I always feel so rich when I KNOW without a question of a doubt that God is speaking directly to my heart... Especially when it is in an area in which I have been struggling or yearning to find answers.
The past several weeks my heart has been unsettled and to be honest, I have been in a deep spiritual valley. A painful, difficult and lonely valley. The only other time I can really remember feeling this way is after MaKayla was born and I was really struggling to find the balance between being a mom, a wife and living life. I was so enthralled and obsessed with being a mommy that nothing else around me mattered. Nothing else mattered until my consummation with being a mommy reached a point that I was isolated from everything and every one.
Kyle has been quite concerned about me as I am not typically a "down" person. Day-by-day he's seen me sink a little lower until he knew that this wasn't a "quick fix", "If I do the right thing she'll feel better" situation. It's been a little scary for us both however I recognize that I am in some intense spiritual battles and therefore with the Lord's presence and the direction, voice and guidance of the Holy Spirit, I have nothing to fear. The Lord has me in this place to grow me, change me, stretch me and strengthen me. As painful as it is, I know that and rest in that truth.
As I was out watering flowers early yesterday morning in the quiet of the day, the Holy Spirit began speaking to me...very clearly...very loudly...very profoundly... He brought to mind specific situations, choices and ways of thinking that have arrived me in the place of confusion, instability and lack of joy in which I find myself. Situations, choices and ways of thinking that have been out of ignorance, yet just the same, wrong, disobedient and very short of His will for my life. Situations, choices and ways of thinking that now that I see them for what they are, leave me feeling very humbled. Situations, choices and ways of thinking that God's rich and wonderful grace covers but ones only I can control.
Throughout the remainder of my day, I revisited what the Holy Spirit had spoken, I asked the Lord to plant the truths that I had been shown, deep within the freshly tilled soil of my heart and I petitioned God to give me the strength and courage I need to live out the correction I had received and the lessons I had been taught.
I sat in my favorite rocker with journal and pen in hand and documented...
lest I forget and need to be reminded...
I sought the Lord, and He answered me... Psalm 34:4
Thanks for sharing your honest heartfelt post. Praying that day by day your joy will be multipled.
ReplyDeleteBlessings~
What an honest post. I will be praying for you as you continue to seek God in this. Several years ago, I went through a pretty dark time and this book, Victory over the Darkness by Neil Anderson was a real life preserver. It along with many, many hours studying Scripture helped not only get me through this time, but I got through it even stronger than I had been before.
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