A trip that brought me out of the dungeon and into the light... An afternoon of tomatoes, tomatoes and more tomatoes resulting in lots of yummy salsa for the winter... An afternoon with MaKayla & Mal in the kitchen... Peeling... Chopping... Stirring... Just being together... Having My Man come home from work and greet me with a hug, kiss and "Oh, I'm so happy to be home with you..." A relaxing evening with Kyle & the girls... Including supper on the patio... An evening ended with a blessed, rich and precious facebook message from a friend... A seasoned friend... A friend who knows me like most don't... A message that was a TOTAL surprise... A message that I needed... A message that showered my day with everything YELLOW and HAPPY...


Wednesday ~ Woke being reminded of the Lord that when He shows Himself to me in miraculous and amazing ways... When He uses our children to be His hands and feet to my life... When He allows rich and seasoned friends to shower my day with HAPPINESS...

It makes all the difference...

Now I desire to make that difference in someone else today...

Thank you God for all things good!
You are amazing...
You are wonderful...
You.are.God!

We Were A Family...

It has been such a fun day for Kyle, MaKayla, Mal & I as we took a fun little family road trip... The company that Kyle works for hosted their company picnic at an amusement park in a city a few hours from here that I used to visit nearly every year as a child and where Kyle celebrated his bachelor party. This is the first time that either of our girls have been there so it was an all new and eye-opening experience for them!


Not long after we left, Kyle realized that he forgot his hat at home so we had to stop along the way and do a little shopping. In the process, I mentioned how much I was craving a cinnamon roll so he pulled in to a quaint little coffee shop that Mom, Marci and I visit annually when we go Christmas shopping & got the four of us two monstrous cinnamon rolls to share, MaKayla a requested caramel-fudge hot chocolate and he & I a turtle cappuccino topped with whipped cream, caramel and chocolate syrup! Yum-oh!!! God truly gave me the most amazing gift when He predestined Kyle to be my husband...not just for what he does for me or how thoughtful he is to me or the incredible way he loves me but simply because of who he is!!! He's incredible! ♥


After we savored our yummy treats and arrived at our destination, we studied the park map for a bit and jumped on the first attraction that caught our eye. MaKayla gets extremely motion sick and I am TERRIFIED of roller coasters so we kept pretty low scale. Twisting his arm, Kyle would admit that as he grows in years, his sensitivity to rolling, twisting, rising and descending experiences at optimum speeds greatly intensifies, yet Mal had never ridden a roller coaster so...!!!


I was certain that Mal would opt for the "chicken exit" before climbing into the ride and honestly down deep that was what I was hoping for. As I saw them leave the track I told MaKayla, "I would rather be going in for surgery than turning my baby and my man loose on such dangerous craziness..." Of course, she just laughed at me and said, "Oh, Mom, they'll be fine. Re~lax..." Kyle tried to get Mal to raise her hands as they were about to take their first intense downward dive however she was far too apprehensive and wisely chose to keep all limbs inside the car. Good girl!!! Momma's so proud of you!! Mal described the ride this way, "Mom, the roller coaster went so fast that it stretched my face out!" She concluded that although it was fun, she thought she'd stay closer to ground for the remainder of our time there.

(Yes, Kyle & Mallary are actually in this picture...)

It was an extremely hot day and after several hours, Mallary decided that she had taken all the heat she could handle. We were walking on hot, black asphalt with multitudes of people bumping into each other and the temperature registering at 95 not including the heat index. One word describes what we were feeling...MISERABLE!!! By the time we made the trek back to the van she was nearly unfunctionable.


Throughout our day the girls repeatedly thanked us for being willing to take them to this event and then on the way home, MaKayla sincerely thanked Kyle & I for teaching and instructing she and Mal the attribute of modesty. In an atmosphere such as the one we were in, you see anything imaginable...literally!!! Pure sweetness... Amazing richness... Divine blessedness... No greater gift than when your children see, understand and desire to honor and glorify the Lord even when it means going against the ebb & flow of what is condoned & popular in our society.


All-in-all it was a fantastic day!! We walked together, laughed together, shopped together, ate together, talked together and shared new experiences together... Although it was an out-of-the-norm day compared to our typical activities, we weren't any different than we usually are...we were a family! ♥


God's blessings are so rich and I am so very thankful! ♥

Reflecting On My Week... Friday Faves

I'm linking up with Rachel at finding joy to reflect on my week and share some of the greatest moments, gifts and blessings that the Lord has afforded me over the past several days...

