More Than Anything Else...

Another weekend behind us...
A new week is on the horizon...

The past few days have been so refreshing for our family.
Evening meals with those who love & sharpen...
Sweet fellowship...
Seeking Truth...
Digging into The Word...

Remembering lives well lived...
Hearing the Word of God spoken in the simplest yet most refreshing of ways...
Reconnecting with ones who have repeatedly enriched our lives...

Unexpected visits from the one who birthed me into this world... ♥
Catching up...
Exhortation that produces resolve...

Family days...
Brisk walks...
Breakfast around the kitchen table...
Devouring God's Word...
Gathering around a well worn hymn book...
Preparations for winter...
Pumpkin seeds...
Tear producing laughter...
First fall pumpkin pie...

Being family...
Knowing God...
Joy returning...

By the end of last week, I was done in.
Facebook deactivated.
Cell phone off.
E-mail at a minimal.

I received correspondence on Friday asking if we had taken a leave of absence from facebook... :) Pretty much. Sometimes you just need a respite. A time away, void of distractions where God is your one & only focus. That's where I was.

So many things bide for our time, keeping us from true intimacy with God.
He wanted my mind still.
My heart fixed.
My spirit intent.
On Him.

Books were closed.
Worship music was silenced.
Communication with the world ceased.

#1538 - strong hands that signify so many things...♥

I'm a people person. I always have been. Because of that makeup that God designed me with, I take great stock in the words, opinions & thoughts of others. I listen intently & take to heart what is being spoken. I'm not one to listen & dismiss. I listen & receive. Sadly, many times, I put more value on man's word rather God's Word. And as I entered into the final leg of last week, God reminded me ever so clearly that His voice was the voice He wanted me to hear...listen to...receive... He wanted me to dismiss all others & simply yet deliberately hear Him.

You know, for the majority of my life if I had the grace, affirmation & value of others, I found myself fulfilled, encouraged & purposeful. And for the most part, I've had no problems discovering the reality of those things through the resource of man/woman/child (flesh). That was/has been my sustenance. Ironically, God has allowed me to arrive at a place where, in the human sense, grace is lacking, affirmation is conditional, value is wavering. Step-by-every-little-step, it's been an ongoing journey and although it is a painful destination full of refining opportunities that I could easily see as a "dead end", God has so much purpose in this landing spot. I've looked for avenues of escape in any possible direction...this person, that person; this place, that place; this thing, that thing; this way, that way; but to no avail, every door that I try to muster open, remains closed...locked...secured...

The only way to know the true depth of God's grace...

Is to lose the grace of all others...

And sometimes He brings us to a locked-in place...
Where it's just us & Him.

Much like where Jesus found Himself before His crucifixion...

Those closest to Him came up empty...

One betrayed.

Others slept.

Just Jesus & His Father...

A Father & His Son...

That's where He wants us...

Us & Him.

Him & us.

Kyle & I sat for a great length of time this weekend pondering & seeking what God desires for our lives as individuals & for our lives as a family. Bottom line, what God wants is for us to want Him.

God wants us to want Him...

More than anything else, God wants us to want Him more than we want anyone or anything.

My plea has been, "God, do what you must in order for me to see You clearly..."
In the realest of senses, He has.

Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness;

and all these things shall be added unto you.

Matthew 6:33

A Deliberate Asking...

As I sit in the quietness of our home...
Preparing for a new day...
Recognizing things that desperately need my attention...

God reminds me to be still & know that HE IS...

Life has a way of getting out of control...
We go through the motions...
We do what must be done...

We flit from this decision...
To that decision...
But do we stop & ask God what He thinks?

A deliberate asking?

I had the opportunity to share with an individual the other day that when it comes down to the brass tacks of life:
Making choices...
Settling on decisions...
Planning out courses...
Lining up our days...
God must be the center.

If we ever want peace & contentment & joy, 

God simply must be at the center.

Our lives are much like a bicycle tire...
The hub is what secures the spokes.

- hub -

the central part of a wheel, as that part into which the spokes are inserted

a center around which other things revolve or from which they radiate

The hub...
A center around which other things revolve or from which they radiate...

How would a bicycle tire function if the hub was missing...

Leaving the spokes to suspend freely?

Or if the hub was present but the spokes weren't attached?

As you can imagine, it would be utter disaster for the person riding the bicycle.

