Simple & Surrendered...Living to serve Jesus...

Together At Home ♥

2012-02-06T11:31:00.003-06:00

As I sit here typing, the sun is brightly and warmly shining in the picture window.
It has been a beautiful day here in the country.
What started out as a densely foggy morning, with everything covered in bountiful & elegant frost, has now turned into a beautiful sunshiny afternoon.

After enjoying some down-time following her school work, Mal is putting clothes away and preparing to write a note to one of her many cousins. I'm thankful that Mallary takes the time to keep in touch in such a way for nothing is more heart-warming than going to the mailbox to find a hand-written envelope with your name on it! :)

MaKayla is doing ACT prep for possibly the final time. :) This girl is a test taker by heart, but preparing to take such an exam can be wearing and stressful. She wouldn't have to take it again, for it doesn't appear at this point that college is in the future however the last time she took it, she was a sophomore and she's always wanted the challenge of taking it again. Besides the fact that in order to get the "Good Student Driver Discount" on our insurance, she needs an updated score on file.

I await the phone to ring letting me know that Kyle has finished another day of work and will soon be on his way home to the girls & I. ♥ He is such a good & faithful provider for our family! I am thankful!

Wednesday, MaKayla, Mal & I started a February Book Fast through KBR ministries. We've been subscribing MaKayla to this magazine for some time now & it is such an encouragement & tool of spiritual growth for all of us girls. The February Fast challenges you to read no other book for the month of February except for God's Word (for at least 10 minutes per day). You log the minutes you read daily and then at the end of the month, if you send your log sheet in, they will send you a free pressed-flower Scripture bookmark. An awesome challenge that we were/are excited about! I can already tell a HUGE difference in my heart, in my outlook & in my attitude since beginning this challenge last week.

It will be a quiet, relaxing evening tonight which are the kind that we love! ♥
Cheesy potato soup is on the menu per Kyle & MaKayla's request. ♥
We will do our daily read-through-the-Bible-in-a-year portion. ♥
Possibly a game or two will be played. ♥
Together at home. ♥
A family. ♥

I LOVE...

2012-02-02T07:14:00.005-06:00

Helpful hands... ♥
Frequent hugs... ♥
Multiple, "I love You's"... ♥
Smiling faces... ♥
Content hearts... ♥
Creative minds... ♥
Belly laughs... ♥

I would honestly say that... I LOVE being a mom! ♥

Let me tell ya, I enjoyed MaKayla & Mal when they were little things. Loving on them. Kissing on them. Playing with them. Teaching them new things. I mean, babies and toddlers are so much fun. Who can disagree? But this season of life with our girls is simply wonderful. Each & every morning I awake, many times tired, but always eager and excited for the new day that greets me. Anticipating the time that the three of us girls get to spend together...chatting, laughing, creating, learning, sipping hot coffee/tea/cocoa, cooking...BEING TOGETHER! ♥

The older our girls get, the more I appreciate them...as individuals, as sisters, as daughters, as children of God. ♥

I daily get to see their creativity shine forth. I discern what irritates them, what motivates them, what makes them "tick". I am enlightened to their learning styles, what hobbies they connect with and what household chores they are uniquely proficient at. ♥

I daily get to see them interact with one another. I see them laugh together. I see them disagree. I see them learn to work together despite their differences. I see them lean on each other and love beyond explanation. ♥

I daily am blessed by their affection, their commitment to make our family complete, their desire to encourage, support, uplift, and their willingness to make our house a home. A home that is filled with love. ♥

I daily get to witness and observe the young women that the Lord is transforming them into. Daily, I get to see them becoming more like Him. Daily, I get to partake in their spiritual journey with Jesus. Encouraging them to be in the Word and helping to answer their questions along the way. ♥

And although some days are tiring and wearing with very little to no time for myself, I wouldn't trade it for the world. I may have no retirement or 401K. I won't have a sum of Social Security or pension. But...that which I will have, will be worth so much more. Bank accounts run dry. Pensions run out. The moments I have been afforded with our girls is a priceless blessing that can never be taken away. I savor each day and tuck each memory safely in my heart. ♥

I am indebted and more than grateful to Kyle for willingly working so hard to provide for our family in order for me to be home investing in the lives that God has entrusted unto us. ♥

I LOVE BEING A MOM! ♥

In Vain...

2012-01-27T07:11:00.004-06:00

Kyle and I have had some very heavy decisions weighing in on us the past few days. Decisions that are life-changing. Not just for us, but for MaKayla & Mallary. For several people. Decisions that we DO NOT take lightly. In our desire to do God's will and act in obedience to Him in this situation, we have asked a few people to fervently pray and seek His face on our behalf.

Several days ago, a dear friend messaged me, asking me to pray for a few personal requests as well as a request for a family member. As I stood at the sink early this morning brushing my teeth, the name and face of this individual came to mind and immediately I interceded on their behalf. As I did, the Lord immediately brought the phrase, "In vain" to my mind. I responded with, "Okay Lord, what is that supposed to mean? Where did that come from?" As I listened to Him speak to me, He asked me how I would feel if I had interceded on this person's behalf and through the prayers of myself and the prayers others that they had asked to pray, God spoke to them and showed them the way to go, they disregarded the answer He had given. Now please don't get me wrong, only God knows the obedience of people's hearts, that is completely between them and God, but...what if??? What if He told them the way they should go...the path they should take...the road they were to follow...the door they were to walk through and instead of immediately stepping out in faith and being obedient, they analyzed the situation...or questioned God...or figured a degree of "common-sense" into the equation...or weighed their "pros & cons"...or completely went the other direction... Would I feel as though my intercession was in vain?

As Kyle and I seek God to confirm Himself in regard to the decision at hand, I don't want the prayers and intercession of those who are on their face before God on our behalf, to be in vain. I want those moments of intercession to be fruitful. I want to give God a good return for the labor of those hearts. I want to respond in obedience to the way He has answered and spoken. I want Him to be glorified.

But I said, "I have labored in vain and for nothing.

Yet what is due me is in the Lord's hand,
and my reward is with my God."
Isaiah 49:4

Simple...

2012-01-23T19:24:00.005-06:00

Kyle & I decided to do a last minute family get-together in celebration of Mal's birthday. With busy schedules and miles that separate our homes, it many times is difficult for everyone to convene. When the girls were younger, we used to have HUGE events to celebrate, however that is one area that the Lord has greatly simplified us in. To be honest, I have a hard time setting boundaries when it comes to things like that and since I tend to be an all-or-nothing person, we just pretty much ceased from having celebrations all together. This year, we decided to do something s-m-a-l-l and I am so glad we did.

A few days in advance, we planned a little get pow-wow and I pretty much let Mal be in charge, since after all, it was for her. I asked her who she wanted to invite, what she wanted to do and what food she wanted to have. Talk about simple... Did I say earlier that I have a hard time setting boundaries when it comes to things like this? I had to continually remind myself that I was letting her be in charge...

Invitation List... Close family - check.
Evening Activity... Everyone come here, play the Wii and eat - check.
Menu... BBQ pork sandwiches, chips, relishes, queso & Oreo fluff - check.
Really, Mal? No other desserts?How about brownies? Nope!
Just one salad? Not so much, however I did talk her into having a pasta salad.
Have I said that I have a hard time setting boundaries when it comes to parties?

It was a delightfully simple evening and we had a delightfully awesome time!
Everyone got full. Everyone had fun. Everyone enjoyed being together.

I'm very thankful for a daughter who appreciates simplicity and is content in the simplest of pleasures! ♥

I See It As Life...

2012-01-20T07:26:00.008-06:00

It's been such a great week here at home.
No major commitments.
No errands to run.
No deadlines to meet.
Just a week of productive school, fruitful afternoons with MaKayla & Mal and fulfilling evenings as a family.
It's been more than wonderful!

As I tidy up this morning in preparation for another day, my eyes glance over the elements of our home and it is obvious that we live here. Some may see it as messy but I see it as life.

Growing up, Mom always kept our home spic & span. Always clean. Always organized. Everything was always in its place. Although I am very grateful for her example, I know many days it was stressful, burdensome and bondage. She would admit now that she wished she would have relaxed a little and let things be...like she does now... That's the way it is at Dad & Mom's in the present time... Now that Troy, Marci & I are grown... Now that there are grandkids... And a great-grandchild...

So, as I scan the living room...

♥ I am grateful for the notebook that neatly sits on the coffee-table...surrounded by inkwells and a fountain pen...that documents the creative heart of our precious 12 year old.

♥ I am blessed by the ironing board & iron that is situated in an unfamiliar place as a result of a seventeen year old who is working on a sewing project for us girls.

♥ I am humbled by the Bible, journal and devotional that remains from a man's time with the Lord this morning. The man who holds my heart & leads our home.

I see:
♥ house slippers waiting for feet to inhabit...
♥ a puzzle waiting to be assembled...
♥ a Bible that was used by a child during our reading time last night...
♥ balloons & streamers from the celebration of a birthday earlier this week...
♥ Nala's toys strung throughout...
♥ a book the girls & I are reading through...
♥ laundry waiting to be folded...
♥ a leftover glass that provided hydration to the body of one I love...
♥ a warm candle burning to welcome MaKayla & Mal to a new day...

When I look around at the things that "litter/adorn" our home, I see love!
Because of that...
My heart is filled with joy... ♥

Miss Mal...

2012-01-19T06:37:00.010-06:00

Monday, Miss Mal turned the big 1-2!!! As a dear, close and cherished friend said on facebook, "Happy Birthday to Mallary! Hard to believe it's been 12 years!!" Isn't that the truth!?!

Without letting Mal know, Kyle put in for a vacation day for Monday and took the day off work so that he could spend it with us girls here at home, celebrating! :) She was so happy and surprised!

He fixed her favorite breakfast...homemade waffles and sausage!

Complete with a candle and a song! :)

We told Mal that the day was COMPLETELY hers to do with what she wanted.

She chose to stay home...

She kind of wanted to go somewhere and do something but then that would require that we all "get around" and she didn't want us to have to be separated while we "got around" so we stayed in our jammies all day and did the things that Mal loves to do most! :)

We played games...

We ate some of her favorite foods...

We opened gifts...

We played on the Wii...

We watched movies...

We spent time in God's Word...

We spent time outside...

We laughed...

We lived...

We loved...

We celebrated this life that we love more than words can express... ♥♥♥

It was a picture perfect way to celebrate a picture perfect day!

Mallary is a precious jewel in our lives and we give God continual thanks
and praise for the rich and wonderful blessing that she is!

Happy 12th Birthday Beautiful One!

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Digging Deep...

2012-01-18T06:36:00.005-06:00

The other day a friend on facebook posted the question, "How does God see you?" It sparked quite an interesting discussion between a few different people and really got me to thinking. It compelled me to dig deep within my heart and evaluate that which was within.

How does God see me?

I know that because of Jesus' presence in my life, He sees me as His child. He sees me as worthy. He sees me as righteous. He sees potential. He sees an investment. He sees a creation that has been fearfully and wonderfully made...crafted by His own hands. He sees an individual that He loves.

So many times we base how we see ourselves or how we perceive God sees us based on how we think others see us. Sometimes the way we think others see us is real... Sometimes the way we think others see us is imagined... Sometimes they really do think certain things about us and sometimes, it's simply our imagination and those things aren't thought that way at all. In the end, does it even really matter?

The more I thought about the question and the reality of it, the more I began to focus on how God sees me. I let go of the perception of others (real or imagined) and dug deep within my heart and examined what was truly there. For what lies within the heart is truly what God sees. It's a secluded place. A place that no other can see. It's a place that belongs to the Lord and I alone. The more I thought about this, the more peace, assurance, rest and courage consumed me.

Does it really matter what others think?
Does it matter what they see?

Or should my sole focus be on what Jesus thinks?
And what He sees dwelling within?

Don't get me wrong. We should continually be emitting salt and light into our world. But who decides what is "deemed" as salt and light? What some see as the bearing of fruit, others might see as menial. What some might think is of spiritual value, others might think is fruitless. Is it truly for us to decide?

Being a stay-at-home wife and mom is of utmost importance and value to me. It is what I AM CALLED TO DO. Our home and the lives that dwell here within, is my ministry. Teaching, training and nurturing is my career. It is what I pour my every breath into. I live to serve. How does God see this? In the deep recesses of my heart, I believe He is pleased, glorified and blessed, for I am being obedient to what He has called me to do. How do others see this? I can only perceive...

I know I am not "out there"... Doing this. Doing that. Running here. Running there. Serving in this capacity. Serving in that capacity. Filling this position. Filling that position. Meeting this need. Meeting that need. No, I'm not burning my candles at both ends. Spreading myself to the thinnest layer. And because of that I know people see me much differently than God sees me. And for a long time, that really, really, really bothered me, but not any more. For I live to please God rather than man. For so much of my life, I was wrapped up in the needs and desires of others rather than of my family. I am regretful for that time.

God has called me to care for my home and my family. Others may see that as less-than, I believe God sees that as obedience. I get one chance to fully pour into the lives that He has entrusted to me and I want to be found faithful. For through fully pouring into them, it has the potential to transform the lives of many generations to come.

Bottom line... I'm not willing to sacrifice the call on my life for the sake of service. I need not add to or take away from that call to deem it "enough".

My response to the facebook conversation:

"Yep, me too. I'm thankful that He sees & knows my heart perfectly! He knows my longings, my desires & my motives. Others may judge & treat me by what they surfacely perceive, yet God is the One who guides my steps & directs my paths. Others may never understand who I am or why I do what I do, but God does! I find GREAT peace, hope, strength, assurance & courage in that promise!"

To sum it all up...

I am a child of the Most High God.
I am a help meet to the man who loves me most.
I am a momma to two beautiful young women.
I am the keeper of our home.

That's how God sees me.
And that's more than sufficient for me.

I therefore, the prisoner of the Lord,
beseech you that ye walk worthy of the vocation wherewith ye are called,
With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love;
Endeavouring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.
Ephesians 4:1~3

For That I am Thankful...

2012-01-09T20:54:00.008-06:00

It's been such a relaxing evening here at home tonight and for that I am thankful...

As soon as Kyle arrived home from work & took care of a few things, he insisted that the two of us go for a short drive so we could visit with no interruptions. I've had so much weighing heavily on my heart and mind and he KNEW by the way I was acting that I needed to communicate how I was feeling. He wanted to hear my heart and for that I am thankful... We visited, prayed together and then came home to be with the girls and to fix supper.

Simple supper tonight... Sliced ham with potato wedges that Kyle cooked on the grill and Lima beans that MaKayla fixed on the stove top. Extra hands to help prepare our evening meal and for that I am thankful...

MaKayla was asked to do a pedicure this evening which encourages responsible independence and allows her to spend time doing something she finds great enjoyment in. For this opportunity, I am thankful...

Mal & I had a fun time taking on a few intense hands of Nertz and then Kyle sat down with her and showed her a few more things pertaining to the bass guitar. One-on-one time with our girls is something I cherish and for it, I am thankful...

I'm thankful for:
*worship music strung out all over the floor
*a Nertz game waiting to be completed
*a husband who sincerely cares how I feel
*beautiful girls who bring so much joy & delight to my every day
*a cold glass of iced tea :)
*beautiful, mild January weather
*God's Word which nourishes me, compels me & comforts me
*new, soft and cozy jammies that Kyle & the girls got me for Christmas
*my 'The Duggars 20 and Counting' book
*being able to teach Mal to shuffle cards "bridge-style"
*CD's that minister to my heart
*a clean ceiling fan in the kitchen
*the jingle of Nala's bell reminding me that she is somewhere in our home
*a hot cup of tea made just for me first thing this morning
*bright, new, cute toenails

Any day and every day...
Any moment and every moment...

It is good and refreshing to acknowledge the simple but priceless things I have to be thankful for.

God is so good;
He's so good to me!

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

I.Will.Remember.

2011-12-28T19:10:00.010-06:00

It's a quiet evening here tonight.
The moon shines brightly from where I sit.
David Nevue is playing on the stereo.
Supper is warming in the oven.
Laundry is being washed & more waiting to be folded.
I'm the only one home at the present moment.
A rare occasion.
One I savor, when the opportunity arises.

At last things have slowed down & I.can.breathe.
Finally all the hustle & bustle of Christmas is past.
The presents are unwrapped.
Our decorations are taken down & neatly stored away until next year.
The house & our lives have returned to simplicity.
We are back to somewhat of a healthy eating pattern.
Having Kyle here at home is bliss.

The past week for me has been so full.
So good.
So special.
So enriching.
For 36 continual hours, we were with my side of the family.
Eating.
Laughing.
Swimming.
Playing.
Visiting.
Sharing.
Loving.
Remembering Aunt Renee'...

Being together was so good.
So wonderful.
So fulfilling.
So healing.
I miss each of them so much.

I'm thankful for pictures...
I'm thankful for memories...
I'm thankful for the gift of their lives.

As I have thought so much about this Christmas season, my heart is convicted. So much time that I spent on the "preparations"...rather than on the Person. Where my focus was somewhere other than on Jesus... The other evening as I was praying & reflecting, God ever so gently said to my heart, "Who are you kidding? You say that Jesus is the Reason, but do you live as though you speak? You do all of this in His name yet has He really been your focus? What about the days that you started early & ended late...weary, worn & depleted of joy?" He was right. I wasn't even going to attempt to justify. My heart was sorry. I repented. Next year, I.Will.Remember.