Having a hot cup of tea/coffee with My Man at 5:30 a.m...
Our time together is always incredibly precious...


Laughing, sharing & catching up with seasoned, tried-&-true friends...





Talking with our girls about the fear that grips us most...
...discovering what their greatest fears are...
...so that together we can be MORE than conquerors in Christ Jesus...


Sitting multiple hours on our monstrous mower...
reflecting on life...
praying for those on my heart...
listening to divine instruction...
repenting of revealed sin...


Seeing, hugging & loving on Tucker...
(it had been over two weeks)



Spending an evening alone at home with Kyle last night...

~He cooked me steak & baked potatoes on the grill~
~Encouraged me to take a short power nap~
~We sat on the patio & visited in the cool evening~
~Took a nice, quiet, leisurely walk~
~Shared some chocolate ice cream~


Watching Mallary take part in being on the Worship Team for the first time...



Enjoying a good cup of coffee over a nice visit with my mom...


A refreshing, peaceful & encouraging lunch & visit with a very dear friend...
~We shared:
*struggles
*triumphs
*homeschool life
*accountability
*laughter
*tears
*THOSE THINGS WHICH ARE TRYING US TO THE CORE...


Relishing lots of needed, nourishing & necessary time with my Jesus...



It's been a really great week and I give God praise for each & every moment He has afforded me to live, breathe & have my being...

Thanks Rachel for letting me hop on and join in on your Friday Faves...
It's been fun...

Fear...

A few thoughts that have been spinning through my mind today...

What do I fear the most?

In humility am I willing to acknowledge and confess that which I fear?

Does what I fear most, interfere with my day-to-day process of life?

Is that fear being imposed on my family?

Are my children "learning" the reality of that fear?

Do I believe the great and mighty God that I serve can conquer that fear?

Can I catch the vision of what freedom would look like if I allow the Lord to bring healing and deliverance from the fear that grips the core of my being?

-fear-
*a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, ect.,
whether the threat is real or imagined;
*the feeling or condition of being afraid;
*concern or anxiety;
*solicitude

As I went about my morning, the Lord revealed to me the deliverance He is working in my life regarding a fear that has riveted me for many, many years. A fear that has crippled me. A fear that has held me captive. Something that would be very insignificant to most people yet very real and gripping to me.

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself,
being afraid can so immobilize you that you can't move to solve the very problems that are causing you to fear.

Franklin D. Roosevelt's First Inaugural Address
March 4, 1933

Profound words... Been there... Done that... For far too long!

The past five weeks for me have been life transforming... My God is leading me out of the pasture of fear into the land of freedom! He is calling me to step out in courage and trust His power, protection and provision! He is bringing freedom and deliverance into my life and I am unexplainably grateful!

I sought the Lord, and He answered me;
He delivered me from all my fears.
Psalm 34:4

Yesterday...

Seeing Life...

It is such a beautiful morning here so therefore I tried sitting on the patio while doing my devo and spending time with the Lord. Within minutes the sprinkles started to fall pushing me back into the cool but confined air conditioning of our home. I love wide open spaces, and being in the midst of God's magnificent creation always draws me into a different level of closeness with Him.

As I relocated inside all the while packing my Bible, journal, devotional book, cell phone and laptop, Kyle and I chatted about some upcoming plans for our family and some decisions we are praying over/contemplating. We both know that the Lord is moving us in a new direction which requires a change in the way that we think, respond and "do life"... As we ended our conversation, the Holy Spirit compelled me to move to my knees on the couch and turn around in order to look out the picture window. At that moment He said, "Have you ever looked at the outside world from this view? Your children see things this way on a regular basis and your nieces and nephews always see the outside world from this perspective any time they visit. You even have one that lays on the back of the couch in order to see things in such a way." The simplicity yet profoundness of this instruction really spoke to my heart. It really shook me into a reality that I have never before considered...

How often do I expect our children to see life through my eyes rather than choosing to view life through theirs?

How differently would life look to me if I viewed life through the eyes of a child rather than through the eyes of a tired, frazzled, overwhelmed adult?

Is this not where the mundanity and insanity of life begins?

Isn't it all in our perspective?

Why do we expect and push this way of seeing things on our children?

Is this how we want them to view, do and face life?

What if we looked at life through the eyes of innocence, adventure, excitement, fun and wonder?

