14 Things I love About You...♥

Candle is burning...
Furnace is running...
Music is playing...

Baby, it's cold outside. :)

The temperature is currently a balmy/frigid -5 with a windchill of -25 where we live & thankfully Kyle brewed a nice, fresh, hot pot of coffee once he got out of bed. Hazelnut mixed with Cinnamon Vanilla Nut. Delish. ♥ If only he were here to drink it with me...

Last night Kyle requested Chicken Noodle Soup for supper so I prepared one of our fryers that we butchered last spring & put it in the oven.

Once it was done, we used freshly made bone broth...

Healthy bone broth should attain a gelatin form...

And added homemade noodles that MaKayla put together, using our own duck eggs.

A few months ago she took a few days, several eggs & the other necessary ingredients & made several batches...

Letting them dry...

And then bagging & freezing them for times such as these. :)

The soup was amazingly delicious & it always gives me a feeling of satisfaction when a recipe is made using ingredients that God has helped us grow.

MaKayla has a real love for pepper... :)

As many of you know, we celebrated a birthday last week... ♥

Recognizing birthdays here in our home has always been a big deal to me.
Celebrating life...
Remembering birth...
Rejoicing over the one we celebrate...

When the girls were little things, I did the whole theme extreme with cake, decorations, invitations & everything else to match. We would have lots of food, lots of people & lots of preparation...

And then one year one of the girls suggested that simple is better...

From that time on, we've made birthdays simple but fun. We've turned the attention from all the prep work/expense to the person in which we are celebrating.

Favorite foods...
Favorite activities...
Totally their day to do as they wish. ♥

Mal's birthday... ♥

Every January I look so forward to Mallary's "big day" because the after-Christmas rush is over, life has somewhat returned to normal & almost always, Kyle takes the day off. ♥

Truly, it's a family day. ♥

Mal's appointment for ortho adjustments was two days prior & I had asked her if she would rather reschedule for after in the chance that her mouth would be sore. She thought she would be fine so we proceeded as planned. She had her birthday list made, her menu planned & her desired activities for the day nicely outlined BUT she had no idea that Kyle was planning to stay home. :) ♥

Ortho appointment day came & while Steph worked on Mal she asked what she hoped to do on her big day. :) Mal's response, "I just want to stay home..." :) No hoopla wanted or necessary for her, homebody at heart is what she is. Colors were changed to resemble confetti in honor of her birthday... ♥ Bands were added & by evening her mouth HURT. :( Her cheeseburger & sweet potato fry request went sailing out the door yet she never deviated from her cinnamon/sugar doughnut preference for breakfast. :) ♥

Wednesday evening Kyle & I made a trip to the grocery store for the pertinent ingredients and then some. :) As we were headed back & five miles from home, I realized that I hadn't purchased canned biscuits for the beloved doughnuts... What to do, what to do. I was fairly certain that my cookbook contained a recipe for homemade doughnuts but...

WARNING... An EXCESSIVE amount of pictures as you proceed. 

Penny, I know this makes you happy... :)

Birthday morning came & we had LOTS to do before Mal emerged from bed...
Gifts to wrap... (Procrastination 101)
A banner to make...
Doughnuts to fix...
So we got busy.

The doughnuts were quite time consuming but a fun challenge for me.

Mix.

Melt.

Cool.

Mix.

Let rise.

Shape.

Let rise again.

Fry. (I know it's terrible for us...but it's a birthday, right?)

Drain.

Glaze.

Glaze again.

And the beloved cinnamon/sugar variety...

And delicious doughnut holes with thoughts & affections of Aunt Marci... ♥

MaKayla decorated the table just for Mal... ♥

She loved the banner... ♥

And then we sat down to eat... ♥

Mal decided she wanted to open her gifts in increments so that is what we did... ♥

Pink bow... ♥

Zebra bow... ♥

Just. For. Her. ♥

Gift one... ♥

Silver glitter leggings... ♥

And shoes to match... ♥

SO NOT me but TOTALLY her... ♥

MaKayla thought she needed to make her ribbon into a sash... ♥

She ended up wearing it all.day.long. ♥

And then a game of Clue... ♥

And then a competition of Wii Dance... ♥

Yes, Kyle is a trooper & does it right along with them. :)

It snowed a bit throughout the day...

And then it was time for gift #2... ♥

Her expressions were priceless... ♥

Remember those BRIGHT colors I spoke of in yesterday's post... :)

MIZZOU all the way... :)

And then a round of Scrabble... ♥

Coupled with some chips & salsa... ♥

Supper time arrived & in place of cheeseburgers & sweet potato fries, she settled on chicken fettuccini alfredo, caesar salad & garlic bread... ♥

And then on to round #3 of gifts... ♥

New Wii dance game...

Mulan set...some of her faves... ♥

Cross stitch...

Fresh, new book... (One she has been wanting...)

CD...

A movie she has been wanting that we would NOT recommend... :(

(Sad-to-say this is sold in Christian book stores but has LOTS of questionable content by our acceptable standards. I haven't seen it but both MaKayla & Mal were VERY disappointed...)