My heart has been restful the past few days & in that rest, I have started looking towards the new year. I'm not a big one on new year's resolutions yet I do love the idea of a fresh start, a clean slate & a renewed vision. I'm praying about a "key" verse to focus on, a new word to purposefully walk in (last years was "extend") & various areas of my life that the Lord would have me to find healing, surrender & restoration in. The more I pray & meditate, the more hopeful I am & the more eager I find myself.

Kyle & the girls will be home soon, so supper preparations are awaiting me. I pray that this finds you restful, overflowing with peace & filled with hope as 2012 approaches its arrival.

Much love to each of you... ♥

"Come unto Me, all who are weary & heavy laden, & I will give you rest.
Take My yoke upon you, & learn from Me, for I am gentle & humble in heart;
& you shall find rest for your souls.
For My yoke is easy & my burden is light."
Matthew 11:28~30

The LORD has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy.
Psalm 126:3

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

I'm Looking At Jesus...

2011-12-19T07:14:00.006-06:00

Today is the first day in nearly six-weeks that I truly feel as though I can "breathe". There has been so much chaos. There have been so many responsibilities. There has been an intense amount of turmoil. There have been numerous amount of preparations. The calendar has been full. It's literally been go here, go there, do this, do that... For the past six weeks, the second my mind is "with it", the order of my day has been reeling... The "To Do List" stacks in my mind... Knots begin to form... Stress begins to build... Anxiety peaks... Sure, I've been able to keep it "in check" but not without a cost.

A mental cost...(insanity)
A physical cost...(exhaustion, raw gut)
An emotional cost...(cranky, unstable)
A spiritual cost...(no time in God's Word/presence)

This morning I awoke & although I have much to get done today, I can breathe.

A dear & precious friend sent me an e-mail a few weeks ago in reference to some "junk" our family has been dealing with. The e-mail contained a devotion that spoke of Jesus & the disciples in the middle of the storm in the middle of the sea.
The disciples were afraid...stressed...anxious...worried.
Jesus, He was asleep.
Why?
The disciples had allowed the storm "to get inside of them".

You know, I will humbly admit that I myself have done the very same thing. The storms of life have controlled me...my emotions...my decisions...my perception...my walk...my time in God's Word. I've felt so overwhelmed that I haven't taken the time to stop and regroup. Instead, I've just kept going.

Today, I awoke, purposing to see Jesus rather than life.

No doubt some of the stuff we've had to face has been unpreventable yet that doesn't change the sovereignty & perfection of God.

No doubt some of the storms that have fallen down upon us have been out of our control but God is still on His throne & He promises to work ALL things for our good.

No doubt some of the "junk" that has been thrown at us seems menial & ridiculous however God has allowed it for a purpose & He desires that we allow Him to transform the "junk" into praise & glory for Him & Him alone.

He's sifting.
He's refining.
He's straining.
He's drawing me back to Himself.

It's a new day!
It's a new week!
Instead of seeing what's left to do,
I'm looking at Jesus.
What a glorious sight!

Aunt Renee... She Was...

2011-12-15T07:23:00.006-06:00

Last weekend Kyle & I were able to get away for a few days to do our Christmas shopping. Typically this annual get-away is a relaxed, fun & exciting time together but this year we both had so much on our hearts & minds... It was still wonderful :) as we sat each morning & visited over a cup of coffee, got around for the day & then strolled through malls & stores yet our hearts were heavy. We talked through a lot of things that were weighing in on us, opened God's Word for direction, encouragement & wisdom & just relished in being together...alone!

Saturday morning as we were lining out the remainder of our time, I received a text from my mom that immediately indicated something wasn't right..."Call me"... It's not like Mom to be so pointed & abrupt so I immediately opened my phone & dialed her number. "They think that Aunt Renee' has had a heart attack... Uncle Randy called trying to reach Troy... The ambulance was called... They have life-flighted her... I will let you know when I know more..." We were two hours away in either direction... Two hours from Dad & Mom... Two hours from where Aunt Renee' was being flown... A feeling of helplessness to say the least.

Within an hour, Mom called back to say that this one I deeply loved had entered into the gates of Heaven... Into the presence of Jesus... Most probably a virus that directly affected her heart...

I wept...

This has been one of the hardest realities that I have ever had to face in my life... The loss of someone I loved with no real explanation... Not a car accident... Not cancer... Not sickness...

She was...
*young
*vibrant
*full-of-life
*overflowing with love
*the definition of joy
*as near perfect as one could be
*gracious
*kind
*beautiful
*always smiling
*angelic in nature...spiritually & physically
*the one who "introduced" me to "the city"
*the one who bought me my first pair of "high heels"...cork none-the-less...
*the one who applied my first lip gloss
*the one who gave the funnest Christmas presents
*the one who took me on vacation with their family

Aunt Renee'...
*never slept
*always gave
*never criticized
*loved her kids like no other mom I know
*adored children
*had a passion for horses
*literally glowed
*never complained
*very rarely got "worked up" about anything
*had the curliest hair & most beautiful dimples
*was simple
*was the definition of wonderful

(Aunt Renee' holding Mal/protecting her from Uncle Randy :)
on one of our many family cruises together.)

It's been a painful reality for our family to face yet God promises hope in the midst of heartache. He promises peace in the midst of trial. He promises strength when we are weak. He promises certainty even when we don't understand. He promises that He is sovereign when we are inclined to ask "why". He promises that He has a reason & purpose for ALL things. He promises that His ways & thoughts are higher than ours. He promises that His grace is sufficient. He promises that He will walk with us even through the darkest of nights. He promises Heaven for those who walk with Jesus. He promises life & life more abundant...

Remembering someone who has forever changed my life...
Remembering someone who I can learn much from...
Remembering a beautiful woman who I can only hope to emulate...

She has cast her crown at the feet of Jesus...
I can only imagine what her eyes behold...
I long for the day that I will one day meet her on the other side...

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

"It's Gonna Be Alright..."

2011-12-13T06:32:00.005-06:00

It's been awhile, yes I know. I love blogging & totally miss it when time simply doesn't allow but to be honest, life has been crazy. I truly don't ever remember a season of life that has been as overwhelming, consuming & exhausting as the one I have been in for the past several weeks. School, family, Thanksgiving, saying final good-byes this side of heaven to ones we love, difficult decisions, Christmas preparations, church commitments, disheartening conflicts, a shopping trip or two, life... Intermingled in there have been a few threats of depression... You know, not wanting to get out of bed to face the day since there is so much to do & you won't deny the fact that there is no way it can/will all get done as well as that black cloud of what should have gotten done yesterday or a week ago that's still waiting... Several times I just wanted to crawl in a hole & say, "I surrender... I give up... I can't do it..." and then the Lord reminds me of His presence or an unexpected note of encouragement comes in the mail or a friend messages me on facebook or a specific scripture is brought to my remembrance or one of our beautiful daughters gives me a hug or Kyle sits me down, looks me in the eye and says, "It's gonna be alright..." It's a scary feeling when you start asking yourself, "Am I going c-r-a-z-y???" Is this really me?" The other day as I sat with my Bible open, my journal before me & my pen in hand, the Lord specifically spoke to my heart and said, "Mendi, if there is more to do in your day than you have time to get done, you've taken on more than what I've asked of you. You've taken on things that I didn't ask you to do. I will NEVER give you more to accomplish than what time I give you to accomplish it in. You need to evaluate. You need to prioritize. You need to scale down. You need to let go. Life is not a burden, it is a blessing. Life is not a yoke, it is freedom. Life is not drudgery, it is joy." It's time to refocus on simplicity...

The teapot is hot & I'm eager to start my day but first a few special moments from the past several weeks...

(Kyle & Mal searching on-line for the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Tuck...no other explanation needed other than PURE SWEETNESS...)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(MaKayla's homemade biscuits...yum-oh!)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Friends...sisters...sisters-by-heart...M ♥ M ♥ M ♥ M ♥ )
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Our awesome Pinterest creation that turned out perfect!)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Taste-testing the Pinterest creation...delish!)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Kyle creating his MU tie-blanket. So cozy!)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Love my girls... ♥ ♥ ♥ )
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Science project with Dad...)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(A special something, a special someone surprised me with for breakfast! ♥ )
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have many pictures from Thanksgiving & Little Man's special birthday celebration yet they deserve their own post. :)

Be blessed today & remember to diligently seek God when allotting your every minute.
His plans may be very different than your own!
His plans define simplicity.
His plans bear fruit.
His plans bring freedom.
His plans are filled with JOY!

Love to each one who reads... ♥

Full To Overflowing...

2011-11-19T07:34:00.007-06:00

It has been a crazy week to say the least and it seems that there has been no "window-of-time" for blogging, so as I awoke earlier than everyone else this morning, I decided to settle in a comfy place on the couch and let my heart spill over.

This week has been full to overflowing and there have been so many times in the past several days that my heart has cried, "It's too much! I just can't do a-n-y-m-o-r-e," yet the Lord has faithfully reminded me that His grace is sufficient and his strength is perfect. Now that it is Saturday, I've had a little rest, we have an uneventful weekend ahead and I can look back on the week, my heart is bursting at the seams. Even though school-work is still strewn across the dining room table and the house didn't get cleaned, I can say, "It was a full week but it was a great, fruitful, God week."

♥ Our home has been graced with cherished family, dear friends and beautiful toddlers.
♥ MaKayla, Mal and I tried our hands at making our first batch of homemade laundry soap.
♥ Many opportunities to minister to others have been graciously brought before us.
♥ Several hours of knitting have been accomplished.
♥ Christmas program preparations have been organized and reorganized.
♥ Numerous hours of study on natural healing, healthy eating and proper care of our internal bodies have filled my heart, mind and soul.
♥ CD's of quiet music have lingered in the air with a few Christmas songs here and there.
♥ Warm, fleece jammies have been our main wardrobe.
♥ Scriptures of encouragement have given us hope.
♥ Diligent minutes of school-work have increased our knowledge.
♥ Certain Christmas gifts have been completed.
♥ Candles have been burning.
♥ Homemade, whole-wheat runzas were a success.
♥ I was blessed to go on a Date Night with my most favorite man.
♥ God has been abundantly faithful!!!!
♥ And that most favorite man of mine just brought me a fresh cup of hot coffee!!!!

Even from afar, in the midst of this week, we celebrated a niece's birthday! :)

We remembered a special baby who was born lifeless, motionless, soundless... Brought into this world already ushered into the arms of Jesus... We remembered that season of life... We thought of his daddy & mommy...their faith...their courage...their testimony... We thanked God for precious Quinten.... We thanked God for His abundant grace through such a traumatic situation... We celebrated a life in Heaven...♥

We reminisced Kyle having a minor outpatient surgery one-year-ago, that resulted in a severe infection that landed him in the hospital for several days causing he and I to miss my family's Thanksgiving celebration. The more we reminisced, the more we found ourselves thankful, grateful, humbled by God's goodness and faithfulness in that situation, through that situation and now.

I have seen God's hand in a mighty way the past several days and I am blessed beyond adequate words. My heart's cry is that I will be found faithful with every opportunity that HE brings my way. Not busying myself with fruitless activity, but recognizing & discerning the lives, circumstances and situations that He desires to use me in. My heart's cry is that I will not grow weary in doing good and that I will find my strength in Jesus. My heart's cry is that I will be a good steward of the time, resources, love and wisdom that God has so graciously lavished upon my life...not hoarding them but using them for His glory. I desire to be completely surrendered and abandoned unto Him!

My most favorite man has his amazing waffles mixed up and sausage links perfectly browning... ♥
My precious 11 year-old is snuggled in next to me, knitting away... ♥
My blessed 17 year-old will soon be arising... ♥
My waffle is ready so I must go... ♥

It's gonna be a very good day to top off an amazingly wonderful week!

The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary, & His understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary & increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired & weary, & young men stumble & fall;
but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run & not grow weary,
they will walk & not be faint.
~Isaiah 40:28-31

My Baby!

2011-11-12T22:52:00.004-06:00

This beautiful woman that has her arms wrapped around me is my angel!! Today has been a day of missing her and her presence around me. I so love her with all that I am and feel such a void when she is gone. She is such a blessing from our Gracious Father...she is a mother, mentor, teacher, and caregiver to my girls. She is my best friend, support, prayer warrior, encourager, and bride. She is so much more than I acknowledge...there is not enough words to describe her, she gives and gives, never to ask or expect anything in return. She loves all of us so unconditionally, she is so selfless, and caring. Sometimes I just get lost in her beauty and gaze uncontrollably at her...I am a blessed man!

This day I acknowledge to say and proclaim that I LOVE YOU Baby! Thank you for your life and the Godly example you are for our girls...thank you for never giving up on me and for saying "YES" almost 21 years ago!

I love you beyond words! Proverbs 31: 10-28

Your Honey! Kyle

He Equips Me...

2011-11-10T19:25:00.008-06:00

As I sat in a quiet room this evening listening to the soothing tunes of Jim Brickman, I found myself asking the question, "How does God see me? What is His perception of me in my day-to-day activities? Do I live up to the hopes and expectations He has on my life?" "Does He see me acting responsibly? Does He see me making wise decisions? Does He see an abundance of peace in my life or does He see anxiousness, confusion and discontentment?"

The more I thought about the specific reality of these questions, the more He reminded me that because of His grace, He equips me to walk in the hope & expectancy that He has for me. That's an amazing and encouraging promise for me.

Why do I shortchange His provision?
Why do I choose common-sense, familiar decisions rather than divine, responsible ones?
Why do I settle for less when there is so much more?
Is it because I simply fall into a "pattern"?
Is it because I don't think and pray before I decide?
Is it because a habit reigns, over purposing to do what God would expect/desire?

This may be in regard to:
*how I invest my time
*the way I spend my money
*what or how much I eat
*how I respond to those around me
*the way I care for the possessions that have been entrusted to me
*the way in which I fulfill my personal responsibilities
*how I react in trying, difficult and uncomfortable situations

Each day I am given the gift & freedom to choose...

I desire to live according to the hope and expectancy that God has for my life.

May the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back for the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing His will, and may He work in us what is pleasing to Him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen. ~Hebrews 13:20~21

I Miss This Man...

2011-11-10T15:18:00.006-06:00

I'll be honest, today has been a "down" day for me.

I really have no legitimate reason why.
The sun is shining.
Everyone in our family is amazingly healthy.
We have a warm home.
Food to eat.
Clothes to wear.
Cars to drive.

The reason I am down...

I miss this man...

Yeah, he'll be home before long, 40 minutes to be exact, but lately, I just miss him!
I miss his presence.
I miss his laughter.
I miss his touch.
I miss his smile.
I miss his scent.

10 hours a day is too long to be away from the one who holds your heart.

He is my everything and I thank God for him!

The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman,' for she was taken out of man." Genesis 2:23

Today...

2011-11-02T09:28:00.004-05:00

It's a cool, damp, rainy, cozy morning here. The first we've really had this fall.

Mal & I are here at home alone. MaKayla is away tending to a commitment that she had previously made. Thankfully she will be home soon!

With a chance of snow in the forecast later this afternoon/evening, Mallary begged and pleaded with me to play some "pre-Christmas" music and since I love it as much as she, I gave in! :) Peaceful Jim Brickman melodies fill the air.

I have a Yankee Pear Orchard candle burning here in the living room. MaKayla has a Christmas Cookie candle burning in her bedroom. Mal has a Hazelnut candle burning in her room. Scents of the coming holidays linger regardless of what part of the house we are in.

A fall Hometown Collection puzzle sits neatly completed and put together on the coffee table.

I'm thinking of putting a pot of soup on for lunch/supper. Mallary is quietly working on her History assignment.

The kettle sits on the stove with hot water waiting to be used... Mal is sipping hot-chocolate, I am sipping hot peppermint tea.

The only thing that would make my morning any more wonderful would be to have Kyle here at home with us! ♥ ♥ ♥

I am thankful for the gift of home...♥
I am thankful for the gift of those I love the most...♥

This Is Why...

2011-10-29T08:41:00.009-05:00

This past weekend a tragic car accident happened in our area involving the lives of seven young people. Three died as a result of the accident, three were injured (two of them seriously), one walked away. Some of families affected we know personally, some we don't. Heartbreaking... Soul-riveting... Mind-boggling... Reality check...

We know that many people look at the way we are raising MaKayla & Mallary and wonder why we don't lighten up a little. Why we don't relax & enjoy the ride. Why we protect them the way that we do. Why we establish the boundaries that are in place. Why we don't let out the rope of freedom a little more. Why we are adamant about nurturing them in the ways of the Lord. Why we use EVERY opportunity, situation & circumstance as a means to teach, train and instruct. "Can you not just relax a little?"

The events of this past weekend is why. Choices were made and irreversible consequences are now the reality. Consequences that affect so many people.

It burdens me beyond words at how lightly some view what has happened. Yes they are upset, grieving and hurt, but have they learned anything from it. It's not a situation to just talk about, "get through" and then keep doing the same thing that caused the circumstances to begin with.

This is why we don't relax!
This is why we don't take parenting lightly!
This is why we don't view life as a playground!
This is why we don't encourage our kids to gamble with life!
It's not about fun and games...

Life is not a merry-go-round...
When you feel like riding, you hop on and, hey, when you feel like doing your own thing, you jump off.
God calls us to a life of faithfulness...
EVERY DAY...
As individuals...
As parents...

We get one chance to raise & nurture children who love God and follow hard after His will and desire for their lives. It's not something that we can wait and start teaching them when they are 15, 16, 17 years of age. The process begins when they are born and is continued throughout each and every day in which they are entrusted into our hands, hearts and homes.