Would you be willing to jump on a bike in such a condition?
Would you even notice the abnormality?
Or would you be in such a hurry that you'd hop on without recognizing the problem?

Isn't that what we do when we make decisions without God's direction...
Consent...
Guidance...
Authority...
Leadership...

We jump on a bicycle whose spokes aren't attached to the hub...

Spend money on that purchase.
Agree to this commitment.
Sign that contract.
Invest time in this matter.
Focus our attention on that situation.

Did we factor God into any of those equations?
Or did we simply feel it our "right" to make those decisions without His sovereignty?

Do we even stop to think about it?

To be still and to know that HE is GOD.

And that He knows what is good...
And best...
And perfect...

Spokes...
Our lives are full of spokes...

Commitments...
Expenditures...
Decisions...
Choices...
Priorities...

Spoke-by-spoke our bicycle tire is comprised...

Money...
Time...
Food...
Clothing...
Career...

Spoke-by-spoke, our life is encompassed...

What we allow in...
What we dole out...

Do we even stop to think about it?

And many times our attention is so consumed with the spokes...

That we fail to acknowledge the Hub...

The One who holds it all together.

We've got it all figured out.
No help is needed here.
The route is planned.
Decisions are made.
It's all good...

Until we end up stranded...
Or crash.

And then what?

The Hub of our lives gently whispers...

"Be still and know who I am..."

What does your tire of life look like when you line it up to this?

Hub - Jesus Christ

Spokes - what your life is comprised/made up of

Tire - your life as a whole

Is the Hub in His rightful place?

In what condition are the tires your life?
Are the spokes firmly plugged in to the Hub?
Or are they aimlessly dangling?

Think about that for a bit & finish this next sentence...

Right now, mine appears as...

Simply put, Jesus wants to be at the center of it all...

What I've Allowed...

God has been stirring in my heart so much these past few weeks.
Compelling me to dig deep & exhume buried hurts...
Words spoken.
Actions displayed.
Attitudes extended.

You know, we have a way of burying those things that we would rather not work through.
Just push them down a little farther & then I won't have to think about them.
Conceal them a little more & I won't have to acknowledge the reality of them.
Deny their presence & then I won't have to face the pain of their remembrance.

Criticism.
Ridicule.
Mockery.
An object of jest.

When we push these things aside...
Burying them...
Concealing them...
Denying them...
Masking them with something else...

We are embalming our hurts...

Have you ever thought about it that way?

When you chose to ignore or deny or bury or conceal...

You are choosing to embalm those things that have seared the inner fibers of your heart...

- embalm -

to treat with preservatives in order to prevent decay

to protect from change or oblivion; preserve

to impart fragrance; to perfume

Embalming our hurts...
Means we are preserving them within our hearts.
We're protecting them.
We're adding our own fragrance to them.

In turn, we're not allowing God to heal them...
Remove them...
Let them decay...

I received a phone call a few years back from an individual who was not at all happy with me... For many reasons. For over an hour I listened to them list instance after situation after shortcoming after occurrence of things I had done towards them that they deemed had borne insecurity & anxiety in their life. Many of the things they mentioned, I simply had no recollection of... Sadly, one-by-one (whether real or imagined), they had embalmed those things in their heart. I repeatedly apologized & asked for their forgiveness.

I've done the same thing with other people...

Not physically listing them to the person...

But listing them in my heart...

Embalming them...

As I've done a lot of thinking & praying over the past several weeks, God has faithfully removed many scales from my eyes. He has helped me to see where I have allowed situations like the one above to squelch the Spirit of God within me.

Much like the label, "unapproachable..."
Or "holier than thou..."
Or "better than..."

Branded.

I've been told, "I'm so glad you think you've got it all together..."
And, "It's great you have all your ducks in a row..."
And, "I'm glad you think your family is perfect..."

Scarred.

I've allowed those things to pierce my heart...
Drain my life's blood...
Diminish the spirit within me...

I know many of these things have been said because of how we choose to live...
Yet the pain is still real.

And although I should be stronger than to let the words & attitudes affect me...
My heart is flesh...

I hurt just like everyone else...
So does my husband.
So do our children.

I should be stronger...
But some days, most days, I'm simply not.

And although it may appear as though we think we have it all together...
We don't...
And we know it...

In the past few weeks, God has allowed three specific things to cross my path in order to help me see what I've allowed & to start the process of realigning my focus...

Because what it all comes down to...
Is a deliberate work of the enemy...
To dim the Light that God has placed within us...
To weaken our witness...
To replace strength...
With insecurity...