Kyle threatened the be-dreaded birthday spanking all day...

And then it became a reality... ♥

We ended the day with a dessert of deliciousness & ice cream... ♥

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

♥

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

It was a most beautiful day... ♥

Celebrating a most beautiful life... ♥

As I lie in bed the morning of Mal's birthday, thanking God for the gift of her life, He brought to mind that this one I love will never be 13 again... ♥

This year of her life has come & gone, never to be relived. ♥

A vivid reminder to relish the moments... 

Savor the times... 

Live every day to the fullest...

Welcome to year 14 of this life you have been given, Baby Girl... ♥

14 Things I LOVE about Y-O-U... ♥

♥ The contagious beauty of your smile...

♥ Your candid realness...

♥ Your sheer determination...

♥ The way that you love without limits...

♥ Your affection towards furry creatures...

♥ Your need for solitude...

♥ The depth of communication you have with God...

♥ Your love for bare feet in lush, green grass...

♥ Your desire to learn...

♥ The way your personality reflects COLOR...

♥ Your longing for simplicity...

♥ That your palate LOVES spicy...

♥ The angelic beauty of your voice...

♥ That you appreciate who God made you to be...

And as I was lying there thinking...

Kyle prayed & gave God thanks that He gave us the ability to create something so beautiful... ♥

So special... ♥

So wonderful... ♥

So amazing... ♥

♥ I. Love. You. ♥

He Gave Me Freedom...

As I sat at the dining room table yesterday morning helping Mal along with her math, my heart was filled with the joy of the Lord & I found myself deeply thankful. Thankful for how my heart has changed over the past 20 plus years... I know that they say the older you get the more you lighten up but the transformation of my heart from then until now is nothing short of miraculous. It's a complete God work & no credit at all is afforded to me.

I sat there...
Eager to help...
Eager to learn...
Eager to absorb...

It hasn't always been this way...
Just ask MaKayla.

I can honestly say that I've always loved being a mom...
And a wife...
But for so many years, I penciled the girls in...
I slipped Kyle into the "open slots"...
And my focus was more on my agenda...

Ministry...
Friends...
Encouraging others...
Helping God out...
Preoccupations of the mind...

And my most used phrase was, "Just a minute..."
Or, "In a minute..."
Or, "Hold on a second..."

Maybe the minute would come, maybe it wouldn't.

Many times the "second" would never show itself a reality...

My family was on a constant "wait"...

But then God got a hold of my heart.

And I remember the day the discovery was made that Mallary was going to be "different"...
Not the "cookie cutter" piece of perfection that I had molded MaKayla in to...

Every hair in it's proper place...
All items of clothes color-coordinated...
Earrings...
Nail polish...
Shoes...

To match.

Color in the lines...exactly.
Horses are brown.
Frogs are green.
No, purple is not an acceptable shade for a cat.

Do as I say without asking a question...
Keep yourself occupied until I come to you...
Don't bother me while I am "busy"...

And then Mallary came along...
With colic in her stead.

 I should have then known... ♥

The "cookie cutter" approach was working great.
Until...

She started school.

She didn't learn the same...
But she was going to.

She didn't process the same...
But I would make her.

She didn't connect with the curriculum...
I will not buy new.

The image of "perfection" was working out well.
Until...

She started getting older.

The clothes didn't fit right...
We'll make them work.

The "style" wasn't her..
Too bad.

The temperament didn't jive with mine...
Fix it.

And then God, at one particular moment, yielded my heart towards His.

He made my heart receptive...
Teachable...
Submissive...

He showed me in a clear & profound way that MaKayla wasn't a puppet...
Mallary wasn't a clone...
And Kyle wasn't a robot...

The journey commenced.

I have many regrets in my years of mommyhood with MaKayla, yet I am thankful for grace...
For hers...
For God's...

I have much remorse for my narrow-minded way of thinking in Mal's early life, yet I am grateful God reeled me in...
Just.
In.
Time.

And showed me how beautiful & unique & colorful & free her heart was. ♥

I have much sorrow for my shallow love & selfish ambitions towards Kyle through that long season of ignorance, yet I am rich beyond measure...
His love, unconditional...
His devotion, unwavering...
His patience, uncapped...

So yesterday as my shoulder absorbed the tears of a precious heart...
With a longing to create my upcoming birthday a perfect celebration... ♥

And as last weeks words of a tender spirit, like a well-used record, play over again in my mind...
"Thank you for always allowing us to be who we are..." ♥

And as my eyes fall on the words of a journaled text from Saturday...
"I am so thankful & honored to be your husband! I praise God for your life, Mendi!" ♥

I find myself...
Humbled...
Thankful...
Rich...

And I give God praise.

He showed me how to get out of the way...

He helped me discover the reality of not just "lightening up" but being purposeful...
(Lightening up can be oh-so-dangerous & leave borders uncharted/unprotected.)

He showed me how to look beyond myself & make the hearts of others my focus...

He helped to me see that ALL standards should be set & gauged by Him & Him alone...

He gave me freedom... 

♥ To love...

♥ To enjoy...

♥ To cherish...

♥ To nurture...

