There Is Never A Reason...

So much has happened & taken place since I last blogged that I really don't know where to begin... After so much action & motion over these past ten months, I am hoping that today just might be the first day of a "back to normal" schedule/way-of-life (it wasn't). The amount of times that the desire & thought of sitting down to type my thoughts into words so that I can see them, think through them & process them has been innumerable yet while those desires & thoughts were so very real, they also came at a time when someone or something needed my attention therefore it simply hasn't happened...until today. :) Sunday as we sat on the patio I found Mal on her phone smiling yet intent so I asked, "Mal, whatcha' looking at?" Her response, "The blog..." ♥

Looking back... 

Remembering... 

Being reminded. ♥

Lessons learned... 

Situations in life... 

Moments we cherished, relished & savored. ♥

I have been asked so many times to please, please, PLEASE start blogging again yet it has been one of those things that I simply didn't deem as a priority. And as precious, dear & deeply-loved sister-friend of mine messaged me the other day, we discussed my absence of shared thoughts... I opened my heart to her of certain life situations that have been miserable, painful & suffocating... It was no surprise to her, as although she hasn't "seen" me lately, she could "see" that my joy is dimmed.

So thankful for those who know me well enough to recognize even without "seeing"...

In person...

And reach out to check in & check up.

I revealed bits & pieces of my heart & told her that I wanted to pen...to type...to share...but knew the reality of that could be damaging & detrimental. Her caring reply, "Write your blog and send it to me. We can see where it leads you. Then publish???" :) I have yet to do it but am strongly considering the possibility. :)

With life resuming normalcy, I am so thankful to have back those first early moments of morning to sit alone with the Lord studying, praying, seeking, listening. 

Just to be with Him...

At His feet... 

Being fed & taught...

It's in these moments that I grow, gain understanding & am changed from the inside out. 

Moments that are more precious to me than any other. 

Moments that I wouldn't trade for anything else.

This morning as I emerged from bed & stepped into the shower, the reality of truth made it's way into my mind. I sought the Lord & asked what I was to see or understand & bit-by-bit He began forming & building on this word that could signify & mean so many things. He brought to my remembrance instances & situations & as my mind began to race, He said, "Be still." 

He quieted my spirit...

He stilled my mind...

He opened my heart.

I am a debater at heart & I have often thought that if I had pursued a career, I would have either chosen the path of journalism or law. For something I am passionate about, I can argue a case until I am out of breath or void of thought...literally, yet God showed me something very profound this morning.

There is never a reason or a point to defend truth.

Hmmm... Interesting. As I proceeded on with my shower, I continued to think over & ponder this revelation.

There is never a reason or a point to defend truth.

Ever.

Truth speaks for itself...
Truth is unchangeable...
Just because people don't believe, doesn't negate truth for what it is...
Truth.

Refraining from children's church/segregated Sunday school...

Holiday traditions or lack thereof...

Choosing to guard my heart & still my voice...

Like everyone else on this earth, there have been so many times in life where my thoughts, my aspirations, my convictions, my passions, my choices, my decisions, my understandings, my discernment, and on and on, have been questioned. And to be honest, I could count on one hand how many times those questionings were simply left as questionings without me feeling the need to defend or the compelling desire to convince. My perception of this vastly changed as of this morning & I'm not exactly sure why I haven't learned this lesson sooner other than either I wasn't ready for it or I was too stubborn. It could be one or the other...or a bit of both.

Homeschooling...

Details of a wedding...

Declining an extended opportunity...

Or it could be that I am simply so worn out & weary that I'm at the point of not caring...

But whatever the reason, God clearly showed me this morning that defending the truth is pointless. Don't get me wrong, if someone comes to me, or to you, desiring a better understanding or genuinely desiring to hear your heart, allow the Holy Spirit to direct your words in order to convey the sentiments therein. Yet when someone is disagreeable or headstrong on how they feel or what they see & there is no sincere longing to have a better "knowing", why contend? I've been around this block so many times in my years of living & I humbly admit that 99.9% of the time I feel the need to defend what I think, how I feel or what I believe.