To replace confidence in Christ...
With timidity...

In an attempt to make that heart of flesh...
A heart of stone...

As a means to take that contagious spirit of joy that I once had...
And weigh it down with shackles & chains...

By the way of exchanging a passionate heart for ministry...
And convincing me that if I work it out, people will knit-pick me all the more...

Thus the walls I've built...
Thus the isolation I've resorted to...
Thus the self-sufficiency I've settled for...

Misunderstood.

What people see in me as self confidence.
Egotism.
Arrogance.

Has been insecurity.

Is it their fault?
Not completely...

It's what I've allowed...

I take full responsibility.

Kyle's best friend Tom posted this on his facebook wall a few weeks back...
As I read it to Kyle, he said, "I think that's from 'Akeelah and the Bee'..."
And then I mentioned it to Mal, and she said, "That's in 'Akeelah and the Bee'..."
And then I brought it up to MaKayla & she responded with, "'Akeelah and the Bee'..."
It obviously made an impression even as long ago as it's been... ♥

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. 

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. 

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? 

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world. 

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine, as children do. 

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. 

 It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine, 

 we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. 

As we are liberated from our own fear, 

our presence automatically liberates others.”

- Marianne Williamson

It's really made me think deep.
And consider how I've gone from those personalities that others saw through me & in me at 'University of Joy' to where I am & who I am today...

In perspective, I'm still very much the same person...
With the same Spirit of God living within me...

Somewhere along the way, I've equated criticism with a perverse sense of humility.
Timidity.
Isolation.

Why do I allow others to determine how bright I allow God's light to shine through me?
If people are offended by my depth of faith & passion for living Christ, is that not an issue between them & God, rather than an issue between them & me?

And then I read this out of Max Lucado's newest book, 'You'll Get Through This':
"You are a version of Joseph in your generation. You represent a challenge to Satan's plan. You carry something of God within you, something noble and holy, something the world needs -- wisdom, kindness, mercy, skill. If Satan can neutralize you, he can mute your influence."

When we allow the criticism, ridicule, mockery & jesting of others to diminish the light of Christ from shining brightly through our lives...

We are allowing Satan to neutralize us...

Deceived.

Sometimes we allow the light itself to be diminished...
Seeing ourselves less than God sees us...
Falling short of being an effective witness...

The dark wins.

And sometimes the light is still brightly shining within us, we're just hesitant to let it be seen.

Afraid.
Fearful.
Insecure.

The light struggles to radiate.

“You are the light of the world. 

A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden. 

Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, 

but on a lampstand, 

and it gives light to all who are in the house. 

Let your light so shine before men, 

that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven. 

~ Matthew 5:14-16

It's not about shining bright to bring attention to ourselves but to make much of Christ.

Healthy humility.

Does any of this resonate within you?

Have you been a light brightly shining only to be condemned?
Have you excelled at something only to be scrutinized?
Have you been passionate about something only to be ridiculed?

What did you do with it?
How did you handle it?
Where did you take it?

Did you bury it?
Deny it?
Conceal it?
Mask it?
Push it?
Embalm it?

Or did you take it to God & ask His opinion?
Invite His healing?
Seek His courage?

Sadly, for too long, I've believed it...

The words...

The attitudes...

The actions...

I've received the words & accepted them as truth...

I've buried the hurt & built walls to protect myself...

I've denied the pain & allowed insecurity to take up residence...

God says, 

"Break free from such bondage & let My light shine...BRIGHTLY..."

"Exercise your gifts..."

"Use your talents..."

"Share with others what I've invested in you..."

Digging out that t-shirt & those pins from 'U of J' that I was blessed with so many years ago, 

God reminds me of who I once was...

And who I still am...

What I've allowed needs to be replaced with what God says...

"People are unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered. 

Love them anyway. 

If you do good, people may accuse you of selfish motives. 

Do good anyway. 

If you are successful, you may win false friends and true enemies. 

Succeed anyway. 

The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. 

Do good anyway. 

Honesty and transparency make you vulnerable. 

Be honest and transparent anyway. 

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. 

Build anyway. 

People who really want help may attack you if you help them. 

Help them anyway. 

Give the world the best you have and you may get hurt. 

Give the world your best anyway." 

-- Mother Teresa

As you consider the thoughts of this post, I pray that you will dig deep...
Replacing what other's say, with what God says...
Living the person He longs for you to be...