♥ To appreciate... 

(Converse shoes & zebra striped/chartreuse colored clothing)

♥ To relish...

So today as the sun streams through the picture window, I sit alongside this one that I love working the perimeter and area of arcs and dissecting word problems with rates and ratios and as we compute fractions, area and volume, my heart is content.

And as I catch a glimpse of MaKayla lying on the couch (Nala cozily situated on her back) absorbing the truth & instruction of God's written word, my spirit is satisfied.

And as I acknowledge that the one, who in this life of flesh, loves me most is selflessly away, busy, working, in order to provide for the needs (and wants) of our family, my entire being realizes how truly rich I am. ♥

I am compelled to reflect on the words of Isaiah...

Yet, O LORD, you are our Father,
We are the clay, you are the potter;
We are all the work of your hand.

And of Jeremiah...

This is the word that came to Jeremiah from the LORD: "Go down to the potter's house, and there I will give you my message." So I went down to the potter's house, and I saw him working at the wheel. But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands; so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him. Then the word of the LORD came to me: "O house of Israel, can I not do with you as this potter does?" declares the LORD. "Like clay in the hand of the potter, so are you in my hand, O house of Israel." (emphasis mine)

Sometimes...

We just need reshaped. ♥

Only One...

As I sit in the lingering darkness of a day preparing to break, my heart is prayerful...

Grief...

The reality of grief rests there on the pliable places of my heart.

Not for myself specifically...
Yet I have known it.

But for those whose grief is fresh...
And for those who are remembering...

They say that time heals, and it does, but the depth of pain lingers...
The depth of loss...
The depth of emptiness...

Loss hurts.

And no matter what one does & no matter how much one prepares...
The sting of death rivets us to the core.
And changes our lives for the remainder of our time here on earth.

Yet I always remind myself that in the reality of death...
There is hope in Life.

In the reality of loss...
There is hope in gaining something new.

In the reality of brokenness...
There is hope in the Healer.

In the reality of heartache...
There is hope in taking the hand of another hurting heart...
And saying, "Can I walk with you?"

I've heard a precious niece of mine say, "I hate when people slather you with hugs and thoughts and prayers and flowers and visits and... Those same people that are there in the height of the pain and grief... They forget... They move on... They fail to remember..."

And she's right.

Thankfully, there's One who doesn't.

As I walked around the perimeter of mine & Kyle's bed this morning...
Tightening the sheets...
Arranging the pillows...
Straightening the quilt..
Folding the blanket that rests at the foot...

Praying for ones whose pain is inexplicably deep...
And others who are remembering tragic events of years past...
I interceded.

In my finite mind...
In my human understanding...
In my being one person...

I can't relate to where they are...
Or what they are thinking...
Or how they are feeling...
Or the avenues they are looking to for healing...
No one can.

But One.

Only One knows the specifics...
The specific event...
The specific situation...
The specific hurt...
The specific pain...

Only One.

And for that, I am thankful.

I can't heal their wounds.
I can't remove the grief.
I can't fix what is broken.
I have no magic words.

But God in His sovereignty sees it all...

Every.

Last.

Detail.

And I am thankful.

I can walk beside them.
I can make mental notes to remember.
I can hold them when they seek my embrace.

Yet, only One is the Mender of the broken.

♥So as I think back to a best friend who stood at the bedside of her mom...watching...waiting...
♥And a sister & niece who counted the breaths of a father-in-law/grandpa & watched them diminish...
♥And that same family hold a mom/grandma as she departed this life...
♥And a couple we love more than life deliver a lifeless, breathless, perfect infant into this world...
♥And a wife whisper last words into the ear of her soul-mate...

In physical form, we were there...
But our understanding pales in the face of their pain.
A pain that still lingers within the depths of their being.

And as I think of ones trying to find footing in what seems like sinking sand...
Their situation unique to all others...

And as my mind rests on a family remembering the events of this day some years ago...
Recalling events second-by-second...minute-by-minute...hour-by-hour...

And as I consider a son preparing...for the "letting go"...
Knowing it's time, yet not ready for "good-bye"...

God reminds me that only He...

Only He, in His sovereignty, can see their hearts...
Feel their grief...
Understand their gut-wrenching pangs...

Only He knows the reality of their loss...

He's the only One who was there prior to...
In the midst of...
For the remainder...

And I pray...

God is our refuge and strength,

A very present help in trouble.

~Psalm 46:1~

A Simple Pleasure To Start My Day...

I'm starting this post off just saying that one day weekends are NOT enough when it comes to "down time" with the one you love most. Kyle is back to working six-day work weeks & one single day together just isn't sufficient for either of us. We make it work & we do it with as little complaint as possible (what good does complaining do) BUT when Monday rolls around, my heart is sad to watch his tail lights trail off in the distance... ♥

Albeit short, the time we had together was sweet. Tom & Beth had asked us to meet them for supper & chat Saturday evening but by the time Kyle got home, changed the oil in MaKayla's car & got inside, we knew it would be a big rush to get there without having to make them wait... So we reluctantly took a raincheck & stayed home. A quick trip to our nearby grocery store & Kyle was done in. Asking questions that made no sense or ones that he already knew the answer to... Since his colectomy, he isn't quite as resilient as he used to be & his body wears down more rapidly. And when the body is tired, the mind is tired as well. We made single serving pizzas on corn shells, took in a few episodes of 'Duck Dynasty' (I love to watch Kyle chuckle through them) & then checked out to bed.