It's not something where we can just expect to take them to Sunday School & Church each week and expect to see fruitful results. Abundant fruit will abound when we teach them, train them and nurture them when we sit at home, when we walk along the road, when we lie down & when we rise up. It's an every day process.

It's not something that can be learned with the concept of, "Don't do as I do, but do as I say!" Kids who love God are a bi product of parents who live what they teach. Not just in some areas of life but in all areas of life.

I revisit the events of this weekend...
my heart is sad for those who have lost someone they love...
my heart is broken for those who are hurting and grieving...
my heart is angry for the unnecessary loss of life...

I refuse to "lighten up". It simply isn't going to happen.

This is why...

Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.
Psalm 127.3

Grace...

2011-10-28T07:29:00.007-05:00

Have you ever been in a situation where you "discover" who you once were by seeing the person you once were in another individual? I mean, you look at the way someone is acting or the way they are conducting themselves or the way they are talking or the way they are responding and just about the time the thoughts in your mind turn ugly, you hear the Lord ever so gently whisper, "Don't judge that person. The reason their conduct is so unsettling to you is because that's an image of who you once were." Believe me, it's a bizarre feeling yet a divine opportunity for freedom. It's one of those times that you are taken back and all you can say is, "Wow!"

I've had the above scenario played out two specific times in my life. Once several years back and another time just recently.

I remember the first time it happened, I was in an unfamiliar place away from all that was comfortable to me besides my family. I can still see the image in my mind. The exact room I was in. The time of day it was. I can still hear myself saying to my dad & mom, "I just saw who I have been and now I see why particular individuals haven't liked me. I see why I have been repulsive to people that I deeply love and why in turn it's has been hard for them to love me. I see the wretched person that God wants to free me from." This moment-in-time was a life-changing experience for me. An opportunity for the Lord to reveal ignorance that dwelt in my heart. Thankfully the person in whom I saw myself had no idea what was taking place and to my knowledge still doesn't know the reality of it to this day. I would never want to hurt their feelings or give them indication that this is how I saw them. In all actuality, it had nothing to do with them but everything to do with what God wanted to do in me.

Just recently, the same type of situation surfaced once again and instantly my heart felt threatened, defensive, ugly...yet as I've grown in the Lord, I have learned to immediately take those feelings captive and make them obedient to Christ. As I prayed, He gave me wisdom in responding to the issue at hand and in turn peace flooded my soul. Again, as I prayed, He gently said, "Don't judge that person. The reason their conduct is so unsettling to you is because that's an image of who you once were." This time the more I prayed the more He spoke..."Respond to the situation in the way I have directed and let.it.go! This is my battle to war. You have been obedient. Listen. Learn. Receive. Let.it.go."

Five years ago, I would have followed hard after a heart of strife, control, manipulation and retaliation yet God has had me on a journey... A long journey... A journey in which I continue to learn, grow and be transformed through His grace.

He answered and said,
Whether he be a sinner or no, I know not:
one thing I know,
that,
whereas I was blind, now I see.

John 9:25

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Amazing grace! how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me!
I once was lost but now am found;
Was blind, but now I see.

Simple Pleasures...

2011-10-24T20:53:00.005-05:00

Wonderful weekend...
Cherished friends...
Intriguing movie...
Relaxing Sunday...
Festive parade...
Awesome toenails...
Date night with the man who holds my heart...
Beautiful weather...
Healthy family...
Fall puzzle...
Fun photos...
Yummy grapes...
Blessed Kleenexes...
Cuddly cat...
Amazing girls...
Delicious guac...
Soothing tea...
Refreshing sleep...

Simple pleasures...

What If I Woke Up Today...

2011-10-19T08:26:00.006-05:00

Something I read on Facebook a few weeks ago really stirred my spirit and in turn I have reflected on it many times since...

What if I woke up today,
with only the things I thanked God for yesterday?

Wow!
Reality check!
Heart refiner!

Do I get so consumed with the blessings in life that I fail to offer thanks and praise to the One who gave them to me?

Am I guilty of taking for granted the comforts God so graciously lavishes upon me?

Are my provisions of the flesh so "common" that I cease to see them as divine resources from my Creator?

Unfortunately, I would have to answer a resounding, "Yes!" to each of these questions.

I would be a lonely, hungry, cold & empty woman if I woke up today with only the things I thanked God for yesterday...

Today, I purpose to recognize each piece of my life as provision from God AND I purpose to thank Him for each of those rich blessings!

I challenge you to do the same...

He Shows Me How...

2011-10-18T07:29:00.008-05:00

Lately I've had a situation that is perpetually repeating itself...over and over and over.
A tough situation.
A situation that if I am not diligent to guard my heart, could foster bitterness.
A situation that I have seen as "the other person's" fault.
A situation that is exhausting me mentally.
A situation that I am weary of.
A situation that could cause alot of damage if I allowed it to go to dangerous places.

This morning as I sat with my Bible, journal and pen, I cried out to the Lord to SHOW ME...

In return, through His sovereign, gentle way, He revealed that much of the fault lies within myself.
I am one-half of the situation.
I must be found faithful with my part.

Rather than bitterness, He desires that I choose love...
Rather than pride, He desires that I choose humility...
Rather than self-sufficiency, He desires that I ask for help...
Rather than independence, He desires that I rely...
Rather than pushing away, He desires that I draw close...

I have a choice...

Love is patient,
love is kind.
It does not envy,
it does not boast,
it is not proud.
It is not rude,
it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects,
always trusts,
always hopes,
always perseveres.
Love never fails.
1 Corinthians 13:4~8

That's what love is...
Not by my standards...

But by God's...

I want to choose love...
In every facet...
In my half of the situation, I desire to love...

I am thankful that when I seek God with an honest, raw & open heart, in His faithfulness, He shows me the answer to my need.

He doesn't just tell me to love...
Through His Word...
He shows me how...

With My Every Breath...♥

2011-10-17T07:10:00.005-05:00

Today is hard...

The reality of getting back into a routine without Kyle with here with me is gripping...
After ten days of togetherness, a big piece of me is missing...
Oh, I am more than grateful for our family vacation...
It was more than wonderful...
I truly have nothing to complain about...
Many are suffering hardships that I can't even begin to imagine...
But when you love your man as much as I do...
Being apart for 10 hours is tough...

On the flip side...
I am thankful for a husband who loves me more than life...
Who honors me...
Cherishes me...
Adores me...
Protects me...
Laughs with me...
Cries with me...
Prays for me...
Comforts me...
Provides for my every need...
A husband who nourishes my soul...
The man who is my rock...
My Jesus in the flesh...

Although I miss him tremendously, I am grateful to know that when the work bell rings, signaling the production day is over, he is coming home to me...
Not to a bar...
Not out with friends...
Not doing his "own thing"...
But home...
Home to me & our children...

I am thankful that God has richly provided him a secure job, with good hours, which allows him to be home with me every night that meets our physical needs.

In spite of my lonely heart, the Lord shows me how much I have to be thankful for...
And because of that I have hope...

Thank you Kyle for who you are! ♥

♥I love you with my every breath!♥

"This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called 'woman,'
for she was taken out of man."
Genesis 2:23

A View...

2011-10-15T20:40:00.004-05:00

A room with a view...

A view that was very hard to leave...
(more to come...)

Full...

2011-10-05T17:44:00.015-05:00

The past several weeks have been non-stop for Kyle, myself & our girls, with much going on. This week things have gotten even crazier than ever as we plan & prepare for an upcoming, much-needed, family vacation. Before my feet even hit the floor this morning I began thinking of everything that still needed to get done and the various projects that I wanted to have accomplished before we take off. As I thought about it, my mind wandered to the infamous question that so many people ask us & we as well ask them, "How are things for you & your family?" As I thought about the reality of that question, I took it one step further...to the answer. Nine times out of ten the response is, "Busy. We.are.busy." The longer I thought about it, the more the Lord spoke to my heart... "Mendi, your life isn't busy, your life is full... Full of blessings... Full of opportunities... Full of happiness... Full of learning... Full of growth... Full with your husband... Full with your girls... Don't settle for busy... See your life as full..."

As this truth fell on my heart, I sensed freedom, peace & though a weight had been lifted.
My heart was blessed by this simple yet profound conversation with the One who loves me most... Reminding me that busyness much of the time is being in motion and many times getting little accomplished. Yet fullness is being filled...being satisfied...investing...making progress...

My life is full and I am thankful! I don't have time for many of the things that I used to as my every day is filled with Kyle, MaKayla &Mal. Meeting their needs. Nurturing their hearts. Teaching their minds. Being a faithful helpmeet. They have become my first & foremost priority...above anything else. It hasn't always been this way, but it certainly is now.
I no longer meet for lunch with friends like I used to. I no longer attend evening functions like I did before. I no longer put service to other things before my family like I once found myself doing. Some see this as lack of commitment. Some see it as laziness. Some see it as "losing" my identity.

I see my life as full... To overflowing... Abundant... Radiant... Content... Satisfied... Wonderful...
Does this mean we don't have struggles? Absolutely not! We daily have battles to fight just like every other family. Yet what it does mean is that we come together & work together... We encourage each other & help carry the load of those we love most... We laugh... We cry... We share... We pray... We worship... We play... We love...

Our lives are full & I am so very thankful!

I'm So Thankful...

2011-09-22T07:14:00.009-05:00

It's a new day & each day prior to this I have felt the compelling urge to get a blog post done...
Time has been slipping away...
The days ever so swiftly pass by...
I, myself, am slowing down...
Making sure to savor each moment...

Today, it feels good to write...
To share...

School is in full swing here and so far each day has been a tremendous blessing. Both MaKayla & Mal are very much enjoying the curriculum that we are using, apart from one subject, that one girl, very much dislikes!?! We've talked about it and discussed it yet it has been concluded that in regard to this particular subject, "it must be done," therefore we move forward. So far, so good! :) I'm so thankful for this one I love so much who attempts to complete her daily assignments without grumbling and complaining!

Wrapping our brains around the fact that MaKayla is now a senior has been and continues to be something so very hard to fathom! Where have the years gone anyway??? Rather than go to a professional photographer, she wanted me to take her senior pictures which I was hesitant of, but agreed to. The opportunity proved to be such a fun experience! We spent the afternoon/evening hopping from place-to-place, shooting pictures here-and-there, laughing, talking and just enjoying time as a family! I think we ended up with over 800 shots to choose from! I'm so thankful for the simplicity & contentment of our children.

This week completed our third week of dog obedience training with Zeke. He has a very strong willed personality therefore when we saw the class being offered at a minimal cost, at a location near us, we decided it would be a beneficial investment. The first class Kyle & MaKayla attended alone yet Mal & I have joined them since then. We are all definitely learning how to teach Zeke and at the same time some neat acquaintances have been formed. I'm so thankful for activities we can do as a family & that Kyle chooses to invest in us, his family, rather than choosing to be "independent" of us as so many husbands and fathers do.

My very close friend that was diagnosed with cancer a little over a month ago, underwent surgery three weeks ago today. After fervent, diligent prayer, belief in a God who is all powerful, the work of a precise, skilled doctor's hands, care from daughters who love their mom and much rest for recovery, this one that I love was declared, "CANCER FREE"! I'm thankful for Jehovah Rapha, the Lord who heals!

As the weather begins to turn much cooler, jeans, sweatshirts and fleece jammies emerge from summer hibernation. The garden is silent and bare. Trees are changing. Farmers are harvesting grain from their fields. Dew is heavy on the grass each morning. Football is a frequent conversation. A morning chill greets us as we climb out of bed. We find ourselves in the kitchen more frequently...preparing soup, roast, potatoes, carrots, homemade noodles, freshly baked homemade rolls, pumpkin pie, warm cookies and many pots of "good" coffee. I'm thankful for changing seasons.

We've had the opportunity lately to spend frequent, special time with family, friends & brothers-and-sisters-in-Christ. Some we've known our whole lives... Some throughout several years... Some meeting for the first time only recently. Times of celebration... Times of prayer... Times of praise... Times of fellowship... Times of laughter... Times of tears... Times of singing... Times of breaking bread together... Times of making memories... Times of rejoicing... I'm so thankful for those who God allows us to love & those who choose to love us in return.

Although life has been busy and full, I'm purposing to mentally & emotionally slow down and savor the richest & most precious blessings that God has been affording not only myself but our family as a whole. Blessings that don't fade away. Blessings that money can't buy. Blessings that only God Himself could lavish upon us.

I'm so thankful...

Come, let us sing for joy to the Lord;
let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation.
Let us come before Him with thanksgiving
and extol Him with music and song.
For the Lord is the great God,
the great King above all gods.
In His hand are the depths of the earth,
and the mountain peaks belong to Him.
The sea is His, for He made it,
and His hands formed the dry land.
Come, let us bow down in worship,
let us kneel before the Lord our Maker;
for He is our God
and we are the people of His pasture,
the flock under His care.
Psalm 95:1~7

Approval...

2011-09-09T06:48:00.008-05:00

Criticism, judgment, condemnation, negativity... These words describe the basis of a recent conversation our family converged in not too long ago. As I crawled into bed that evening, I felt very convicted of the ugliness that was dwelling within my heart. As I sought the Lord before falling to sleep, I boldly asked Him to cleanse me of the wrong attitude, thoughts & words that were residing within me. I asked Him to reveal to me why these things were there and the proper way to work through them. I wanted to understand, be corrected and learn from this situation.

The next morning as I awoke, the Lord seemed to impress the words approval, affirmation, acceptance & vanity upon my heart. The words continued to mull around in my heart, mind and soul and after Kyle left for work, I sat down with our dictionary & my Bible & journal. The question I felt the Lord was wanting me to ask myself was, "How much value should I place on the approval & acceptance that comes from others?" and "Is it vanity to do so?"

- approval -
*the act of approving
*permission, sanction
*subject to being tried or tested & rejected if not satisfactory

- approve -
*to speak or think favorably of
*to find acceptable
*to confirm or sanction formally
*to have a favorable view

- affirm -
*to assert positively; maintain as true
*to confirm or ratify
*to express agreement with; support; uphold

- vanity -
*excessive pride in oneself or one's appearance
*produced as a showcase for one's own performing talents

The more I studied, prayed and pondered, the more profoundly the Lord revealed to me that many times the reason I have a heart of criticism, judgment, condemnation & negativity with others is because I am trying to justify their lack of affirmation, acceptance & approval on my own life. Ever since I can remember, I have been a person that longs to be liked, accepted & "chosen". As I grew into an adult that part of me didn't change.

The other evening I left a situation feeling disapproved of, below the mark & less-than. To be honest, due to how Kyle feels God calling our family to walk, function & operate (which completely goes against the "norm"), we tend to get this inclination & reception from others quite often. From others that we love, respect & interact with on a regular basis. Instead of realigning my hurting heart with what God thinks of me & whether God approves of me & allowing God to reassure me that He accepts me, I in turn "justify" the lack of approval & acceptance from them by being critical, judgmental, negative & condemning...the exact things that I in the first place am hurt over.

God truly showed me that finding my value in others is vain...empty...futile...without significance/importance. When I seek to find the acceptance & approval of others, many times I become a slave to what they want, their opinions, their convictions & what they think is "best" rather than what God has instructed & how God has directed. As well, most of the time when others think they know "better" than we when it comes to the choices & decisions of our lives, they are looking at it from their own personal perspective...in the light of themselves rather than in light of God's specific and unique plan for our lives. Kyle diligently seeks the Lord as to "the way we should go" as a family & does not take lightly the instruction thereof. If we are following in obedience to the God of our salvation & I am humbly submitting to the spiritual leader of my life, the only ones I should seek to find value in, is my husband & my Lord!

Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God?
Or am I trying to please men?
If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.

Galatians 1:10

As I've thought and prayed about this off-and-on for several days, visited about it with MaKayla & Mal & then discussed it again with Kyle, the Lord reaffirmed in me that any time I feel disapproval from others, instead of becoming defensive, I need to ask God if He approves. Whether it be a family issue, a church issue, a friend issue, a blog issue. If He reaffirms & brings peace to my heart, the conflict within me should be settled. If there is a lack of affirmation & peace, I must listen to the conviction that I am offered and realign myself accordingly.

Likewise, I must guard myself against doing that which I don't want others to do to me. It's never my place to question, judge or cast my approval/disapproval on the choice(s) someone else is making. That simply and plainly is between them and the Lord.

Slowly but consistently I am learning to find my value in Christ. Slowly but consistently I am learning to discipline myself against placing value on another. Determining whether the situation at hand that is making me unsettled is real or imagined... Ceasing to compare... Choosing to not look to the right or to the left... Setting my face like flint on Jesus...

He loves me beyond measure and that is truly all that matters!
He loves the other individual beyond measure and that is truly all that matters!

Case settled...Jesus is all that matters!

Peace In Knowing...

2011-09-06T06:19:00.005-05:00

As I walked Kyle out the door for work this morning, the cool, brisk air swept across my face reminding me that fall is definitely on the way. The trees are beginning to slightly turn new autumn shades of color, farmers are beginning to work in the fields, it's darker longer in the mornings and the evenings are getting shorter. The dew is heavy on the grass, the deer are beginning to move about and the garden is pretty much finished with its bounty.

For me, today begins a "new season"...a new Bible study to work/learn/study through...a new candle warmly burning on the coffee table...a new time set on the alarm clock...a new three-ring binder filled with empty, waiting-to-be-filled grade/hour log sheets...new curriculum awaiting hands to grasp...a new school year.

