Am I Willing... Thoughts from MaKayla...

This past couple of months or so have been very difficult ones for me. They have been times of God being somewhat silent, wanting me to "search and find".

He had some very important lessons for me to learn and being the over analyzing person I am, I could not grasp some of those concepts. God was desiring me to "step up" and come to a different level in my walk with Him, learning as Mom has said in her blog posts these past few days, to think on what I know not on how I feel, and to allow God to be "enough" for me. To make Him my security and hope, relying on Him to be my All. Through this time Mom and Dad have encouraged me, loved me, supported me, prayed for me, and held me accountable, yet as Mom and I talked yesterday morning she reminded me that I had to learn these lessons for myself, neither she or Dad could learn them for me. It is a very helpless and hopeless feeling to know that those you love and are closest to you can't help you, however it is so comforting to know that God can!

The thing that He has truly impressed upon me throughout this time of purifying and cleansing, along with those very important lessons is, "Are you willing to go through the fire for Me? Are you willing to endure hardship and be completely broken so that I can have My way in you?" I will admit that at moments through this time of "stepping up", I have not been willing. I just wanted immediate relief from the war being waged within me... that's where I was yesterday morning. I couldn't see my way out of the pit that I was in and when God asked me "Are you willing?", my first response was, "No." I was tired of feeling empty, broken, and stuck. I knew I needed to be in His word, but wasn't sure where would be a good place to start that I would be able to relate to at the moment so I called Mom. She encouraged me to open the back of my Bible where it has readers helps and find verses that responded to how I was feeling. While searching the scriptures I came across two particular verses:

"For a brief moment I abandoned you, but with deep compassion I will bring you back.
In a surge of anger I hid my face from you for a moment, but with everlasting kindness I will have compassion on you," says the Lord your Redeemer.
~Isaiah 54: 7-8~

Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord's great love we are not
consumed, for His compassion's never fail. They are new every morning; GREAT is you faithfulness. I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion: therefore I will wait for Him."
~Lamentations 3: 21-24~

God ever so gently reminded me that He may be silent, He may not be making everything "okay" right then, but He will! He is faithful and He will comfort us, and after He had shown that to me, He asked me again, "Are you willing to go through the fire to be cleansed and purified?" At that moment I allowed God to work in me. I surrendered myself to Him and immediately a certain quiet peace and joy washed over me that I never thought would come!

Things may be difficult and seem hopeless, but I can guarantee you that the longer we refuse God, the worse we feel and the longer it takes for us to receive that "quiet peace and joy"! Are we willing to be cleansed and purified with fire?

God~
I praise You that although situations and circumstances in our live seem hopeless, You are always present and You will always give us sweet peace and rest, if we will only let you!

Enough...

There have been various times in my life where the Lord has brought me to a "fork-in-the-road", a "fork-in-the-road" where He has pointedly asked me the question, "Am I enough?" Although these times of evaluation aren't always easy and at times are a "season" of deep reflection and evaluation, they always press-in on my heart, mind and soul, and bring me to a point of "check-and-balance" as to the contents of what lies, lives, resides in those areas.

Yesterday we traveled to my parent's home after church to spend time with family, catching-up, sharing a meal, enjoying fellowship and of course, taking in the Super Bowl. As always, it was a special time... During the course of the day, I was handed this Sunday's leaflet that was read during the Sunday School portion of Worship at the church my dad has been entrusted to pastor and shepherd. Out of curiosity, I was asked to read one particular portion and see what I thought about it as there was some question... As with all things, there will be differing opinions, view points and perspectives due to how we interpret... These opinions, view points, interpretations and perspectives are impacted by where we've been in life, the distinct things God has revealed to us, what "season" we're currently in... I shared what I felt the person who penned the words was insinuating, some of us disagreed, it was a good discussion...

Difficult God, you call us and then you are quiet. You light a flame then leave us to smolder; rescue us then strand us. We confess that you test our patience. We are tempted to give up, ignore Your Word, and lay aside the quest for justice. We have forgotten that growing in love may involve testing and trial. Have mercy on us and forgive us through Christ our Lord. Amen.