We had planned to visit a local church yesterday morning, one we have been longing to attend, but MaKayla was on bully duty & a puppy needed some immediate attention so off to the vet she went; puppy in tow. :) Mal rode along so Kyle & I stayed home, settled in at the dining room table with hot coffee in hand & our Bibles before us. We love to sit together & mull over what we are reading, what we are studying & how God is speaking & with the six-day work weeks he has been putting in, there is a shortage for time as such. It was a sweet time of fellowship & prayer & before we knew it the girls were back. Kyle & I fixed breakfast; me, gravy, he, homemade whole wheat biscuits. :) We sat as a family & talked & laughed & shared & enjoyed...being together...with God in our presence.

Many people question why we aren't yet getting "plugged in" at a "church"...
I'm thankful in times & seasons as such that God sees our hearts.
And knows our desires.

Someday we will again...
But for now, He is our focus.
He is our desire...
He is our longing...
To know Him in a different, deeper way...

Not just what is familiar...
Or typical...
Or acceptable...

But to know Him.
And His will.

It doesn't make sense to most people...
And that's okay.
We don't expect it to.

Simply put, it's where God has us.

Yesterday was a beautiful day where we live; 

a day that whets the appetite for the realization of SPRING.

We spent much of it outside...
Taking down Christmas lights/decorations...
Removing snow from our patio...
Keeping an eye on chicken in the smoker...
Caring for the animals...
Soaking up the sun...
Enjoying the much longed for warmth.
Being a family...together. ♥

And after I sent Kyle off to work & was tidying up the kitchen counter...
I found this sight...

And it made me smile. ♥
One of the girls neatly/deliberately/strategically lined up our worn sunglasses of yesterday... ♥

A simple pleasure to start my day. ♥
Unexpected.

Today is Monday & although the work/school week seemed to arrive again much too soon, I give God thanks & praise for another day of health & happiness...
Joy & purpose...
Meaning & richness...
Another day for opportunity...
Another day to grow closer to the One who loves me most.
Another day to know Him more.

As I finish this post, the promise of sunshine glows in the horizon...
Have a beautiful Monday! ♥

To Know Him...

MaKayla is on bully duty this morning. :) Checking in on & caring for several babies & one sweet momma. She was on duty last night, too, but Kyle was home, & with our recent snow & being unsure of how the roads would be, he went along. No chore for him since he loves spending time in the puppy room helping out. :) MaKayla knew she had to go back first thing this morning & although Mal & I had planned to join & assist her, as I spent time in the Lord's presence this morning (at the kitchen sink no less), He spoke something differently to my spirit.

MaKayla emerged from bed & sat with me at the dining room table while she gathered her bearings a bit. We chatted & then I asked her, "Would you like me to go along to help & in case you would have trouble or would you like me to stay here & have oatmeal waiting when you return?" She loved the oatmeal idea... ♥ No surprise coming from the heart of this one I love more than life... ♥ And then I said, "Do you want Mal to go along or would you like some alone time?" She pondered for a bit... I continued,

"Sometimes we need quietness with God... 

No one else. Just us & Him. Time to think... Listen... Be..." 

Her response, "I feel guilty..."

Why is that?
Why do we all-too-often feel guilty for spending alone time with our First Love?
Why do we see that relationship, the most important relationship, as one of less value?

Many times we put our time with God on the back burner...
Last in line...
One that can be manipulated...

In her presence, as I processed our early morning convo, The Lord reminded me of the place I found myself a week & a half ago...

Kyle was on vacation.
Life had been crazy.
For days on end.
Run here.
Go there.
Buy this.
Do that.
Up early.
To bed late.
So much that at one point I had to create this in order for me to keep my head clear & my anxiety in check...

I'm the type of person that after repeated days of nonstop motion, I get cranky... Just ask my family, or better yet, maybe you shouldn't & just take my word for it. :)
I need moments of quietness...
Aloneness...
Solitude...
Just me & Jesus. ♥

So by a week ago Monday, Kyle was quite scared of me (not kidding) & had NO IDEA what to do with me, how to handle me or whether it or not it was safe to even speak to me. Not good. Not good at all. I simply couldn't pull it together... I was checked out. Done in. Functioning on survival mode. Present, but really not. That afternoon I simply sat at the dining room table, opened my Bible & left this world... Kyle would try to ask me a question & then after scanning the expression on my face, would disappear to another location... He sporadically did this a few times (I'm sure thinking the next time he returned, I would have a new countenance) & then realized (after the failed attempts) I was a landmine that might erupt at any moment. (Disclosure: The girls readily recognize when Momma needs her space and veer clear... The love of my life just wants to help fix what it is that seems to be making me skeletal... Space & time. Sometimes, I just need space & time.) I read several chapters out of Revelation, allowed God to recalibrate my brain & found myself thanking God with everything that was within me, for the realization that, because of Jesus & His love for me, I will be spared of the judgement to come...