I would admit that yesterday I was in somewhat of a frenzy trying to prepare and get things organized and although I can humbly say that I have done less this year to get ready than any other, I find myself this morning very much at peace. Peace in knowing that God has already gone before me. Peace in knowing that His ways are much greater than my own. Peace in knowing that His standards are all I am asked to meet and His requirements of perfection don't mirror or follow after the standards and perfection of the world. Peace in knowing that I am here at home with the two richest investments I could ever have been entrusted with and their hearts are the most important reality I will ever care for and nurture. Peace in knowing that this is the path that Kyle has chosen for our family through the guidance and direction of the Holy Spirit. Peace in knowing that this is the best path for our family.

Today I am deeply grateful that God has filled our home with the presence of His Holy Spirit and that although Reading, Grammar, Math, Zoology 2, History, Chemistry, American Lit & Gov't are on the docket of things to get accomplished, my greatest goal is to love without limits the two lives I am leading, training and impacting.

Love it patient,
love is kind.
It does not envy,
it does not boast,
it is not proud.
It is not rude,
it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects,
always trusts,
always hopes,
always perseveres.
Love never fails.
1 Corinthians 13:4~8

Bankrupt On Time...

2011-08-15T08:30:00.008-05:00

So many times I find myself asking, "Where did the time go? Where has the time gone? How did another week get by me? Can the weekend be over already?"

The other morning as I was making Kyle & I's bed, my mind was buzzing with all of the things that needed to get done, that had failed to get done, that were hovering over me like a black looming storm cloud. In that moment, the Lord ever so gently spoke into my ear, "Mendi, why are you always so bankrupt on time? Have I not set the days and weeks into place according to My will? Have I not given you sufficient time to get those things accomplished that are yours to do? Why are you always weighed down with what is yet left to do? Are you doing things I have not instructed? Have you committed to things I have not ordained you to do? Are you being a good steward of your time?"

I've thought alot about this conversation that the Lord had with me about a week ago...

It's really left me thinking... Pondering... Considering... Analyzing...

Again this morning as I was reading out of the book of Exodus the concept of time was reaffirmed in my heart. Moses assembled the whole Israelite community and said to them, "These are the things the Lord has commanded you to do: For six days, work is to be done, but the seventh day shall be your holy day, a Sabbath of rest to the Lord. Whoever does any work on it must be put to death. Do not light a fire in any of your dwellings on the Sabbath day."

Why does there never seem to be enough time?

Why am I always hurrying, scurrying and keeping an eye on the clock?

Why am I inevitably thinking of what is next on my list to do rather than enjoying the task at hand?

Why does it seem that I continually come up short?

God has given me ample time to accomplish that which He instructs me to do. It's all the little distractions... It's all the extra commitments... It's the lack of priorities... It's failing to give Him the firstfruits of my day... It's falling short of simplicity... It's choosing to hang onto my agenda...

Most people think of bankruptcy in reference to money but could it mean time as well?

These are all things I am praying over...

I realize that the fault is all mine...
I am thankful there is resolve...
I am grateful that God will show me...
I am humbled by His grace...
I rejoice that as I seek, listen and obey I will discover the abundance of time!

Repenting...
Letting go...
Realigning...
Putting Him first...
Choosing simplicity rather than complexity...
Disciplining the flesh in order to follow the Spirit...

Thank you, Lord, for saving my soul...
Thank you, Lord, for making me whole...
Thank you, Lord, for giving to me...
Thy great salvation so rich and free...

It Makes All The Difference...

2011-08-10T07:30:00.006-05:00

Sunday ~ An unsettled spirit the majority of my day... A heavy spirit in which the Lord said, "Pray... Pray... Pray..." An evening of AMAZING and INTIMATE worship to the Lord...

Monday ~ A painful, draining, intense and weighted visit with someone I love deeply... A visit where much was talked about but nothing profound was accomplished... A visit that grieved me... A visit that only by God's grace was I able to speak the truth in love all the while refraining from becoming anxious.... A visit that for once in my life, I KNEW that I was settled in who I am in Christ and how our family lives, functions and abides in Christ... A visit where I wasn't rattled, shaken or vulnerable... A visit that was changed half-way-through by a phone call from a friend that I love with every fiber of my being... A friend that I have prayed for and longed for for so many years... A friend that God has so richly blessed me with... Letting me know that the biopsy was positive... That the results showed the big, ugly, unwanted "C" word... A reality I feared... A day filled with many tears... A day I won't soon forget... A day I saw God work in me and through me in miraculous ways... A day that I was weak but He was incredibly strong...

Tuesday ~ Woke feeling "removed"... Heavy... Prayerful... Knowing I had a long list of things to get done but lacking the motivation to move... I somewhat wandered from thing-to-thing-to- thing... A quick trip to town with my girls renewed my perspective... A trip of laughter, music and fellowship... A trip that brought me out of the dungeon and into the light... An afternoon of tomatoes, tomatoes and more tomatoes resulting in lots of yummy salsa for the winter... An afternoon with MaKayla & Mal in the kitchen... Peeling... Chopping... Stirring... Just being together... Having My Man come home from work and greet me with a hug, kiss and "Oh, I'm so happy to be home with you..." A relaxing evening with Kyle & the girls... Including supper on the patio... An evening ended with a blessed, rich and precious facebook message from a friend... A seasoned friend... A friend who knows me like most don't... A message that was a TOTAL surprise... A message that I needed... A message that showered my day with everything YELLOW and HAPPY...

Wednesday ~ Woke being reminded of the Lord that when He shows Himself to me in miraculous and amazing ways... When He uses our children to be His hands and feet to my life... When He allows rich and seasoned friends to shower my day with HAPPINESS...

It makes all the difference...

Now I desire to make that difference in someone else today...

Thank you God for all things good!
You are amazing...
You are wonderful...
You.are.God!

We Were A Family...

2011-08-06T20:22:00.010-05:00

It has been such a fun day for Kyle, MaKayla, Mal & I as we took a fun little family road trip... The company that Kyle works for hosted their company picnic at an amusement park in a city a few hours from here that I used to visit nearly every year as a child and where Kyle celebrated his bachelor party. This is the first time that either of our girls have been there so it was an all new and eye-opening experience for them!

Not long after we left, Kyle realized that he forgot his hat at home so we had to stop along the way and do a little shopping. In the process, I mentioned how much I was craving a cinnamon roll so he pulled in to a quaint little coffee shop that Mom, Marci and I visit annually when we go Christmas shopping & got the four of us two monstrous cinnamon rolls to share, MaKayla a requested caramel-fudge hot chocolate and he & I a turtle cappuccino topped with whipped cream, caramel and chocolate syrup! Yum-oh!!! God truly gave me the most amazing gift when He predestined Kyle to be my husband...not just for what he does for me or how thoughtful he is to me or the incredible way he loves me but simply because of who he is!!! He's incredible! ♥

After we savored our yummy treats and arrived at our destination, we studied the park map for a bit and jumped on the first attraction that caught our eye. MaKayla gets extremely motion sick and I am TERRIFIED of roller coasters so we kept pretty low scale. Twisting his arm, Kyle would admit that as he grows in years, his sensitivity to rolling, twisting, rising and descending experiences at optimum speeds greatly intensifies, yet Mal had never ridden a roller coaster so...!!!

I was certain that Mal would opt for the "chicken exit" before climbing into the ride and honestly down deep that was what I was hoping for. As I saw them leave the track I told MaKayla, "I would rather be going in for surgery than turning my baby and my man loose on such dangerous craziness..." Of course, she just laughed at me and said, "Oh, Mom, they'll be fine. Re~lax..." Kyle tried to get Mal to raise her hands as they were about to take their first intense downward dive however she was far too apprehensive and wisely chose to keep all limbs inside the car. Good girl!!! Momma's so proud of you!! Mal described the ride this way, "Mom, the roller coaster went so fast that it stretched my face out!" She concluded that although it was fun, she thought she'd stay closer to ground for the remainder of our time there.

(Yes, Kyle & Mallary are actually in this picture...)

It was an extremely hot day and after several hours, Mallary decided that she had taken all the heat she could handle. We were walking on hot, black asphalt with multitudes of people bumping into each other and the temperature registering at 95 not including the heat index. One word describes what we were feeling...MISERABLE!!! By the time we made the trek back to the van she was nearly unfunctionable.

Throughout our day the girls repeatedly thanked us for being willing to take them to this event and then on the way home, MaKayla sincerely thanked Kyle & I for teaching and instructing she and Mal the attribute of modesty. In an atmosphere such as the one we were in, you see anything imaginable...literally!!! Pure sweetness... Amazing richness... Divine blessedness... No greater gift than when your children see, understand and desire to honor and glorify the Lord even when it means going against the ebb & flow of what is condoned & popular in our society.

All-in-all it was a fantastic day!! We walked together, laughed together, shopped together, ate together, talked together and shared new experiences together... Although it was an out-of-the-norm day compared to our typical activities, we weren't any different than we usually are...we were a family! ♥

God's blessings are so rich and I am so very thankful! ♥

Reflecting On My Week... Friday Faves

2011-08-05T07:12:00.013-05:00

I'm linking up with Rachel at finding joy to reflect on my week and share some of the greatest moments, gifts and blessings that the Lord has afforded me over the past several days...

Having a hot cup of tea/coffee with My Man at 5:30 a.m...
Our time together is always incredibly precious...

Laughing, sharing & catching up with seasoned, tried-&-true friends...

Talking with our girls about the fear that grips us most...
...discovering what their greatest fears are...
...so that together we can be MORE than conquerors in Christ Jesus...

Sitting multiple hours on our monstrous mower...
reflecting on life...
praying for those on my heart...
listening to divine instruction...
repenting of revealed sin...

Seeing, hugging & loving on Tucker...
(it had been over two weeks)

Spending an evening alone at home with Kyle last night...

~He cooked me steak & baked potatoes on the grill~
~Encouraged me to take a short power nap~
~We sat on the patio & visited in the cool evening~
~Took a nice, quiet, leisurely walk~
~Shared some chocolate ice cream~

Watching Mallary take part in being on the Worship Team for the first time...

Enjoying a good cup of coffee over a nice visit with my mom...

A refreshing, peaceful & encouraging lunch & visit with a very dear friend...
~We shared:
*struggles
*triumphs
*homeschool life
*accountability
*laughter
*tears
*THOSE THINGS WHICH ARE TRYING US TO THE CORE...

Relishing lots of needed, nourishing & necessary time with my Jesus...

It's been a really great week and I give God praise for each & every moment He has afforded me to live, breathe & have my being...

Thanks Rachel for letting me hop on and join in on your Friday Faves...
It's been fun...

Fear...

2011-08-01T21:04:00.008-05:00

A few thoughts that have been spinning through my mind today...

What do I fear the most?

In humility am I willing to acknowledge and confess that which I fear?

Does what I fear most, interfere with my day-to-day process of life?

Is that fear being imposed on my family?

Are my children "learning" the reality of that fear?

Do I believe the great and mighty God that I serve can conquer that fear?

Can I catch the vision of what freedom would look like if I allow the Lord to bring healing and deliverance from the fear that grips the core of my being?

-fear-
*a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, ect.,
whether the threat is real or imagined;
*the feeling or condition of being afraid;
*concern or anxiety;
*solicitude

As I went about my morning, the Lord revealed to me the deliverance He is working in my life regarding a fear that has riveted me for many, many years. A fear that has crippled me. A fear that has held me captive. Something that would be very insignificant to most people yet very real and gripping to me.

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself,
being afraid can so immobilize you that you can't move to solve the very problems that are causing you to fear.

Franklin D. Roosevelt's First Inaugural Address
March 4, 1933

Profound words... Been there... Done that... For far too long!

The past five weeks for me have been life transforming... My God is leading me out of the pasture of fear into the land of freedom! He is calling me to step out in courage and trust His power, protection and provision! He is bringing freedom and deliverance into my life and I am unexplainably grateful!

I sought the Lord, and He answered me;
He delivered me from all my fears.
Psalm 34:4

Yesterday...

2011-07-28T13:45:00.003-05:00

Seeing Life...

2011-07-27T07:23:00.010-05:00

It is such a beautiful morning here so therefore I tried sitting on the patio while doing my devo and spending time with the Lord. Within minutes the sprinkles started to fall pushing me back into the cool but confined air conditioning of our home. I love wide open spaces, and being in the midst of God's magnificent creation always draws me into a different level of closeness with Him.

As I relocated inside all the while packing my Bible, journal, devotional book, cell phone and laptop, Kyle and I chatted about some upcoming plans for our family and some decisions we are praying over/contemplating. We both know that the Lord is moving us in a new direction which requires a change in the way that we think, respond and "do life"... As we ended our conversation, the Holy Spirit compelled me to move to my knees on the couch and turn around in order to look out the picture window. At that moment He said, "Have you ever looked at the outside world from this view? Your children see things this way on a regular basis and your nieces and nephews always see the outside world from this perspective any time they visit. You even have one that lays on the back of the couch in order to see things in such a way." The simplicity yet profoundness of this instruction really spoke to my heart. It really shook me into a reality that I have never before considered...

How often do I expect our children to see life through my eyes rather than choosing to view life through theirs?

How differently would life look to me if I viewed life through the eyes of a child rather than through the eyes of a tired, frazzled, overwhelmed adult?

Is this not where the mundanity and insanity of life begins?

Isn't it all in our perspective?

Why do we expect and push this way of seeing things on our children?

Is this how we want them to view, do and face life?

What if we looked at life through the eyes of innocence, adventure, excitement, fun and wonder?

Maybe:
*the weight of the world wouldn't be so heavy...
*trust rather than skepticism would be a reality...
*opportunities would be a thrill rather than just another decision that needs made...
*we would be content with simplicity rather than always jumping to complexity...
*the beauty of God's creation would be miraculous...
*color would be more vibrant...
*a little money would seem like A WHOLE LOT...
*laughter would be constant and contagious...

The list is endless and I plan to add to it as I commit to seeing life through the eyes of two of my greatest gifts...our children. I desire to see life as they do...

Thank you again Father, for showing yourself to me this day in awesome & wonderful ways! I am forever in love with You!

You have made known to me the paths of life;
You will fill me with joy in Your presence.
Acts 2:28

It Just Has Been...

2011-07-25T15:44:00.006-05:00

Life's been a little tough for me lately... Not because of anything anyone has said or done... Not because of really anything... It just has been... I find that these times in my life arrive to draw me in closer to Jesus... To seek Him with an earnest heart... To long for His friendship, presence and fellowship... To learn of Him... To be taught by Him... To be held by Him... To grow to be more like Him... It's a time of refining...sifting...purification... A time and season that is uncomfortable... A time and season that tests me to the limits... A time and season that lays all of the contents of my heart out in the open... Not so He can see...He already knows... But so that I can see... Therefore I can realize and acknowledge that which needs to be crucified and transformed through the power and perfection of His precious blood... These times and seasons humble me so that I am raw...teachable...vulnerable to the Holy Spirit...

*Love without limits...

*Forgive without boundaries...

*Cease to measure...

*Fail to control...

*Simplify again and again and again...

*Empty to be filled...

*Terminate judgement...

*Overuse kindness...

*Submit without reservation...

*Analyze less...

*Transact more...

*Overextend affection...

*Disengage "feelings" in decision making...

Many heavy weights have been lifted from my heart...

The freedom that comes from listening to the wooing of the Holy Spirit and receiving the instruction He is imparting simply is unexplainable. The reality of it all brings invaluable liberty and I am thankful!

God is so good! He's so good to me!

Blessed be the Lord, because He hath heard the voice of my supplications.
The Lord is my strength & my shield; my heart trusted in Him, & I am helped:
therefore my heart greatly rejoiceth; & with my song I will praise Him.
The Lord is their strength, & He is the saving strength of His anointed.
Psalm 28:6~8

Revisited...Asked...Petitioned...

2011-07-19T07:30:00.007-05:00

I always feel so rich when I KNOW without a question of a doubt that God is speaking directly to my heart... Especially when it is in an area in which I have been struggling or yearning to find answers.

The past several weeks my heart has been unsettled and to be honest, I have been in a deep spiritual valley. A painful, difficult and lonely valley. The only other time I can really remember feeling this way is after MaKayla was born and I was really struggling to find the balance between being a mom, a wife and living life. I was so enthralled and obsessed with being a mommy that nothing else around me mattered. Nothing else mattered until my consummation with being a mommy reached a point that I was isolated from everything and every one.

Kyle has been quite concerned about me as I am not typically a "down" person. Day-by-day he's seen me sink a little lower until he knew that this wasn't a "quick fix", "If I do the right thing she'll feel better" situation. It's been a little scary for us both however I recognize that I am in some intense spiritual battles and therefore with the Lord's presence and the direction, voice and guidance of the Holy Spirit, I have nothing to fear. The Lord has me in this place to grow me, change me, stretch me and strengthen me. As painful as it is, I know that and rest in that truth.

As I was out watering flowers early yesterday morning in the quiet of the day, the Holy Spirit began speaking to me...very clearly...very loudly...very profoundly... He brought to mind specific situations, choices and ways of thinking that have arrived me in the place of confusion, instability and lack of joy in which I find myself. Situations, choices and ways of thinking that have been out of ignorance, yet just the same, wrong, disobedient and very short of His will for my life. Situations, choices and ways of thinking that now that I see them for what they are, leave me feeling very humbled. Situations, choices and ways of thinking that God's rich and wonderful grace covers but ones only I can control.

Throughout the remainder of my day, I revisited what the Holy Spirit had spoken, I asked the Lord to plant the truths that I had been shown, deep within the freshly tilled soil of my heart and I petitioned God to give me the strength and courage I need to live out the correction I had received and the lessons I had been taught.

I sat in my favorite rocker with journal and pen in hand and documented...
lest I forget and need to be reminded...

