Sight Healing...

I just closed out of a facebook message conversation that truly pulled at my heartstrings.

It took me back...
♥ to days gone by

Compelled me to remember...
♥ who I once was

Resurfaced regret...
♥ of lost opportunities

Fueled a passion...
♥ to encourage others

Made me thankful...
♥ for grace extended

As Kyle & I lay in bed a few weeks back gazing at a few wedding photos that adorn our bedroom walls, I told him that I wish I had known how to love him better in those early years of marriage. That if only I could go back & have the fun, adventuresome, care-free spirit that I had in my late teens & early twenties yet at the same time have the knowledge, wisdom & maturity that I have now to accompany that spirit. Sadly, it typically doesn't work that way... You know the old adage, "Live and learn..."

So as this sweet friend & I conversed, one thing became apparently clear...

Life. Is. Precious.

And the people that God places in that life He so graciously gives us, are the ones who make it precious.

Why then do we take life for granted?
Those ones He has given us for granted?

I know some will think that this post is idealistic yet during the course of our conversation, the Lord truly started stirring within my spirit & pulling at those strings He has attached to my heart. We hear songs about "living like you're dying" or "if this were my last day" or "if tomorrow never comes"... We listen to them & they cause emotions & thoughts & feelings & good intentions to rise up within us but then...the song is over, we forget & life goes on...

Life:
*it's busy...
*things to do...
*people to see...
*appointments to keep...
*events to attend...
*commitments to fulfill...
*activities to be at...

And what happens to those people that make life precious?

Somewhere along the way, the Christian community has gained & given this attitude that we are to be the hands & feet of Jesus (which is so very true) however being the hands & feet to our family just isn't enough. We need to be winning the lost & saving the lost & serving the lost (all true as well) yet when the ones that God has personally & intimately entrusted to us to be the hands & feet of Jesus to (spouse/children) are getting lost in the shuffle, we've missed our first & foremost responsibility.

I once was heavily involved in ministry & the majority of those days/years that I was so engulfed in the preparing & presenting & teaching are the days that I was the crankiest with my kids & failed to be a help meet to my husband. Those are the moments that are merely a blur in my mind... Hoping that MaKayla & Mal would find something, anything to do... I simply didn't have time for puzzles & games & dress up & tea parties. I had more important, pressing things to attend to. Praying that Kyle wouldn't want/need me tonight. I was tired. I needed sleep ASAP. (So. Many. Regrets.)

Little did I know...
I was blindsided...
Deceived...
Ignorant...

At one point the Lord allowed me to see that my three loves were my most precious possessions, my richest assets, my first & foremost priority. Yes, I still needed to encourage the hurting & teach the hungry, but often, the hurting & the hungry were the ones within arms reach.

My own.

When I made the choice to marry & when Kyle & I made the choice to begin a family, priorities should have been readjusted. They somewhat were but not completely. It's much easier to encourage & teach those who appreciate you... Who "need" you... Who thrive on you... Who you really feel like you are getting an adequate return for your investment from...

But I don't think that's how God sees it. 

When I made the choice to marry the man I so longed for & God so faithfully provided & when we chose to bring babies into this world that we had talked & dreamed of from the time we started discussing marriage, they instantly moved to first place in the line of my time, attention, affection, devotion...my first fruits. (Or at least they should have...)

Sadly, they didn't...
That's why I have regrets.
That's why there have been lost opportunities...

As I shared with this friend:
"I look back & have many regrets & although Satan would love to slam me into a pit of shame, I refuse to go there, much less stay there. It's a tough reality to swallow yet once we moved here "away from the village" & then Kyle had his colon removed in 2008, God peeled the scales from my eyes & allowed me to truly see. I'm thankful for the grace that MaKayla, most especially, has lavished upon me. I was such a rotten mom for the first several years of my/her life... Too busy with ministry...people...friends...SELF... She could hate me, but she doesn't. She could resent me, but she chooses to love me. She could rebel & fight & demand independence yet she is humble, submissive & down right wonderful... In it all & through it all God promises to restore the wasted years & He declares that He will breathe life into dry, brittle bones. He has & continues to do just that. Such a gracious Savior.

I wish there had been wise "older" women to sit me down & challenge me to love & serve my family well. Ministry could have waited until my babies were grown however busyness, programs & constant motion is such a norm in our society/church & too many people wait until...it's gone. Too many "good" things aren't necessarily "God" things."

In His goodness, God graciously gave me a renewed vision & since that "sight healing", I haven't looked back...

And this not only applies to the Christian community but society in general...
Involve your kids in this.
Enroll them in that
The best life is the busy life.

Dance classes.
T-ball.
Soccer.

Meals on the run.
Late nights.
Exhausted kids.

And then add the philosophy of raise your kids & then enjoy your grandkids...
We're too busy & too tired to enjoy the growing up years of our own...
When life settles down & our children have children, that's when "life" begins...

We have it so wrong in so many areas.

Some think I "enable" my family, yet I want to...
♥ live as if I were dying...
♥ invest as if today was my last...
♥ love as if tomorrow wasn't coming...

For to be honest...

I have no guarantee.

I don't want to wait until...
*grandbabies
*a traumatic diagnosis
*a tragic loss
*a wayward child
*a wake-up call

I want to do it now.

With the last hoorah of summer upon us, take a step back.
Are you savoring life?
Are you drinking in the moment?
Are you investing in those entrusted to you?

Are you lining up a string of regrets?
Are you piling up a mound of, "I could have, I should have..."
Are you building up a wall of , "If only's..."

You will never regret...
♥ playing that game of catch
♥ cashing in on that nurturing opportunity
♥ taking that walk
♥ enjoying that moment of intimacy
♥ listening to the laughter
♥ extending that grace
♥ putting those puzzle pieces together
♥ drying the tears
♥ staying in those jammies
♥ forgiving that wrong
♥ sipping that cup of imaginary tea
♥ throwing that line into the pond
♥ holding that hand
♥ choosing to "not be too tired"
♥ hearing that heart
♥ reading that book (for the 100th time)
♥ kneeling to that level
♥ picking that dandelion
♥ embracing that fragile body
♥ dancing in the rain
♥ offering that smile
♥ cuddling the tired
♥ watching the peacefulness of sleep
♥ ...

What you will regret is being too busy...
Or saying, "Maybe in a minute..."

It's a beautiful life we've been given...
Savor every moment. ♥

And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten...

~Joel 2:25~