Tuesday met me with another early, up-and-out-of-the-house morning since both Kyle & I needed to have some bloodwork done & mine needed done while fasting. I reminded myself of the quote off of 'Finding Nemo', "Keep swimming. Just keep swimming..."

By Wednesday morning, which was unfortunately Kyle's last day at home, he & I finally had time to hunker down in the basement... Fireplace going... Quiet music playing... Bibles open... Coffee in hand... ♥ Bare, open hearts... ♥ Out of two weeks of vacation this was the only day we had to do this... Sad. Sad. Sad.

As I processed how I had been feeling, how I had been acting, how I had been responding & the whys of it all, God ever so gently spoke to my heart...

"Be still and know that I am..."

Stillness.
Stillness brings knowing...

I located this familiar Scripture in my Bible & went directly on-line to find the Greek/Hebrew meaning of what this actually imparts.
What does it mean to be still?
What does it mean to know?
For that was my heart's cry...

"Be still..." ~ cease striving

"To know..." ~ In Hebrew = Yadah
To know.
Intimately know.
Not just an acquaintance...
But bonded unity.

As a man & his bride.
As a wife & her lover.
Intimately.

Not just a cohabitant.
Not just a convenience.
But a knowing to the deepest parts... ♥

That's how God wants us to know Him.

Realistically that doesn't just happen...

I don't know Kyle as I do by just living with him...
Or cooking his meals...
Or doing his laundry...
Or sharing the same bed...
Or conceiving his children...

I know him because...

We invest in each other... ♥
Through serving...
Through loving...
Through forgiving...
Through compassion...
Through faithfulness...
Through understanding...

We share every fiber of our hearts with one another... ♥
Our fears...
Our joys...
Our sorrows...
Our anxieties...
Our longings...
Our dreams...
Our frustrations...

We hold one another accountable... ♥
Even when it hurts...

We raise children together... ♥

We stand by one another... ♥
Through the good...
Through the difficult...
Through the happy moments...
Through the sad times...
Through the ugliness (see paragraphs 8 & 9)...

We take time. ♥
We spend time. ♥
We share time. ♥

We enjoy each other. ♥

Our union is one that is unique to all other relationships in my life...  ♥
Things that just he & I share... ♥
No one else. ♥

As it should be... ♥

And as should be our union with God...

To know Him...

It doesn't just happen.

So as MaKayla & I sat at our dining room table this morning, I simply said, "Sometimes we need to romance God & sometimes we need to allow God to romance us. To create an atmosphere where we can intimately connect. To be alone with Him. To hear Him. To feel Him. To know Him. Don't feel guilty. Go."

And she did. ♥

I Am Their Wall...

As I stood gazing out the kitchen window this morning, my mind missing Kyle; my spirit giving praise to God for His goodness, His strength, His love, His forgiveness; my heart prayerful...for the hurting, the broken, the lonely, the seeking, the sick; while my hands were sunk deep in a sink full of hot, sudsy water, my attention was caught by the flag whipping & blowing on the pole in our front yard. The immediate realization... It's warm & cozy in here yet it's breezy & frigid out there... One wall protects me from the elements. One wall shelters me from the wind, the snow, the rain, the cold... One wall. Seems like a no-brainer, I know...but how often do we take time to notice things of such? And as I was processing what seems like something so remotely simple to most, God ever so clearly spoke to my heart, "I am the wall sheltering you from the elements of the world... One wall that shelters you from that which seethes & strives & works to destroy you... Jealousy. Greed. Selfishness. Complacency. Bitterness. Anger. Pride. Self-pity. Negativism. Gluttony. I Am the wall..." As I meditated on what He was imparting unto me, I was reminded that just as I wouldn't go out & subject myself to the elements of the winter we are currently enduring, how ludicrous would it be of me to daily subject myself to the vulnerability of the spiritual forces that work against me... For at the same time that harsh forces of nature may work to destroy the body, evil forces of the spiritual realm work to destroy the heart of the inner man who is intimately connected to God. We make certain & go to extreme measures to protect the body (multiple layers...coat, hat, gloves, thick socks, shoes & for sure a warmed car) albeit temporal, yet we daily "go out " vulnerable & unprotected spiritually, suppressing the fact that what lies within is eternal. We reason that, "We will get to it later..." or "Eventually I will have time..." or "Someday I will get serious about walking closely with God..." when I wonder if we realize that by thinking/living/choosing in such a way we are walking around unprotected...just as if we walked out our front door this morning in short sleeves & shorts, with plans to be outside all day long...

Unfortunately we place greater value on that which is temporal & more often than not, 

ignore that which is eternal...

Unfortunate...

Unnecessary...

Dangerous....