Just To Be Known As Someone...

I've pondered this post for a few weeks now...
It comes to mind...
And then I let it go...

As I sit down to pull my thoughts together, I am reminded of how grateful I am that God has given me a love for writing. A desire to put my heart on paper. A longing to share what He is showing me, teaching me, revealing to me. Not only for ones who faithfully visit our blog, but for my girls. I frequently find them scrolling through old posts... Looking at times gone by... Reading back over how God is moving & working in my life. ♥

Transparent...
Real...
Genuine...

I want them to remember daily life here at home...
What I struggled with...
The victories God helped me to achieve...

I want them to be reminded of how much they were loved...
The value of their precious lives...
That God is the most important factor in anything they do...

In thinking about my passion for writing, my mind drifts back to the late 1980's, early 1990's.
School wasn't a priority to me.
I wish it would have been.
Simply put, I was a social butterfly.
So contrary to who I am today...

In the midst of those years, a one-of-a-kind English teacher touched my life.

A teacher I wish I could track down today...

We were reading 'The Scarlet Letter' & as is typical, we had to compose a paper with our thoughts about the book. The emphasis for this particular paper was in regard to why we thought the big, bold letter 'A' was right or wrong. This was probably the first composition that I really remember doing. I did what was asked  & turned my paper in for grading. Upon it's return to me, on the very back page, in bright red writing, the teacher affirmed the thoughts that I had shared intermingled with a bit of constructive criticism. I still remember the paper. I still remember his handwriting. I still remember how his affirming words made me feel. That was water/sunshine that began to grow the small seed that God had placed in my heart that I had yet to discover. (My love & gift of writing is nothing in & of me, yet something He (God) strategically placed within the fibers of my being when He formed me upon conception.)

Somewhere, I still have that paper safely tucked...
As a reminder...

You know, I'm sure that bachelor of a teacher had no idea the impact his affirmation had upon my life the day he handed that paper back to me, but I did. I'm sure he had graded hundreds of papers before & has graded thousands of papers since & most of those papers have long been filed in landfills who knows where, but for the one paper of mine, it made & continues to make all the difference in this stay-at-home, homeschooling mom who loves to share her thoughts with others. ♥

I say all of that to share with you that a few weeks back, I sent out an e-mail/facebook message containing the following question:

So...in my Bible study time today, this thought crossed my mind & I am needing perspective from others...

Strange question I know, but in all honesty, how inwardly, genuinely valuable do you feel in regard to how people see you, treat you & convey themselves to you? If you don't feel comfortable "openly" responding but are willing to share your thoughts, private message me. It doesn't have to be lengthy, just a: very valuable, somewhat valuable, not valued at all. Or it could be: I'm a queen, I'm a commoner, I'm a pauper. Or: I am noticed, I am ignored, I am invisible.

The answers I received were so diverse...
Some came through private message...
Some came through the open forum page...
Some came through text...

The very first response I received was...
"Invisible..."

My heart broke...

Another response...
"Invaluable..."

They trickled in...
"Not valuable..."

"I want to be valued for who I am, not for who I'm not..."

"My value comes only from Christ..."
"Ignored..."
Another, "Invisible..."
"Depends..."
"Valued when someone needs something..."
"Depends on the crowd..."
"Depends on whose eyes I'm looking through, who I'm finding my worth in..."
"Past cohorts/customers, yes... Otherwise, not so much..."
"Unnoticed..."
"Lack of purpose..."

No matter how hard we try...
what people think of us,
how people see us,
the way in which people speak of us,
makes an impact on our lives...

It is a portion of how valuable we see ourselves...

We are flesh & until we reach our final destination, to a degree, this will be a reality...

One response I received was as pointed as this:
"Letting someones opinion of you define your self worth.. .
You will never be content,
You will never hold on to joy...
You will warp who you are to never satisfy anyone.
I will never let another person have that much power over me again."

Interesting...

As I pondered the openness of people's hearts, I continued to go back to the essence of the study that prompted the question...

