Surrendered...

As our family talked over and discussed what our blog name would be, the Lord brought this one out and we all agreed that Simple and Surrendered perfectly fit the journey the four of us have been walking. Although this indefinite journey started nearly five years ago when Kyle was first diagnosed with UC, we continue to discover new depths to what those two words signify.

The past two weeks the word surrendered has come about in conversation amongst Kyle, MaKayla and I regarding specific situations we are working through as individuals. I can distinctly recall the moment that the word surrender became real to me...we had just settled back in here at home following a week long stay in the hospital due to Kyle having the Type B flu. He was currently going through Remicade infusions and due to his compromised immunity, he contracted the flu. Two days into his stay, MaKayla came down with it only for Mallary to follow a day later. It was such a lonely time for me and my heart was sick and angry. I couldn't even begin to fathom why God, the One who promised to never leave me or forsake me allowed our family to be in such a position. Graciously, Dad kept the girls for me so that I could be with Kyle, and after returning to Mount Ayr from a quick trip to Blockton to deliver medicine for one of my sick girls, I sat in the truck sobbing...wondering...analyzing...

Through my distraughtness a dear friend encouraged me to read the book of Job. After I got everything loaded in and everyone comfortable I grabbed my Bible, headed to the basement and stole away to seek direction, peace, assurance... I had no idea the work that God was going to do in my heart in those hours that I spent reading, absorbing, feeding. As I read those words in that blessed Book, I felt the Lord saying, "Who are you to question Me? Who are you to question why I do what I do?" "I am the God says to the snow, 'Fall on the earth,' and to the rain shower, 'Be a mighty downpour.'" "Who is this that darkens my counsel with words without knowledge? Brace yourself like a man; I will question you and you shall answer me. Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation? Tell me, if you understand. Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know!" "Have you ever given orders to the morning, or shown the dawn its place...?"

I found myself very humbled for the thought that I even questioned what God was doing. As I sat there in the silence He said, "Mendi, lay down your weapons. Quit striving against Me. Surrender your heart, mind and soul and allow Me to fight this battle you are fighting for you. In and of yourself you can't bear this load alone. Of your own weapons, you will surely die." He reminded me of how King Saul armed David with the armor of war only for David to take it off and use a simple smooth stone to defeat the enormous enemy he had been entrusted to face on behalf of his people. David laid down the common weapon to fight with the weapon of the Lord. I walked away from that time of fellowship with the Lord humbled, empowered, courageous...peaceful, assured, confident... I knew from that moment on I had to surrender every bit of my will in order to be victorious in the days ahead...victorious for the Lord, for Kyle, for our girls.

When I think of surrendering, I think of war, battle lines, white flags, inadequacy, loss of power and for me all of that meant/means freedom; yet freedom can't come without complete surrender, something that requires abandonment of self and reliance on another.

For History, MaKayla is doing an in-depth study of the Civil War so the other morning as she and I visited about some things taking place in her life and how she is dealing with them, I brought up the reality of surrendering them over to the Lord...not just part of them but ALL of them. As we talked, I asked her what surrendering looked like in retrospect of what she has been studying. We agreed that when you surrender, you approach the battle line, hands up, acknowledging that you are no longer able to fight and that you are willing to cross the line to join the other side. In joining the other side, you give up all rights to yourself and submit to the one in authority of the opposite battalion. You conclude that you will do things their way, with their weapons, in an attempt to seal a victory on their behalf. Isn't that what God wants from us? We finally get to the point that we know we can't keep going on our own so we approach the battle line of the war we are facing and say, "Lord, I give up. I no longer can fight this alone. I'm willing to turn everything over to You and do things Your way." Yet instead of crossing the line and abandoning ourselves to Him, we ride the line...one foot on His side, one foot on our side. When we look at this in the sense of physical war, we realize that "riding the line" would bring imminent death...hmmm...maybe that's why we aren't victorious in so many situations and circumstances we face in life. Our spirit wants to submit and surrender but our flesh just won't let go of the control...that might mean we would have to change or do things differently.

Our family like everyone else has faced many seasons of "war" and for us we've learned that when we surrender to the Lord, we will ALWAYS be victorious! It's about laying down our weapons, raising our hands held high and crossing the line so that our Master, Maker and Creator can guide us in fighting the battle that is looming before us. It's about abandoning ourselves...our thoughts, our ideas, our insight...and clinging to the Most Holy One who knows all and sees all. It's about letting go of fear and gripping hold of peace. It's about saying, "I'm yours Lord, show me the way and I will faithfully follow."