As I stood at that sink this morning...
Praying...
For one I know who is trying to find healing for a broken heart...
For parents who are not only grieving the loss of a child but trying to make sense of & work through the crippling details, the traumatic events, the gut-wrenching pain of the uniqueness of the situation...
For a young man embarking on exciting opportunities in life...
For frail bodies who have lived long lives & are now dependent on others...
For a niece recovering from complications in childbirth & for her new family...
And for another niece who although is miles away is ever close at heart...♥
For a young mom preparing to go through the process of a bone marrow transplant in order to hear the words, "Cancer-free... Remission... Healed..."...
For a neighbor whose health is struggling...
For ones I love who are lonely, confused & trying to see God through it all...
For a husband who is seeking divine wisdom & direction for our family...
And a daughter who is finding contentment in waiting on the One who loves her most to reveal His plan & His purpose for her life...

I pray...

And God says, "I am their wall..."

Do you see God as your wall?
The One who protects you?
Shields you?
Shelters you?

Is He truly your Shelterer?
Your Shield?
Your Protector?

Or do you leave yourself vulnerable?
And wait for the day that may never come...
While your spirit, second-by-second, pines away...
As a result of the elements that work against you...

Whether you're already a Christian & need to return to your First Love...
Or you've never made that decision & need to step out in faith...

God wants to be your wall...
May today be the day...

As I Begin the Day Ahead...

It is frigidly cold where we live.
Schools are closed.
Events cancelled.
People are advised to stay in if at all possible.

Kyle donned his coveralls, braved the below zero temperatures & headed out first thing to care for the needs of the animals. Blessedly, I was privileged to remain inside preparing his breakfast of hot oatmeal & lunch of boiled eggs & fruit (he eats very little during the day). We chatted while he ate & then off to work he went... I miss him already... ♥

After closing the curtains from watching his taillights disappear in the distance, I sit here with my cup of coffee...

Thankful...

Thankful for a husband who sees the importance of working hard to provide...
Thankful for a husband who braves the elements to make sure our needs are met...
Our house is warm...
We have more than plenty of food to eat...
And clothes to cover our bodies...

Via a friend's facebook status this morning, "-29 and no power..."
A reminder to me of things I all too often take for granted.
Things I should be more mindful to take notice of...

And I think of a friend leaving for a bone marrow transplant this morning in an attempt to beat disease that works to control her body...

So as I begin the day ahead, I thank God...
♥For Kyle & his faithfulness, love & commitment to provide for our family...
♥For water pipes that aren't frozen (been there, done that too many times)...
♥For health...
♥For children that thrive...
♥For a network of friends who love me...
♥For food to prepare...
♥For coffee to drink... :)
♥For clothes to keep me warm...
♥For a cozy home that protects us from the elements...
♥For cell phones in case Kyle would have trouble...
♥For vehicles that start...
♥For God's Word that satisfies my hunger & thirst...
♥For a husband who as he prepares to walk out the door says, "The point is to stay warm. If you need to turn the furnace up, do it. That's why we pay the bills. And if you have to get out, you or the girls, put coveralls on...even if they're mine..." ♥

I begin this day thankful for how richly God has blessed me...
I begin this day prayerful for those who need the reality of His presence, nearness & touch...

Many blessings & much love to each of you on this Monday... ♥

And One Remembers...

Busy day.
Late night.
Early morning.
Another busy day.
I am left feeling abundantly blessed. ♥

One of the many things that Kyle & I have discussed changing for our lives as individuals, our lives as a married team & our life as a family in 2014 is cashing in...
Cashing in on opportunities...
Invitations...
Fellowship...
Spontaneous memory-making moments...

We used to be proficient at such a living style (just ask our friends of old)...
But as Kyle's diagnosis with UC began unfolding several years ago...
And as the drive of ministry consumed us...
And life happened...
That changed.

Frequent trips to Rochester...
Hospital stays...
Treatments that compromised his immune system...
Medications that depleted his physical strength...

Stayed home more.
Ventured out less.
Self-protected.

And as ministry became more of a burden than a blessing...

Criticizing words...
Condemning comments...
The pressure to always be present...
Attempts to make all people happy & never succeeding...

Inwardly & outwardly coiled in.
Serving paralleled obligation.
Drop-by-drop, joy seeped ever so slowly out.

There are times in life where you just do what you have to do in order to make it work...
In order to keep going...
In order to survive...

Yet many times as one adapts to the process of survival, they forget...

Who they were...
What they enjoyed...
The essence of happiness...
How to live life to the fullest.

They become so accustomed to "self-protecting" that they fail to remember...
What that life...
The other life was like.

They cease from choosing life...

Abundant life...

(abundant = plentiful, ample, rich, abounding, overflowing)

A life of freedom.
Spontaneity.
Savoring the seconds.
Relishing the moments.
Living.

That was us...

And then God in His graciousness tears down walls...
Loosens chains...
Removes the grave clothes...

And one remembers.
And decides it's worth taking the chance.
Chooses to trust.
And discovers freshness of life.

So many things (chronic illness, ministry, financial stress, homeschooling criticism, ect)  have played into the "prison" that both Kyle & I (and subsequently our girls) have felt encompassed by for many years. No one's fault but our own for allowing the walls to built as a method of protection during taxing, fearful & difficult seasons of life, yet it happened.

And now, God is allowing us to SEE...