Although to many, the words seem heartless, cold, empty...so unlike God and in one way I agree yet I could very much relate to some of the principles mentioned. As we traveled home last night, I continued to think over what I had read and the discussion that was shared. As I prayed about it, the Lord took me back to specific times, seasons, "forks" where there was quietness, no flames-only hot coals, loneliness...testing, temptations, destitution... I remember times when I was internally screaming, "WHERE ARE YOU GOD???" Time-after-time-after-time it all came back to, "Am I enough? If I don't speak, am I enough? If I don't act, am I enough? If the flame dies down, am I enough? If you don't sense My presence, do you KNOW I am still here? When you are tested and tried, do you realize that I am blazing a path before you even if you can't feel Me, see Me, hear Me? Do you KNOW that I am still there? Am I enough? Not what I do, who I am..."

Kyle and I have so sweetly found that it's in the quiet times, the difficult times, the times of trials and tests, the times where we feel "stranded" that we find God in the most intimate ways. It's in those times that what He does is lain aside for who He is. It's in those times where "nothingness" becomes "Somethingness"! It's in those times where HE IS ENOUGH through the reality that all else has been lost...there is nothing else but Him. It's in those times, that we dwell, rest, focus on what we KNOW and not on how we feel.

We've found that it's in our daily alone time with Jesus, where all is quiet, the Word is opened and all else is set aside that we realize who He is and that HE IS ENOUGH! It's in those intimate times where He reveals Himself in unexplainable ways so that when the flames die down, the Voice becomes still, the loneliness presses in, the heat of trials become intolerable and temptation to give up seems justified, that we KNOW HE IS ENOUGH!

For so many years of our lives, we depended on Sunday mornings and Wednesday nights...revivals and retreats...people and pastors...to feed us...to fill us...to keep us going. We now realize that those Sunday mornings, Wednesday nights...revivals, retreats...people, pastors...are the "extra coverage" to our already insured, sanctified, redeemed, overflowing, abundant lives in Jesus. Insured, sanctified, redeemed, overflowing, abundant lives that are borne from daily alone time with our Master, Maker, Lord and Friend. Alone times that solidify our foundations, cement our convictions, define in our every fiber of being, the ONE WHO IS ENOUGH!!!

Jesus, I thank You this day, that in ALL times and in ALL seasons of life, YOU ARE ENOUGH! I thank you for choosing to invest in me and for loving me the way that only You can love. You are my everything, You are enough!

Testing...

Wouldn't you know it...yesterday withheld another "one-of-those-days"! After reading and studying over my devotion and doing my blog post yesterday morning, within hours I was "tested" on exactly what I had been taught...not just once in the day but twice. The first instance was in regard to a situation here at home and the second "test" correlated to a fragile circumstance our family is currently walking through.

As I meditated on Oswald throughout the early morning hours and then visited the blog of a dear sister that reads the exact same devotion everyday and had made reference to its contents, Kyle and I were faced with the "doormat test"...

It is one thing to follow God's way of service if you are regarded as a hero, but quite another thing if the road marked out for you by God requires becoming a "doormat" under other people's feet. God's purpose may be to teach you to say, "I know how to be abased..." (Philippians 4:12). Are you ready to be sacrificed like that? Are you ready to be less than a mere drop in the bucket - to be so totally insignificant that no one remembers you even if they think of those you served? Are you willing to give and be poured out until you are used up and exhausted - not seeking to be ministered to, but to minister? ~Oswald Chambers

It amazes me how so many times we feel like "we get it" and "we are prepared" only to immediately be faced with "the test"!

As I thought and prayed about the situation we were being "tested" over, I KNEW God had provision waiting...we had just read it, learned it...had we received it? What were we going to do with it? How were we going to handle it? What was our response going to be? Were we going to deny ourselves and walk in the grace of Jesus or were we going to stomp and pout, insisting on our own way? Would we be determined to set our faces like flint on our Lord (Isaiah 50:7) or were we going to dwell and entertain the lie of justification?