Maybe:
*the weight of the world wouldn't be so heavy...
*trust rather than skepticism would be a reality...
*opportunities would be a thrill rather than just another decision that needs made...
*we would be content with simplicity rather than always jumping to complexity...
*the beauty of God's creation would be miraculous...
*color would be more vibrant...
*a little money would seem like A WHOLE LOT...
*laughter would be constant and contagious...

The list is endless and I plan to add to it as I commit to seeing life through the eyes of two of my greatest gifts...our children. I desire to see life as they do...

Thank you again Father, for showing yourself to me this day in awesome & wonderful ways! I am forever in love with You!

You have made known to me the paths of life;
You will fill me with joy in Your presence.
Acts 2:28

It Just Has Been...

Life's been a little tough for me lately... Not because of anything anyone has said or done... Not because of really anything... It just has been... I find that these times in my life arrive to draw me in closer to Jesus... To seek Him with an earnest heart... To long for His friendship, presence and fellowship... To learn of Him... To be taught by Him... To be held by Him... To grow to be more like Him... It's a time of refining...sifting...purification... A time and season that is uncomfortable... A time and season that tests me to the limits... A time and season that lays all of the contents of my heart out in the open... Not so He can see...He already knows... But so that I can see... Therefore I can realize and acknowledge that which needs to be crucified and transformed through the power and perfection of His precious blood... These times and seasons humble me so that I am raw...teachable...vulnerable to the Holy Spirit...


*Love without limits...

*Forgive without boundaries...

*Cease to measure...

*Fail to control...

*Simplify again and again and again...

*Empty to be filled...

*Terminate judgement...

*Overuse kindness...

*Submit without reservation...

*Analyze less...

*Transact more...

*Overextend affection...

*Disengage "feelings" in decision making...



Many heavy weights have been lifted from my heart...

The freedom that comes from listening to the wooing of the Holy Spirit and receiving the instruction He is imparting simply is unexplainable. The reality of it all brings invaluable liberty and I am thankful!

God is so good! He's so good to me!

Blessed be the Lord, because He hath heard the voice of my supplications.
The Lord is my strength & my shield; my heart trusted in Him, & I am helped:
therefore my heart greatly rejoiceth; & with my song I will praise Him.
The Lord is their strength, & He is the saving strength of His anointed.
Psalm 28:6~8

Revisited...Asked...Petitioned...

I always feel so rich when I KNOW without a question of a doubt that God is speaking directly to my heart... Especially when it is in an area in which I have been struggling or yearning to find answers.

The past several weeks my heart has been unsettled and to be honest, I have been in a deep spiritual valley. A painful, difficult and lonely valley. The only other time I can really remember feeling this way is after MaKayla was born and I was really struggling to find the balance between being a mom, a wife and living life. I was so enthralled and obsessed with being a mommy that nothing else around me mattered. Nothing else mattered until my consummation with being a mommy reached a point that I was isolated from everything and every one.

Kyle has been quite concerned about me as I am not typically a "down" person. Day-by-day he's seen me sink a little lower until he knew that this wasn't a "quick fix", "If I do the right thing she'll feel better" situation. It's been a little scary for us both however I recognize that I am in some intense spiritual battles and therefore with the Lord's presence and the direction, voice and guidance of the Holy Spirit, I have nothing to fear. The Lord has me in this place to grow me, change me, stretch me and strengthen me. As painful as it is, I know that and rest in that truth.

As I was out watering flowers early yesterday morning in the quiet of the day, the Holy Spirit began speaking to me...very clearly...very loudly...very profoundly... He brought to mind specific situations, choices and ways of thinking that have arrived me in the place of confusion, instability and lack of joy in which I find myself. Situations, choices and ways of thinking that have been out of ignorance, yet just the same, wrong, disobedient and very short of His will for my life. Situations, choices and ways of thinking that now that I see them for what they are, leave me feeling very humbled. Situations, choices and ways of thinking that God's rich and wonderful grace covers but ones only I can control.

Throughout the remainder of my day, I revisited what the Holy Spirit had spoken, I asked the Lord to plant the truths that I had been shown, deep within the freshly tilled soil of my heart and I petitioned God to give me the strength and courage I need to live out the correction I had received and the lessons I had been taught.

I sat in my favorite rocker with journal and pen in hand and documented...
lest I forget and need to be reminded...

I sought the Lord, and He answered me... Psalm 34:4