At the start of every year, each of us, in our family, choose a word...

We seek God, pray & contemplate what He is speaking to our hearts that "thing" we need to work on, make our focus, & hone in the 365+ days ahead. It may seem like there are "many things" that need our attention yet as we pray & seek, He is faithful to make one thing apparently clear that He is longing to refine within us. We journal "the word", research it a bit & then pray some more as to how God wants to work it out in the hours, days, weeks, months & year before us. A heavenly college course, per se. :) A "topic/subject" that He wants us, with His direction & instruction", to master in order so that we may be used more effectively here & prepare us for there...Heaven. ♥ A "chapter" in this, our book of life on earth.

Individual words have been chosen & now the tutelage begins...

I'm thankful for a patient Instructor. ♥

At least three in our family have chosen words that aptly apply to the essence of this post...
Words that challenge us to move out of the "safe area" & into the vulnerable...
Out of the restricted & into the liberated...
Out of the charted waters of "self protection" & into the sea of God's divine security...

Words that stretch us in allowing God to uncover that which we have succumbed to burial...

So...
As we journeyed home (doing all we could to fight sleep & stay awake) at 12:45 this morning (with the reality that two of us had to be up at 5:30 a.m. & another one a little before 6:00 a.m.) following an evening with precious friends taking in the MIZZOU game, eating, chatting, pinteresting, screaming, yelling (at the television...like that does any good), and lots of strumming on some ukes, I was reminded that moments & memories can never be reclaimed. We hashed & rehashed the decision knowing the night would be late, the morning would be early & the day would be full yet Kyle & I recalled our discussion to do things differently this year... Despite the tired eyes & the weary body (sleep will eventually have the opportunity to come), I am thankful I have those moments & memories tucked deep... Moments & memories with people we love... Never to be taken from this heart of mine. Or Kyle's. Or MaKayla's. Or Mal's. ♥

It's a new beginning...
A time for cashing in...
And seizing spontaneous memory-making moments... ♥

And yes, MIZZOU won...
And everyone went to bed happy...
It was a sweet victory. :)
In more ways than one... ♥

This is Only the Beginning...

2014 has welcomed us & I am thankful that God has given me the blessing to begin another year...
Growing closer to Him...
Loving my family...
Seeking what it looks like to be a servant...

Our last six weeks have been utter chaos & when people have asked me, "How was your Christmas?", my response has been, "I'm glad it's over." Period.

I won't lie... I am thankful that the hustle, bustle, going, doing, buying, celebrating, cooking, baking, busyness is DONE. Christmas is a reality that lives within my heart each day that I live, for if it weren't for Christmas, I wouldn't know the gift of Christ. I would be lacking a Savior. I would never know the promise of salvation or the hope of Heaven. Yet what I am glad is over are all the things that, in our society, inevitably go with Christmas... I know...it's my choice to get caught up in the hub-bub of it all & every year by the time it's all over I regret it & vow to do things differently when the holidays (that stint between Thanksgiving & Christmas) roll around again, but I seem to forget. Someone remind me about mid-October next year so I can get a handle on it before it gets a handle on me. :)

As Kyle & I sat together yesterday morning in the quietness (the first time we have been able to do that for weeks...ugh), the Lord compelled me to reflect...
To look back...
To pinpoint...
To remember...

Those things in 2013 that were impactful...

Life-changing...

Heart-altering...

Spirit-transforming...

And not just to acknowledge them, but to really evaluate how He longs to use those things...
Those experiences...
Those situations...
To springboard me into 2014.

It. Was. Refreshing. ♥

*Tom's heart attack...
*Hours in an ICU addressing the "hard things" in life with Beth...
*Watching Kyle lay something down that he is drawn to...
*Stepping away from "church"...
*Observing MaKayla as she sought to find "placement" in life...
*Realigning our view of healthy living as far as nutrition...

Each of these chapters of my last year brought about much needed challenge & sharpening & through that challenge & sharpening, God began the process of remolding my heart in fresh, new ways...

In more ways than one...

*Choosing freedom...
*Relinquishing bondage...

*Desiring happiness...
*Releasing negativity...

*Discovering the richness of God's Word in organic form...
*Setting aside books, studies, man's word/interpretation...

*Finding courage & strength of how God sees me & who He sees me as...
*Silencing the criticism & condemnation of others...

*Seeking GOD...
*Denying the temptation to find adequacy/value in being all things to all people...

*Allowing God to have His rightful place in the lives of others...
*Surrendering control of things that don't at all belong to me...

*Experiencing how God designed our bodies to work with proper nutrition...
*Disciplining the palette... :)

*Hungering & thirsting for God's best...
*Stepping away from what was familiar...comfortable...acceptable...

*Loving others for who they are...
*Realizing I am only responsible for self...

*Making God the most important relationship in my life...
*Putting friendships/relationships in their rightful places...

As I penned each of these things in my journal & reflected on them, I told Kyle that I could clearly see how this is only the beginning. That God wants to build, strengthen & form a new heart within me. That there are so many areas of my life He wants to realign & set forth in a new direction & the more I think about the reality that He wants to invest in me, the more grateful I am. I'm ready to dive in, swim deep & discover the Creator of my soul in ways I have never given thought to.