Unfortunately, neither Kyle nor I had immediate resolve (due to our carnal thinking) like we should have, instead we were angry, hurt, sorrowful, yet we prayed, rested, listened, waited...we KNEW what God had shown us, taught us, told us! We KNEW we had a choice in how we handled the situation! We KNEW that the RIGHT thing was to respond in what we KNEW and not what we felt...ouch!?!

We're getting there yet I long to arrive at the place where: After you have gone through the fire, there will be nothing that will be able to trouble or depress you. When another crises arises, you will realize that things cannot touch you as they used to.

Again, my heart is grateful for Jesus! With each day that passes, I find more-and-more how deeply in need of a Savior I am. The One True Savior has taken me in...I am rich indeed!

God Knows...

I'll tell you what...yesterday was a day of all days...if it could go wrong, it pretty much did. Well, I guess I can't say alot of things went wrong, it's just that from the time I finished up my blog post yesterday morning, Satan started knocking on my door. You know, one of those days where he sees just how determined you are in what you believe. One of those days where he decides he's going to put the "pedal-to-the-metal" to see if you will rise to the test or buckle under his schemes. It was a day where the Lord reminded me of "psychological warfare"...being determined to be one step ahead of the traps that the enemy was setting along my path for the day.

I'm so thankful that GOD KNOWS... He knows what we need to hear...what we need to read...what we need to receive... He knows what our day is going to hold and what "equipment" we are going to need in our "tool belt" in order to conquer the "tasks" our day holds. He knows when to embrace us a little tighter in order to reassure us that HE KNOWS and HE CARES!!!

As my morning started and I went about my day, the Lord was always one step ahead of me, reminding me of who I am in Him and who He desires me to be to others. He reminded me of yesterday's post and the post the day before that...fighting the good fight...holding on to faith...reacting with a good conscience... He reminded me to: bless...endure...answer kindly... He reminded me that: I am set apart...I am called by His grace...I am to reveal HIM to others that I come in contact with...whether here at home...out in public...on the phone... He reminded me to accept fault when it is mine to own and to not "pass-the-buck" even when I am justified in doing so. He reminded me that I am only responsible for the actions, reactions and words that come from my mouth rather than attempting to control what others may do or say. He reminded me that if I so choose, I can be victorious in "living Him"!!! HE KNOWS EVERYTHING ABOUT ME and I am so grateful!

I am thankful that should I have another day like yesterday, GOD KNOWS! He's here! He loves me! He will direct my paths! He will speak words of rest and assurance to my heart! He will remind me that He is mine and I am His!

How then shall I live? Today, I shall live for the glory, honor and praise of Jesus regardless of what may come my way!

How Then Shall I Live?

For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again. 2 Corinthians 5:14~15

As I read these scriptures this morning, my mind has tried to wrap itself around what it looks like to NOT live for SELF, yet to LIVE for HIM.

There are many explanations that can be given as to what that kind of life might look like but when you really stop, consider, think and meditate...

Happy Birthday Momma!!! We love you!!!

What Am I Going To Do With It...

Yesterday morning one of my closest, dearest, most cherished friends called me first thing. We don't get to visit as much as we used to due to the busyness of family, homeschooling, life... We miss each other tremendously yet at this "season-of-life" this is just the way it goes and I can't wait for the day that we "have time" to sit over a refreshing glass of iced tea or a hot cup of cappuccino (White Chocolate Caramel for me English Toffee for her) where we can talk for hours...sharing what God has done and doing in our lives. Anyway, I could tell instantly through the tone of her voice that she had "something" she wanted to visit with me about. Well the "something" turned into two "somethings" but that's for another post...