Perhaps the thoughts reflected in the old hymn explain my tenderness toward the words unfolding in our text today. Genesis 17:15 reads, "God also said to Abraham, 'As for Sarai your wife, you are no longer to call her Sarai; her name will be Sarah. I will bless her.'" While on others God was calling -- Hagar, Abraham -- He did not pass Sarah by. Oh, how thankful I am for the phrases "God also said, " (emphasis mine) and "as for ____________..." I wonder whose name you'd write in that blank today. Does someone you know seem overlooked--perhaps, humanly speaking, for understandable reasons? Maybe he or she proved foolish. But haven't we all? Haven't we all been desperate for a name change? An identity change? Plenty of "alsos" and "as fors" remain for those desperate for His touch. Go back and write in that blank the name of someone who fits the need--even if it's yourself; turn the Scripture thought into a prayer for a fresh work toward a new identity in Christ.

I instantly knew whose name my "blank space" would contain...
Someone who has felt overlooked their entire life...
Someone who has never felt quite like they measured up...
Someone who has always felt like they have failed to ever get it right...
Isolated...
Alone...
Invaluable...
Worthless...

Simply put, they only long to be wanted, needed, appreciated...

My heart stirred & I wondered...

I considered the person whose name I penned on the "blank space" of my paper...
And then I considered the responses I received...
And then I considered how truly valuable I make other people feel...

Do I look them in the eye when I am speaking to them?
Or am I distracted?

Do I give them my full attention when I am talking to them?
Or do my eyes wander?

Do I offer a warm hug?
Or do I stand with my hands folded?

Kiss on the cheek?
Sincere prayer?
Word of encouragement?
Or am I in too big of a hurry?

Do I extend an utterance of affirmation?
Or am I more focused on their weaknesses/shortcomings?

Challenging but necessary questions...

People want to be valued...
People need to be affirmed...
People long to have purpose...

And truthfully there are some who have never genuinely known that...

They hunger for that name change that God so graciously gave Sarai/Sarah...

Just to be known as someone...

Someone...
Of worth...
Of value...
Of purpose...

Their parents didn't give it...
Their peers didn't extend it...
And now as adults the reality of insecurity screams in their ear...

Yesterday I was vividly reminded of this again...

I spoke at great length with someone I love very much who is gravely confused about life. They are longing for direction. Seeking someone to simply love them. Desiring the security of belonging. Through tears they poured their heart out...

And the words I shared with them is...

What it all boils down to, is God.

If we don't find our foundational belonging, worth, value & purpose in God, nothing or no one will ever be able to fill that lingering spot that He placed there to be occupied only by HIM.

Some seek to fill it through relationships.
Some through possessions.
Some through money.

Some pour themselves into their career.
Some into their hobbies.
Some into busyness.

Those satisfy for a season but in time, they too, wear out & the reality of emptiness resurfaces.

What it all boils down to, is God...

So hard for some people to grasp...
They want something they can see...
They can't understand how Someone who isn't tangible would be enough...

Yet once that foundation has been laid & established, God desires us, as His children to build on that foundation...

We are the only Jesus some people will ever see...

Through our words...
Through our actions...
Through our love...

Towards others...

And to some, it makes all the difference...

The response of one person has greatly challenged me...

• I try to be the change that I'd like to see in the world.. Treating others how I'd like to be treated.. Even those that others turn away from.. I'm not perfect.. I'm not fancy.. Have plenty of room to grow in God.. I try to be open..honest..and helpful when I can.......I'm more concerned about if I'm being a good example.. and trying to become a better wife..mother..family member..friend..or just a smile for someone who needs one...

I so loved their thoughts...

Are you one who is in need of that value, worth, purpose?

What it all boils down to, is God...

Are you one who knows the reality of your value, worth & purpose?

Are you building on God's foundation in other people's lives?

Or if they don't know Him, are you pointing them towards Him?

Give yourself away today...
Extend a word of affirmation...
Go out of your way to show love to someone...

It all started with that bachelor of a teacher...
And he didn't even know it...

God did.

So don't be afraid; 

you are worth more than many sparrows.

Matthew 10:31

Zeal Wanes...

As the morning rush of boiling eggs, fixing breakfast (they requested oatmeal again), providing warm, clean clothes, braiding hair, preparing snacks & walking the ones I love most out the door came to a halt, I sat down at the kitchen table & began listing things from yesterday that filled my heart with joy...

My heart & mind turned to God & I thanked Him...
For all He has given me.
For who He is to me.
For what He is doing in my life & in our family.

#1490 - sunshine on my face

#1491 - wind through my hair

#1492 - quiet moments on the deck with Mal ♥

I thanked Him for this sabbatical He has brought about...