Sometimes it's in regard to the events of a life situation... 

Sometimes it's in regard to how God has directed me... 

Regardless of what it entails, I should walk in peace, confidence, courage & boldness with truth at the helm.
And just because I can't convince someone of something, doesn't make it untruth...
Just because someone doesn't see things the way I do, doesn't make it invalid...
Just because someone makes me feel like I am wrong in how I discern or what I have chosen or how I have decided, doesn't deem it unworthy...

Natural healing vs. medicinal healing...

Walking away from complacency...

Home church...

Unless according to God's Word, it is.

To be honest, I am weary of being questioned yet I take my share of the blame for I am the one who allows it. Why in the world do I allow others to diminish, minimize & generate insecurity within me? Why do I allow the disapproval of others to shrink me back into a shell where I second-guess? Why do I allow others to intimidate me & cause me to feel like how I am feeling or what I am seeing or the decisions I am making are wrong?

Stay-at-home wife/mom...

Relocating home-wise/church-wise...

The intimacy in how our family functions...

It's suffocating.

I've faced this innumerable times & although I maybe thought I was facing it & dealing with it, I wasn't. I was suppressing. Muddling. Coping. Silencing. Surviving. Until the "event" passed & the pain diminished. Until another instance surfaced.

Stepping away from a relationship that requires more than I can give...

Ridicules more than it empowers...

Defeats more than it encourages...

Hurts more than it heals...

Refuses to respect...

The reality of it is...
God sees...
God understands...
God knows.

And to be perfectly honest, we owe no one an explanation but Him.

As I pondered this I was reminded of how Jesus responded when He was questioned in regard to what He spoke, how He lived, decisions He made, who He was. He didn't retaliate. He didn't elaborate. He didn't defend or convince or plead His case. He knew the Truth & He didn't apologize for it. He walked in it. Isn't that what he desires me to do as well? If He is my foundation & I am to model my life after Him, isn't that who He longs for me to be, too? Instead, I allow people to trump His authoritative position in my life...until now.

Moral boundaries...

Courtship vs. dating...

Following the Holy Spirit rather than the direction of man...

And to answer those questions that arrive me at the destination of suffocation...
Like many other people in this world, I long for approval & affirmation. I desire for people to like me, love me & support me where I'm at. I hunger for people I cherish to walk alongside of me even when they don't understand. Simply, I just want to be understood...even if you don't agree. Even if you don't agree, just try to understand & respect. Sadly a high percentage of the time when someone doesn't agree or understand, they pull away, refuse to respect, cease to respond, raise a cold shoulder, turn a deaf ear & their love, unfortunately, becomes conditional...simply because someone didn't do what they thought should have been done even when it really has nothing to do with them. Instead of others allowing us to own what is ours, they feel the entitlement to an explanation & we feel the pressure to give one. And the cycle begins again...until now.

When we do something out of a sense of duty, it is easy to explain the reasons for our actions to others. 

But when we do something out of obedience to the Lord, there can be no other explanation-just obedience. 

That is why a saint can be so easily ridiculed and misunderstood.

~Oswald Chambers

So in the current life situations I find myself looking square in the eyes at, I'm choosing peace to reign over my heart/mind/soul in what I know, with the assurance that God sees & knows even better than I.

He is my defender...
My strong tower...
My judge.

We make a mistake in trying always to clear ourselves. We should be wiser to go straight on, humbly doing the next thing, and leaving God to vindicate us. "He shall bring forth thy righteousness as the light, and thy judgment as the noon day." There may come hours when we shall be misunderstood, slandered, falsely accused. At such times it is very difficult not to act on the policy of the men around us in the world. They at once appeal to law and force and public opinion. But the believer takes his case into a higher court and lays it before his God. 

~F.B. Meyer