This precious friend shared a burden that is weighing heavy on her heart...a burden she has no control over, yet one that touches and impacts her very personally. A burden that she wouldn't choose, yet one that she is forced to face. A burden that she somewhat feels she could/should defend or give an explanation for, yet one that I reminded her wasn't her burden to battle over. As we visited I shared with her various things that God has been revealing to me through the Beth Moore 'Esther' study that my Sunday School Class is doing as well as through my daily individual Bible study here at home. As I read in my Bible this morning, the Lord showed me another portion of scripture that very much pertains to our "role" when we are faced with troubles, trials, difficulties...troubles, trials and difficulties that are more of the "spiritual" nature rather than the physical nature. Troubles, trials and difficulties that Satan puts in our path to trip us up in an attempt to make us fall, yet ones that God says we can be victorious over and glorify Him through if we keep our eyes focused and set like flint upon Him!

We work hard with our own hands. When we are cursed, we bless; when we are persecuted, we endure it; when we are slandered, we answer kindly. Up to this moment we have become the scum of the earth, the refuse of the world. ~1 Corinthians 4:12

Timothy, my son, I give you this instruction in keeping with the prophecies once made about you, so that by following them you may fight the good fight, holding on to faith and a good conscience. Some have rejected these and so have shipwrecked their faith. ~ 1 Timothy 1:18~19

But when God, who set me apart from birth and called me by His grace, was pleased to reveal His Son in me so that I might preach Him among the Gentiles... Galatians 1:15~16

He who digs a hole and scoops it out falls into the pit he has made. The trouble he causes recoils on himself; his violence comes down on his own head. Psalm 7:15~16

I am so thankful to the Lord for His provision and direction in any and every situation and circumstance that we face in life! I desire to do you your will oh, God!

Irritated? Agitated? Look Again...

My blessed, fantastic, fabulous husband who I love more than words could ever say, has been doing some extensive renovations in the basement of our home. This morning when he came out of the bathroom he commented that something was irritating his left eye and whatever it was was driving him crazy. I offered my wifely sympathy and encouraged him to put some Clear-Eye in it to see if that would help. I continued to go about about my early-morning ritual of getting myself physically ready for the day when to no-avail he returned to the bathroom letting me know that the drops didn't work. I finished what I was doing and then dug through the medicine cabinet and found some medicated drops that we had used too-long-ago that I care to admit for Mallary's eyes when she had pink-eye. (I know, I probably shouldn't have done that since I'm sure someone out there is thinking, "You could really cause some damage by using those," but when you're desperate and your man is ailing, you do whatever it takes...) I gently put one drop in, we let it sit, he dabbed his eye but oh, no, it was still there. I told him that I could try to invert his lid (yuck) and see if there was something underneath that was agitating it and he thought that would be a swell idea. I went to the computer, googled "how-to-invert-an-eyelid", read up on the proper techniques so that I wouldn't hurt him, got out a Q-Tip as it suggested and proceeded to invert "his lid"!?! Needless-to-say my first attempt didn't work and since he was still in visible distress, I tried a second time and PRAISE THE LORD He helped me accomplish the stomach-churning task. Once "his lid" was inverted I diligently scanned the tissue on the surface and saw what I thought was a small tear and gently, carefully touched the tip of the Q-Tip to it. I put "his lid" back in place, he closed his eye and blinked a few times and proclaimed, "It's gone! You got it! It's a new day!" :O) Lo and behold it was a microscopic piece of sawdust nearly naked to the eye that was causing such irritation, agitation and pain. Once it was removed, the whole day took on a new perspective...what once was intolerable immediately turned to praise and thanksgiving. I saved the "speck" on a piece of tape and as Kyle turned to leave for work, he said, "Now that's a blog post!" :o)


After he left and I sat down to spend some moments of solitude with the Lord before our home became busy and full of chatter, I stood amazed at how He took that experience and illustrated it to the devotion He had prepared for me to read and receive. God is SO good!