- sabbatical - 

any extended period of leave from one's customary work especially for rest or study

(root word: sabbath)

a time to focus the heart/mind/spirit intently upon God

Sometimes, many times we get so caught up in the daily routine of life & the tasks/responsibilities therein that we lose sight of what we are doing...why we are doing it...the spirit in which we are doing what we're doing.
We grow stale.
Broken down.
Worn out.

Our tasks become a burden rather than a blessing.

Life gets mundane.
Zeal begins to wane.

- zeal - 

fervor for a person, cause, or object

eager desire or endeavor

enthusiastic diligence

ardor

I like to refer to zeal as passion or enthusiasm or deliberate fervor.
And when our zeal wanes, so does our countenance.

It may take on the look of:
stress
exhaustion
impatience
irritability
discouragement
sluggishness
lifelessness

We've all seen it.
We've all felt it.
We've all lived it.
We've all worn it.

Do we recognize when the clothes we are wearing are soiled with such grunge that it is affecting those around us?

Do we care?

I wonder how many of us know what we are wearing, see how we are acting & in turn recognize the effect it is having on ones we love & care about but have no idea how to fix it...

So we stuff.
We suppress.
We subdue.
We go through the motions.

#1493 - car rides & doctor appointments with MaKayla ♥

#1494 - broccoli cheese soup deluxe for a sore ortho mouth ♥

#1498 - first after work sight of my man ♥

We transform from thriving into merely surviving.

One life.
That's all we get.

As the days tick on, even in the midst of the pain & discomfort, I now clearly see that God has instituted this time & season for nothing less than healing & restoration & transformation.

A time to step back & evaluate...
Where we are...
Who we are...
How we've arrived here...

A time to take those answers & line them up with...

Where God wants us to be...

Who God wants us to be...

How God wants to change us...

From the inside out.

Satan wants nothing more than to keep us doing the same thing...
Going the same direction...
Acting the same ways...
Achieving the same results...

stress

exhaustion

impatience

irritability

discouragement

sluggishness

lifelessness

He wants to keep us so caught up & busy in life, even though we're miserable, as a means to keep us defeated, discouraged & downcast. For when we are these things, we are of no fruitful use to those around us.

Can you relate?

Some people are afraid to evaluate...
It might reveal an area of weakness.

Some people are afraid of change...
It has a tendency to be uncomfortable.

Some people are afraid to do something different...
It requires learning something new.

Some people are afraid to be someone other than who they have always been...
It has a tendency to invite mockery or judgement or ridicule.

But...
Are you thriving or surviving?

Do you care?

Maybe it's time to step back from the busyness of life & do some evaluating...
A quiet moment.

No television.
No cell phone.
No internet access.

Quietness.
Just you & God.

He says,

“Be still, and know that I am God..."

~Psalm 46:10

More than once in the past few weeks, Kyle & I have both said, 

"I am so sick of self..."
"I am so sick of doing it my own way..."
"I am so sick of having no joy..."

We want to know God...
Not to just know about Him...
But to truly know Him...

His heart.
His desire.
His will.
His purpose.

Are you thriving or merely surviving?

Do you care?

Seek God...
He will show you...

Oh, and one last thing...
If you see someone you love & care about lingering in the "merely surviving" zone, reach out.
It's a lonely place...
Offer them a break.
Take on some of their load.
Let them know you care.
Encourage them.
And pray...

Happy October 9th...
Brisk but beautiful...

The Moment of the Day...

My peeps have left for the day...
Brown-sugar, cinnamon oatmeal with craisins topped with Greek yogurt was on the breakfast menu this morning.
MaKayla's work clothes were washed last night & thrown in to dry after I awoke.
She loves putting clothes on straight hot from the dryer. ♥
Her hair freshly French braided.
They eat.
We pray.
They load up & pull out of the driveway.
I watch their headlights disappear into the darkness.
One hill.
And then the next.
It's a Tuesday.

#1482 - yard all mown

#1483 - garden all cleaned

#1484 - after supper coffee

It's going to be busy.
Work.
School.
Orthodontist appointment.
Errands to run.
Doctor appointment.
Groceries to purchase.

And then...family time.

The moment of the day we all work toward & look forward to.

Excuse the uncleaned computer screen... :)

At breakfast Kyle asked me some questions of perception...

And then proceeded to share with MaKayla & I the essence of his study.
Being obedient to the "go" when one really has no idea where they are going...
Hearing God's voice moment-by-moment...
Depending on Him to speak the next step...
Waiting for an answer...
Failing the need to know the entire plan...

