It seems that with change, adjustment and transition in the physical sense also comes some sort of spiritual pruning, refining and reconditioning, not just for me but for others in our home as well. One of our precious jewels, who I will leave nameless, seems to, without fail, go through an unsettling upheaval when things change. Kyle and I are finally catching on after seeing this pattern present itself in the same person, at the same time of year now for the fourth year in a row. Why we didn't discern this earlier is beyond me however we have been awakened to this reality and are intently listening and learning in big ways. In years past we have just muddled through in order to get beyond the anxiety and depression not really even knowing what it was. This year we have allowed our spirits to be enlightened and are taking a completely different approach. Maybe it's because we are more aware. Maybe it's because our jewel is older. Maybe it's because our hearts are more in-tuned. Maybe it's because of what God has done in our lives that has made us more sensitive to the needs of our children. I don't know and it really doesn't matter but things are different. What I do know is that walking alongside of and at times carrying a child who is gripped by a hand of fear, anxiousness and despair is a very humbling and fragile mission. It's one that requires a great amount of prayer, patience, understanding, love, comfort, assurance, affirmation, encouragement, sacrifice and time in God's Word. It's a mission that is difficult and delicate. It's a mission that is intense, diligently warring on their behalf and being careful to not let your guard down.
It's no coincidence that Kyle and I just finished teaching a six-month study on spiritual warfare!?! The time we spent preparing and the wisdom we gleaned therein, has been ever so valuable through this spiritual battle we are in. We see how our determination, our devotion and our diligence this time around has been of the Spirit rather than of the flesh. We see how God is using this time to grow her and us. We see how God is using this battle to strengthen her faith in Him and our love for her. We see how God is using this stormy trial to direct her eyes on Him and Him alone and in turn we are completely trusting Him to protect her amidst the battering winds and raging tides.
As I went to bed last night I began to intercede for spiritual healing on her behalf when the Holy Spirit spoke to me and said, "Mendi, don't pray for healing, pray that I would be manifested in this life that you love so much. Pray that in the midst of this uncertain season she is in that she would see, that she would feel, that she would hear and that she would know and that as she sees, feels, hears and knows that she would understand without a question of a doubt that it is Me! Don't try to "rescue" her for I AM building My testimony in her. I AM making My presence in her life a reality. I long for her to know that I AM FAITHFUL!" The words my Father spoke to me were very sobering yet very comforting. Despite the difficulty of the battle we are waging, the reality that He is working a depth of faith within the core of her being is exciting. Easy? No. Rewarding? Absolutely.
I find myself more in love with Jesus as I walk through times and seasons such as these. As I read this morning, "Having a master and teacher means that there is someone who knows me better than I know myself, who is closer than a friend, and who understands the remotest depths of my heart and is able to satisfy them fully. It means having someone who has made me secure in the knowledge that He has met and solved all the doubts, uncertainties, and problems in my mind. To have a master and teacher is this and nothing less--'...for One is your Teacher, the Christ...' (Matthew 23:8)." He loves this one more than I and it is in Him that I trust! He has met her and He has already solved anything that concerns her this day...not only her, but me as well.
Desperation is a humbling reality, especially in the life of a child. A child who says, "I just want to feel better. I just want it to go away. I just want to quit feeling like this." Yet the reality is that as her dad and I continue to seek and to pray, we see a glorious transformation taking place right before our eyes. God is doing a beautiful work in this life that we love so much and in the end, the time we have spent waging a war will be oh so worth it!
I needed to be reminded that God is control in today. I've been praying MY will for certain people - forgetting that He might be using these circumstances to further His work in their lives. Great post!
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