The weather has definitely changed back to winter-like after having several days that felt more like spring. We are so thankful for those warmer days yet it makes us long for warmth, sunshine & singing birds that come & stay. :)
As I mentioned in the last post, the girls & I have been trying to get out daily & walk at least a mile. Kyle didn't have to work today (hooray) so after breakfast dishes were all cleaned up, we decided to brave the cold & wind to fit in our jaunt around the trail. It didn't feel too bad when we first got outside the door but the longer we walked & the further we went, the colder we got. Our legs were burning, our lungs were hurting & were more than ready to return to the warmth of home.
At about the midway point, I was tempted to complain about the frigid temperature and the cutting wind yet the Lord allowed my mind to drift back to April of 2008 when Kyle went in to undergo his complete colectomy. A time & season of life that I will never forget. An extremely sick husband. Uncertain situations. Long surgery. Away from our girls. Unfamiliar surroundings. I knew no one.
Kyle was in the hospital for eight long days & other than venturing to the McDonald's on the first floor of Mercy Hospital with my sister, Marci & her girls, I didn't leave the premise of his room. Endless days. Sleepless nights. I didn't eat anything besides nibbles of Pop Tarts because Kyle couldn't have anything by mouth until the day before he was dismissed & I wasn't eating unless he could. When it all came down to it, I just wanted unlimited fresh air (and the familiar face of my sister) but neither were possible under the circumstances.
I missed MaKayla & Mal & I was completely out of my comfort zone. Doctors. Nurses. Noises. Smells. Country girl in a big city. Kyle is a very private, to-himself-kind-of-guy & had requested limited visitors due to the sensitivity of the nature of his surgery. I was perfectly fine with that however he was highly medicated & didn't feel well so in essence my soul-mate was "absent" even though he was very present. In all honesty, it was a very lonely time for me. For once in my life I couldn't "fix" the situation to suit me or to make Kyle better. Yet in that time of aloneness, I found an intimacy & friendship with Jesus that I otherwise never would have known.
Sometimes God allows the most difficult moments in order to draw us closer to Himself.
I took charge of the majority of his care only calling the nurses when he needed something I couldn't do. They came in only when we called, at the beginning/end of their shifts or when it was time for his meds. They like patients like him... Ones who aren't demanding & have family who willingly stay day & night to serve & care for those they love rather than treating it like it's a vacation where they deserve to be catered to hand & foot (sadly, patients & caregivers alike).
As we rounded that last bend this morning with home in sight, the Lord reminded me to redirect my "want to" complaining (in regard to the cold) into words & whispers of worship & praise. He urged me to give thanks that I have healthy lungs to breathe. He compelled me to be grateful for the fresh air that surrounded me. He urged me to pray for those who are living that scene that we lived almost five years ago. Those who are sitting in hospitals with sick loved ones. Just wishing for a long, deep breath of fresh air.
Had I not been privileged to walk that journey with the man who holds my heart, I would fail to know the essence of being grateful for the simpleness of blessings. I'm so much richer for where I've been but I'm so thankful for where I'm at...
#588~Crisp, brisk, definitely-feels-like-winter-k