We live in such a society that we feel the need to know every detail before we step out. If we can't see the way ahead, we must be going in the wrong direction. Been there. Done that. Very much there now. But what about faith? Seeking? Knocking? Waiting?

God's Word says,

“Ask and it will be given to you; 

seek and you will find; 

knock and the door will be opened to you. 

For everyone who asks receives; 

the one who seeks finds; 

and to the one who knocks, 

the door will be opened." 

~Matthew 7:7-8

But seek ye first the kingdom of God, 

and his righteousness; 

and all these things shall be added unto you. 

~Matthew 6:33

Wait on the Lord;
Be of good courage,
And He shall strengthen your heart;
Wait, I say, on the Lord!

~Psalm 27:14

But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; 

they shall mount up with wings as eagles; 

they shall run, and not be weary; 

and they shall walk, and not faint.

~Isaiah 40:31

Sometimes God simply says, "Go."
Sometimes God simply says, "Do."
Sometimes God simply says, "Wait."

It's about being obedient in what He is saying rather than figuring out every last detail, however...
We are a people who feel like we deserve to know.
And if we can't see it all on paper, we refuse to budge.
When in reality, God is sovereign & as long as He knows, that's simply all that matters.

Obedience

Trust

In the One who knows all.

In the One who sees all.

In the One who is control over all.

When we feel out of control due to lack of details...
We can rest easy knowing He is in control & He already has all of the details worked out...
In our favor.
For His glory.

Abraham journeyed.
Noah built.
Moses spoke.
Jacob offered.
Daniel prayed.
Ezekiel went.
Joshua marched.
Nehemiah asked.

I don't want to be like Moses who tried to talk God out of what He was asking him to do.
Or Jonah, who initially ran because he didn't like the "idea" of God's instructions.

I want to set my face like flint on the One who loves me most...

Even when I don't see.
Even when I don't understand.

It's not about knowing...
It's about obedience.
Even in the wait.
For...

But do not let this one fact escape your notice, 

beloved, that with the Lord one day is like a thousand years, 

and a thousand years like one day.

2 Peter 3:8

If you're in a season of "wondering" & "wandering", along with waiting, hold fast.
Help is on the way.

It's gonna be a beautiful October day... ♥

Blessed Is He...

A continuance from yesterday's post...

As I composed yesterday's post, there was more it contained but between Mal & I we cut some things & condensed. :) I received the following correspondence this morning which has prompted me to continue on...

"Searching for "more" this morning I read over some favorite blogs...including yours. Mendi, you are a gifted writer. Thank you for sharing your heart. Handicaps...things God can turn into our ability to comfort others in their time of trial/despair. But as we all sit in the same churches side by side... How much do we share? How much do we put on our "church face" while dying on the inside. I know I do. How often is the church "family" a bunch of separate, bleeding, crippled, lonely believers? Just some thoughts as I continue to search for "more"."

I am always grateful for feedback from people. Their thoughts. Their perception. Their "take" on life. It's what sharpens me & compels me to think deeper, dig further, search broader. We need to be challenged.

As I considered this precious individual's words & thoughts, coupled with things that I had penned/typed as a continuance from yesterday's post, various meanderings floated through my mind...

Maybe our churches should have designated handicap sections...

I'm BROKEN...
This section might consist of people who can't find purpose or see past their current heartaches in life. They don't see the light at the end of the dark tunnel they are in. They don't see how they can be used. All they see is pain & dislocation.

I'm BLEEDING...
This area might contain people whose hurts are beyond explanation... They've been gashed & gnashed & at present there is no avenue to close the gaping hole.

I have CANCER...
This zone might hold people who can't get a grip on hidden spiritual strongholds that are constantly eating away at the wholeness of their hearts...bitterness, pride, anger, jealousy, insecurity...

I battle MENTAL ILLNESS...
This sector might pull people together that can't see out of the pit in which Satan has placed them... They feel completely stuck, bound, imprisoned...

I am WOUNDED...

This parcel might group people who have been hurt...damaged...rejected...abandoned...and then left to "figure it out"...

I am DEPLETED...
This block of people are ones who have been a continuous outlet of love, energy, encouragement, time, service to everyone (family, co-workers, church body, friends, ect) without anyone pouring something, anything back into them.