I sought the Lord, and He answered me... Psalm 34:4

17 Years...17 Things...

2011-07-14T06:43:00.008-05:00

17 years ago this day...

Our lives were changed...

The world was impacted...

By the presence of a life...

This life...

You were a baby with joy...

You were a child of creativity...

You were a girl with a flair for life...

You became a teenager of determination in all you set out to do...

You love fashion...

You have an eye for design...

You strive to perfection...

You can be nothing less than a servant...
it♥simply♥is♥who♥you♥are...

You will settle for nothing short of organization...

You long to be YOU...

You desire God...

Your hands are diligent...

You have a beautiful spirit...

You are becoming an amazing woman...

You bless the lives of others...

You are growing in confidence to be YOURSELF...

You are an awesome sister to Mal & an amazing daughter to your daddy & I...

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

17 things...
Red
Every meal I fix is your favorite
History
Ladybugs
Shoes
Nail Art
Gardening
People-pleaser
Spontaneous
Strawberry Limeades
Fashion
Say Yes To The Dress
Jigsaw puzzles
Wedding Dresses
Musicals
MAJOR dislike (hate) of snakes
English Toffee Cappuccino

The Lord dances over you with singing and delights in your presence!

We celebrate your life today & every day MaKayla Dawn!

Happy 17th Birthday!

We love, love, love Y♥O♥U♥

Stepping Out...

2011-07-11T06:36:00.006-05:00

Ending a wonderful weekend is a very bitter-sweet experience. Bitter due to the fact that the reality of having Kyle home during the day with us is over, sweet due to the fact that the previous few days were full of fun, laughter, friends, family and lots of love.

The Lord has been speaking a great deal to Kyle and I about tearing down the walls of self-protection and self-preservation we have gradually built around ourselves over the past five years. Not only until recently did we clearly see the reality of these walls or the consequences of their presence. You see, for the first fourteen years of our marriage, we lived in the same small rural town as much of my family lives. We attended the same church with Kyle serving as worship leader & deacon and I as women's ministry coordinator & Sunday School teacher. We served where we were needed and stepped in nearly every place we were asked. Our kids were active and involved in church activities, a homeschool group and little league. We were always on the go running from thing to thing...place to place. That was until we moved here... Forty miles from my family... Country living rather than community living... Twenty miles from any town... At that point God really began to speak to our hearts about "simplicity"... He began to compel us to look at how we were investing our time and He directly asked us if we were truly living for Him or if we were simply going through the motions...living the "American way". We listened to His voice and bit-by-bit through His guidance made decisions to change the course of our lifestyle. Through that time we somewhat entered a "spiritual seclusion"... Placing our focus totally and completely upon God Himself. Exchanging the busyness of daily living for the freedom of being a family. Letting go of "activity" and grabbing hold of simplicity. It was exactly what God wanted us to do. We were exactly where God wanted us to be. We're still there...yet He is calling us to "step out" and "work out" what He has shown us, taught us and how He has changed us.

Through this time, we have truly learned about who God is and what it looks like to seek Him, hear Him, know Him and follow Him...He Himself, not just a principle. Through this time, we have truly learned to let go of the fear that has so easily entangled us and cling tight to the freedom, assurance and certainty we have in the Creator of the universe and the Savior of the world. Through this time, we have truly learned the essence, meaning and reality of family. A family built on the one and only Cornerstone...Jesus Christ! It's who we are... What we do... How we live...

We are recognizing opportunities to "step out" and "work out" and the reality of that is exciting even though somewhat unfamiliar. We see God moving us out of the "seclusion" and into something new. We hold tight to the essence of "family" yet move forward into a spacious pasture prepared. A pasture where we are called to invest our lives for the sake and glory of Jesus Christ. We release the idea of self-protection and self-preservation in order to rest in the sovereignty and perfection of our Heavenly Father...the only one who provides divine protection and preservation.

This past weekend was such a blessing for our family. It was a time of "stepping out" and it was wonderfully fulfilling! God has great things in store...

Not to us, O Lord, not to us,
but to Your name be the glory,
because of Your love and faithfulness.
Psalm 115:1

Lest I Forget...#1

2011-07-03T23:21:00.007-05:00

Lest I forget the events of yesterday...

Moments afforded by God alone...

*Numerous tears of brokenness...

*Spirit-filled worship...

*A soggy tent...

*Sweet fellowship as a family...

*Shooting off year-old fireworks...

*Dew laden grass...

*French-tip fingernails...

*MaKayla organizing beds inside the tent...

*Hot dogs roasted over the firepit...

*Rockets...

*Quiet time in favorite books...

*Down pouring rain...

*A crazy dog...

*Sidewalk chalk...

*A long visit with My Man...

*Retrieving parachutes in a field with an anxious bull...

*Mal meandering through the campsite munching on chips...

*Kyle building a warming fire...

*Smores...

*Blue checkered table cloth...

*A calm pond...

Lest I forget...

20...

2011-06-29T10:17:00.006-05:00

The past few days have held alot of reminiscing moments for me...

Moments that make me incredibly happy...

Moments that make me incredibly thankful...

Moments that make me feel incredibly rich...

Twenty years ago this day, I married my very best friend!

20 Things I love about You...

♥ Your scent ♥

♥ Your gentle spirit ♥

♥ Your provisional integrity ♥

♥ You love without limits ♥

♥ Your passion for music ♥

♥ Your faithfulness to me ♥

♥ Your servant heart ♥

♥ Your courageous determination ♥

♥ Your humble intelligence ♥

♥ Your adventurous spirit that you very seldom unleash ♥

♥ Your contentment with two girly girls & no little guys ♥

♥ You protect me ♥

♥ You love me ♥

♥ You cherish me ♥

♥ You honor me ♥

♥ You ALWAYS look out for my best interest ♥

♥ You dry my tears as they fall ♥

♥ Your commitment to Christ ♥

♥ Your love for Taylor's ♥

♥ Your spontaneity ♥

20 Memories that bring me joy...

♥ Periodic visits to Chestnut Charm ♥

♥ Multiple trips to Rochester ♥

♥ Late night walks on the beach at Dreams ♥

♥ The day we bought your Toyota ♥

♥ Creating two beautiful girls ♥
~One that looks like me~One that looks like you~

♥ Carmen, Travis Tritt, Harlem Globetrotters, SCC ♥

♥ Romantic dinners at Skies ♥

♥ Alaska, Hawaii, Aruba, Grand Cayman, Jamaica, Romania, London ♥
♥ MEXICO ♥

♥ Dark cruise ship decks ♥

♥ Difficult days following surgeries ♥

♥ Christmas shopping get-aways ♥

♥ Homeschool Conventions ♥

♥ Lazy afternoons in the pool ♥

♥ Icy basement stairways ♥

♥ Thursday's on 1st Street ♥

♥ Pannekoeken ~ Victoria's ~Brentwood Inn ♥

♥ Poodles~Dalmatians~Shelties~Labs~Guinea pigs ♥

♥ Tears of laughter, joy, sadness, pain, heartache, happiness, forgiveness ♥

♥ Jim Brickman moments ♥

♥ Coffee on the patio ♥

I am thankful for the love I have known ALL because of YOU!!!

Love

I love you
Not only for what you are,
But for what I am
When I am with you.

I love you,
Not only for what
You have made of yourself,
But for what
You are making of me.

I love you
For the part of me
That you bring out;

I love you
For putting your hand
Into my heaped-up heart
And passing over
All the foolish, weak things
That you can't help
Dimly seeing there,

And for drawing out
Into the light
All the beautiful belongings
That no one else had looked
Quite far enough to find

I love you because you
Are helping me to make
Of the lumber of my life
Not a tavern
But a temple.

Out of the works
Of my every day
Not a reproach
But a song.

I love you
Because you have done
More than any creed
Could have done
To make me good.
And more than any fate
Could have done
To make me happy.

You have done it
Without a touch,
Without a word,
Without a sign.

You have done it
By being yourself.
Perhaps that is what
Being a friend means,
After all.

by Roy Croft

Encountering God...

2011-06-22T08:12:00.004-05:00

Growing up, I can recall distinct moments in which I "encountered God"... You know, those moments in which you knew He was real... You knew what you were experiencing was going beyond what was typical... A different feel... A different presence... Deeper... More intimate... Unexplainable...

For me, those moments happened in the church our family attended when I was a very young girl and then again at youth camp. I distinctly remember... The first time when I was probably four years old and then again when I was a teenager. Of course I am certain that there were times in between... I know there were...

One of my greatest aspirations in life, is together with Kyle, raise MaKayla & Mallary in a way that they KNOW God, they DESIRE God and they ENCOUNTER God...not just through us but most importantly in a real & personal way. The Holy Spirit is our Counselor, our Comforter, our Teacher and our Guide. For us, it is imperative that they know the reality of who He is!

For Father's Day the girls and I ordered Kyle a CD/DVD of one of his most favorite worship artists that he was honored to sit under at a Seminars4Worship conference several years back. After Kyle took in his teaching and then we attended a concert of his in the evening, we were immediately hooked and have been ever since, therefore I knew Kyle would love it!. Brian doesn't entertain, he compels and draws you into the presence of the Most Holy One... We as a family sat through nearly half of the DVD Sunday evening and then finished it last night. One word sums it up...AMAZING!!! Both MaKayla & Mal were captivated and enthralled.

The more we watched, the more our hearts were opened.
The more we watched, the more the Holy Spirit penetrated our home.
The more we watched, the more we encountered God.

It was a live, raw and diverse video shoot. It was simple, pure, free & amazing worship. It included various people... People praying... People playing musical instruments... People painting an abstract piece of art... People dancing... People sharing testimonies of deliverance... People using flags... People singing... People standing... People kneeling... People sitting... People encountering God...

I can't even begin to explain what happened...it was surreal...it was moving...it was wonderful...it was life-transforming...

We as a family, encountered God!

After the DVD was over, we visited together about how the Holy Spirit was speaking to us...individually and as a family... We talked together, cried together, prayed together and then ended our evening with a song of praise!

It was amazing...

It was an encounter that none of us will forget...

We encountered God!

When the day of Pentecost came, they were all together in one place. Suddenly a sound like the blowing of a violent wind came from heaven and filled the whole house where they were sitting. They saw what seemed to be tongues of fire that separated and came to rest on each of them. All of them were filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other tongues as the Spirit enabled them. Acts 2:1~4

You have made known to me the paths of life; You will fill me with joy in Your presence. Acts 2:28

So Much More...

2011-06-21T07:18:00.003-05:00

In the quietness of this new morning, I am thankful that God has given me the privilege of knowing what the reality of intimacy with Him looks like, feels like, is...

Kyle and I have been talking for quite some time about the essence of shallow faith. Spending enough time with God to feel "comfortable". Dwelling in that arena where one is covered by grace but not saturated with the Holy Spirit. Serving others in abundance but not taking the time to commune with the One who the service should flow through. Believing, trusting and confessing Jesus yet failing to truly pursue Him. Getting acquainted with the Saviour of this world yet choosing to stay at a safe distance. Falling short of the "so much more"... Opting to skim the surface rather than to dig deeper... Remaining in the "outer courts" in exchange for pressing in to see Him, know Him, be with Him.

I pity the one and grieve for the one who chooses to settle for shallow faith. Jesus is longing, waiting and calling. He is pursuing those He loves.

There is so much more...

I desire the so much more...

He who formed the foundations of the world & set the days and seasons into place, chooses to love me...

I long to know Him in His fullness...

I choose to enter in...

It was now about the sixth hour, and darkness came over the whole land until the ninth hour, for the sun stopped shining.
And the curtain of the temple was torn in two.
Luke 23:44~45

Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, His body, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith...
Hebrews 10:19~22

Listen...

2011-06-14T09:19:00.010-05:00

The strength of the vessel can be demonstrated only by the hurricane, and the power of the Gospel can be fully shown only when the Christian is subjected to some fiery trial. If God would make manifest the fact that "He giveth songs in the night," He must first make it night.~William Taylor

Life has been full of ups and downs, potholes and difficulties...frustrations and uncertainty...trials and waiting. We've spoken words of agitation and cried tears of helplessness. We've conveyed the unanswered questions and prayed many times over. The only place we find solace in times and seasons such as these are straight from God's Word and through the presence, comfort and guidance of the Holy Spirit.

We are studying the book of James in Sunday School and this past Sunday we talked alot about 'being quick to listen and slow to speak...' something I would humbly admit doesn't always come easy for me. It goes against who I am in the natural man and the character born within me yet it is instructed in God's Word and that is a truth that I take very seriously to heart. It's amazing that the very Scriptures we were studying as a group are exactly what the Lord has been teaching me on a personal level.

Kyle has been having a multitude of health trouble again therefore bringing a continual essence of "night" which understandably is very discouraging to him. In the time I spend with the Lord praying for him, He reminds me, "Mendi, listen. Stop thinking about what you are going to say next and just listen to what Kyle has to say. Listen to how he is feeling. Listen to his heart. Listen to his hurt. Listen to his needs. Listen to his struggles. Just listen..." As I have put this instruction into practice, I have learned so much about a man whom I have daily grown more in love with for nearly 22 years. I've learned so much about his heart...how he feels...what he dreams...where he's hurting...physically and emotionally...

God's Word is SO true.

It NEVER falters or fails.

It ALWAYS brings about growth in my life.

It CONTINUALLY bears fruit for His glory as I work it out in my day-to-day living.

Although "night" has been upon us, Jehovah-Jireh has given us a song to sing!
May the power of the gospel be fully shown in us and through us.

Am I Mindful...

2011-06-02T08:05:00.006-05:00

Life has seemed somewhat out-of-control & unsettled lately due to the reality that out of nine consecutive days, four of those were spent in a city nearly two-and-one-half hours from where we live for medical procedures. Those four days were filled with difficulty, exhaustion & determined perseverance yet like He always is, God was so graciously faithful. As I sat in Worship Sunday morning & looked back on those days, reprocessing the events, the emotions, the frustrations & the uncertainty, the Lord brought to mind the words grace, strength, wisdom & empowerment, and compelled me to line those words up to the experiences of our week prior. In His loving, sovereign way, He revealed to me how limitless & measureless His provision is. He gave me a glimpse & allowed me to see & ponder how there is simply no way I could measure the grace He had poured out on us & how all too often I take that grace, strength, wisdom, power & provision for granted. He allowed me to consider just for a moment how different the situation & circumstances would have been had He not been with us.

He compelled me to ask myself the question,
"Am I mindful?"

So do not throw away your confidence;
it will be richly rewarded.
You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God,
you will receive what He has promised.
Hebrews 10:35~36

Today...

2011-06-01T08:31:00.006-05:00

I sit on the couch this morning finding it hard to believe that it has been nearly a month since I last posted...

...enjoying the quietness that surrounds me with the exception of the songs creation sings...

...burdened and broken for one I love...

...meditating on the truth that God's sovereignty is infallible, His will is perfect & He can be nothing short of faithful...

...reminding myself that even when I don't understand the dynamics of life, God does...

...wishing, hoping, contemplating what I could do to make things better, what I could do to take the pain away, what I could do to restore the joy, what I could do...yet God reminds me that only He has the power to accomplish what is beyond our limited abilities of the flesh...

...knowing that the battles we wage here on this earth are spiritual battles...battles that can be fought with nothing less than the immeasurable power and authority of the Holy Spirit...

...in a humble estate praying, hoping, believing, trusting...

...acknowledging that my God is holy, honorable, mighty & awesome....

To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul;

in you I trust, O my God.
Psalm 25:1

What I've Discovered...

2011-05-05T21:16:00.011-05:00

Life has been incredibly busy and to be honest, the few weeks prior to this one I have somewhat lacked intentional motivation. You know where a little bit of innocent relaxed living evolves into complete complacency and laziness and the longer you allow it to continue the worse you feel about yourself and the more negative your attitude becomes. As it goes on without correction, the more areas of your life that join in and before you realize it the whole reality is that you have one gigantic snowball of unfocused, undisciplined, out-of-control living going on. You eventually become so sick of yourself that you cry out to God for help and direction because the emptiness you feel is so intense.

That's pretty much where I was a week ago this past Sunday, arriving in an arena where I felt so overcome by torment. Later in the evening as I opened my Bible to read before bed, I laid myself before the Lord seeking His counsel. He graciously yet specifically revealed to me the areas that I had lost complete focus of and had therefore ended up in complete confusion. As I drifted off to sleep that night, I pondered and prayed over the truths He had lovingly imparted on my heart.

That Monday morning I awoke refreshed and excited about putting to work what God had spoken. As I sat that morning pondering, the Lord clearly and distinctly revealed to me that as the keeper of this home, He has also entrusted me to be the "heart" of this home.

heart - innermost or central part of anything

I've always wrestled with the fact and reality that certain ones in our home tend to "follow" after me whether it be in my attitude, my actions, my motivation, my organization, my mood, my deliberate time with the Lord, my... It seems as though I am the one who inevitably establishes the pattern of life and living and until the Lord "met" with me that night, the whole idea of this frustrated me tremendously, yet during that intimate time with Him, He showed me that this is the way He intended it to be. When I chose to marry and bear children, unknowingly I was entrusted with the sole calling and responsibility of keeping the home and being the "heart" therein. That means that He holds me to the highest standard when it comes to nurturing, training and encouraging... And not just nurturing, training and encouraging in action but most importantly in heart... For if I do things with a "have to" or begrudging heart or if I become complacent and lazy and allow things to go uncared for, how can I anticipate anything different from anyone else? All too often I see myself as only a participant in this home rather than the "keeper" or the "heart" of the home. I've discovered through the correction and instruction of the Holy Spirit that God expects and desires so much more of me. That has been my goal these past few weeks.