As Oswald Chambers says, 

"We will never know God's best until we loosen our grip on the good..."

Yet all too often, we allow fear or complacency or uncertainty or familiarity or laziness to keep us from that which has the ability to liberate us.

Sometimes we need to force ourselves out of the sphere of comfort in order to allow God to walk us through the fire of refining...
A place where the unseen, unrecognized, unacknowledged sludge that holds us captive & weighs us down can rise to the surface...
And thankfully by the grace, mercy & love of His holy hand, will be skimmed off.

This is only the beginning...

See, I am doing a new thing!

    Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?

I am making a way in the wilderness

    and streams in the wasteland.

~Isaiah 43:19

Dear Parents...

Happy Friday! :) It's a quiet & peaceful morning here on our home front. Kyle is off to work & the girls are still sleeping. Yesterday was a full day of school for Mal & sewing for MaKayla followed by a late night of Dad/Daughter shopping for me. ♥ I'm not a big gift person but they feel it necessary to have packages under the tree for me. ♥ Anyway, with the late night of past (there have been many of them over the previous four weeks), and with a magnificent surprise looming in the air for this evening (it will be another late night...with a very busy day again tomorrow) I want bodies to be well rested in order to enjoy upcoming Christmas festivities AND as an avenue to stay healthy despite a heavy viral season at hand. Kyle has something planned and the girls have NO IDEA... He left them these this morning...

I will only say one thing...when I read the letters within, I cried... ♥ And since I vowed to keep my lips sealed, I will say no more. Pictures & details will be posted on this later... After the fact. :)

It's been a crazy, busy, wonderful past month with Thanksgivings & Christmas'...
Sewing...
Sewing...
Sewing...
School...
Bible reading...
Bible reading...
Bible reading (we are in 1 Thessalonians)...
Family gatherings...
Broken hips...
Hospital visits...
Shopping...
Shopping...
Shopping...
Movies...
Family time...
Baking...
Cooking...
Creating...
Card ordering...
Picture taking...
Decorating...
Decorating...
Decorating...
Elf hiding (and finding)...
Egg collecting...

Can you believe it's mid-December & Christmas is only 12 days away... I can't.

I really hadn't planned to sit & blog this morning as I have much to accomplish in this day yet as I attempted to sleep last night, God kept bringing the same thing to my remembrance over and over and over again & I felt compelled to share...

I find people watching as entertaining as I do shopping so as Kyle, MaKayla & Mal journeyed around the mall last night, I sat & observed.

Young & old.
Short & tall.
Stick thin & overweight.
High-maintenance & attractively simple.
Couples ~ friends.
Men & women.
Boys & girls.
Glowingly pregnant... ♥

One thing in particular I repeatedly observed...
Girls are seen & treated as objects.

I would glance at men, young & old, watch young girls as they walked along...
And I wondered...
What are they thinking?
What are they seeing?
What are they envisioning?
To be honest, it was quite disturbing...
Unsettling...
Heartbreaking...

All I could do was intently pray that some day, one day, God will faithfully provide our girls with integral young men to lead, to love, to nurture & to care for mine & Kyle's two most precious blessings...
MaKayla & Mal...

I see these young girls, many of them very obviously in impure relationships, & I wonder if they realize the damage in giving their hearts & bodies away...
To anyone & everyone...
Before marriage...
And I pray for God's mercy.

And just as that thought completes it's cycle, my eyes catch the picture of a precious pre-school aged little girl...
Left hand holding Mommy's...
Right hand holding Daddy's...
Pink shirt...
Sweet leggings...
Black fuzzy boots...
Blonde curls bouncing with each skip she took...
And I wonder...

Do they grasp the reality that day-by-ever-fragile-day, this one that they hold the hands of is growing up...
She won't be this little forever.

Do they grasp that the way they are allowing her to act, dress, speak & carry herself at the age of three, four, five, six, seven, will spill over...
She's developing personality.

Do they grasp the concept that this little one now, will all-too-soon be an adolescent & then a teenager & then a young woman...
She's becoming someone.

I wonder if they stepped back & pictured this precious one ten or fifteen years down the road, would they do things differently now?

Sadly, like me, most parent's don't consider the "then"...
They only see the "now"...
And then the years are gone.

Even when our babies are babies & then toddlers & then pre-schoolers & then young children...
We are raising adults.
What we promote & allow of them now, will be who they become in future years.
Boys & girls alike.

What they watch (movies)...
What they see (tv shows/commercials)...
What they listen to (music)...
What they hear (foul language/disrespectful tones)...
What they wear (modest or immodest)...

How they act...
How they respect...
How they treat...
How they carry themselves...

Some things may be cute/funny/entertaining today...
But tomorrow...

The choices they are allowed to make today are shaping them for tomorrow & for next week & for next month & for next year & for the years to come.

If you don't believe me...
Go park yourself in a mall & observe.

Dear parents...
Take a moment & consider...
It will be worth every moment of your time.

Blessings to you on this wintry Friday. ♥