MaKayla & Mal are still sleeping...
Kyle is spending his day at work today...
I had tentative plans that I was greatly looking forward to...
But a list quite lengthy kept me here at home...
Last night was a restless night for me...
I went to bed with "stuff" on my mind...
My heart & my spirit were unsettled...
No fault of anyone other than myself...
As I laid there throughout the sleepless hours, I found myself asking God why I struggle in certain areas... Why I seem to trip on certain hurdles every time they are in my path... Why I get hung up on situations & circumstances that aren't mine out there for approval or acceptance... Why can't I just get it...
Without fail...
When I ask...
Am silent...
Choose to listen...
He answers...
Firmly...
Gently...
Without room for further question...
"Mendi, the reason to all your whys is very simple. You choose. You choose to struggle. You choose to trip. You choose to get hung up. You choose to not get it. You choose, My child. You choose."
The answer I was given has continued to ring loud & clear through my heart, mind & spirit this morning. And when I really think it through, allowing the answer to penetrate into the core of who I am, it all boils down to my will. What my will chooses. Who my will submits to. How surrendered my will is to the will of the One who knows best.
Situations come & situations go. Some I invite. Some are completely out of my control. God promises that in each & every situation, regardless of what it is, He will show me who I am to be. How I am to respond. What I am to say.
He vows to show me the way.
Every. Time.
Without fail.
It's my choice whether or not I listen to His leading. And when I listen & hear what He is saying, it's my choice what I do with the direction I've been given.
The problem lies within myself.
All-too-often, I choose to go the opposite direction He is telling me to go.
I choose to handle the situation my own way...
The way of the flesh...
The way of emotion...
The way of impulse...
This lands me unsettled.
Regretting.
Sorrowful.
Condemned.
Exactly where Satan wants me.
It's in these moments that I am grateful for grace.
Forgiveness.
Jesus.
I am learning the fine line of choice. And although I am learning the hard way, much too late in life, I am grateful that the One who loves me most, never gives up on teaching me...training me...disciplining me...
So today, as I reflect on the state of my will...
I desire to surrender it to Christ.
To listen.
To learn.
To be taught.
To submit.
To choose...
The way of no regrets.
No sorrows.
No condemnation.
No reality of being unsettled.
His way is right where He wants me & that is right where I want to be.
As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the LORD is flawless.
He is a shield
for all who take refuge in him.
Psalm 18:30