*Being a better financial manager to make Kyle's income stretch...
*Putting the hearts of my family before the tasks of this home...
*Placing the tasks of this home ahead of what my flesh is crying out to do...
*Seeing to it that I set a good example in fulfilling my daily responsibilities...(laundry, meals, housework, decluttering...)
*Teaching, nurturing & training with LOVE as my primary focus...
*Correcting with patience and long-suffering...
*Stopping & fully listening when someone is desiring my attention...
*Being deliberate to be in God's Word on a daily basis...
*Looking for opportunities to encourage rather than to criticize...
*Putting into action avenues to keep my family healthy...
*Being aware of times when I can lighten Kyle's load...
*Beginning each day with a heart of joy & anticipation...

I've discovered more than ever that God has appointed Kyle as the head, leader, provider, protector and authority of this home. His job is great and on certain days no doubt the tasks before him seem overwhelming.

I've discovered that God has appointed me to be the heart of this home and as I live out that appointment and calling with joy and determination, it makes all the difference in the lives that live herein.

I've discovered that instead of becoming frustrated over the reality that others tend to follow my pattern of living, I will take delight in what I have been entrusted with. I will see it as a calling that I can daily improve upon. I will view it as an opportunity to enrich those that have been placed within my personal care. I will accept it as a gift of great value. I will treat it with utmost care. I will become a better steward of the "investment" that God has graciously extended to me.

I will do my best to live a life that is worthy of emulation...

I will do my best to live a life that enriches those around me...

I will do my best to live a life that God is glorified in...
I will do my best to live a life that makes much of Jesus...
In my attitude...
In my actions...
In my motivation...
In my dedication...

I've discovered that this is my life!
I've discovered that this life I love!

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith --
and this not from yourselves,
it is the gift of God --
not by works, so that no one can boast.
For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works,
which God prepared in advance for us to do. Ephesians 2:8~10

Yearning...

2011-04-27T07:28:00.008-05:00

Yearning:
deep longing,
especially when accompanied by tenderness or sadness

Last night as I drove to accountability meeting, I chose to turn the radio off and spend some solitary moments with the Lord. I pulled into town about 15 minutes early so I drove to the local park, turned off the car and just sat...reading over something that God had led me to, seeking His guidance, listening to His voice, journaling what He was saying. It was a blessed and fulfilling time with the One who knows me best.

As we sat through our time of fellowship, each of us sharing what was on our hearts, where our greatest struggles are and how God is directly speaking to each of us, I tried my best to explain and describe where I have been the past few weeks of life...as I shared, the word finally fell from my mouth...yearning... When I looked it up in Webster's this morning, the definition absolutely fit...

The drive home was equal to the drive there...quietness...seeking God...listening to His voice...trying to journal the seeds He was scattering on my heart (I know I should have pulled over but needed to get home to my family)...taking it all in...not willing to miss a thing!

It was expressed through a close friend and dear sister-in-Christ last night through things that I shared, that many people misunderstand or misinterpret who I am because of how I am. Many see me as solemn, serious and maybe even lacking joy. Somewhat unable to relax and take a light lease on life. Always striving, searching and gleaning for more. It's quite interesting to see yourself through someone else's eyes. This one who shared these concerns/wonderings in love and with accountability knows me pretty well and has often seen me differently than this, yet most within our church haven't. This is neither wrong nor right yet it is reality. The truth of the matter is, my heart constantly yearns for more of the Lord. Because of this, I am constantly searching, seeking, listening, processing, pondering, desiring...and when God speaks to me, I cannot/will not rest until I receive and understand that which He is revealing to me.

The past several weeks have been tough ones for me yet through the pain, heartache, uncertainty and struggle, I KNEW that God was growing, stretching, refining, sifting and disciplining me. My heart has been yearning to know what it is that He wanted me to learn and receive through the situations I was/have been/am dealing with and working through, therefore I refuse to let it go until I know.

Last night as I drove home, He brought closure to many of those wonderings. He brought answers to many of those questions. He brought peace to my unsettled heart. He brought understanding to the uncertainty that had been residing. He brought joy to replace the tears. He brought discipline to correct a rebellious spirit. He brought instruction to counteract an element of pride. He brought Himself to me...

As He shared each thing with me, I prayed that my heart would fully receive the seeds He was so graciously scattering upon the fertile soil of my heart.

Life became somewhat overwhelming and crazy when I arrived home and no doubt Satan wanted me to allow the distractions to pluck those freshly sewn seeds from my heart. The longer I am a Christ follower and the more intimately I know Him, the more I discern these deceptive schemes of the enemy. Through the power of the Holy Spirit, I guarded my heart and the seeded soil was as fresh this morning when I awoke as it was when I drifted off to sleep last night. I was able to reconfirm what God had revealed...

Kyle and I were once told that in life we will encounter situations and circumstances that will stretch us, try us and test us. The reality is, we will arrive from point A to point B one way or another yet it is our choice whether we arrive with a loss, a change or a gain. Always, always, always, I want to arrive with a change and a gain.

Even though many may not understand, I am thankful for the yearning heart that God has placed within me.

As the deer pants for streams of water,
so my soul pants for you, O God.
My soul thirsts for God,
for the living God.
When can I go and meet with God?
My tears have been my food day and night,
while men say to me all day long, "Where is your God?"
These things I remember as I pour out my soul:
how I used to go with the multitude,
leading the procession to the house of God,
with shouts of joy and thanksgiving among the festive throng.

Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him,
my Saviour and my God.

My soul is downcast within me;
therefore I will remember you for the land of the Jordan,
the heights of Hermon--from Mount Mizar.
Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls;
all your waves and breakers have swept over me.
By day the Lord directs His love,
at night His song is within me--
a prayer to the God of my life.

Psalm 42:1~8

Because Of You, I Know Love...

2011-04-23T21:58:00.004-05:00

As Kyle and the girls sit together in the living room watching a movie, I sit here in the kitchen listening to their occasional conversation and klove. Through the voices that I hear in the next room and the songs that stream across the airwaves, I am reminded of love...

I am reminded of a love that I have for a man that is my leader, my best friend, my lover and my Jesus in the flesh.

I am reminded of a love that I have for two girls who daily shower my life with love, joy, laughter & purpose.

I am reminded of a love that I have for a Saviour who chose me...who pursued me...who sees beyond the nothingness of me and invests His life so that I can become who He created me to be...who, when all else is wrong, makes everything right...who wraps me in His love and tells me that even though I may not understand, He's going to keep walking with me each and every step of the way.

I am thankful that because of the sacrifice that Jesus made on the cross for me, I can know love...

As I reflect on the love that I know, I owe the reality of this gift on Jesus...

All glory to You, my Saviour, my King, my Master, my Friend, my Comfort, my Hope, my Purpose, my Redeemer, my Jesus!

Thank you for living...for dying...for rising again!

Because of You, I know love!

He Asked Me A Question...

2011-04-21T19:09:00.007-05:00

The past few weeks have been some of the hardest that I have ever faced in my life.

Never can I remember a time that I have struggled with such doubt and uncertainty.

I know God is certain!

I don't doubt God!

I don't doubt what God can do!

I don't doubt what God will do!

Yet if I don't doubt, why is peace so hard to find?

It seemed that at every corner I turned, my emotions were more in control of me than I was of them.

No matter how hard I tried, I could only seem to focus on how I felt rather than on the truth and promise of God's faithfulness.

The obstacle seemed too great and the hurdle seemed too high.

Yet nothing is too big for the God that I serve!

Not only have I been struggling with the situation itself but with the reality of why I am personally having trouble "seeing" God in it all and through it all.

It's always been said that prayer is only as strong as its weakest length.

Is that statement really true?

As I sat Tuesday morning pouring my heart out to the Lord, He asked me a riveting yet profound question,

"Is My power dependent upon your faith?"

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding...
Proverbs 3:5

I Always Have And Always Will...

2011-04-15T07:06:00.003-05:00

As I sit in the quietness of this new morning, my mind reflects on another week nearly gone by. Not many things in my life are "all-consuming" yet a situation that is very close to my heart has been nothing short of that reality..."all-consuming". Many tears have fallen... Many prayers have been lifted up... Many questions asked... Many heart-breaking thoughts...

The tears continue to fall... The prayers continue to be spoken... The questions remain unanswered... The thoughts continue to circulate through my mind...

I search for peace but am having trouble finding it...
I try to make my mind rest but it never stops...
I attempt to find answers, none seem to surface...
I work to hold back the tears yet it is impossible...

Before Kyle left for work this morning, as he and I sat and visited, I asked him the questions, "Why do I allow myself to get so attached? Why am I allowing this to consume every fiber of my being? Why am I having trouble finding peace, rest and answers? Why do I feel so helpless? Should I not care?" His response to me was quite simple, "Because you love. That is why."

My heart is shattered in a million pieces...because I love.
My mind can't find rest...because I love.
The tears continue to fall...because I love.
I reach out to help...because I love.
I won't give up on answers...because I love.
I refuse to stop encouraging...because I love.
My prayers will never cease...because I love.
I will stay the course for as long as it takes...because I love.
I always have and always will continue to love...

Never before have I had trouble trusting the Lord as I have now...

Yet He PROMISES that He has been, is and always will be faithful!
Not only will I love yet I too will trust!

Let my soul take refuge...beneath the shadow of Your wings;
let my heart, this sea of restless waves, find peace in You, O God.
~St. Augustine

My soul finds rest in God alone;
my salvation comes from him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation;
He is my fortress, I will never be shaken.
Find rest, O my soul, in God alone;
my hope comes from Him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation;
He is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
My salvation and my honor depend on God;
He is my mighty rock, my refuge.
Trust in Him at all times, O people;
pour out your hearts to Him,
for God is our refuge.

Psalm 62:1~2; 5~8

My Life Is Richer Because Of You..

2011-04-12T07:01:00.004-05:00

Last night I had the opportunity to meet with some of the girls from the accountability group that I am a part of that gets together every other week. These times of fellowship, sharing and praying never fail to leave me humbled and blessed and I am grateful... Through conversation and things that were shared last night we all agreed that it was only by the Lord's hand that He distinctly, diversely and deliberately knitted our group together. You see, when the prospect of an accountability group started, it was announced that any woman was encouraged/invited to attend...only a few responded. To some that deemed disappointing which in a sense it was, as it was proof that not many people desire accountability...something that is essential in living out a life that glorifies the Lord. (All of us need accountability. The Bible instructs it.) To be honest, when the possibility was mentioned a few years back, I was somewhat skeptical myself, as really, who wants to open themselves up and become vulnerable to others? Yet as I continued to pray, the Lord encouraged me to step out in faith and get involved so therefore I did. The amazing thing to me is, as He has woven our group together, I time and again realize that I wouldn't have "hand-picked" any of these women to grow close to as each of us are all so diverse. Yet the more time I spend with them, the more I grow to love, appreciate and respect them in a deeper and richer way. Only God...

I am grateful this day for those women who God has deliberately placed within my life, along my path, that sharpen me, compel me, encourage me, pray for me and love me.

Through Jesus, my life is richer because of you..

Proverbs 27:17
Galatians 6:1~2
Hebrews 10:24
1 Thessalonians 5:11

The Springtime of Yesterday...

2011-04-07T15:32:00.004-05:00

The Springtime of yesterday...
*warm sunshine...
*cool breeze...
*chattering birds...
*singing mourning dove...
*playful puppy...
*laughing girls...
*croaking frogs...
*freshly washed sheets on the clothes line...
*curtains blowing in the breeze...

The Springtime of today...
*damp and cool...
*gentle rainfall...
*short relaxing nap...
*afternoon coffee with My Man...
*freshly baked cinnamon rolls...
*baby calves...
*welcome umbrella...
*thunder...
*lightning...
*tractors in the field...

I Many Times Just Wonder...

2011-04-04T19:31:00.007-05:00

I am struggling which is compelling me to do a great deal of evaluation. Many times I wonder why I/Kyle and I see things so differently than everyone else. Why if God has called us to grow, serve and be a part of a specific fellowship of believers, we are so diverse. Why our desires are different. Why our convictions are different. Why our vision is so different. I then begin to question and wonder if the reason we are different is something in and of ourselves or if it is truly of God. If the reason we are different is because we are making up our own "religion" as we go or if it is because we are striving to follow hard and determined after God. If the reason we are different is because we are being difficult, dogmatic and legalistic or if it is because the Lord wants the peculiarness of our faith to be salt and light to those we worship with. And then I wonder if we need to relax, let go of the intentness of our faith and go with the flow (wouldn't that be compromising) or if Christ intends us to BE DIFFERENT! Just alot of questions running through my head. I am seeking wisdom, knowledge, insight and understanding from the Lord regarding these things as it gets wearisome and discouraging...like we're always swimming upstream.

I many times just wonder...where is God in all that is done, said and pursued? Is HE really at the heart? Is HE really what we are seeking? Is HE really our motive? Is HE really our goal? When the body comes together is HE the focus? Is HE glorified? Is He exalted? I wish I could see His perspective on things? Would it match mine or is my view a farce? I have been told before that I am overzealous...maybe that individual is right...yet can one truly be overzealous when it comes to serving, worshiping and exalting Christ?

I'm seeking correction if my discernment is all wrong...

Zeke...

2011-03-31T14:25:00.009-05:00

Life has continued to be "different" around our place. I'm not sure if it is due to the fact that we still haven't found a good schedule since the time change which means we are still getting up & starting our day at the same time but we are unfortunately falling into bed much later than normal which means we feel like left-field zombies most all the time. It could be that we have had several non-typical things going on which means that our afternoons & evenings have been sprinkled with outside activities here and there which means that things that typically get done on a regular basis have kind of fallen by the wayside. It might be that we have had numerous decisions to make lately and making decisions seems to be a weakness of mine which means that when decisions are weighing on my shoulders...they are continually mulling through my brain...which tends to wear me down and make me extra tired. You know...that survival mode... Or, it could be this little guy who joined our family almost a week ago...

This is Ezekiel Roman rather known as "Zeke"...

It amazes me how much having a new puppy is so much like having a baby to take care of. This little man is a very busy guy and we are constantly having to keep an eye on him. He loves to chew... He loves to roam... He doesn't sleep well... He's mischievous... He's ornery... He's FULL of energy... He's potty training... All those baby things aside... We love, love, love him!!!

Although the girls were excited about getting a new puppy, they were also quite hesitant as they felt like they were replacing Fletch. We reassured them that no one would ever take Fletcher's place (although we daily catch ourselves, calling Zeke, Fletcher) and that it would be a good thing for us to do with spring approaching.

Do you notice the Hawkeye collar around his neck? Kyle says he's also going to get a Mizzou one as well so that he can alternate every other week!?! When we took him in for his well vet check on Tuesday, Dr. Powell said he looked really good all except what was around his neck... :o) He said we needed to replace the Hawkeye black and gold for Mizzou black and gold. Kyle reassured him that we were working on the situation! :o)

Spring is finally arriving here and I would have to say that it seems as though with every turning of season, I spiritually, mentally and emotionally go through a turning of seasons as well. A time of of reflection and evaluation which many times results in the feeling of heaviness. It's not always the most enjoyable of experiences, yet for me, one that is necessary. It's a time for me to intently look at my life and acknowledge that which isn't fruitful or edifying to the Lord. It's a time to relinquish the old, withering and dying branches present in my life so that they can be pruned, in order for the new shoots that God has purposed for my life, to graft and grow. If I'm not careful to guard my heart through these times, discouragement, doubt and despair begin to visit and take up residency. As I look to the Lord for encouragement, He reminds me that pruning produces healthy, abundant life! The truth of that promise interspersed with unexpected phone calls from two of my closest friends, running into one of those friends only for a brief moment a few days ago, a heartfelt e-mail from another of my closest, long-distance friends and then a long visit with another precious friend/sister-in-Christ, my week has been brightened and my heart has been warmed.

I find myself so thankful today for God's presence in my life and that He chooses to love me. I am thankful for an amazingly awesome husband, MaKayla's silliness, Mallary's laugh, special friends, my Bible, fresh spring air and Zeke. I am thankful that my family is healthy, I get to spend all day, every day with our girls, My Man is on his way home to me, all my needs are provided for and that my children can learn. I am thankful for coffee, instrumental music, internet that works efficiently and pictures of those that I love strewn throughout our home.

I am thankful that because of Jesus the blessings that are mine to hold, are all the more richer because of Him!

Spring has sprung...new shoots are being grafted!

She Will Know...She Is Enough...She Is Perfect...He Is Her Reward...

2011-03-23T14:05:00.013-05:00

MaKayla and I just shared a spur-of-the moment conversation that has compelled me to ponder the life of kids today. As I went to warm up our lunch in the microwave today, my eye caught a picture that I have of she and Bri sitting on the top shelf of our microwave stand. It was taken a few years back and although it has graced our home since that fall it was taken, the view I caught of it today was different.

I looked at those two girls laying in the leaves on their stomachs and the smiles on their faces brings much warmth and happiness to my heart. At the time that this particular photo was taken MaKayla was still very actively involved in Bible Quizzing. As I looked at MaKayla and reflected on that season of her life and the season since then, the question that entered my mind was, "Is My Girl as confident, fulfilled and content now as she was then?" I thought about it over lunch and then as we were cleaning up and I was doing the dishes, I just came out and asked her that particular question. She thought about it for a few moments before responding...