I'm in need of a HEART TRANSPLANT...
This division would include people who need to see God for who He is in their lives. How much He loves them. How much worth He sees in them. Their heart of stone needs to be replaced with a heart of flesh & in turn they would receive a new spirit as well. Their old way of thinking isn't working for them or serving them in a fruitful manner. They need God afresh.

The reality of it is, we don't have "sections"...
The reality of it is, we judge & condemn & criticize people because of their behaviors, their attitudes, their personalities & their responses because that is all we see.
The reality of it is, we all have handicaps.
We all have pasts.

And simply put, we can't see beyond the surface in order to see the heart...

The damage of the heart...

In turn, we remain a broken, bleeding, wounded, depleted, cancerous, lacking group of people.
So contrary to what God longs for us.

We build walls of protection.

(We shut people out.)

So contrary to what God longs for us.

As my dear friend said, "But as we all sit in the same churches side by side... How much do we share? How much do we put on our "church face" while dying on the inside. I know I do. How often is the church "family" a bunch of separate, bleeding, crippled, lonely believers?"

We struggle through life hiding our hurts, denying our emptiness, burying our brokenness, suppressing our longing to be seen...loved...accepted...valued...affirmed... We put on our "happy face" in order to give the indication we are fine; all the while we are dying inside. Pride keeps us from crying out, "Unclean! Unclean!" as the lepers of old were required to do. As a result, we adversely affect the body of Christ. We share our "disease" but in an unhealthy way. We carry in our contagious infections. And instead of humbling ourselves & reaching out for help, our ailments deepen & grow more life threatening. We are so quick to seek out prayer for our physical needs, but what about our spiritual? Mental? Emotional? And instead of people recognizing the hurt we are feeling, and extending themselves to help others find healing & restoration, we judge, condemn & ridicule.

I've thought a great deal about these things & in a time of family discussion, we digested the "unapproachable label" deemed to our family. Mal's response, "I wouldn't say we're 'unapproachable', but I could see where people would view us as 'reserved'."
I agreed.
I love her heart. ♥
And her thoughts. ♥

I don't see our family as unapproachable...
incapable of being approached
unreachable
impossible to equal or rival

Remote? Maybe.
Reserved? Fairly stated.
Separate? Aren't we supposed to be to some extent? (Not so much in the church setting...)

We don't live as we do in an attempt to put others down or to make people feel less than.

(One perception that has compelled me to build walls.)
(If I just stick to myself then others won't be offended by what I say, how I live, things I choose.)

We've been told that our standards are unattainable.
I disagree.
But do we condemn others for not choosing to live by the same convictions?
Not at all. That is between them & God.
But it also does not mean that we recoil from the standards God has placed before us.
In turn people distance themselves because they don't feel they "measure up".

We don't live as we do because it is easy or perpetually desirable or to gain the gold stamp of approval.
We live as we do because that is how God has called us.
We live as we do because we desire to live a life of obedience above all else.

Is it easy?
Hardly ever.

Is it freeing?
Always.

As I have processed the reality of so may diverse groanings within my heart, I've come to a couple of conclusions...

One...
I've arrived at this "reserved" destination of reservation by way of many winding roads.
*the lifestyle in which we have been called/chosen
~homeschooling
~stay-at-home mom
~simple living
*a husband's extended illness (I am DEPLETED...)
~learning (literally) how to do the daily responsibilities (mine & Kyle's) of life alone
~isolated days in a hospital room miles away from home (and our girls)
*condemning/judging words issued by others (I am WOUNDED.)
*ridicule (I am BLEEDING.)

Two...
If I don't want others to inscribe their perception of me on me as truth rather than looking to see my heart, I, myself shouldn't perceive others in such a way without considering what is behind the way they present themselves. I need to be the change I long to see. I need to extend myself to those I see broken, bleeding, wounded, cancerous...in need of a heart change.

Isn't that what Jesus did?

I've learned much...
About myself.
About how I see others.
About how God would desire me to realign my heart with His in regard to His children.

We are all handicapped.
We are all in need of each other.
We are all destitute without a divine touch from the Great Physician.

Where are you?
What are your hurts?
How have you "arrived" in the place in which you find yourself?

Blessed is he who has regard for the weak;

the Lord delivers him in times of trouble.

The Lord will protect him and preserve his life;

he will bless him in in the land

and not surrender him to the desire of his foes.

The Lord will sustain him on his sickbed

and restore him from his bed of illness.

Psalm 41:1~3