...being made servants of Jesus Christ, and our permission is never asked as to what we will do or where we will go. God makes us as broken bread and poured-out wine to please Himself. To be "separated to the gospel" means being able to hear the call of God (Romans 1:1). ...Woe be to the soul who tries to head in any other direction once that call has come to him. ~Oswald Chambers


What is it in our Christian lives that makes us irritated...
What is it that makes us agitated...
Maybe we need to "look again"...
Something's there that needs a Q-Tip to pluck it out...
Maybe it's because we are doing something God doesn't intend us to do...
Maybe we are going somewhere He has never instructed us to go...
Maybe we have unconfessed sin in our lives that is keeping us from hearing how He desires us to live...
Maybe we are insisting on our own way of being broken bread and poured-out wine rather than on His...
We can be assured that if our heart, mind and soul are irritated or agitated, something's there...


I often think that we as Christians just think and have accepted that this life we live will have those irritations and agitations yet the Lord is showing me over-and-over-and-over again that His yoke is easy and His burden is light. He PROMISES that to us in His Word. Why don't we live it? When the yoke becomes difficult, we are trying to do or accomplish something He has never called us to do. When the burden becomes heavy, we are carrying something that He has never asked us to bear. It's at that moment that we need to "look again" and carefully search where the speck is that is causing us irritation, agitation and pain. Don't get me wrong, we are going to face uncertainty and trials in life yet even in the midst of those things, His yoke is easy and His burden is light...His grace is sufficient and His peace passes all understanding...He will work all things for our good and His glory!

If you're struggling today with irritation and agitation, ask the Lord what "speck" is there...He is faithful! He will show you! Once we remove it, we will declare,

"It's gone! You got it! It's a NEW day!"

The Reality of Redemption...

*Personal holiness is an effect of redemption,
not the cause of it.

*...And as long as our eyes are focused on our own personal holiness, we will never even get close to the full reality of redemption. Christian workers fail because they place their desire for their own holiness above their desire to know God.

~Oswald Chambers

How often do we as Christian believers get so caught up in the aspiration of our "personal holiness" that we fail to forget that our "holiness" is a result of redemption and redemption alone. It's nothing we do or don't do that makes us "holy", rather "holiness" is the fruit that stems from believing in Jesus Christ, the One who sacrificed His life in our stead.

How often do we think that if we do this or abstain from that, that we will be more holy?

redemption = God redeeming my sinful soul through the reality of the cross that Jesus Christ bore.

As I sat and reflected on The Reality of Redemption this morning, I found myself humbled, thankful, enlightened...humbled that God sent His one and only Son to earth because He loved me...thankful that Jesus willingly came from the majesty of Heaven to be born, to live, to die, to rise again so that I could spend eternity with Him...enlightened in the fact that "holiness" has nothing to do with what I can or can't do, what I will or won't do, but simply because God loved me enough and Jesus was more than willing.

As I live my life in obedience to the Holy Spirit, the redemption that I have so richly received through Jesus, will bring glory, honor and power to my Heavenly Father, for the glory, honor and power belong to Him and Him alone!

Today I am thankful that my sinful soul has been redeemed and because of it,
I am holy!

Happy Birthday Dear Friend...

Today just so happens to be my "friend-of-all-friends" birthday! :o) Renee' and I have been through thick-and-thin together over the past twenty-plus years and I am so very grateful for her presence in my life! She encourages me, supports me, loves me and all so very often steps up to speak the truth in love to me even when it may not be what I want to hear but rather need to hear! She always listens, understands and compels me to be all God created me to be! Little did I know when we started being friends during our High School years, that she would be such an integral part of my life through various times and seasons...the good seasons, the bad seasons and the ugly seasons!!! She's stood beside me even when I've given her reason to "flee" and she loves me just the same...an unconditional love! Although many miles separate us, I'm so very thankful that our hearts are intertwined and the love, respect and admiration that we share for one another continues to flourish with each day that passes!

I love you dear friend!

Thank you for who you are and all that you are not only to me, but to my family as well!
WE CELEBRATE YOUR LIFE THIS DAY!