As we visited and I listened to her share, my heart was enlightened to the contents of her heart and I was able to see threads that have remained unraveled ever since she stepped away from quizzing two years ago. The more she talked and the more she shared the more I discerned that when the Lord led her out of that territory (pasture) and desired to move her into a new enlarged territory, instead of walking into it and claiming residency, she has remained at the property line. Unknowingly she has been wandering these past few years, unable to see the richness of the land that lay before her. This season of wandering has left her discontent and insecure, feeling ordinary, lost and invaluable.

Throughout the conversation she implied to me that before the life of quizzing, God was richly and simply enough. She needed nothing else to make her feel purposeful, adequate and content. Yet once she tasted the rush of success, accomplishment, acceptance and victory, God quickly took second place. Others no longer saw her as an unsocialized outcast who "settled" but rather saw her as actually "doing something...achieving something...normal". MaKayla excelled at quizzing right off and she accepted nothing less than perfection. She worked hard. She invested many hours. She sacrificed many things to do well for herself and for her team. Day-by-day though, the essence of joy was being sucked out of her and quizzing no longer became a fun sport, rather an obsession...an idol...a god of sorts...eventually her drug of choice. One day as she and I were walking together passing the time while Mallary was at Little League practice, she shared with me that she felt as though the Lord was asking her to lay quizzing down. She, Kyle and I visited about it and committed it to much prayer. In the end, the Lord confirmed over and over and over again that this is what He desired. We contacted MaKayla's coach and resigned her position on the team.

Ever since that day Our Girl has struggled...

No one has ever been able to understand why she would purposefully give up something she was so proficient at. Why she would let go of something that she had a natural talent for. Why she would give up the success of quizzing for nothing.

As her parents, Kyle and I could clearly see.

It's one of those things where once you taste the sweetness of success by the world's standards, just "being" isn't good enough. No one applauds you for being you. No one encourages you to live God in the simplicity of life. No one congratulates you for laying down an idol in order to pursue God. No one recognizes that trophies, medals, awards, top-team-status and rankings are worldly, fleeting acknowledgements in light of Christ. You feel as though no one notices you for you because you aren't "doing" something to succeed. No one...not even Christians...they simply don't understand.

MaKayla and I visited at great length. Tears fell. Hearts were opened wide. Brokenness was revealed. Inadequacy was admitted. Insecurity was acknowledged.

I wonder how many kids wandering around today feel very much this same way... They do what they do and strive for excellence to be noticed. To feel purposeful. To feel needed. To feel important. To stand out. To fit in. To find favor.

They are finding purpose and value in what they do rather than who they are. They find value in the approval and acknowledgement of others rather than in God their Creator and Jesus their Savior. They push. They strive. They toil. They try so hard. They can't just "be"...that simply isn't good enough. Oh how my heart breaks for them.

I want My Girl to know that she, the person God created her as, the person He designed her to be, is better than good enough...she is valuable...she is purposeful...she is beautiful...she has meaning...she is perfect.

The greatest achievement she could ever strive to attain is to be a reflection of Christ. She may receive no medal, trophy, top-team-status or applauded ranking this side of Heaven, but once she looks Jesus in the face, she will KNOW without a question of a doubt that in Him and through Him she was enough. The acknowledgements of this world will then be insignificant...He will be her reward.

I want Our Girl to know that as long as she follows hard after God, she is a winner and a success in her daddy's and I's eyes.

It's time for her to cross that property line and enter into the enlarged territory He has prepared just for her!

Wordless Wednesday...Oh How I Love Them...

2011-03-23T08:31:00.004-05:00

This And That Tuesday...

2011-03-22T11:52:00.007-05:00

Okay...Okay...I saw my first BIG spider this morning scurrying across the kitchen floor and I'm not one bit happy about it! I HATE, HATE, HATE spiders which means I will be having Kyle get some "wonder-spray" from our brother-in-law Mark. We must get them gone before they mate and multiply! Yucky! Yucky! The weather has turned amazingly beautiful here the past several days so I am fairly certain that is what has started bringing the furry fellows inside! Did I say, YUCKY?!? I've had this fear ever since I was a little girl that if I try to swat/smack them they will grow bigger and bigger with every whack... I don't feel any more love for them now then I did 30 years ago!!!

Both MaKayla & Mallary were moving quite slow this morning and since the weather was so nice, I suggested that we all put on our shoes and take a stroll around the pond. It was a great way to start our day! :o)

We saw:

The sun coming up...

Reflections in the water...

New life emerging from the dead ground that we burnt off...

The first calf of the spring season...

I want the girls to remember moments like these... I want them to recognize the simple gifts that God gives us through His presence in creation and nature...

For the most part I'm not a big fan of Facebook since much of what people post isn't fit to think...much less type or share with the world but Kyle and I recently decided to open an account in order to stay better in touch with family. This way we get to chat with Bri more consistently as well as watch Tucker change and grow. I love the idea of being able to connect in such a diverse way with so many people but I seriously am amazed at what some people feel compelled to disclose and the language in which they disclose it... I have enjoyed being able to visit Marci's, Bri's and D's Facebook pages and "see" their family whenever I am really missing them...which is often!

(is he not the most precious thing EVER....)

Life has been unusually crazy for us the past few weeks and between the non-stop busyness and not adjusting to the time change that took place a week ago, we are all quite tired!

Over the past few years, Kyle and I have really purposed to simplify our schedules and scale down our outside activities. The Lord clearly showed us that we needed to be going/doing less and spending/investing more time as a family unit. It's been a great change for everyone individually and for us as a family as well, yet when those unpreventable busy seasons of life do come around, we all have a little trouble keeping our focus.

All-in-all the past several days have been full of fun, family and memories sprinkled with yard work, house work, school and life in general.

We've:
had fun with cousins/nieces
celebrated a birthday & an anniversary
spent time with my side of the family as well as Kyle's
assisted Uncle Mark in getting a home cleaned & ready for his dad & grandma
enjoyed lunch & a time of fellowship with very special friends
helped Bri begin a new venture in life
relished in the preciousness of baby Tucker...
recognizing each of these opportunities & moments as rich gifts from the Lord!

As you can tell, life has been busy, but life has been good!

The Lord has done great things for us,
and we are filled with joy.

Psalm 126:3

God Looks For Faithfulness...

2011-03-17T06:11:00.007-05:00

Yeah! Spring is finally arriving here where we live and we are so excited!!! The days are becoming more consistently warmer and with that means more time outside! Last night once Kyle got home, we all put on our work clothes and started the enormous task of cleaning out around the pond north of our house. We need to get right on this as once spring does arrive and things begin greening up, the weeds will overtake the area where we need to work and it will become next to impossible to clean out what needs removed. Not only will the weeds overtake but the chances of running nose-to-nose with the slithering creatures increases and although none of the four of us cares for to see much less step on a snake, one person in particular has a peaked out fear of them. We did get much accomplished yesterday evening and hopefully in the next few days and weeks, we can get finish it completely. Speaking of work...jobs...tasks...

This past Sunday, Kyle was given the most recent edition of 'Worship Leader' magazine. It always has some really great articles in it that not only speak to worship leaders in general, but to any heart that is seeking to know God more intimately. The magazine is great because much of what is within, is geared toward teaching and rejuvenating the individual soul that Sunday after Sunday after Sunday is entrusted with leading their prospective group of worshipers straight to the Throne of Grace.

One article that I read the other evening contained the following:

This job has been given to me to do.

Therefore, it is a gift.

Therefore, it is a privilege.

Therefore, it is an offering I may make to God.

Therefore, it is to be done gladly, if it is done for Him.

Here, not somewhere else, I may learn God's way.

In this job, not in some other, God looks for faithfulness.

~Elisabeth Elliot~

I wonder how many times Elisabeth played this over in her mind as she served the Lord in the capacity in which He placed her. I wonder if this is how she reminded herself to keep going, despite the difficult conditions she was in. Serving a people who took the life of her husband. No doubt she grew weary and discouraged...

I read this once. And then I read it again. And then I read it again. With each time that I read it, the words and the reality within were so very profound to me. Not only did they pertain to my life individually, but I saw where the truth that they conveyed, were the necessary encouragement our entire family needed.

How many times instead of focusing on "my job" do I look around at others and "their jobs" and become distracted? Critical? Judgmental? Envious? Discontent?

The Lord has given each of us...individually...certain, distinct and deliberate jobs. Do we see them as a gift? Do we view them as a privilege? Do I regard "my job" as an offering? Do I do what I have been entrusted with gladly as unto Him? Am I learning as I live "my job"? Does God see faithfulness in me through how I do what I am called to do? Through my attitude?

We as a family visited about this last night over supper. Each person outlined and acknowledged "their job" that God has deliberately given to them.

For one of us, it is getting up and going to a place of employment that provides insurance and finances for us to live...being the spiritual headship of our home and our family...leading God's people in worship...teaching, nurturing and training...

For myself, it is doing the laundry...planning the meals...caring for our home...teaching, nurturing and training...being a submissive help meet...managing finances...

For another, it is getting up with a good attitude...completing school work...practicing for Sunday morning Worship...caring for her bedroom...

For yet another, it is caring for her cat...being diligent about her school assignments...brushing her teeth without being reminded...

Of course this isn't a complete list for any one of us but you get the idea. Even the smallest of responsibilities is "a job" that God has given specifically to us. May we be found faithful!

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart,
as working for the Lord, not for men,
since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward.
It is the Lord Christ you are serving.

Colossians 3:23~24

It Is My Job...

2011-03-16T14:10:00.002-05:00

I won't lie...
my heart is heavy today.

I won't try & pretend that I'm okay...
I am broken inside.

I won't hide the tears...
for the pain I feel is great.

I won't give up trying...
maybe, just maybe, one day I'll get it right.

Over, and over and over I feel as though I am a constant disappointment.
If my "no" should be "yes", I fall short.
If my "yes" should be "no", I fail again.
It hasn't always been this way...
Maybe that's why I feel so crippled...

I don't disappoint intentionally.
I'm only striving to follow hard after God.
I wish I had understanding.

I refuse to allow the seed of bitterness to take root even though time and again it attempts to bury itself deep within me. I continually dig, pull and pluck that annoying seed for the Lord commands that I not let it grow. The soil of my heart isn't just fertile to receive good seed, but sinful seed as well. It is my job to daily tend the garden of who I am and what I allow to germinate. Through the discernment of the Holy Spirit, I must never cease to rake away that which He says is unfruitful. Oh, how easy it is for the weeds to creep up, multiply and take over. I will diligently purpose, with the Lord's help, to keep the garden of my heart clean, fertile and cared for. I will not let the pungent seed of bitterness rule within me.

No matter the heaviness I feel.
No matter the brokenness that dwells.
No matter the pain that rivets me.

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone;
my hope comes from Him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation;
He is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
My salvation and my honor depend on God;
he is my mighty rock, my refuge.
Trust in Him at all times, O people;
pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.

Psalm 62:5~8

One Thing In Particular...

2011-03-10T09:47:00.007-06:00

There are so many things that I love about Mallary but one thing in particular that shines about her is her unique and confident independence.

For the most part, our family of four does EVERYTHING together and when I say everything, I mean EVERYTHING! Kyle has always been the type of husband and father that pulls his people together and keeps his people together...his people, meaning us four. He has always had the philosophy that if one of us is doing something, all of us will do it together.

As babies, our girls co-slept with us. Neither of them were left in the nursery during worship nor did they attend Children's Church. They didn't do sleepovers. If they were involved in outside activities, for the most part, all of us went...even to the practices.

The only time we have really done things separate is when Kyle and I had to make long trips to Rochester during his battle with Ulcerative Colitis, when we were away during his surgeries or when the two of us get away for a few days a few times a year.

Despite how she has been raised and all the "togetherness" and dependence on one another, Mallary isn't afraid to "do her own thing". She's the one in the family who is expressive, diverse and independent. I love that one thing in particular about her.

She will grab her mp3 player and watch a movie not really giving a thought to what anyone else is doing. She will pick up the current book she is reading, climb under a blanket and read until her hearts content not worried that she's going to miss out on the activity going on around her. Out of the blue she will come to me and ask if she can play the Wii, being content to occupy herself. The other day she was in her room with the door closed and I could hear her talking. I placed my ear close to the door and discovered that she was reading to herself from the Bible out of the book of Ruth. Love, love, love...

Now I will insert here that thinking of others is something that we have really had to work hard on with Mal as sometimes she can get so absorbed in what she wants that she fails to look around her and think of others. It seems that most kids in life go through that stage and must be taught, instructed, nurtured and disciplined to meditate on and live out The Golden Rule...doing for others as you would want them to do unto you. To grasp that though we first have to think of others. She has come so far in this area...

I will also mention that in this quest of Mallary finding her individuality and us helping her to live out that God-created-designed uniqueness, we have had to show her how to form that individuality around the truths, commands and words of Christ...lining everything up with God's Word. Through this, Kyle and I have had to establish some strong and definite boundaries around those desires of individuality...like putting hot pink streaks in the hair...wearing two piece swimming suits...voicing her lack of yearning to work in the garden...snatching the last piece of pizza (yes, pizza is her FAVORITE) before asking if anyone else would like it...applying faux tattoos on her body...buying a $300.00 cell phone to add to the stash of ones she's already been given by family...overflowing the bathtub while she soaks...just to name a few.

It's been a stretching journey for the three of us but through it we have learned so much and we have discovered the beauty and richness of who Mallary is. There are numerous, countless attributes that I love about our girl but one thing in particular that I love is that she is confident in who she is and she has found joy in the way God has created her. Her likes. Her dislikes. Her interests. Her desires. Her individuality.

So the other day when it was fairly warm where we live, she asked if she could take a short break from school and go outside to get a breath of fresh air. Of course I encouraged her to do that very thing. I love the idea that she isn't afraid to be individual in those areas of life where God has made her unique. I love the idea that when she does those "alone" things that she is meeting with God herself. That she knows who she is as Mallary and not just an O'Riley. When I looked out the window to check on her this is what I saw:

My heart was warmed by this one thing in particular...
My girl is one precious individual...

For thou has possessed my reins:
thou has covered me in my mother's womb.
I will praise thee;
for I am fearfully and wonderfully made:
marvelous are thy works;
and that my soul knoweth right well.
My substance was not hid from thee,
when I was made in secret...

Psalm 139

That Moment...

2011-03-09T11:48:00.008-06:00

I would have to say that this week has been such a breath of fresh air for me. Yeah, the weather where we live continues to be somewhat "crummy" outside the four walls of our home yet amazing things seem to be transforming inside. The things taking place are nothing short of God's grace and goodness which makes them all the more profound and rich and definitely something I don't take for granted.

As MaKayla, Mal and I continue to read through the 'Beautiful Girlhood' book chapter-by-chapter, morning-by-morning, I see the Lord taking the truths that are being read and ever so gently securing specific and well fertilized seeds deep within their hearts and within mine as well.

In one of the last posts that I wrote, I shared something to the effect that I wish I had picked up this book earlier and read through it with them sooner yet as I thought over the reality of that this morning the Lord reminded me, "For such a time as this." He spoke to my heart that this is what our girls need to hear now...for where they are. This is what our girls need to learn at this moment in time...for the individual season-of-life that they are in. He continues to amaze me at His divine providence.

This morning MaKayla was sitting here at the dining room/school table working on her American Lit paper. I had been sitting with Mallary on the couch finishing up a Science lesson and came over to the table to work on log books when MaKayla chuckled and said, "This is what I think of when I think of you. Every time I hear this song, I think of you." She handed over my mp3 player that she has been listening to lately while she whittles away at her school work and prompted me to plug the ear buds into my ears. I expected to hear something silly about how I talk too much or teach too many life lessons or something of the nature when this song below began to play and I began processing the words I was hearing...

My heart was overtaken...

Our sixteen-year-old actually thinks this of me...

She actually thinks these things about me...

Despite all my shortcomings and downfalls and mistakes and inadequacies and grouchy days, she thinks this of me...

I turned to her and said, "You really think this of me?"

Her response, "Well, yes."

"Seriously, you really do?"

"Yes, I do. Every time I hear this song and listen to the words, I think of you."

"I think that is one of the nicest, kindest, sweetest things anyone has ever said to me. You made my day. Thank you. Thank you."

The past several months have been tough ones for MaKayla as she has searched, sought and prayed to find who she is in Christ...not as an O'Riley, but as an individual. There have been days that I have been her closest friend yet on other days I feel as though I have taken on the role as her harshest enemy. Holding her accountable in love and being determined to teach her some of life's most difficult lessons. Breaking her will and compelling her to face some of life's most difficult questions. Not giving in to the temptation to enable her to remain in the realm of self-pity and challenging her to be determined and deliberate about living out and focusing on what she KNOWS not on how she feels. Drying lots of tears, sharing lots of chats, being a mom....a follow-hard-after-God mom...a mom who isn't going to let this attitude or that attitude slide by without finding out why...a mom who sees and cares about what is taking place in her girl's heart...a mom who is in-tune to how her girl is struggling and why that struggle is there...a mom who insists that her girl line life up with Scripture...a mom who presses in and won't allow her girl to settle for less than what God created her for...a mom who encourages her girl to live out her uniqueness and individuality...a mom who listens to how God is speaking to her girl's heart and then affirms her in working that out in her life...a mom who takes her girl by the hand and promises to stand beside her even in the hardest seasons of life...a mom who won't let it go when her girl wishes she would because she doesn't want to face it, talk about it, deal with it...

I guess that's one reason it was so special...

It was one of those moments that will forever be etched in my heart, mind and soul. No special occasion. Nor had I done anything spectacular to deserve the affirmation. I think that's another reason that moment was one of the most special moments in my 38 years of life. One of those not expected, undeserved, take-my-breath-away, warm-my-heart, I-can't-believe-you-actually-feel-that-way moments.

I love My Girl and My Girl loves Me!

I am thankful!

Words, words, words.
How come there's so many
but I can't find any?

Words, words.
How can I possibly say it perfectly,
all that you mean to me?

I don't wanna let another day
pass us by without a chance to say
thank you, thank you.
And I don't think you have a clue
for everyday you pull me through.
For all of the things that you do, thank you, thank you.

Love, love, love.
I don't always show it
but I hope you know it.
Love, love.
It's what I wish for you
in everything you do
'cause of all that you give me.
Yeah, yeah.

And I don't wanna let another day
pass us by without a chance to say
thank you, thank you.
And I don't think you have a clue
for everyday you pull me through.
For all of the things that you do, thank you, thank you.

I don't wanna let another day
pass us by without a chance to say
thank you, thank you.
And I don't think you have a clue
for everyday you pull me through.
For all of the things that you do, thank you, thank you.

Thank you.
Love, love, love.
I don't always show it, but I hope you know it.

(The song above plays on one of my beloved Jim Brickman albums that Kyle has downloaded onto my mp3 player.)

Thank you for being My Girl!
Thank you for loving me the way you do!

An Unexpected Surprise...

2011-03-04T09:39:00.008-06:00

Yesterday right before lunch, the mail lady pulled up in our driveway. This is always a sign that we have received a package that won't fit into our oversized rural mailbox. Typically, any time we receive something of this nature, we figure it's from my high school best friend, Renee'.

The mail lady, handed the box to me and I immediately looked at the return address label. Nope, the name and address listed didn't ring any kind of a bell within my head. The books that I had ordered for Kyle had been delivered so it wasn't those. The books that I had previously ordered for MaKayla had arrived earlier in the week so I knew it wasn't that either. Hmm...

I brought the package inside, opened the box and found a card that said:

To say good-bye to a special friend is to lose a little piece of your heart.
It hurts to lose such a devoted,
trusting and loyal companion.
This memorial was created
in remembrance of
Fletcher
by your friend,
Renee'

Immediately the tears began to well up in my eyes as I opened this:

Renee' has a heart for animals and her own Saba is the love of her life...literally. I mean, she even has health insurance on this canine companion of hers. Any time she has been back here to visit, she has loved on and enjoyed Fletcher so much therefore her heart broke right along with ours when we lost him just a little over a month ago.

We have some pictures of Fletch sitting on a little table in our dining room where his memorial rock will rest for now...it's just too special to put outside where the weather might damage it.

With spring days visiting us more often, we really notice his absence all the more. He isn't there when Kyle is cooking something on the grill or when I have clothes on the clothes line or when MaKayla takes walks or when Mallary is out jumping rope. We REALLY, REALLY miss him!

It was an amazing unexpected surprise and we were so touched by her thoughtfulness and love.

Thanks Renee'! We love you much!

The Sting of Conviction...

2011-03-03T09:11:00.006-06:00

MaKayla, Mal and I are tremendously enjoying, gleaning and growing from our daily readings, devotions and discussions out of 'Beautiful Girlhood'. My only regret...I sure wish I would have started this several years ago when MaKayla was Mallary's age. The Lord reminds me to not focus on past mistakes but to be a good steward of the time and teaching that He is affording me...here and now!

This morning's chapter was entitled, "Making Herself Beautiful", and as with all of the chapters we have read together over the past few weeks, it was very enlightening and full of rich truth. As I progressed word by word, page by page, the countenance of one daughter in particular whose name beings with "M", began to change. It somewhat resembled an image of despair. Upon completion of the chapter, I asked her, "You have a look of despair on your face. Is something wrong?" Her response, "I just feel really, really convicted."

This comment didn't really surprise me as God has been speaking LOUDLY to some of us here in the O'Riley home on the subject of simplicity, modesty, femininity, appearance and naturalness. Now for anyone who knows us very well, knows that we tightly grasp each of these areas already, yet the Lord is taking us to deeper more profound levels than what is at the time comfortable. Discussions and conversations in these particular areas have been frequent and many times the essence of these conversations become uncomfortable, frustrating, embittering and convicting to the point of tears. It's not that what God is asking is difficult or unattainable yet it requires change... And that change is impossible if surrendering of the heart doesn't come first.

Ouch!

That's where the painful sting of conviction comes in. When we know that God is right. And when we know that God's will is perfect and best. And when we know that God is showing us that what we are doing and how we are living falls short of His plan for who He wants us to be. Who He created us to be. When we know that God is telling us that He desires for us to change so that we can reflect Him more radiantly.

Ouch!

The sting of conviction hurts. It scars our pride. It humbles our attitudes. It stares us in the face, shines deep into our hearts and reveals the yuck that God so desires to remove.

As I shared with this one that I love so much, conviction is a key that God is extending to us in order to release us from the prison cells that keep us locked up. It's God saying, "My dear child, see this or see that, it is keeping you from the full reality of Me. It is what is holding you captive. Here, here is the key to freedom. There is a better way and if you will trust Me, I will release you into the life of freedom that I so desire for you. Take hold of the key, make that change, let that perception of life go. Take the key, release that stronghold and watch the prison doors open."

We so often view conviction as punishment when in essence, it's God giving us the key to a more fruitful, abundant life. It's Him showing us the solution...the answer...the avenue to healing and freedom.

Conviction hurts because it is a reminder that we are nothingness without the reality of Jesus. It reminds us that, "we aren't all that, without Him." It reminds us that anything short of His grace leaves us destitute without hope. It reminds us that all-too-often we are DEAD WRONG!

Conviction leaves us feeling vulnerable which is right where God wants us. He wants us to see where we are wrong and admit that He is right. He wants us to lay down that which is comfortable and pick up that which will stretch us, grow us and transform us into His righteousness.

That's right where she is! That's right where we are!

God is convicting and the sting of conviction is painful.
Yet once we heed and respond in obedience, freedom will come.
It is promised!

I am so thankful for grace! I am so thankful that God loves me enough to convict me! I'm so thankful that He cares enough for me that He corrects me in love and in gentleness. I'm so thankful that when He convicts me and gives me the courage to admit that He is right and that I am wrong, that He gives me the strength and instruction I need to lay it all down, turn completely around and head in the opposite direction. He doesn't just correct me and leave me there standing. He nurtures me and gives me hope.

Now when they heard this, they were pricked in their heart,
and said unto Peter and to the rest of the apostles,
Men and brethren, what shall we do?
Acts 2:37

Moving...

2011-03-02T13:16:00.005-06:00

Our computer is back at home after being gone for five days and we were all glad to see it return. Kyle exhausted every avenue he knew before passing it off to a guy at work who does this sort of thing. It is working better but we are still having issues here-and-there. I've always thought I could completely do without on-line communication however it proved to be much harder than I had imagined. After all on many days it is my only way of staying in touch with the the world beyond the walls of our home.

Life has been good although both MaKayla and Mallary continue to battle some kind of "crud" that generates cough, cough, cough, blow, blow, blow with an occasional sneeze in the midst of it all. We aren't sure if it is allergies or a virus of some sort but whatever it is, they are both ready for it to leave for good. When they begin to complain, I remind them that they could have the peuks which puts the cough, cough, cough~sneeze~blow, blow, blow immediately into perspective and the complaining ceases! ;o) The past week and a half have been quite restful with lots of reading, relaxing and spending time together. It's been a great time of reflection and meditation on the Lord.

God has our family in a very "different" place right now. He's speaking... He's moving... He's transitioning... We don't really know what that looks like yet, we just discern it.

When Kyle called me on his way to work yesterday morning, he asked if I felt God moving in a profound but quiet way... I love when the Lord confirms in my heart what He has already spoken to Kyle, putting us both on the same page so that we can pray and encourage one another. We know that God is preparing us for something, we just don't have a full view of what that is. We remind one another that we don't have a need to know. We are asked to seek, listen, follow and obey and as we do that, God will light the path before us and make our steps sure and fruitful.

It's good to be back!

Enhancing...

2011-02-25T05:25:00.001-06:00

Occasionally inserts will be placed in the bulletins at church and I greatly enjoy reading over them. The theme or subject on this past insert was about love due to Valentine's Day and one of the articles it contained truly spoke to my heart. It was written about a man who was having marital issues and had visited a marriage counselor. The man conveyed to the counselor that he just didn't have feelings for his wife anymore and therefore couldn't find it within himself to love her and deemed the marriage a complete loss. Sound like our society today?

The counselor shared this:

True love, the kind of love that keeps a couple together for a lifetime, is not a feeling but an attitude. It says, With the help of God, I'm going to do everything I can to enhance the life of my spouse. He went on to say that warm, romantic feelings are the result of love, not the essence of love.

Although Kyle and I have an awesome marriage, I thought alot about what I had read. I processed and meditated on the reality and truth of the advice given and the Lord enlightened me that I am not only Kyle's help meet but I as well am here to enhance his life. Wow, was that powerful for me!

I'm not here just to love him, care for him, help him, pray for him, encourage him...

I'm not here just to cook his meals, wash his clothes, clean the house, raise our children...

I'm not here just to be his best friend, lover, wife and cheerleader...

I'm here to enhance his life...

all the above and so much more...

To increase him, as price, value, beauty and pleasure...

That means to continually look beyond myself, my desires, my needs, my wants in order to increase him in price, value, beauty and pleasure.

The article went on to say that in the book of Titus (a portion of Scripture that my eyes have fallen on numerous times lately), us "older" women are instructed to teach the younger women to love their husbands.

There is no greater calling the Lord has placed on my life than to enhance the life of My Man and to increase him with my every word, action, thought and attitude.

What a blessed calling!

What an exciting career!

What a beautiful life!

What a rich woman I am!

(Can you tell that I love what I am called to do?) :o)

Absolutely Not...

2011-02-24T08:00:00.011-06:00

Amazing...the computer/internet decided to cooperate again...

God is good!

What does approximately:

16 cake mixes

48 eggs

7 cups vegetable oil

8 cups Crisco

4-2lb. bags powdered sugar

4 tsp. clear imitation vanilla

and

3 cups of water

create?

This...

and...

this...

for...

these whom we love so much...

I'm glad that Meg asked

and

I'm glad that I could do it

but...

Am I in the business???

ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!!!

Life...

2011-02-23T10:48:00.001-06:00

Our computer is somewhat working... Somewhat being the key word... Kyle is quite perplexed at its condition and after numerous phone calls to tech support, computer gurus at work and Christian acquaintances that are computer smart, we still have yet to figure out what is causing this technical device to throw what seems to be undisciplinable fits. We've spent money on something that was supposed to "fix" anything that could be causing the unruliness but to no avail it didn't work. :o( After diagnostic testing, we are certain that it doesn't have a virus or malware (whatever that is) but Kyle has arrived at the point where he is wondering if the Lord is indicating that we are to do away with the internet all together... I can't say that I am opposed to the idea but it would take some time to get used to the fact that I could no longer quickly, easily and inexpensively communicate with the outside world across the cyber waves. For some reason it throws error messages, won't let me post pictures, change fonts or adjust colors on blogger, requires that we "refresh" the browser often and completely morphs images that come across the screen. Oh well, the Lord has been speaking to us more and more about simplifying so maybe this is one of those areas that He is desiring for us to reevaluate.

MaKayla has been down for the past few days with what seems to be either a bad case of allergies or something that has emerged into bronchitis and is on its way to pneumonia. This week has been a very relaxed week for us girls and it has been good. She herself (MaKayla) has done alot of resting while she, Mal and I collectively have been investing a great deal of time reading, reflecting and refreshing as to who we are as women (younger and older) in Christ. We've been reading out of 'Beautiful Girlhood', 'Joyfully at Home', 'The Little Medicine Carrier' and 'The Bible' besides the independent books that both girls are in the midst of. God is bringing about a great deal of change in our lives as individuals, in our family as a whole and in our home. He is compelling Kyle to evaluate and define the vision of our family... For so long we have "just done life" without giving thought to where we are headed and where we will arrive... He himself as far as reading goes, is finishing up 'Anchor Man' and 'Radical' and is on the brink of beginning 'Family Driven Faith' and 'What He Must Be', all intermingled with God's Word. Our home seems to be going through a season of metamorphosis and although at times it is painful and unenjoyable, it is exciting.

May the blessings of the Lord be in abundance to each of you!

...Guess what??? All of a sudden this lovely piece of equipment has decided to let me post pictures, change the color and font of this post however, I think I'll just stick to the theme of simplicity...

2011-02-15T06:54:00.000-06:00

We as a family have had a great deal going on this past week. It's been a great week but a busy week.

Unfortunately we are having some MAJOR computer issues and therefore are limited on what we can and can't do on-line thus the absence of posts. Prayerfully things will be fixed...soon...

We pray that each of you had a fantastic, love-filled Valentine's Day with those who are closest to your heart!

Kyle, Mendi, MaKayla and Mal

The Gate...

2011-02-08T09:06:00.004-06:00

I don't think that anyone prepared me for the reality that spiritually training a teenager is hard...

Most specifically when you as a parent are training them to follow hard after God...

Especially when what you are teaching them and training them goes completely against the grain of culture or normalcy (in peers and adults alike)...

You think things are going relatively smooth and then tough questions begin emerging...

Questions you never dreamed were floating through their mind...

Questions you didn't figure would ever be a part of your child's thinking...

Questions you were sure were answered because of how they have been raised and as a result of what they have been taught...

And then one day...

God is very vividly showing me that following hard after Him isn't easy. It isn't easy for me as an adult therefore it most certainly isn't easy for my child as a teenager...

He is showing me that I should NEVER take for granted that our children believe as truth what they have been taught...even when we as a family live it...day in and day out...

At some point they have to discover what that truth is for themselves...

He is showing me more and more the truth of: "For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it." Matthew 7:13~14

Jesus commands us to enter through the narrow gate...

I'm thankful that these questions come when those God has entrusted us to raise, nurture, teach and love are still under the umbrella of our protection. I'm thankful that I have a God who fills my heart with compassion for this one that I love beyond words. I'm thankful that although I don't have all the answers, He does. I'm thankful that He promises that His Word will not return void. I'm thankful that I am here at home and she is here at home where we can visit openly about these things. I'm thankful that I have been enlightened of these questions and concerns so that together Kyle and I can address them and nurture her through them.

It's hard being a teenager...

It's hard when you feel like a loner...

It's hard when you are seen as an outcast...
*in what you wear...
*in what you watch...
*in what you listen to...
*in what your future plans look like...
*in your moral choices...
*in your convictions...

The gate is small...

The gate is narrow...

We have to chose whether we will follow man or follow God...

Jesus doesn't promises us in His Word that following Him would be easy...

Yet He promises that His grace is sufficient...

He understands that following Him comes at a great cost...

Yet He says that His way is the only fruitful, fulfilling and satisfying way...

We press on...

Flashback Friday...Never Again...

2011-02-04T11:23:00.006-06:00

I decided it only fitting to do our Flashback Friday of Fletcher today.

It has been a most painful week for our family.

Each day we think missing him will get easier...but it doesn't.

Each day we think we will we get up and the sadness will be less...but it isn't.

Each day we think that the lack of his presence will be less noticeable...but it's still profound.

My birthday came and went and I really didn't care much...

Kyle walks into an empty, lonely living room each morning...his first fresh air of the day partner no longer accompanies him.

The one who always accompanied MaKayla to the mailbox is sadly absent.

Mallary's constant outside friend no longer tags alongside of her.

Fletch no longer nudges our elbows with his nose when he wanted a pat on the head, a visit outside, a taste of whatever it was that we were eating or just acknowledgment of, "I am here, love me!"

We fail to hear the "warning call" when a stranger pulls into our drive or knocks at our door.

He won't be there waiting to jump in when Kyle's truck is sitting in the driveway.

His paws no longer print the breezeway floor.

The treats under the sink bought specifically for him will go uneaten.

Even Megan noticed the absence of his greeting yesterday when she approached the door of our home.

Kyle's "Fletcher songs" that he would always sing to his "male companion" are now unnecessary.

I've always been critical of those who mourn the loss of a pet, I mean seriously, it's an animal...

Never again will I laugh at, chide or make fun of one who grieves that friend, companion, protector...

And now...I must force myself to make the trek to the burn barrel for the first time...

...alone...

We're sad...
Life is painful...
Our hearts are lonely...

It's a difficult Flashback Friday...

We Love You Fletch!!

2011-02-01T18:50:00.006-06:00

Today has been a very hard day for our family as we have had to say goodbye to our beloved Fletcher. He has still been declining, not eating or drinking and losing weight and today he got sick again, so Mendi called and we took him back to the Dr. and decided to open him up and have the Dr. do exploratory surgery to see what was going on.

The Dr. called and with much sadness we learned that Fletcher had cancer of the spleen and liver. We all hated to hear the news but somewhat assumed something like this was the problem. Please pray that God would give us peace and comfort. It's hard to lose him when he has been a part of our family for so long.

I am so grateful for the love the girls have given him while I've had to be at work and especially Mendi as she has spent many hours comforting him and trying to get him to eat and drink. She truly loves and gives each and everyone of us all that she has and I am so blessed by her life.

I love you babe! Thank you for loving Fletcher!

Flashback Friday...

2011-01-28T09:27:00.004-06:00

A little flashback to a day this past summer when things were much, much warmer!
Downright hot to be specific!
Oh, how I would welcome some of that warmth today...
(Mal is in charge of choosing our Flashback Friday pictures...)